by S. J. McCoy
~ ~ ~
Charlotte watched the rain running down the window pain. She knew the garage and the back garden were still out there, but the water on the glass had turned them into nothing more than a green and gray blur. She felt as though the same thing had happened to her life. It had rained every day for the last few weeks. That was one of the many things she hated about living here. And while the rain had fallen, her life had turned into a blurry mess. Not so long ago she would have said that her future was clearly mapped. Now it was lost in the swamps and she didn’t see any way out. She knew that life was still out there, but she couldn’t see it clearly and didn’t know how to get there from here.
She’d been hanging out at home. At her parents’ house. They’d been true to their word and had stuck around. They hadn’t gone off traveling. It was driving her nuts. They refused to let her go back to the States.
She closed her hands over her stomach and blinked back the tears that were never far away. She wondered where Ben was. How he was doing. She still hoped that someday he’d call her. Maybe even just write her a letter. She could understand him being hurt and angry. She’d behaved badly. She shouldn’t have ignored him for so long. But she couldn’t understand him keeping it going. It wasn’t like him. The tears began to fall despite her efforts to keep them in. He just mustn’t love her anymore. She’d sent him that big long letter. She’d told him how she’d felt about losing their baby, explained to him the pain and confusion, and told him how sorry she was. And nothing. He hadn’t even acknowledged her. At that point she’d had to accept that they were over. He couldn’t love her if he’d let her outpouring go unanswered.
She looked up at the sound of the front door opening. Her mum came into the kitchen.
“What are you doing?”
Charlotte shrugged. “Nothing.”
“You can’t mope around here forever, darling.”
“I don’t know what else to do. I was thinking about Ben, wondering if I should try calling him.”
“No!”
Her mum’s sharp tone surprised her.
“But, mum! I miss him. I still love him!”
“You’ll get over it, Charlie. All you can do is move on in life and try to forget. He has a resort to run and you have a world to see.”
Charlotte shook her head sadly. “I’m not even sure I want to see it anymore. It doesn’t mean anything without him.”
Her mum patted her arm. “You just need some time. You’ll come to see it. You’re better off without him, and he’s better off without you. You’re both too young.”
Charlotte didn’t say anything. She knew there was no point. Her parents had been telling her the same thing ever since they came home from Mexico. She was too young. She’d had a lucky escape. She knew they were on some guilt trip about having let her and Ben live as though they were adults before they really were. They’d now swung to the opposite end of the spectrum and were trying to control her every move, telling her what she should think, how she should feel. She knew in her heart, though, that no matter what they or anyone else said, she would always love Ben. It wasn’t just a kids’ thing; it was a forever thing. Forever and always, just like they used to tell each other.
~ ~ ~
Ben wasn’t sure how he felt as he turned the car onto Route Twenty. He was almost home. It had only been three months, but it felt like a lifetime had passed since he left the lake. His whole life had changed in that time. Now, here he was, coming back for Thanksgiving. He hadn’t wanted to, but Joe had asked him to. There was no way he’d tell the old guy no. He missed him. Whatever else might come of his first trip home, the chance to see Joe would make it all worthwhile. At least his parents weren’t going to be there. They’d taken off in their big RV again. Apparently they were in Florida somewhere. That suited Ben just fine. He didn’t want to see them anyway. The few times he’d spoken to them all they’d done was ask about Charlotte. He didn’t need to deal with that.
As he rounded the bend, the lake came into view. He smiled, for what might be the first time in months. He loved this place. He loved the lake, the mountains, the pines. He rolled the window down and breathed in the smell of the place. It was good to be back.
He found Joe in the office at the lodge. He looked as though he’d gotten ten years older, if that was possible in such a short space of time. His smile was still the same, though. It lit up his face when he saw Ben standing in the doorway. “Come on in,” he said.
Ben came in and hugged him tight. Now he really was home.
Joe held him tight for a moment then stood back to look at him. “So how’s it going?”
“It’s going. Classes are good, I’m learning a lot. I like the hotel, too.”
Joe nodded. “You learn what you can and bring it back here to help me out.”
“That’s the idea.”
“And Charlotte?”
Ben’s smile faded. Joe had avoided asking him about her whenever they talked on the phone. “I had a letter from her. We’re done. She says she needs to move on and forget.” He sighed. “Says she has a world to see. I still love her, Joe. I can’t stand in the way of what she wants.”
Joe nodded sadly. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too. But we could never be together now. I finally get it. She wants to go off on adventures, and I want to be here. It was wrong of me to ever try to make her want my life instead of her own.”
Joe’s eyebrows came down. “You never tried to make her son. It was what she chose so she could be with you. It was what she wanted.”
Ben shrugged. “Well, it’s not anymore. And if you don’t mind, I’d rather not talk about it.”
“Whatever you say. But don’t you go kidding yourself that you made that girl do anything. She loves you as much as you love her.”
“Loved,” said Ben. “Past tense. It’s over.”
Chapter Sixteen
Present Day
Charlotte wiped her eyes and took a long swig of her drink. She looked at April. “So, that is the long and sorry story of how Ben and I messed things up between us. I was so free spirited that he thought I would get rid of our baby in order to live the life I wanted.”
April wiped her eyes, too. “It’s so sad, though.”
Charlotte nodded. “You should see it from where I’m sitting.”
“I’m still puzzled about one thing.”
“And what’s that?”
“You said Ben told you that you could never be together. That’s why you finally married someone else. But when did he tell you that? Did he write to you eventually?”
Charlotte shook her head. “No, that hurt. In all that time, he never did write to me. It was when Emma’s grandma died. She begged us all to go back for the funeral. Family is such a big thing to her, since she lost her parents. She always saw all of us as family. I couldn’t say no. Neither could Ben. I’ll be honest, I went hoping that Ben and I might get chance to talk. I was going to Uni in London by then, but I would have given it up in a heartbeat to go to Washington and be with him.”
“And did you get chance?” asked April.
“Yeah, but it wasn’t what I hoped for. He was civil, friendly even, but he told me that I’d made the right decision. That I’d been right when I said I needed to go see the world and he needed to run the resort. He told me he still loved me, but that I’d been right that we couldn’t be together. The weird thing was, I never told him any of that! I didn’t think our paths needed to be so different, I thought we could do it all together. He wouldn’t listen, though. He just kept telling me that it was for the best. That I was right and he’d accepted it. I tried everything. I told him how much I missed him, how much I still loved him, but it didn’t sway him. He even told me that he still loved me, but we could never be together. I know Ben, he meant it. Him saying that meant I had to give up. I never stopped loving him, but I had to stop waiting and hoping.”
“And that’s why you married someone else?”
Charlotte let
out a bitter little laugh. “Not just like that, no. It took years. And then when Alastair came along…I don’t know…he was so different from Ben. He still is. What we have is different. I threw myself into it. Alastair is a free spirit. He likes to travel; we take off at the drop of a hat. At least we used to…” She shook her head. “He’s a good man. He’s just not Ben.” She sighed. “Knowing that I was going to see Ben this weekend, hoping that he and I might talk, has had me in a mess for the last few weeks. I haven’t been able to think about anything else. Alastair noticed. He didn’t like it, as you can imagine.”
“It must be hard for him.”
“It is. I never lied to him, though. When we first met I told him all about Ben. He used to joke with me that there must be something wrong with me that I never went out with anyone. I told him then that it was because I was still in love with my ex. He thought he could help me get over it. I eventually gave in and agreed to go out with him. Even when he proposed to me. I knew I shouldn’t marry him. I knew I’d never love him the way I loved Ben. But Alastair has an ego. I think he saw Ben as a challenge. He’s used to winning. He always beats his competition. He thought he could make me forget Ben. I hoped he might. But it didn’t work out that way.”
April nodded. “It must be tough, thinking you can make someone love you more than they love the memory of someone else, and then finding out that you can’t.”
“It hasn’t been easy,” said Charlotte. “I should never have married him. It wasn’t fair.” It really wasn’t fair and she knew it. She had been honest with Alastair, and in the early days he’d been confident that he could make her love him more than she’d ever loved Ben. He’d told her that what she’d had with Ben had been a childhood thing, and what the two of them had was the real thing. She’d wanted to believe him. These days he was bitter. He kept telling her that she’d never given him a chance. He was right of course. She’d never had room in her heart for him. Her heart had always belonged to Ben.
“So what are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know. I wish I could talk to Ben. But I doubt that’s going to happen. And something you said earlier has made me realize there’s a lot I need to do before I do talk to him.”
“What did I say?”
“That Ben might wonder why I’m still married to someone else if I really do love him. That it might take more than words to convince him that I mean it.”
April looked shocked. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to go home and straighten my life out.”
~ ~ ~
Ben stood up and shrugged at Chance. “And that’s how it all went down. That first time I went back to the lake was so hard. It wasn’t supposed to be like that. We were supposed to be there together.”
Chance nodded. “And if I’ve got the timing right, our Missy can’t have made things any easier for you on that visit.”
Ben smiled. “It wasn’t the happiest coincidence; no. I knew she was pregnant before I went back though.”
“She thought about not having Scot, you know.”
“I know. And don’t get me wrong I didn’t hold that against her. It’s a part of weighing up your options, I guess, when you’re eighteen years old.”
“Yeah.” Chance held his gaze for a moment. “I’m sorry, Ben. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you. I can’t imagine life without Scotty, and I’m just his uncle.”
Ben swallowed. He allowed himself a few tears sometimes, for the child he’d never met. He steadied himself. “Yeah. I talked to Miss on the phone a couple of times. She was smarter than Charlotte and I were, she wanted all of us in on it with her. Apparently, it was Pete who really helped her see that keeping Scot was a viable option.”
“I know. I’ll always be grateful to him.”
Ben nodded. He loved Missy’s son, Scot. He was proud to be his godfather, but many a time he had to turn away for a minute when the kid was around and he choked up, wondering about what might have been.
“So where do you go from here?” asked Chance.
“Like I said. Home. Back to the lake. Back to work. I put the past back in its box, and get on with what needs to be done at the resort.”
“So you’re never going to get married and you’re never going to have kids?”
Ben met his gaze. “Who said that?”
“You. You still love Charlotte, you’re not going to talk to her, let alone be with her. You’re hardly going to marry someone else.”
Ben shrugged. “You never know.”
Chance narrowed his eyes. “Bullshit.”
Ben laughed. “Yeah, you’re right. But nothing’s changed. I’ve known it for years. Seeing her has brought everything back up to the surface, but it hasn’t changed anything.”
“But it could change everything if you’d let it.”
Ben stared at him. Could it? Could he let it?
Chapter Seventeen
April’s head was banging when she opened her eyes the next morning. That seemed to be the norm this weekend. She’d need to dry out when she got back to Summer Lake. She sat up and looked around the room. She’d have some cleaning up to do before she checked out! The minibar was empty, so were the tissue boxes. Her heart hurt for Charlotte. She obviously loved Ben, and had for all these years. It was so sad.
As she padded toward the bathroom, she spotted a note on the coffee table.
Thanks for listening. I hope we’ll meet again someday. And don’t forget, you have to keep me posted on what happens with you and Mr. Band Man.
Charlotte
Oxo
April smiled. She hoped she and Charlotte would meet again someday, too, and not just for her own sake. She was a romantic at heart, even though she hadn’t had much luck with romance in her own life. She’d love to believe that Ben and Charlotte could somehow find their way back to each other. She wished the two of them could have talked before Charlotte left, but Charlotte said she was leaving early. She had a direct flight back to the UK, and that meant she’d need to check in a couple of hours before her departure time. Everyone was supposed to meet up in the function room at ten, but Charlotte had told April that she planned to just get up and leave. She didn’t want to say any good-byes. April checked her watch.
She’d already interfered in other people’s business this weekend, which wasn’t like her at all. But that had worked out pretty well. She was supposed to have been in on the secret of Kenzie and Chase’s wedding, and instead she’d spilled the beans to Missy and they’d gotten everyone there, turning a secret wedding into a major celebration. She was glad she’d stepped outside her comfort zone and done what she believed to be right. She took a deep breath. Could she do the same again?
It would be interfering in a big way, but she really believed Charlotte and Ben should get a chance to talk to each other one more time. It had been over ten years; if they didn’t do it now, when would they get the chance again? Would they ever? It wasn’t for her to decide, though. She knew that. She didn’t really even know either of them that well. She’d only met Charlotte this weekend! She made her way back to the bed and sat down. She picked up the phone, then put it down again. What was she even going to say? Tell Charlotte she should stop by and see Ben on her way to the airport? Tell Ben he’d better go see Charlotte before she left? She was crazy!
She sat there staring at the wall, wondering what to do. She’d gone to Missy about Kenzie and Chase’s plans to sneak off and get married in secret. She liked Missy, Missy was down-to-earth and practical, she knew what to do in any situation. April could hardly go to her now though. This was Missy and Dan’s first morning as a married couple, they were hardly likely to appreciate a phone call asking them to go meddling in other people’s business!
Who else could she call to ask for help? Pete was Ben’s best friend, but he was too scary! And besides, he’d gotten married yesterday too. That left Emma. Emma, Pete, Missy, and Ben were the core group of friends who had brought everyone else together. Emma
knew the history between Ben and Charlotte; hell, she’d been a part of it. And she was the one who liked to match make. She’d know what to do. She’d know whether there was any point trying to bring the two of them face-to-face before Charlotte left.
April picked up the sheet of paper beside the phone. Dan had made a list of all the room numbers where everyone was staying and had included a photocopy in everyone’s welcome packet. She ran her finger down it until she came to Jack and Emma Benson. She took a deep breath and picked up the phone again. She was more than a little uncomfortable doing this, but she believed—hoped—that it might be worth it. Ben had done so much for her. He’d given her a job, given her a place to stay at the resort, even helped her find a permanent place once she’d gotten her feet under her. If there was anything she could do for him in return, she wasn’t going to let any amount of discomfort stop her.
“Hello?” It was Jack who picked up.
“Hi, is Emma there, please?”
“She’s in the shower, can I get her to call you back?”
“How long do you think she’ll be? It’s April.”
“Are you all right?”
She realized her voice must sound shaky. She felt even more nervous talking to Jack. “Yes. I mean no. I mean I’m all right, but I’m worried about Ben.”
“Why? What’s wrong?” Jack sounded concerned.
“Nothing. Yet. Oh, you’ll probably think I’m being silly. Charlotte’s leaving this morning. I was up most of the night talking with her. I don’t think she should leave without talking to him, but…I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do. You must think I’m stupid.”