Short Trip to the Edge

by Scott Cairns

  Father Palamás first helped me to confront the need to trust forgiveness. Then he helped me to attend to the stillness within and between the very words of prayer, and in so doing helped me to apprehend God’s responsive presence, biding in the words that He is pleased to speak in us and through us.

  Father Iákovos—and, through his book, Yéronda Aimilianós—opened for me the powerful sense that one must struggle, must insist, must strenuously cling to God. And Father Iákovos helped me glimpse how this struggle is also something that God is pleased to assist, something that He has enabled in the first place.

  I have also found a compelling witness—clear evidence of the sweetness of the journey—in the persons of Fathers Cheruvím, Theóphilos, Matthew, Nectários, Galaktíon, Athanásios, Ioásaf, Damaskinós, and a host of others on the Holy Mountain and elsewhere. Just to see these men endeavoring to live the faith—giving their bodies, souls, and spirits to the performance of what their hearts and minds have seen fit to trust—provides powerful encouragement for the pilgrim who hopes within the scope of his own circumstance to do the same.

  I didn’t find a father. I found many.

  And more than that, my conversations with those many living fathers, more often than not, reconnected me with a good many other fathers and mothers—living and asleep—whom I had met only on the written page, guides whose insights had been part of my journey already, but whose words I had not sufficiently opened.

  Rather, theirs were insights that I had not yet been opened by.

  The face-to-face meeting with these athletes of prayer awakened in me an experience of words I had read but had not yet owned, had not yet performed, had not yet made flesh.

  Even now, even as I write about this deep richness—this lush and available beauty that I am finally beginning to apprehend—I remain a little torn. I’ve come upon these treasures of the faith more or less piecemeal, bit by bit, along a slow and desultory path from Baptist kid to Presbyterian elder to Episcopal short-timer to being a parishioner in—as we say in the business—the “One Holy, Orthodox, Catholic, and Apostolic Church.”

  Even now, on occasion, I wonder if the better choice wouldn’t have been to stay put. It certainly would have been the more aggravating choice, but I wonder if the braver choice would have been to remain in that besieged community where I was first taught the love of God, where I might have taken part in that community’s recovery of a fullness that’s been more or less left behind—as it were—by historical aberration and unfortunate, reactionary choices.

  Water under the bridge, I suppose. If, where they sup, the soup seems thin to some, it will have to be up to them to recover the savor.

  In July, after Ben and I returned, Father Iákovos was ordained a priest; in time, I pray that he will also be recognized as the pnevmatikós I believe him to be, and that Ben might find in him the spiritual guide that I have sought for myself. In any event, I know that Ben and I will continue to seek his counsel, delight in his friendship.

  I trust that in the near future, Marcia and Liz will join us for a pilgrimage to Ormýlia and to the Monastery of the Annunciation there, where we might enjoy together our newly discovered extended family at Simonópetra.

  The journey is endless, of course—intermittently difficult and intermittently easy as can be. However difficult it becomes, even the difficulty is sweetened by good companions along the way. Just as I’ve lived the better part—I should say the worse part—of my faith more or less in my head, I have lived many of those long years insufficiently accompanied. That is, I have not only squandered the embodied fullness of the faith, I have also squandered the life of the Body of Christ, the solace of lives together.

  As for the pursuit of prayer?

  So far. So good.

  Prayer in general, and the Jesus Prayer in particular, has become the sustaining focus of my waking days, and it has become a surprising accompaniment to my nights. I sleep less, waking every few hours—sometimes more often—to find the prayer on my lips. I spend a good bit of each night walking through the dark house, standing before the wavering vigil light of our family altar and icon wall, remembering friends and family—the living and the dead—in prayer. The more I do this, the more I want to do this.

  As for a life of prayer? I’d say I’m finally on the way, though I haven’t yet arrived—far from it.

  Still, I can say that I have tasted it.

  Just now, I can almost see it.

  SHORT TRIP TO THE EDGE

  And then I was standing at the edge. It would surprise you

  how near to home. And the abyss? Every shade of blue,

  all of them readily confused, and, oddly, none of this

  as terrifying as I had expected, just endless.

  What? You find this business easy? When every breath is thick

  with heady vapor from the edge? You might not be so quick

  to deny what prefers its more dramatic churning done

  out of sight. Enough about you. The enormity spun,

  and I spun too, and reached across what must have been its dome.

  When I was good and dizzy (since it was so near), I went home.

  A Pilgrim’s Glossary

  Antídoron

  The blessed bread from which a particular portion (“the Lamb”) is removed and consecrated for the Eucharist. The remnant is then cut into small squares and offered to all present. The word means “instead of the gifts,” indicating that it may be received even by those who do not partake of the Eucharist.

  Archondaríki

  The reception area of a monastic enclave, and probably the first Greek word a pilgrim learns. Upon arrival, the pilgrim is expected to stop here, where he will sign in, perhaps have his diamonitírion inspected, and, if he’s staying the night, be assigned a room. This is most often accompanied by some degree of welcome and refreshment; it is sometimes accompanied by what feels more like interrogation.

  Arsanás

  The water port of a monastic enclave. It is the primary point of entry for those monasteries and sketes along the coast. Each of the twenty monasteries, even those located some miles inland, maintains an arsanás on its lands for sending and receiving goods and for periodic travel.

  Áscesis

  The athletic effort—in terms of prayer, fasting, prostrations, all-night vigils, and so on—of subduing the passions. Áscesis focuses the distracted mind, unifying the scattered nous, assisting the practitioner toward hesychía, which is an acquired stillness, a spiritual calm, understood to be a partaking of the kingdom of God even now.

  Coenobític

  Communities in which a common rule—as well as common worship and common meals—is observed by all the brotherhood. All twenty of the ruling monasteries on Mount Athos have returned to a coenobític rule. See Idiorrythmic.

  Diamonitírion

  The official document that allows entry to the Holy Mountain. It indicates the dates of an initial four-day visit, which may be extended at the Pilgrims’

  Bureau office in Karyés. It also indicates one’s religion.

  Dikáios

  The “abbot” of a skete. The dikáios is elected annually by the brotherhood.

  Eremite

  The term from which the word hermit derives. The eremite (or solitary) is a monk who lives alone, pursuing an extreme form of áscesis. Such are the cave dwellers of the Athonite wilderness, many of whom live in the areas called

  Vígla and Katounákia at the southern tip of the Holy Mountain.

  Yéronda

  A term of respect meaning, literally, “old one.” The abbot or dikáios of a monastery or skete or an “elder,” a spiritual father, will be addressed this way. It is not uncommon for any elderly monk to be addressed as yéronda, as a gesture of loving respect.

  Hegúmenos

  The “abbot” of a monastery. He is often its spiritual father as well, though one or more other, respected elders may also serve as spiritual fathers for monks and for pilgrims. The hegúmenos
of a monastery is elected for life.

  Hesychía

  The condition that the hésychast struggles to attain, hesychía is an apprehension of stillness, calm, and a partaking of the presence of God.

  Hésychast

  A man or woman who pursues hesychía, that stillness availing experiential knowledge of God’s presence.

  Iconostasis

  The icon wall spanning the width of a sanctuary and protecting from view the holy altar and, to its left, the table of oblation where the communion elements are prepared for consecration. The wall has a double door in its center—the royal doors—through which only the priest will pass, and two single doors—deacons’ doors—at the far left and right ends of the wall. The icon of Christ is always immediately to the right of the royal doors, and the icon of the Theotókos is always immediately to the left. The icon of Saint John the Baptist is generally placed to the right of Christ, and the name saint of the church or chapel is generally placed to the left of the Theotókos. The archangels Michael and Gabriel are either on or near the deacons’ doors, with Gabriel generally on the left and Michael generally on the right.

  Idiorrythmic

  Those communities in which monks are allowed, under direction of a spiritual father, to pursue individual—often very strenuous—rules of prayer and áscesis. On the Holy Mountain, certain of the sketes and certain smaller enclaves observe an idiorrythmic rule.

  Jesus Prayer

  The “long form” of this very short and very revealing prayer is “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” It is also called the Prayer of the Heart and Noetic Prayer, and has been called the Prayer of the Holy Mountain. The practice of this prayer is what led me, over the course of many years, to Orthodoxy, and thereafter to a hunger for a life of prayer.

  Katholikón

  The main church of a monastic enclave. It is usually located at the center of the enclave and protected by the monastery’s original, walled structure.

  Kellía

  The cells of the monks. One’s kellía can be either a room in a monastery or a separate structure. The kellía of an eremite can be as simple as a cave in the face of a cliff.

  Monopáti

  The footpaths that connect one monastic community to another. Some are well used and well maintained, but many are overgrown. Until relatively recently, walking these paths was the only way to move inland among the monasteries; for many monks and for most pilgrims, the microbuses have now become the primary mode of overland travel.

  Mystérion

  In the Eastern Church, mystérion is the preferred term for sacrament in general. Most specifically, mystérion refers to the Eucharist.

  Komvoskíni

  Also called a chotki by Slavonic Orthodox, the komvoskíni is the prayer rope, usually a knotted, black-wool cord or a string of wooden beads, used by those who practice the prayer of the heart, which is, most often, some version of the

  Jesus Prayer.

  Komvoloi

  The popular “worry beads” that provide a rhymic clack to accompany almost any café scene. A secular version of komvoskíni, the komvoloi are more likely to accompany a game of dominoes or backgammon than contemplative prayer.

  Nous

  Variously—and never adequately—translated, the nous is the faculty of the human person that apprehends God’s presence and intuits God’s will; it can become, when purified, God’s agency acting within the human heart. A clouded nous, a distracted nous, a fragmented nous (afflictions that most of us suffer) is responsible for imbalances of perception, wherein a person may become unduly enamored of the flesh, or unduly disrespecting of the body, or unduly attached to created things rather than to their Creator. A purified nous allows one to see and to honor God, who is All in all.

  Panagía

  A common name for the Virgin Mary. The term Panagía (All Holy) foregrounds her knowing acquiescence to the will of God, her example as one who chose to cooperate with the Holy Word.

  Phiále

  The large font—usually covered by a domed and icon-laden pergola—where the service of the blessing of the waters takes place. In parishes, this blessing happens once or twice during the Feast of Theophany; on the Holy Mountain, the blessing of the waters is generally a monthly event.

  Pilgrim

  Hardly ever—these days—a musket-packing Puritan with buckles on his boots, a pilgrim is a person who, confronted by a spiritual distance to be crossed, determines to undertake that journey.

  Pnevmatikós

  A “spirit-bearer” and confessor. He is an elder whose gifts include insight into the spiritual well-being of his spiritual children. In a monastery setting, the pnevmatikós is trusted to hear confession and to give related counsel for avoiding recurrent sin.

  Sémantron

  A wooden board (chestnut being a popular choice) occurring in lengths ranging from five to eight feet (give or take) that is most often carved to accommodate a handgrip in its center. Each end is also carved to effect something of an O-shape, with a hole bored into the center of each O for the purpose of resonance. The sémantron is struck rhythmically with a mallet to indicate an approaching time of common worship.

  Skete (skíti)

  A smaller (usually) community of brothers than a monastery, and a dependency of one of the ruling monasteries. Although all Athonite monasteries are now coenobític, many of the sketes remain idiorrythmic.

  Tálanton

  A curved metal version of the sémantron (often in the shape of an omega), also called a bilo among Russian and other Slavonic traditions. For the sake of (perhaps) efficacious confusion, the terms sémantron and tálanton are used interchangeably in some monasteries.

  Theotókos

  A name for the Virgin Mary that foregrounds her being “God-bearer,” the Mother of God, the paradox of which is deliberate and, one hopes, illuminating.

  Trápeza

  A “refectory”; usually a large, open hall whose walls—and, in some cases, ceilings—are covered with icon murals. These dining halls are furnished with long tables and benches, with a smaller table in a place of honor, where sit the abbot and those who directly assist in his ministry and administration, as well as, occasionally, certain honored guests. The hall nearly always includes a lectern—sometimes a raised pulpit fixed into a wall and mounted by a small staircase—from which a reader provides excerpts from scripture or the lives of the saints.

  Vladika

  In Slavonic churches, a bishop or abbot is addressed as “vladika,” which is to say “master.”

  About the Author

  SCOTT CAIRNS teaches modern and contemporary American literature and creative writing at the University of Missouri. He is an accomplished poet whose writing has appeared in the Atlantic Monthly, the Paris Review, the New Republic, Books & Culture, and Image. He was recently named a Guggenheim Fellow.

  Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.

  Credits

  Jacket design: LeVan Fisher Design

  Copyright

  SHORT TRIP TO THE EDGE: Where Earth Meets Heaven—A Pilgrimage. Copyright © 2007 by Scott Cairns. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  ePub edition July 2007 ISBN 9780061751844

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