His Every Desire (Contemporary Romance Box Set)

by Alexis Winter

  We both take our seats and begin filling our plates.

  “So, where you off to now?” she asks, trying to make small talk, but I see her quickly wipe a tear away.

  “Canada, for a small job that shouldn’t last longer than a week. Then I’m off to the UK for the next few months. I’ll be in Norway, Finland, Ireland, France, and Germany. You name it. I’ll be there.”

  She nods once. “It must be cool to get to see the world like you do.”

  “Yeah, it was for the first couple years. Now, not so much. I feel like I’ve seen every place there is to see. Now, I just want to be here, starting a life with you.” I take a bite of my eggs.

  “We haven’t talked about how things are going to be when you leave.”

  I nod. “I know.”

  Her eyes fall to her plate.

  “Mia, I just want you to be happy. So, if you meet someone you think could be the one, don’t worry about me. Just take every opportunity as it comes.”

  She nods sadly, but she doesn’t argue. I reach over and hold her hand in mine.

  “I don’t want to hold you back in any way, Mia. Please, just continue living your life.”

  We finish breakfast, and I look at my watch to see that it’s going on eight A.M. I stand and place my plate in the sink. “My car will be here any minute,” I tell her, turning to face her.

  She stands and walks closer, eyes downcast. When she is directly in front of me, her eyes move upward, locking with mine. Slowly, she leans in for a kiss. This kiss is different from any kiss we’ve ever had. It’s soft and slow, yet hard and needy. Her fists tangle into my shirt while my hands cup her cheeks, holding her to me and deepening our kiss. It kills me to think that it’ll be months before I can feel this again—and that’s only if she doesn’t move on without me. This could be our last time ever. A sudden panic rises in my chest and butterflies flutter in my stomach. It makes my stomach tighten and tense with pain and sickness at the thought of losing her.

  My phone rings from my pocket, and I know exactly what that means. My car is here. I slow the kiss and break it off completely. When I pull away, she has tears rolling down her cheeks.

  I wipe them away. “Please don’t cry for me, Mia. It kills me to see you this way.”

  She bites her lower lip and nods. “I know. I’m just… I’m going to miss you.”

  “I’m going to miss you too, sweetheart,” I say, pulling her in for one last quick kiss.

  She walks me to the living room, where I pick my bag up off the floor before we move to the door. I step through and turn back to get one last look at her, but she pulls me back, pressing a long, hard, urgent kiss to my lips. I kiss her with everything I have, all the love I have for her, all the desire to stay here with her, I let it pour out of me through this kiss.

  My heart starts pounding crazily in my chest, and my lungs are screaming for oxygen. Finally, I break the kiss and walk away, feeling the sting of tears burning my eyes. She doesn’t call after me, and I don’t turn around. I can’t. I know that if I do, I’ll never be able to walk away, not this time. I don’t turn around until I’m in the elevator with the doors closed and I can no longer see her. Walking away from her is getting harder and harder. I don’t know how many more times I can do it.

  As I’m sliding into the backseat of the car, I look up at the building. I see a dark figure standing in front of the window, and I like to believe that it’s her. That she just needed to see me for a few seconds longer. Not knowing if it’s her or not, I wave and force a smile onto my face before closing the door and driving away.

  I’m sitting at the airport waiting for my plane when my phone rings. I pull it from my pocket to see Levi’s name on the screen.

  “Hey,” I answer.

  “So, you did it, huh? You’re hopping on another plane and flying off into the sunset.”

  “You know I didn’t have a choice, man. What’s with you?” I ask, feeling angry and annoyed at myself more than him.

  “Why’d you even have to start anything up with her again? Huh? You could have just not even come to Vegas with us. You could have had any girl you wanted. Why her? Why her when you knew you’d just be leaving her again?”

  I hang my head and rub my temples with my hand. “I don’t know, Levi. It’s the same thing I ask myself every time I do this. I want her. I love her. Being with her for a few days is better than not being with her at all,” I answer.

  “Maybe for you, but did you ever think of her? Every time you two do this, she sinks into an ocean of depression. And every time she starts to pull herself out, you’re right back to hold her head underwater. You can’t keep doing this to her, man.”

  “I know,” I agree.

  “So, what’s the plan then?”

  I shrug, even though I know he can’t see me. “There is no plan. I told her not to wait around for me. I told her to take every opportunity that comes her way. If we’re meant to be, it’ll work out somehow.”

  “You better hope so. I’d hate to kick your ass.” I know Levi, and he doesn’t like to insert himself into other people’s business, but Mia is a different story. She’s like a sister to him, and I know he’s serious this time.

  “I’m sorry, man. I gotta go.” I hang up without another word. I’m angry that I had to leave her again. I’m pissed that Levi thinks this is just a game to me. I’m heartbroken at the thought of Mia moving on without me. And I’m totally in love and longing to be with the only woman who’s ever held my heart. I hate myself for hurting her. I want to kick my own ass for coming back and messing up her life. I don’t blame Levi one bit. If I had to sit back and watch someone treat Mia this way, it’d be the only thing I wanted to do—kick their ass.

  I couldn’t hate myself more for the mess I’ve made of things.

  I board the plane and take my seat. I decide right then that I will move on, leave Mia alone, and let her find her way in life without me always blocking her path. I won’t call her. I won’t text her. I will force myself to forget about her, so she moves on without me, no matter how much that thought kills me.

  I put my seatbelt on and pull my phone out to shut it off before takeoff. As I’m in the process of turning it off, it rings with Mia’s name and picture on the screen. I stare at the picture until the screen says missed call, then I shut it off and put it back into my jacket pocket. I know this will kill me, but it’s the only option I have. I can’t be with her right now, and I refuse to give her hope. I won’t have her wasting four years of her life waiting on me.

  By the time the plane lands in Vancouver, I’ve had about ten mini bottles of tequila. My vision is blurry and doubled. Leaving the plane, I bounce off every seat I pass. Technically, work doesn’t resume until tomorrow, so today is my last day of vacation, and I intend on forcing myself to forget her—forget the way her dark lashes fan out over her cheeks when she sleeps, forget the way she smells, forget the feeling of her soft hair brushing against my cheek when we kiss, forget the delicious sounds that escape her mouth when I’m sliding into her. I need to forget it all because I’ll never experience it again. She deserves better than me, and I refuse to stand in the way any longer. Hell, maybe I’ll even talk Levi into hooking her up with someone. That seems to be the only way I can stay away from her; when she is with someone. Maybe that’s the trick to this. I need to make myself believe that she’s not available to me. I have no reason to go back to Chicago. In fact, I have more reasons to avoid it, if anything.

  I catch a taxi to the hotel that will be my home for the next week, and I fall into bed the moment I walk in the door. Rolling onto my back, I pull my phone out and turn it back on. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t stop myself from scrolling through the pictures I’d taken these past two weeks. Looking at a picture of Mia with her blonde hair in a mess of curls, her eyes closed and face relaxed, I feel as if she’s lying next to me right now. I place the phone on the bed next to me, roll to my side, and close my eyes, thinking of that picture and her sweet face
as I’m pulled into sleep.

  The work hours pass quickly, and with as busy as I stay, I’m able to keep her off my mind. But the second I clock out and I’m free for the next twelve hours, I’m a mess of emotion. I want to call her, I beg myself to call her, but I won’t let myself be so weak. I go back to the hotel, shower, and change before heading down to the restaurant for some dinner.

  I order some loaded nachos, hot wings, and a beer. As I sit and wait, I try to keep my eyes focused on the hockey game that’s playing on the TV. It’s something to focus my eyes on while my mind wanders, and as always, it wanders to Mia. I wonder what she’s doing right now. I wonder if she’s listening to my advice and looking for someone to replace me. I wonder if she’s missing me as much as I’m missing her.

  I call Levi.

  “Hey, Trent,” he answers.

  “Hey. How’s Mia doing? I haven’t talked to her since I left yesterday.”

  “I don’t know. Dani called her last night to see if she wanted to come over for dinner, but she didn’t answer. I’m getting ready to go by there, though, so I’ll let ya know.”

  I nod. “Thanks, man.” I hang up the phone without another word. I know it’s rude, but I can’t afford to be polite right now. I’m going to go crazy until I get an update on her, make sure she’s okay. I hear a woman giggle, and it gets my attention. I turn my head until my eyes land on a blonde woman at the bar. She has short blonde hair that’s styled smooth and sleek. She’s tall and thin, tan. Nothing like what Mia looks like—well, nothing but the hair anyway.

  An idea crosses my mind. Maybe I can trick myself into thinking I’m with Mia. I quickly push the thought away. It’d never work. Nobody can be Mia.

  My phone rings and I answer it without looking, thinking that it’s Levi calling to give me the update.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, you,” Mia’s sweet voice rings out.

  My whole body melts. “Hey, sweetheart,” I breathe out. It feels so good to hear her voice.

  “What are you doing?” she asks.

  “I’m sitting in the hotel restaurant, waiting for my dinner to be served. What are you doing?”

  “Sitting at my desk, trying to get some work done, but I can’t keep my head in the game. All I can do is think about you. I miss you.”

  “I miss you too, sweetheart,” I whisper, feeling as love and pain washes over me.

  “When will you be back?”

  “Six weeks,” I say, picking at the label on my beer bottle. “I work six weeks at a time, then get two weeks off.”

  “Six weeks feels like forever,” she whines.

  I laugh. “I know. Which is why I want you to put yourself out there. I’m serious, Mia. Don’t sit around waiting for me. This is your life. Don’t waste it waiting.”

  “Well, actually…”

  “What?” I ask, feeling a smile pulling at my lips.

  “I lied.”

  “About?”

  “I’m not sitting at my desk.”

  “Oh. Where are you?” I ask, feeling my heart start to pound.

  “Standing right in front of you.”

  With her words, my eyes leap up to find her standing there, phone against her ear, wearing a big smile as she watches me.

  I hang up the phone and rush over to her, pulling her in for a long kiss. Her tongue tangles with mine as goosebumps wash over my entire body. Her hands wrap around my midsection, pulling me closer while mine cup my cheeks. I breathe her in deeply before pulling away.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Tears fill her eyes. “I missed you. I don’t want to move on, Trent. I want to wait. You’re it for me. You always have been.”

  I pull her against me again, needing to feel her mouth against mine to convince myself that she’s really here, that this isn’t a dream.

  “I love you, Mia,” I whisper against her lips.

  “I love you too, Trent,” she says softly, her smile never leaving her face.

  I have my order sent to my room instead of sitting down and waiting. I bring Mia up, and she tosses her bag onto the floor before plopping onto the bed.

  “It’s almost like Vegas, right?”

  I smile as I move toward her. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, we’re here, all alone, in another country. We can do whatever we want. We don’t have to worry about explaining ourselves.”

  “And what happened to moving on and not waiting?” I ask, crawling onto the bed.

  She shrugs as she pulls me up her body. “Who’s waiting?” Her lips land on mine, and she kisses me, soft but strong. My body melts into her, relaxing but also revving up at the same time. God, I never realized how much I needed this woman until these past couple weeks. If I thought leaving her behind was hard before, things have only doubled now.

  11

  Mia

  DAYS turn to weeks, and weeks turn to months. After my night in Canada, I had to come back home. I couldn’t afford to put off my work any longer, but it was something we both needed. I had a feeling that Trent was going to try and use our separation as a way of making me let him go, but after that week, our relationship has only grown. Now, he calls me every night. We talk while he eats dinner and before I go to bed. We make plans for when we can see one another again, and even though his time off has been pushed back, I’m still hanging on.

  I spend a lot of time at home, working, talking with Trent, and hanging out with Levi and Dani. Tonight, I’m going to their place for dinner. When I mentioned how lonely I was feeling with Trent gone and how I think I may be coming down with something, Dani insisted that I needed fresh air and basically twisted my arm until I agreed to come.

  I knock on the door, and it’s pulled open within minutes. Dani yanks me against her for a hug. “I’m so happy you made it. How you feeling?” she asks, pulling away but keeping me at arm’s length.

  I force a smile. “I’m fine.”

  “Hey, Mia,” Levi says from the kitchen.

  “Are you sure you’re not… you know?” Dani asks as she pulls me inside and shuts the door behind us.

  “You know… what?” I ask, feeling my brows draw together.

  “Pregnant,” she whispers.

  It feels like everything freezes, people, time, the entire planet. Everything is frozen in place as I begin counting back. When was my last period?

  Dani reads the panic on my face and pulls me down the hall and to her bathroom.

  “Dani, I don’t know. I don’t remember when my last period was. It’s complicated. They’re never regular anyway. It’s nothing for me to go a couple of months in between.”

  “It’s okay. I have a few. You can have one.” She starts digging around in the bathroom vanity.

  “Why do you have one? Are you two trying for another baby?”

  Her eyes double in size. “Oh, no. I can’t have any more. But I bought several a couple of months ago when my period was late. I took three before it actually started. Scariest week and a half of my life.” She shoves the box into my hand. “Here, take it before we eat. I’ll tell Levi you had to use the bathroom.” She leaves the bathroom before I can object.

  I open the box and read the directions. With a deep breath, I sit on the toilet and take the test. I replace the cap, set the stick down on the counter, and refuse to look at it while I wash my hands. I look at the time on my watch. God, this is the longest five minutes of my life.

  Finally, I work up the courage to look at the test.

  It’s positive.

  Fuck. What have I done? I’m pregnant, and Trent is across the world right now. We haven’t talked about our future yet. We haven’t talked about if we’re going to get married or have kids or if we’re even going to be together. Right now, we’re still married, but the paperwork for a divorce is in the works. What am I going to do? Even if he’s cool with this, I’ll be raising a baby on my own while he’s gone working for months on end.

  With shaking hands, I slide the stick back into t
he box and toss it into the trash before exiting the bathroom. I walk through the house and into the kitchen in a daze. Levi looks over at me, confused. Dani, of course, picks up on my sudden mood change immediately.

  “Mia?” she asks, not sure if she should ask in front of Levi or not.

  I look up at her and nod.

  She rushes to me, pulling me in for a hug. Something happens inside of me. All the excitement, emotion, nervousness, it all mixes together and comes out as tears.

  “What happened? What’s going on?” Levi asks, his voice filled with worry.

  I pull back, and Dani lets me go. “I’m pregnant,” I confess.

  “What?” Levi asks, voice hard. “Trent?”

  I can’t talk. All I can do is nod.

  This isn’t a bad thing exactly. Trent and I are in a better place now than we’ve ever been. But I’m just not ready yet. While we’re together, we’re not together-together. He’s gone for work all of the time. And we still haven’t talked long term yet.

  “I can’t fucking believe he would be this irresponsible.” Levi’s hand tightens up into fists as he shakes his head.

  “It’s not his fault,” I say, wiping away my tears.

  “Then whose fault is it, Mia? He should have been more careful. He knew what he was doing, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to stick around.” It’s clear that Levi is pissed, but I don’t understand why he’s so willing to put all the blame on Trent.

  “I was there too, Levi. This can’t just be Trent’s fault.”

  “Were you not on birth control?” Dani asks.

  I bite my bottom lip. “I used to be… back when we’d meet up a lot. But once that stopped, and I wasn’t seeing anyone, I figured, what’s the point?”

  “And you didn’t think to use a condom?” Levi asks.

  “Why are you yelling at me?” I ask, leaning against the counter.

  “I’m sorry, Mia,” Levi breathes out. “I’m not angry with you. I’m angry that Trent was this irresponsible with you. I mean, what are you going to do now? Raise a baby by yourself for the next four years?”