Rediscovering Peace (Military Love Book 1)

by Rogers, Steffy

  “Are you sure this is what you want to do?” Faith asked me the next day as I was loading my suitcase in the car.

  “Yes I am sure. I need some time to myself. I haven’t had time to myself to process everything that has happened in the last couple of months. In a matter of weeks, I caught my fiancé cheating on me and all of a sudden my first love is back in my life and wants us to pick up right where we left off eight years ago. I need time to figure out what I want. It’s only three days but going to my parents’ lake cabin will be perfect for me. Don’t worry about me, I will be fine. I just need to think. Don’t tell Braden where I went please. Knowing him he would try to follow me.”

  I had called my boss earlier that morning to let him know I wasn’t going to be back in the office until Tuesday. I planned on spending a weekend by myself to sort my feelings out and figure out why Braden was invading my thoughts every waking hour. I was confused and that was an understatement. I didn’t want to let him in but at the same time I wanted to keep him as close as possible. Yes, this getaway would be great.

  I drove the five and a half hours to get to the cabin. Located on a hill overlooking the lake and woods, I never understood why they had bought a vacation house here when we lived on the beach. But when I took in the peaceful and quiet scenery, I knew exactly why they chose Lake Burton. It was perfect to get away and just have time to yourself. I got my luggage out of the car and opened the door to the cabin. It was exactly how I remembered it from previous vacations with my parents.

  I went directly into my bedroom, which was facing towards the lake. I used to lie in my bed all the time and just stare out on the water. Lakes and beaches had always had a calming effect on me. No matter how bad my day was as soon as I got to a beach I was instantly in a better mood. My mom used to joke all the time that I was probably a mermaid in a previous life. As a child I had always believed that she was right.

  I flopped onto my bed as exhaustion from the long drive here took over – a nap would be perfect. I texted Faith to let her know I made it safely and turned my phone off. I didn’t want anybody to be able to bother me this weekend. I finally fell asleep after enjoying the view a little while longer and when I woke back up the sun was already setting.

  I got up, grabbed a book and a chair and walked down to the dock. I sat down and got lost in my book as the world around me was dipped into pink from the sunset. It was a gorgeous evening. When it got too dark for me to see anything, I went back to the cabin in search of something to eat. Luckily, I had told my mom that I was coming here, and she had arranged for someone to stock up the pantries and fridge. I knew the next store was about thirty minutes away and I didn’t feel like leaving. I was so thankful that my mom had thought about that or I would probably just starve. I fixed a sandwich and went to sit in the living room.

  The living room was painted in mint green and barely had furniture. There was only a comfy loveseat, my dad’s recliner and a small TV that I didn’t plan on using at all. This was the first time since leaving Savannah that I allowed myself to think about Braden or Oliver. I thought about how much Oliver had hurt me and how far I had come since that fateful day when my world came crashing down. I realized I didn’t think about him that much anymore and I was starting to live my life again. Though I had been drowning myself in work I didn’t have to fight to get up each morning.

  Braden’s words about the old Skye shining through came to mind. He was right – I was slowly becoming my old self again. I hadn’t believed that that would be possible, but I was moving on. Oliver didn’t deserve my love and trust. However, did Braden deserve it? He had never given me a reason to doubt him and even though we were young back then I knew Braden would’ve never betrayed me like that.

  I got up and got a photo album out of my suitcase. Braden had given it to me on our one year anniversary and it was filled with pictures of our time together. I looked through it and stopped at my favorite picture. We were standing at a lake in Germany wrapped up in each other’s arms just smiling at each other. I didn’t remember that picture being taken but I knew my dad must’ve taken it on one of our trips to the lake. My parents were always fond of Braden and my dad quickly took to calling him son. They had always seen us getting married and having children. In their eyes there was only Braden in my future. That’s why I hadn’t told them that he found me. They would be over the moon excited and would nag me why I wasn’t giving us another shot. That was the last thing I needed.

  I thought back to the day that I finally agreed to date Braden.

  It was a Tuesday, and Braden took me out to the lake for a picnic. For the last couple of months, he had made it a point to tell me every Tuesday how much he was in love with me, and that he wanted more than friendship from me. All these months I hadn’t been ready to be with him and I still wasn’t sure I was ready now. I had never had a boyfriend before, but I did have feelings beyond friendship for him. He made me happy, and I was comfortable around him. Time stopped when we were together. We settled down on the blanket with the picnic basket and I prepared for the inevitable speech of Braden.

  “It’s beautiful out here. I will never get tired of this place,” I said.

  “Not as beautiful as you are.”

  “You’re too sweet, Braden. I am glad you’re my friend.”

  “About that, Skye. I don’t just want to be your friend. You captured my heart from the moment I saw you strolling around school. For the last three months, I have fought so hard to be just your friend. However, I can’t do it anymore. I am falling in love with you, Skye. I know I have told you this every Tuesday for the last two months. Today is the last time I am trying. I’m not trying to pressure you, but I am pretty positive you feel something for me too. I can’t be imagining it. I have never wanted to be with a girl as much as I want to be with you. When I think about my future, I only see you. I know it’s crazy, but you have turned my world upside down. And I know it will never be the same. You barged into my life with your red hair and those cute freckles and all I want to do is hold you, kiss you and be around you. Please, Skye, please give us a chance. I promise it will be worth it.”

  I sat there speechless playing with my hair. I had become used to Braden’s speeches but this one was different. It was also the last time he would fight for me. Dammit. I wasn’t sure I was ready to be with him, but I also knew I didn’t want to be away with him.

  “Say something, Skye,” he said after a few minutes and grabbed my hand.

  “I don’t know what to say, Braden. It’s just... I am scared. What if I am not enough for you? What if I disappoint you? I have never done this before. I have never been with a guy before. I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

  “Sweetheart, you could never in your life disappoint me. This is new to me too, but we will figure it out together if you just give it a chance.”

  “I have feelings for you too. I have had them for a while. They terrify me. I dream of you at night and you’re my first thought in the morning. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  “So is that a yes?”

  “Yes. Yes I will date you, Braden James Parker.”

  And just like that my life had never been the same again.

  I had only been gone a few hours but I was already missing Braden. I finally admitted to myself that I did still have feelings for him–there was no denying it anymore. I thought about the kiss from the night before and wished I hadn’t stopped him. It would be so easy to go back to where we were eight years ago before Dad got stationed elsewhere and I had to leave Braden, but I couldn’t convince myself to do it. My heart was too fragile. I wasn’t the same girl anymore, I changed. At seventeen, when Braden and I got together I had been open to love and felt like I was on top of the world. Now at twenty-seven, I was afraid to love and be loved.

  Why did Oliver have to cheat on me? Why didn’t he just break up with me? That would’ve been easier than knowing I hadn’t been enough for him. Knowing that the man you imagined spen
ding your life with had to go find something you were lacking in another girl was the worst feeling in the world. I always thought that we were happy, and that he felt the same way about me, but I was wrong. I was scared that if I gave Braden a chance, he would notice that I wasn’t enough and leave me too. My insecurities were starting to piss me off but there was nothing I could do about it. I was damaged and if Oliver was here I would’ve punched him for putting all that self-doubt in my head. As much as I longed to be with Braden, I was convinced it was better if we stayed roommates. I would eventually get over him and if not, I would just have to move out.

  I spent the next three days tanning, reading and swimming in the lake. I felt a lot better after my decision not to act on my feelings for Braden. Monday morning I cleaned up the cabin, packed up the rest of the food and loaded all my stuff in my car and headed back home. I was in a great mood and was ready to get back home to my friends. I would have to talk to Braden eventually and tell him to give up on me. He needed to know that it was time to move on and find someone else who was worthy of him. Nevertheless, that would have to wait, I wasn’t ready to lose him completely yet. I was being selfish but he helped me so much in getting over Oliver that I didn’t want him to resent me yet.

  Faith leaped off the couch and ran towards me to hug me when she saw me walking into the apartment. “I was so worried about you. Why did you turn your phone off?”

  “Umm... I didn’t want to be disturbed and you knew where I was.”

  “Yeah, you were in a cabin on the lake. By yourself. You could’ve been kidnapped. You should’ve checked in with us at least once a day. I don’t care if I knew exactly where you were.”

  “Where is everybody?” I ignored her overreaction, Faith always worried too much.

  “The guys went shooting. Braden was released early and Caige didn’t have to work today. So tell me, have you finally come to your senses and are you going to give Braden a chance? You know that poor guy was miserable while you were gone and it didn’t help that I wasn’t allowed to tell him where you went.”

  “I am going to take a shower and then we will talk okay?”

  “No, Skye, we are going to talk now. I have had enough of you two being miserable. You both are clearly still in love with each other but you are so scared of love that you end up hurting yourself and him.”

  “Fine. We will talk now. Yes, I have feelings for Braden. That doesn’t change anything. We are not getting back together. He will leave me just like Oliver did and I can’t risk letting that happen. It would break me. Why would he stay with me? I am damaged. Nobody wants that. He will eventually find someone who’s better than me and deserves him. I don’t deserve him.”

  Faith stared at me as if I had three heads. Finally, she snapped out of it and started shaking me.

  “Are you fucking kidding me? Braden is NOT Oliver. Skye, I know the history between you guys and if it wouldn’t have been for you moving away you would’ve never left him. I see the way he looks at you and to be honest, Oliver never looked at you that way. You were a convenience for him, but Braden truly loves you.”

  “Wait, Braden loves me?”

  “Yes. I heard him talk to Caige about you. I also know about the kiss and how you pushed him away. Again. You need to quit doing that or he WILL walk away one day. He said he will wait till you realize your feelings but I know you can only push a person away so many times, Skye. Ask yourself how you would feel if Braden wasn’t in your life anymore.”

  “I would be miserable,” I admitted. What if she was right? Maybe I would just have to take a chance and hope that Braden wouldn’t break my heart.

  “Exactly. So now get your head out of your ass and tell him that you love him too before it’s too late. Stop being scared. Oliver is in the past, but Braden is your future.”

  “What would I do without you, Faith?”

  “Nothing. You would do nothing.”

  “Oh my God! I am in love with Braden! How am I going to tell him?” I was excited. I was in love with Braden, and I was finally going to give him a chance. I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest–I was so nervous.

  “I am going to make Caige go out to dinner with me tonight so you two can have some alone time. Don’t back out on this or I will kick your ass. Just tell him. It shouldn’t be hard considering that you guys were together before.

  “Okay. Thank you! I am really going to take a shower now.”

  “Good and I will text Caige to head home soon. I’ll tell him you and Braden need to be alone to figure some things out.”

  I showered and thought about how I was going to break the news to Braden. I decided that I was going to cook and talk to him about it. I just hoped he wouldn’t reject me. I didn’t know how I would deal with that.

  I was standing in the kitchen fixing Braden’s favorite meal Jaeger schnitzel, a German meal we discovered together. I was putting the rest of the mushrooms in the sauce when I heard the door open. Faith didn’t even give Caige a chance to say hi, she was already dragging him back out the door. The girl didn’t waste any time that was for sure.

  Braden walked into the kitchen and inspected what I was cooking.

  “Is that what I think it is?”

  “Yupp, our German favorite. I learned how to make it when we came back to the states. I missed it so much and most German restaurants here never gotten it right.”

  “That’s awesome! I haven’t had Jaeger schnitzel since leaving Germany. You’re the best. How did I deserve this? Oh and by the way... It’s great that you’re back. I missed you while you were gone.”

  “I missed you too. Food will be ready in five minutes. Will you set the table please?”

  “Anything for you, sweetheart. Should I open a bottle of wine? Or do you want beer?”

  “Wine sounds good. There should be a bottle in the fridge.”

  After we ate dinner, we watched a movie in the living room and I was getting more nervous by the minute. Braden wasn’t going to make the first move again so it was on me. I switched off the TV and turned to look at him.

  “There’s something I have to tell you, Braden.”

  “Yes?”

  “I am sorry I pushed you away the other day. I was... No... I am scared to open up my heart to you. I am terrified of losing you, that you will wake up one day and have enough of me. My heart has been shattered, and I am broken. Yet I can’t deny myself the feelings I have for you anymore.

  “I never forgot about you either in the eight years we were separated. When I broke up with you, I left a piece of me, and I knew then I would never be the same. For years, I couldn’t even think about being in a relationship. Then Oliver came along and I learned to love again. I loved him a lot. Although I realize now that I never felt about him the way I feel about you. You consume my every thought. I wake up in the morning excited to see you and I go to sleep thinking about seeing you again the next day. I am pathetic. I know. I want to give us a chance. I just ask that you are always honest with me. You have the power to help me heal but you can also completely destroy me.”

  Braden smiled at me. “Are you done?”

  I nodded.

  “Skye, from the first day I met you, I knew I would spend the rest of my life with you. We started as friends because you wanted us to. When you left me I was a mess. I didn’t leave the house for weeks–scared I might miss a call from you. I only left the house at some point because my parents were yelling at me and threatened to put me in therapy. But you never left my heart. You own me – heart, body, and soul. I will do anything in this world to make you happy.

  “You don’t have to worry about not being enough, you’re the only one that I wanted then and you’re the only one I want now. I will prove to you that our love is worth taking a chance. I will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and most of all, I am not going anywhere. If we get back together then you are stuck with me and there won’t be any more running. Are you okay with that?”

  Tears were s
treaming down my face at Braden’s words, how did I ever doubt him? Instead of answering I cupped his face and pulled his lips to mine. I kissed him with all the built-up passion from the last few weeks I had denied myself this. The kiss quickly turned into more and before I knew it, Braden picked me up in his arms and carried me to his bedroom.

  “I want you, Braden. I need to feel you.”

  “As much as I want you too, babe, I don’t think you’re ready yet. I want our first time to be special.”

  “But it isn’t our first time,” I pouted.

  “You know what I mean, love. I just want to hold you in my arms and watch a movie in bed. I want to fall asleep with you and wake up to your beautiful face in the morning.”

  Swoon! I don’t know how I got so lucky but his words melted me, and I was content with just cuddling for tonight. Our time would come, and I could wait for it.

  We watched a movie and soon I fell asleep snuggled up to my first love. Life couldn’t get better as it was at that moment.

  I felt Braden kiss me and tell me how beautiful I was. Okay, maybe I was wrong. Life could get better.

  Chapter 6

  Braden

  I couldn’t believe she was finally mine again. I listened to Skye’s breath even out and knew she was fast asleep. After eight long years, I finally had her in my arms again. I had thought that day would never come. Eight years I had dreamed of her beautiful blue eyes, her long red hair and her curvy body. Even when I was engaged to Chelsea, Skye never left my thoughts. I saw her everywhere I went and on more than one occasion I creeped out females by tapping them on the shoulder thinking it was her. But it never was. Until the night she was standing in front of me at Cowboys. The moment I saw her again my world stopped moving. How could this possibly be? After all my attempts of finding her and failing, I find her in a club at my new duty station. And all these years she was friends with Caige. Now I wished I would’ve taken him up on all the offers to come visit. Except it didn’t matter–I had finally found her. Though I didn’t like how sad she looked, she looked like someone had drained all the happiness out of her. I made it my mission then to find out what happened and to make that sadness disappear.