by Bowie, Emily
I look at the group around the table and see David Smith sitting on the edge. I know the other guy is a diversion so that no one will call attention to him. This knowledge makes my heart pound, knowing if any of my moves are found out I’m just as good as dead. These people don’t play around.
Going outside to supervise, I notice headlights coming down my driveway. “Get this over with in the other barn,” I tell them, not knowing who would be coming to see me.
I may have just sent the beating away, but I still know all eyes will remain on me. These people, who I have had to rely on to keep this land from falling out of my hands, never miss anything. So much so I have had to push everyone close to me out of my life on nights like this. They would not be afraid to use anyone against me.
I watch as Brax steps out of his truck.
“Evening, Brax.” I have not seen him since the last time he paid a visit to our place.
I meet him right at his door not wanting him to come any farther.
“You having a party tonight?” He looks around my property. No extra cars are seen, the noise is muted from the inside with all of the extra soundproofing I put into the building.
“Not sure what you mean.” I play confused.
He gives me a knowing smile, not believing my words. “You and Kellen are made from the same. Both stubborn as hell.”
A few moments pass as he stares me down. “You ever plan on winning my sister back?”
A disbelieving laugh escapes me, if only he knew this is what I had to do before I could have her back as mine once again. “She made her bed when she left,” I tell him harshly, even though it is not how I actually feel.
“The longer you take, the harder it will be. Someone will marry her one day.” The thought has my heart beating irregularly, proving to myself this is what I must do.
“Is this why you came here?” I demand, ready to put him back into his truck so I can get back to trying to bring down this gambling ring.
“Just thought I would check in. That’s all.”
“Maybe you should check in with yourself before you come here trying to fix other people,” I lash out.
“Good to see you too, Rogers.” He gets back into his truck and I watch as he reverses the whole way out of my driveway before heading back to wherever he came from.
“Something’s not right about tonight.” The words come from the dark. I watch as the shadow comes into the light. I force down a swallow, masking all other emotions. In my presence is the head of this operation. This is my second time ever seeing him.
“Shay Steele.” He is eyeing me, watching each of my moves as he says her name. “She’s a beauty.”
I watch as he takes an envelope out from under his jacket and hands it to me.
I take my time opening it, not wanting him to see that I care. Inside are pictures of Shay studying, laughing with a friend, and the one that really bothers me is the one of her sleeping. It’s an up close picture, looking like it was taken right beside her, as if they have already found a way into her room, showing me that if I fuck up they will get me where it hurts.
I think back to David sitting at the table, knowing I’m playing a dangerous game. If I lose, everything will be destroyed.
“Been there, done her, over her,” I say callously, the words tasting like acid on my tongue.
“Just remember who runs the show here and we’ll keep working well together.” The thing about what I have gotten myself into is that you can’t ever get out. I never realized once my debt was paid I would know too much and no one leaves breathing.
CHAPTER 44
Dust is fast approaching when my phone rings. “We have a problem.” The voice is demanding and a chill runs through my spine.
I look over to see that David is already taping the phone conversation. “Do we now?” I question, fearing I don’t mess this up.
“We have a rat.” Cold sweat chills my body.
“How can I help?”
The voice pauses, making me think maybe I was a little too eager.
“I need to know that you are fully on board. Check your text message I just sent you.”
My phone vibrates in my hand as I go into my messages. The picture is of Shay who looks to be mid argument with a man I recognize from her graduation night.
“She’s so close I can almost touch her.” I can hear the amusement in his voice, in that he is trying to bate me.
“Looks like you won’t be the first person to piss her off tonight,” I respond, looking at David to make sure he has some sort of plan. He holds his hand up, trying to tell me to relax. He doesn’t understand that this is my life and affects those around me.
“Tomorrow you’re hosting an impromptu game, I want new servers.” I force myself to breathe through my nose, fighting the urge to recoil back.
“Yes, sir.” I try to put all of my enthusiasm into those words.
“Great job, Luke,” David tells me as soon as I hang up. He looks unrecognizable from the man I met originally the first time I went to the jail.
“We have him,” he tells me with conviction. “Remember the drill.” We are going to be coming in here red hot, take you down like you are one of them. We have someone on Shay. I promise you, she won’t get hurt from this. She won’t even know that her life was in danger.”
It will only be when I see my ranch is saved that I will be able to breathe easier. I want this to be done yesterday so I can go get my girl.
The next thing I know cops are scattered around my property for a possible murder, the casino is found out, and I am being handcuffed with my rights being read to me.
In this moment I became the most important informant against the largest casino ring in Texas history. My ranch is saved, letting me plan out my next move to get Shay back into my life.
CHAPTER 45
Year Five
I get an invitation in the mail, it’s gold, thick, and expensive looking. I look at it on my counter, my heart beating fast. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest before I even open it. Maybe it’s a letter. Doesn’t look like a letter. No one has this fancy of letterhead unless it’s for one thing. A wedding. I flip it over with the letter opener, scared to touch it.
My hand scrubs my face as I stare at this paper like it’s a disease. At first it’s shock that runs through my limbs then curiosity. My mind immediately goes to Shay. I almost laugh out loud seeing S. Steele printed on the return address. She wouldn’t have. I’ve been waiting for my second chance. My fists clench at my side, still not touching the envelope. I was waiting for her, for her to realize when the time is right. I was waiting for her to see that I have made it. Then the anger begins to bubble up through me. Not immediately. With each thought it was like a slow bubble of anger would work its way through my system until I am full-on furious. I waited for her.
The thought of this perceived wedding invitation has me slamming my fist though my wall, the pain cutting through my anger. I wind up doing it with my other hand as well, right into the drywall, enjoying the new sensation running through me.
Heading out, I don’t bother opening that fancy letter, slamming the door so the walls shake around it and my sister’s welcome wreath falls off the door.
Each time I have come inside this month, I stare at this thing, I need to get this over and done with. I pick it up like it has rabies and cut through it. Staring in front of me is a wedding invitation. An invitation that should be my wedding stationary.
I can’t read it. The name Shay Steele sucker punches me but I refuse to fall down. Instead, I pick up the small table at the entry and throw it across the room.
These thoughts invade my mind each day as I silently count down until doom day. Every time I venture into town I fish for any bit of information I can gather, hoping that maybe the wedding will be canceled.
Finally I have my life back on track, I am not having it ruined by Shay getting married. I will die before she walks down that aisle without me. I can’t l
et her go. She made her choice and that choice is not me. But I know better. The way our bodies hummed together a year ago wasn’t a one-night stand vibe. My fingers knew her, her body reacted to mine like I owned her.
I don’t know why I do this to myself. I dissect every second we had together a year ago to only come to the conclusion that she walked out on us, on me, the morning she left without even leaving a note. I try to busy myself with the ranch, surprised to see Jewels not around. She is usually taking the reins as I have started to coach football at the school.
Walking into the ranch house, I see my sister all dressed up. “Why are you wearing that?” I question, then I see her soon-to-be husband, Tyson, and his two brothers, Brody and that once scrawny kid across the tracks, Chase.
“Shay’s wedding.” Jewels shrugs her shoulders like it’s nothing, but I sense the whole room still at her words, like maybe they were hoping to leave here without seeing me. No one shies away from watching us, watching me and my reaction.
I grunt out my response.
“Why aren’t you going?” Brody asks me with a smirk that tells me I’m not handling this as well as I am letting on.
“Not my wedding to crash,” I tell them, heading toward the fridge for a cold can of beer.
“Pussy!” Chase yells at me. Even though we have become friends he likes to get all into my business. They all get up, looking ready to leave as I come out cracking my drink.
Brody says nothing but taps me on the shoulder, shaking his head.
“What?” I growl.
This is when Tyson speaks up, “Just saying, I would have never allowed Jewels to get away from me.”
“You going to be okay?” my sister asks me, concern written all over her face.
“Go have a great time. I got the ranch,” I tell her.
“Hope to see you there, man.” Chase shakes my hand, squeezing it too tight.
“It would give us something to talk about,” Kat tells me, giggling as she walks out of the house.
“Way to keep your feelings to yourself,” I tell them, taking another drink of my beer.
Shit, I was convinced to stay home. But now all I want to do is put on my black tie and hope she will forgive me for what I am about to do. I know she has dreamed of this perfect day her whole life, but I can’t see how it will be perfect without me there. I can’t let her get away; my heart won’t allow it.
Going to the liquor cabinet for a strong shot of whiskey, I ask myself if I am really going to do this. Am I willing to chance wrecking her day? Do I love her enough to let her go?
That’s when I realize it’s not about if I love her enough, it’s me knowing she will regret this decision for the rest of her life. Which in turn will ruin me. If she can honestly tell me that I am not who she wants I will let her go. She is worth that much to me. But I have to have her close that door on us, because I can’t. I won’t. She is everything to me.
Bringing my shotgun out with me, I set it up on my gun rack on the rear window of my truck and I set way for the old Steele place. It’s time to fuck up a wedding, I tell myself.
CHAPTER 46
Year Five
It’s a dick move. No one needs to tell me that. As I place the wedding invitation into the mailbox, I think of all the ways I could tell him. With all of my ideas, I know that I would fall right into his arms again like last time. I wait to hear from Luke, ready to say my piece and make him understand we can’t be. I thought as soon as he opened my wedding invitation he would call. But my phone never rings.
A month later, still nothing. I’m hurt, even though I know I shouldn’t be. I thought he would fight for what we shared; I thought he would fight for me. Was that what I wanted? I don’t know. Maybe I did.
I look up into the mirror and I look perfect. My thick black hair is spiraled down to the middle of my back, my tiara holding the front of it out of my eyes. My makeup looks like perfection.
I look at this dress and now realized I never bought it for my future husband, Ryker, I bought it for Luke. When I think about walking down the aisle, I see Luke. Is it fair that I am marrying a man I love second best? We’re not passionate, we are sweet and comfortable. I do love him, just maybe not in the same sense he loves me. I will be by his side, working together as partners. I imagine this is what arranged marriages may feel like. That is what this feels like. I arranged a husband for myself. We both get something out of it. Is it passionate love? No, but we each come with a marriage convenience that will make this marriage work.
I can’t help but to think of Luke’s hands running down by body, his tongue working wonders on me, and I blush knowing it will be those thoughts that will keep me warm at night.
“Look at you being a blushing bride,” Raya cheerfully observes, sipping a glass of champagne.
I shake my head, if only she knew. I look at my friend through the mirror. “You still planning on moving here?”
She playfully slaps my bare shoulder.
“Nothing can keep me away.” For a girl who was all about the city, she must really love Brax to move out here.
“Good,” I tell her, happy that they have found each other.
“You could move back here, too,” she mentions, knowing that I get cranky at the subject.
I go back to the mirror, fixing my tiara and ignoring her comment. I look beautiful. My makeup artist and hairstylist did the perfect job. I have never looked like this before. I look unflawed, bright, and perfect, just like a bride should be.
“No one would question if you back out you know.” Her words shock me, and she is looking at me like she knows. Through the mirror I stare back at her.
“Why would I do that?” I try to act confused and hurt she would say such a thing.
“We both know why.” Her voice is soft and calming. She stands behind me, placing her hands on each of my shoulders.
“I love Ryker.”
She wears a sad smile, and shakes her head. “If that’s what you have to tell yourself.” Then she leaves the sightline of my mirror.
*
I stand in front of my future husband, listening to the preacher asking the audience if anyone should have any reason why we should not be joined in marriage.
I tried to get this part taken out but Ryker’s mother refused to let me. We wait as I look around at our friends and family to see if anyone will stand up and object. Ryker’s side looks all prim and proper, almost out of place here in this small town. While my side is dressed as fancy as we come. My dad is only in a tux because Ryker’s dad is wearing one. By the looks of it, he is the most dressed up on my side of the white tent.
Then the back flap opens, sunlight washes across the entrance and I see Luke making his way down the aisle with a shotgun in hand.
The groom’s side screams while my side laughs it off as Luke being Luke, and my heart stands still.
“Don’t do it.” Luke’s eyes hold mine, looking sad yet determined.
He walks with purpose down the carpeted aisle. The fact that he is wearing a dress shirt and a black tie does not go unnoticed. The look is devastating to women all around, a cowboy dressed up. And for Luke, this is dressed up. His face looks cleanly shaven; he looks more distinguished than a year ago. Time has done his looks well.
“Why?” I ask, breathless. When I sent out the invitation I had thought I was ready to hear from him, but as time went by I never prepared myself emotionally for the what-ifs. What if he did come? What if he told me that he still loved me?
“I love you. You are the only thing that I have done right in my life. I’ve tried to let you go but I’ve realized that it will never happen.” His voice is gravelly and low but echoes so every syllable is heard loud and clear to everyone.
Ryker, needing to save face, takes a step toward him, his arm clocked back in anticipation of a fight. Brax quickly intercepts and moves Ryker to the side, allowing Luke to finish speaking.
Luke grabs my hand and pulls me off to the side. I love the grand gesture o
f this all, but could it be too late? How I can start my life with Luke when he thinks he knows me but in reality he doesn’t at all. I battle over the thought of telling him about Cynthia, not liking a secret to divide us. But I can’t see how I can let go of this. It doesn’t just affect my life.
“I already know, you don’t have to tell me,” he says, staring intently at me. I think about his words, not sure if I heard them right, as if he is answering my unspoken thoughts.
“What did you say?” I can feel myself begin to shake, my body not knowing what to do with this anxiety over Luke and his words.
“I love you no matter what. I never expect you to tell me anything out loud that would hurt you or your family.” His words shake me to my core; a relieved breath seeps out of me.
I’m about to ask how he knows this. The words only partly out of my mouth when he continues.
“If you do this, I promise you he will never make you as happy or as loved as I can.”
My eyes tear up, knowing his words ring true. My heart falls fast back into his grasp, and I choke up.
“Please tell me you still love me,” he pleads.
I look up to Ryker; the look on his face already shows he knows this wedding won’t be happening today.
“I do love you,” I confess. Gasps echo though the area. I watch Luke stand a little bit straighter, gaining the confidence he exhumes naturally.
“Shay, you can’t do this,” Ryker interrupts, coming to stand right beside us. He lowers his voice so that the three of us can only hear it. “We had a deal. I need you.”
I look from him to Luke, where Luke has ignored his presence completely by kneeling down in front of me with a wedding ring. “Shay Steele, will you marry me, right now in front of all of our family?”
I wipe the tears falling on my face, stunned. His woodsy scent swirls around me as I close my eyes, being comforted by him and the memories we have shared.