Sorrows and Lace

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  And Ronan didn’t argue. He was so tired, he didn’t know if he was even making sense.

  Married in a week to the woman of his dreams after not seeing each other for a handful of years? Yeah, it did seem like a dream.

  Hell, Ronan wasn’t sure he hadn’t been imagining things either. She hadn’t turned him down. She hadn’t said no. With as much business experience as Ronan had, the opportunity to talk more later was a sixty-percent yes. He’d take that over a one-hundred-percent no! Even tired, adrenaline gave him the energy to get through breakfast and help Kelsey return to the car.

  What a weird thought that she might be his wife soon.

  Exactly where she belonged.

  Chapter 6

  The food smelled divine, but fell apart like sawdust in Kelsey’s mouth.

  Ronan wanted to marry her. Maybe? She couldn’t quite figure out what was going on. Her normally quick wit continued to fail her and she couldn’t focus on more than one thing at a time. “Okay, I understand you need to marry me, or someone, to keep your land because of conditions or something. That’s fine. I get that. But what’s in it for me? I mean, why is it worth my while?”

  A slow smile spread across his lips, lighting up the chocolate of his eyes while reaching down into her lap and starting a slow fire.

  Damn him and her reaction to him. Kelsey adjusted her legs, crossing her ankles and tucking her feet further back under her seat.

  Ronan finished swallowing his food and drank slowly from the mug as he watched her like he wanted to drink her. Shivers covered her in goose bumps.

  “Tell you what, since you obviously can’t remember what my place is like, why don’t you just come down and stay a while. You don’t have a place right now. No job. I have both and we need to discuss the terms, if you’re even interested.” He straightened in his chair and studied her brevity in his gaze. “Kelsey, I’m not so cold that I’d leave you alone. No expectations, come stay as a guest and when we’re both rested, we can discuss this again. Sound good?”

  Unable to look away from his hypnotic lips, Kelsey nodded. What could she say? She didn’t have a bed for the night and her funds had reached an all-time low with no paycheck in sight.

  “Good. Now eat up. You’re much too thin.” He pointed at her plate with his fork and then returned to his own meal.

  With the subject on hold, Kelsey’s appetite returned and the omelet melted in her mouth.

  Hopefully, Ronan didn’t change his mind about her staying with him for a couple days. Because she didn’t need long to think about a dream she’d had coming true. Maybe married to a James, she’d finally have the respect she needed to feel human. Maybe people would look past her heritage and actually see her when she was dressed with money.

  ~~~

  Rolling over, Kelsey buried her face in the crisp white pillow case. She stretched her legs in the queen-sized bed and arched her back. Oh, a big bed. Not a twin. Nope. She cuddled deeper and fanned her arms out, taking up as much room as possible.

  Opening her eyes, she blinked at the sudden brightness. Squinting at the open curtains, Kelsey waited for a memory of where she was or what she was doing to surface from the alcohol fog she found herself in so often. She’d never gone home with a guy, at least not since Sonny, but the circumstances around her life with him were also filled with self-loathing and shame. The bastard just happened to know how to pick up the women with the worst cases of low self-esteem and take advantage.

  Kelsey glowered at the ceiling. What a way to ruin her surroundings. She needed a Bloody Mary, like now.

  Her suitcases stood sentry beside the dark-trimmed door. A flash of her father yelling at her on his lawn crossed her mind and she groaned. Pushing herself up from the bed, she rummaged through her largest bag for some clothes.

  She froze and glanced down the length of her body. Her practical white bikini bottom panties and matching sports bra along with her numerous pale scars adorned her body. And that was all.

  A quick search of the room revealed her work uniform was nowhere to be found. She bent over again and dug harder through her stuff for some clothes. Anything at that point would do.

  Finally, she yanked a pair of yoga pants and a University of Montana t-shirt from the inner organs of her suitcase. When she’d been with Sonny, she’d had nothing but a toothbrush and two changes of shirts. If he allowed it. Most of the time, he required her to sit around in her underwear until he told her what chores to do or when to make him food. Or when he wanted to screw.

  Closing her eyes against the memories, Kelsey breathed in slowly through her nose and then out through her mouth. She leaned her head back in a silent plea to the sun to take her past away from her. And even though it wasn’t right, wasn’t something taught in the Salish culture, Kelsey wished – for the thousandth time – that the sun would also take Sonny’s life.

  Because now that she was off the reservation, he’d be able to find her. And most likely kill her.

  ~~~

  Leaving the room took guts, but not finding out what was going on left Kelsey out of control. She was more afraid of that than anything.

  She straightened her shoulders and closed the door behind her. What she owned might be crap, but it was her crap and she didn’t want it getting stolen while she was gone.

  The overall splendor of the ranch confused her. She’d only ever been in one house that reeked of money and taste. And – oh, there it was, a flash of Ronan James in the casino, again on her lawn, and finally at some diner smiling his damn-I’m-undressing-you-with-my-eyes smile – well, now she knew where she was.

  A little more confident, Kelsey padded down the hallway into a great room that was nothing less than splendid. She’d only been to the house a few times, but it was ingrained in her memory. Plush cream carpet ate up her footsteps past the dark brown leather couches, antler lamps, and log tables. The James family nailed opulent Adirondack without tacky overabundance.

  Creaking wood off to her right made her whirl, the end of her ponytail curling over her shoulder.

  “I wondered when you’d join me. Are you hungry?” Ronan leaned gracefully against a wrought-iron railing beside the fireplace mantle. He watched her, his eyes dark and unreadable.

  Kelsey hid her nerves under a tight smile. “Starved, thank you. Do you have any cocktails?”

  “Later. We need to talk first.” Ronan straightened from his position and held out his arm, pulling her to his side while they walked. “I hope you slept well.”

  She nodded, untrusting the situation and unsure what he wanted from her.

  Pushing her gently toward a tall stool at an even taller counter, Ronan took a seat beside her, angled just so as he watched her sit down.

  Kelsey rested her arm on the counter and waited.

  Ronan lifted his ankle and placed it across his knee. He tilted his head. “I offered you marriage last night, but we didn’t get a chance to discuss the details and you never answered me. I would like to remedy both of those right now.”

  “Okay.” Kelsey struggled not to giggle. He’d always gone into super-formal mode when he wanted something. Getting her to date him had been hilarious when she’d received notes filled with his near-Shakespearean language.

  “Okay.” He paused, the air filled with sudden expectation and tension. “I need you to marry me because I can’t lose the land. I already told you that, but I’m repeating it just in case.”

  Good thing, too. She pushed at the cuticle on her thumb. She desperately needed a drink.

  “But I don’t only want you to marry me.” He forged ahead, his words heavy. “We’ll get married in the next week and then we need to have a child.”

  Kelsey scoffed, holding up her hands. “You want to have a baby the next week? Is that it? Sure, why not?” She slapped the counter. “Are you out of your mind? Nobody does this. People will know and they will riot. Or something.” She pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose. “Actually, I don’t know what will happen. I need
a drink. Do you mind if I make something while we discuss this?”

  Ronan placed a hand on her forearm. “I do mind, Kelsey. I’m sorry, but if we’re going to make a deal, then you can’t drink anymore. At all. You’ll never get pregnant that way and the baby will suffer through the gestational period from any alcohol you consume.”

  She stood, pacing around the large kitchen. “A baby? You’re talking like we have one on the way. I can’t… You’re serious? You want to get married next week? And have children? Or a child? What the hell is wrong with this?” She stopped and pointed toward his chest. “I can’t have children. Okay? The last doctor told me my uterus was too damaged. He said, I’d be lucky to have normal hormone balance the rest of my life.” She wiped a tear from her cheek, anger and sadness mixing for a cocktail of emotions she couldn’t handle without a damn drink!

  Stopping beside the sink, she leaned her hands on the granite surface of the counter. She spoke to herself, maybe loud enough he could hear, maybe not. “I have nothing. I am nothing. My ex-husband wants me dead – searches for me, actually – I owe more money than I’m worth. I’m a damn Native American. An Indian. Isn’t that what your parents called me? Told you to stop playing cowboys and Indians and grow up?” For the longest time after that she’d tried lightening her skin with buttermilk applications – which didn’t work. She’d tried bleaching her hair, but it only turned orange. She’d wanted so badly not to be the Indian. She couldn’t be happy with herself.

  She’d married the first white bastard to show interest.

  Every time Sonny had beaten her, she’d remembered the way Ronan’s parents had talked about her, like she was dirty and beneath them. Beneath anyone else.

  She’d never forgotten that.

  Because of her skin and where she came from, she couldn’t be with Ronan who she swore to always love. And who swore to always love her.

  Yeah, look how far his promises of forever had gotten her.

  Chapter 7

  Ronan winced, then gritted his teeth. Pondering his next move, he decided to continue with his honestly-only policy with Kelsey. She’d always been straightforward with him. She deserved his honesty.

  He relaxed his jaw so he could speak without sounding pissed. “I’m sorry for that. I regret a lot of things from my past, but letting you leave is one of the biggest.”

  Her plump bottom lip pressed tight to the top, thinning its curvaceous lines. Ronan had always had a thing for her damn lips. He pushed forward. “Do you think marrying me is something you’d be interested in? Something you could do?”

  She studied her brightly painted nails, then lifted her gaze to his. “I think you need to hear me out before you go any further with wedding plans, R.J.”

  He waited for the bomb she was preparing herself to drop.

  Kelsey heaved a sigh, then dragged in a long exasperated breath. “Okay, so here’s the thing, I’m not divorced.” She watched him, her lip pulled between her teeth as she worked at the soft skin.

  For some reason, her admission punched him in the gut, but he refused to react or judge the situation until he had all the facts. Plus, he was still married for hell’s sake. “Go on.”

  Raising both hands, she worked the bulk of her thick, dark hair back into the makings of a ponytail. “I didn’t tell you, my husband’s name is Sonny Caracus. He’s with the Caracus gang. His brother is the leader. He…” She spoke with a nervous twang at the end of each word with an “n” in it. Wrapping a rubber band around the mass at her crown, she swallowed. “He’s not nice which is a ‘better term than an honest and factual one like a ‘cruel prick’ would be.” She dropped her arms, fidgeting with her fingers in her lap.

  Holy shit. Her husband probably had something to do with Amelia’s abduction. Another stick to add to the fire of hate raging inside him toward the gang. He spoke calmly, in case she spooked easily. “Caracus? I didn’t realize Devlyn had a brother. Having recent experience with the leader, I can only imagine what it was like married to someone he’s related to. I’m sorry you had to live with that. Is there anything else?” Had Ronan been so drunk the previous night that he missed out on pertinent information when speaking with Big Red? Or had Red forgotten to pass along that important piece?

  Drumming her nail tips on the granite counter, Kelsey met his gaze dead-on.

  A moment passed where his body decided to remember the effects of her scent on his mind, the way the waves of her hair teased around the contours of her face, and her damn eyes, even so belligerent and defensive, they exuded scared vulnerability. Why would she want to be sitting across from him – or anyone – explaining her past?

  He wanted her. Had never stopped. Oh hell, was he making a good move here?

  After a few moments of his inspection, she returned to the stool, abandoning her pacing endeavors to move closer to him.

  She lowered her voice, the sudden softness working like velvet on his loneliness. She leaned toward him, pushing them into confidants, as if they shared a secret. “In all honesty? I’ve been on the run since I left him. He hasn’t been able to touch me at my dad’s because the tribe has protected me. The moment Dad kicked me out… I didn’t think I would be safe again.” She lifted her chin, pain tightening the skin around her eyes. “I know it’s just a matter of time before he gets me. He always gets me.”

  Taking a chance that she’d allow his comfort, Ronan placed his arm carefully across her shoulders and pulled her in for a side-hug. If nothing else, she was his friend, even though it’d been a long time and he’d been the cause of her leaving. He kissed the side of her head, the silky smooth strands of hair teasing his lips. She let him, not even pulling away to question his actions. Knowing her level of pride, the fact that she didn’t throw up defenses screamed her weakness was being alone.

  Hell, his too.

  Not to brag, but… “I can get a divorce passed through in this county pretty quick. I’m not worried about the marriage or the guy. He won’t get you while I’m around.” Ronan’s confidence stemmed from knowing that the Caracus gang was already in the area, or had been, and they’d been fairly easy to deal with – at least on his end. At that point though, he would do or say anything to assuage her fears. An afraid Kelsey just didn’t fit when he wanted her happy. He squeezed her once more before letting her go. “I can deal with this.”

  Eyebrows drawn close, Kelsey’s doubt came across in her warning tone. “Sonny is a little on the crazy side.”

  “Crazy is doable. What I can’t do is leave you alone to deal with men like him. Honestly? I don’t want to be without Lacey Caverns, either. For me, losing the ranch isn’t an option and marrying you will let me keep it. If you marry me, I’ll protect you. Then you can let me worry about the side issues. I want to keep you safe, Kelsey.” He reached between them and held her hand for a drawn out moment which only tormented his desire further. Before he pulled her into his arms and ravaged her, he needed coffee. He jumped from his seat and mumbled something about his ass still dragging after the long night and rushed to grab more caffeine.

  Kelsey shifted to lean her hip against the counter and turned as he closed the space between them to reach for a mug. She crossed her arms. “What do you think about marrying for love?”

  The question took him aback and he lowered his arm to his side. No matter which way he looked at it, his pride would be trampled if he admitted that he might still love her when they’d only seen each other less than a whole day. She’d laugh in his face, if he admitted the truth too soon. He couldn’t help but laugh at himself and the circumstances. He wanted to marry the woman he’d always loved to save his land and he couldn’t even tell her how he felt. She’d never believe him. “It’s a marriage contract, not a romance novel. I don’t want you to feel like you have to marry me, if you don’t love me. I understand.” Inwardly, he rolled his eyes.

  Women always depended on emotional responses. He could protect her, give her children, and love her until she could remember that she love
d him. Ronan was nothing if not successful at getting what he wanted. “So, do you think you can?”

  “Well, there’s one more thing. Since it’s a contract, I assume you want full disclosure.” She licked her lips. Ronan wouldn’t mind full disclosure of a lot of things, but he waited for her to continue. And when she said full disclosure, things could get ugly quick. “I’m deep in debt from Sonny and every day he digs me further in. I can’t afford a divorce lawyer and I can’t afford bankruptcy – because that too requires a lawyer. Since you want to sign a contract with me, I think it’s only fair that you’re aware of my debts as well.”

  He snapped his fingers, relief making him almost silly. Every objection she lobbed his way, he demolished.

  A large part of him was disappointed that she didn’t say anything about love herself. If she wanted to keep it business, that was fine. It just stung his pride – and his own vulnerable feelings – hearing her discuss it so businesslike.

  “That’s it? Debt? I don’t care how much money you owe, I guarantee, I have lots more.” Ronan lifted his eyebrows and thrust his jaw out, determined to get her to marry him. The next challenge, after meeting the conditions that Robbie had set forth, would be to help Kelsey remember how much she loved him before. “If that’s all your objections, I think we have a deal.” He reached out his hand to shake hers, satisfied that she’d reached the end of her problems and that he had resolved them all.

  Maybe he could get them to the place of fun before they became so wrapped up in their problems, they forgot the attraction that held them together so long ago.

  She stared at his hand, then turned her gaze to him.

  Ronan cocked his head to the side. What else could he say to make her see reason? “Kelsey, this makes sense. You don’t have a job, or a home, or any other options. I’m offering you stability, the chance at happiness. You don’t have to love me, if you can’t. I promise.