Broken Rainbows

by Catrin Collier

‘Oh God I didn’t realise we were that late.’

  ‘Stop apologising,’ Phyllis called back as she ran upstairs.

  Haydn led the way down the passage and opened the door. Tomas stepped back, and not only out of consideration for Haydn’s homecoming. Used to the cool, open spaces of the hospital wards he was suffocated by the steamy, claustrophobic warmth of the kitchen. He looked around while he became acclimatised.

  The kitchen was crammed with huge pieces of darkwood furniture, more suited to an old-fashioned villa than the back room of a terraced house. Opposite the door an immense range belched out heat, its brass boilers and rails gleaming in the immaculately blackleaded iron frame. Above it hung a wooden rack draped with neatly folded clean clothes. Sandwiched in the corner next to a cupboard that filled an alcove, was a wooden playpen crammed with home-made toys. A single, small window covered with patchwork curtains was set above a chair to the left. Patchwork cushions and covers covered the only two easy chairs. The overall effect was of a clean, welcoming, orderly household where there wasn’t much money to spare, and he felt not only a pang of homesickness, but envy. He knew instinctively that this was a real home, with all the attendant emotions that meant. How long would it be before he could embrace his father the way Jane’s husband was hugging his now?

  He watched as Haydn took Anne into his arms. Jane was right, there was something of the celebrity about him. The kind of extraordinary good looks he had seen in studio portraits of Hollywood stars. He found himself wondering about their life together. Did Haydn make all Jane’s decisions for her, or was their marriage a real partnership, like that of his parents? The kind of marriage he wanted for himself.

  ‘So you finally decided to pay us a visit?’ Evan attempted to conceal his feelings by turning aside and tickling Anne.

  ‘The minute they gave me leave.’ Haydn smiled at his daughter who promptly screwed up her face and began to cry.

  ‘Hey, sunshine. I’m your daddy. You wait until you see what I’ve got for you in my kitbag.’

  ‘She’ll be fine in a moment, won’t you, darling?’ Jane relieved him of their daughter. ‘Dad,’ she turned to Evan, ‘you remember Captain D’Este.’

  Tomas stepped forward. ‘Pleased to meet you again, sir. I’m sorry we didn’t have much chance to talk last time.’

  ‘You were sleeping on your feet, and I’m sorry I didn’t see you standing there. You must think us an ill-mannered lot.’

  ‘Not at all.’ He shook Evan’s hand.

  ‘You will stay and eat with us?’ Evan offered.

  ‘Thank you but I have to get back to town. We have all been given orders to eat in the canteen.’ He turned to Jane: ‘Thank you for the sterling work you did today. I hope to see you when you can next spare an afternoon.’

  ‘I’ll look forward to it. Thank you for the ride home.’

  ‘I’ll see you out.’ Haydn opened the door.

  ‘Good-looking fellow,’ Evan observed as Jane went to the stove.

  ‘Is he?’

  ‘Some women might think so.’

  ‘Especially the ones who are American mad,’ Alexander chipped in sourly.

  ‘Good, you’ve found the stew, Jane.’ Phyllis bustled in carrying her hat and coat.

  ‘I’ve brought cakes from the New Inn.’

  ‘Shouldn’t they have been consumed on the premises?’ Alexander enquired.

  ‘Americans seem to have a way of bending the rules.’

  ‘I’ve noticed.’

  ‘Don’t go doing any housework,’ Phyllis warned. ‘Make the most of Haydn’s leave.’

  ‘All three days of it.’ Haydn closed the door behind him. ‘Any chance of you getting the same, Jane?’

  ‘I’ll have to go in tomorrow to beg, but management’s more sympathetic these days. I should manage it.’

  ‘If we’d known you were coming we wouldn’t have promised to go down Alma’s. On the other hand, you could come with us,’ Evan suggested, as Phyllis persuaded Brian to lay aside the book he was reading and put on his coat and shoes.

  ‘I’ll call in and see her before I go back,’ Haydn said. He could hardly take his eyes off Jane as she walked around the kitchen with Anne on one arm, clearing dirty plates and setting out clean ones. He pulled a chair to the table as she returned Anne to her playpen so she could ladle out two portions of stew. He watched his daughter for a moment, before daring to lift her on to his lap. When her face crumpled again, he gave her a piece of bread and she sat back, dipping it into his gravy and sucking on it.

  ‘That poor child is going to be as round as a barrel,’ Alexander warned as he reached for his jacket. ‘Every time someone eats a meal in this house they sit her on their lap and feed her.’

  ‘Don’t listen to nasty Uncle Alex.’ Jane kissed the top of her daughter’s head before taking her seat. ‘He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, does he, poppet?’

  ‘He’s right,’ Brian informed them solemnly. ‘People who eat too much get fat. My teacher told me so.’

  ‘And is she fat?’ Evan asked.

  ‘A little bit,’ Brian admitted. ‘She said that rationing may be one of the best things that’s happened to this country.’

  ‘Try telling that to your mother the next time she has to queue for two hours to get our allocation.’

  Alexander fished in the pocket of his overcoat as he slipped it on. ‘I found this today, and I thought you might like to share it with Anne and the rest of your cousins.’ He handed Brian a triangular bag of boiled sweets.

  ‘Alexander, you shouldn’t,’ Phyllis protested. ‘That’s your entire month’s ration.’

  ‘I don’t want to get fat.’ He ruffled Brian’s hair as he opened the door. ‘You’ve no idea how much Jane and your father miss you when you’re away, Haydn. It will be good to have you home so they can talk about something else for a change.’

  ‘Cheek!’ Jane exclaimed indignantly as he left.

  ‘Promise me now, no housework,’ Phyllis pleaded as she took Brian’s hand.

  ‘You just go off and enjoy yourselves.’

  ‘See you later, son?’

  ‘Just one minute, Dad.’ Haydn left the table and opened his kitbag. ‘Give this to Alma.’ He pulled out a small bottle of vodka. ‘Tell her it’s for Charlie when he comes home.’

  ‘Haydn, this is very good of you, but …’

  ‘… I know as well as you that he won’t be coming home, but Alma wrote to me. She knows I meet a lot of people and she asked if I’d mention his name to anyone who’d been in Europe. She won’t accept it, Dad. Not until the war is over and she finally knows the truth.’

  ‘If anyone will tell her then.’ Evan ran his hands over the sides of the bottle before pushing it into the pocket of his overcoat. ‘This will only give her one more reason to hope.’

  ‘Is that so bad?’ Haydn looked at the photograph of him, Eddie, Bethan and Maud on the mantelpiece. ‘Sometimes I wish we had as much.’

  ‘See you later.’

  ‘Have a good time,’ Jane called out as they finally left. She dropped her spoon on to her plate and leaned closer to Haydn.

  ‘Alone at last.’

  Haydn looked down at his daughter on his lap. ‘Not quite.’

  Chapter Ten

  ‘Mrs John?’

  Dino Morelli knocked on the open door of the drawing room where Bethan was bundling toys into cardboard boxes with Maisie’s help and Rachel and Eddie’s hindrance. ‘Colonel Ford gave me a letter for you. It’s a copy of confirmation received from the Red Cross this morning that the Germans are no longer chaining their prisoners. He was anxious that you should get it right away.’

  ‘He’s not coming back this evening?’ She took the envelope and tore it open.

  ‘Not tonight.’

  ‘He’s working?’

  ‘Possibly.’

  ‘Is this “possibly” something that I, or the doctors, should be aware of?’

  ‘I’m only a dogsbody sergeant, Mrs John.
No one confides in me.’

  ‘If your regiment is invading, capturing and securing the town yet again …’

  ‘If night manoeuvres are scheduled, Mrs John, they’re classified.’

  ‘As long as this particular classified doesn’t result in any more blackout casualties. I treated three people this morning who were hit by your trucks hurtling around after dark last night. But, sergeant, I thank you, and Colonel Ford for this.’ She glanced at the sheet of paper to confirm the information it contained.

  ‘It’s the least we could do in exchange for your hospitality. But, while we’re in your good books I do have a favour to ask.’

  ‘I’ll make a start on getting the children ready for bed, Mrs John.’ Maisie shepherded them to the door.

  ‘Go with Maisie, darlings, I’ll be up to read you a bedtime story.’

  ‘The wolf one?’ Eddie asked hopefully, wide-eyed in anticipation.

  ‘No, silly. Cinderella?’ Rachel countered with all the assurance of an older sister used to getting her own way.

  ‘Both if you’re good.’

  ‘With all the words?’

  ‘You know me too well,’ Bethan laughed as Rachel skipped off behind Maisie. ‘Well, Sergeant, if we’re going to talk, how about doing it over a cup of tea in the kitchen?’

  ‘We could make it brandy in here?’ He pulled a small bottle out of his pocket.

  ‘This must be a very big favour.’

  ‘It is.’ He waited until she brought two glasses in from the kitchen. ‘Maurice would like to take Liza to the St Valentine’s dance in Cardiff.’

  ‘Liza’s already asked me.’

  ‘And you said no.’

  ‘She’s my responsibility. One slip from her, or me, in caring for her, and Mrs Llewellyn-Jones would have her in the workhouse quicker than you could flip a pancake.’

  ‘Maurice and Liza won’t be alone, I’ll be going with them.’

  ‘Why didn’t he tell me that?’

  ‘Because I only decided today, after Maurice told me that you’d refused Liza permission to go with him.’

  ‘You can hardly blame me. The dance doesn’t finish until after midnight. And although Maurice is a nice boy …’

  ‘It’s a long dark road to Cardiff in the blackout?’

  ‘Precisely.’

  ‘But you’ll let Liza go if I chaperon them?’

  ‘If you give me your word that you won’t leave them alone for a moment, Sergeant.’

  ‘You have it. And please, call me Dino. I may be a GI but I’m hardly regular army.’ He poured out two modest measures of brandy, and touched his glass to hers. ‘Here’s to the war effort, and all the prisoners coming home.’

  ‘Is this dance going to be a big one?’

  ‘Massive, if the grumbles of boredom from our boys are anything to go by.’

  ‘Are you taking anyone?’

  ‘I was thinking of asking your Aunt Megan, but there’s a problem. I don’t know where to find her.’

  ‘I can give you her address.’

  ‘She said she lived with her brother and his wife. She helps him to take care of her?’

  ‘Myrtle was badly injured in an explosion in a munitions factory last year, but that isn’t all Megan does. She also helps out in the shops that her daughter, son-in-law and Alma Raschenko own.’

  ‘That’s the Diana and Ronnie I met here?’

  ‘You’re getting to know the family.’

  ‘Megan told me she’s been a widow since 1918.’

  ‘She hasn’t had an easy life.’

  ‘There’s no one… no one special in her life?’ he asked diffidently.

  ‘That’s something you’ll have to ask my aunt. If she wants to go to the dance with you, Dino, she will; if she doesn’t, she’ll tell you, and knowing her, straight out. Are you going into town tomorrow?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘There’s a small shop on the right-hand side at the bottom of the Graig hill that sells cooked meats, pies and pasties. She’ll be there until midday.’

  ‘Thank you, Mrs John.’

  ‘Just more one thing, Dino.’ Taking his empty glass she returned his bottle. ‘If my aunt should go with you, don’t forget to keep an eye on Liza, will you?’

  ‘You should have left the dishes.’

  ‘As I couldn’t help you put Anne to bed, I thought I might as well do something useful to pass the time.’

  ‘She’ll soon get used to you.’ Sensing how much Anne’s bedtime tears and rejection had hurt Haydn, Jane hugged him, but to her dismay he didn’t respond.

  ‘Before I have to leave?’ he enquired acidly as he left her to sit in his father’s chair.

  Jane hesitated before answering. She recognised the irritation in his voice. There had been times when she had felt like taking out her disappointment and frustration at their separation on everyone around her; but the harsh regime and discipline of the workhouse had taught her that anger never helped any situation. Closing the door, she went to the easy chair. Slipping into the narrow space behind it and the wall, she massaged the back of his neck, dropping a kiss on his forehead as she did so.

  He reached up and grabbed her hand. ‘You could come to Bristol with me.’

  ‘How long will you be there?’ she asked, wishing she could see the expression on his face.

  ‘I don’t know, two … three weeks.’

  The suggestion was unexpected, his tone casual, but an icy claw of suspicion raked through her mind. ‘And then?’

  ‘They’ll probably send me on another tour. The powers that be seem to think that’s all I’m good for.’

  ‘Abroad?’

  ‘That’s a fair bet.’

  ‘You’re not allowed to say?’

  ‘I never get told where I’m going until I get there.’

  ‘The war won’t go on for ever.’ She wished she could retract the platitude as soon as she’d said it.

  ‘I’d like a pound for every time I’ve heard that lately.’

  Closing his fingers on her wrist, Haydn drew her around the chair and pulled her down on to his lap. ‘Have you thought, really thought, what’s going to happen to us at the end of the war?’

  ‘We’re going to live happily ever after?’ She smiled, willing him to see that she didn’t want to continue with the conversation. Not now, not the first time they had seen one another in ten months.

  He moved his head, avoiding her kiss. ‘I’m serious, Jane. I talked to my agent before coming down here. He mentioned films. Musicals are booming, and everyone thinks that when peace finally comes there’ll be even more demand for light entertainment because by then we will all have had our fill of misery. If I’m lucky, I could find myself working in America as well as Britain. And no doubt there’ll still be tours.’

  ‘So the end of the war won’t change anything for us? Is that what you’re saying?’

  ‘Come to Bristol?’ His blue eyes were dark, serious as they gazed intently into hers. ‘Please?’

  ‘Where would we stay?’

  ‘They always find rooms for me.’

  ‘Ones big enough for all of us, and suitable for Anne?’

  ‘She doesn’t take up much room.’

  ‘Her things do. How many hours a day will you be working?’

  ‘How do you expect me to answer that?’ he retorted brusquely. ‘Like every other soldier, my life isn’t my own.’

  ‘When we lived together in London, we had the mornings.’

  ‘I can’t make any promises, Jane. If you don’t want to go, forget I asked.’

  Locking her hands around his neck she forced him to look at her. ‘Haydn, I’d like nothing more than to go to Bristol with you. But think about what you’re asking. You want me to take Anne to a strange city where we don’t know a soul, to live God knows where …’

  ‘They’ll be tidy rooms.’

  ‘No doubt, but what will we do other than sit and wait for you to finish work? Here I have my job. Phyllis, Bethan, your father
and everyone else for company. Anne has Brian and her cousins to play with …’

  ‘So now you’re married to my family, not me?’

  ‘That’s ridiculous.’

  ‘I couldn’t get you to leave London at the height of the blitz when you were pregnant, but now you’re here, you refuse to leave for a couple of paltry weeks.’

  ‘Now we have a daughter to consider.’

  ‘And she’s more important than her father?’

  Turning away so he wouldn’t see her tears, Jane slipped off his lap and crossed to the range.

  He left the chair and stood beside her. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s got into me. My only excuse is that being away from you has driven me mad. Of course Anne’s more important than me.’

  ‘Not to me,’ she whispered. ‘Haydn, you and Anne are my whole world.’

  ‘I know.’ He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. ‘I know, darling, and I’m sorry.’

  He had to steel himself to touch her. How could he tell her that he wanted her to travel everywhere with him and never leave his side, because he could no longer trust himself? Because one dark, shell- and bomb-torn night in Africa the explosions had been closer, louder and more terrifying than ever before. And when death had seemed imminent, instead of thinking of her and Anne, he had clung to another woman. And that clinging had led to the breaking of a solemn promise he had given Jane on their wedding day. A betrayal that had plagued his every waking and sleeping moment since, until he had begun to wonder if he’d ever regain his peace of mind.

  *……*……*

  Alexander walked quickly down the hill and around Vicarage Corner. After three years of blackout he could have found his way to Jenny’s shop blindfolded. Pausing outside, he ran his fingers over the knot in his tie to check it was straight, slicked back his hair with the palms of his hands, and debated whether to walk around the back to the storeroom or knock on the front door.

  Deciding on straightforward attack, he braved the twitching curtains across the road and rapped the steel bar set below the letterbox. He had to knock twice before Jenny pushed up the casement above his head and shouted down, ‘We’re closed.’

  ‘I know. I have to talk to you.’

  ‘Alexander?’

  ‘Yes.’ He suppressed the urge to call out, ‘Who were you expecting?’