Scars and Songs (Mad World)

by Christine Zolendz

  I leaned my back against my bed. Grace sat across from me, long legs stretched out, crossed at the ankles, her eyes never leaving mine.

  Everyone talked around us, moving in fast motion. Everything moved and shifted into my peripheral vision. Lea sitting on Conner’s lap laughing, Alex trying to sit on Ethan’s lap, Ethan wrestling him away cursing, and Brayden was juggling. In the middle of it all, the chaos outside, and the chaos in, Grace sat peacefully. All I could do was stare at her, watch the way she flung her head back in laughter, the way her legs rubbed against each other, or the way her skin slowly turned ivory to pink because my eyes could not look away. I was in awe of the goose bumps that puckered along her arms and the rise and fall of her chest. This wasn’t love that I felt. This was beyond love; this was something more. Whatever it was, it ached in my bones.

  “Earth to Shane! I asked you a question!” Lea laughed, while pinching the skin on the inside of my thigh. Tears stung my eyes, it hurt so bad. Son of a monkey’s uncle. Fuuuccck, she pinched with her nails and I thought I must be bleeding out all over the floor. It hurts worse than being stabbed in the shoulder. The burning sting traveled down my leg, shaking me free of my Grace Taylor tunnel vision. I just wanted to yelp in pain, but I squeezed my lips together so no one could call me a pussy. What damn question had she asked me? How hard I’d like to choke her? “Huh?” is what I managed to say, finally seeing everyone else around me.

  Alex was leaning up against Grace and he was giggling.

  “We were talking about believing in soul mates. I. Just. Asked. You. If. You. Believe. In soul mates,” she spoke slowly as if I was a foreign preschooler trying to understand English for the very first time.

  My gaze leveled on Grace again and I could see her piercing silver orbs peeking out at me through long thick lashes, waiting. I opened my mouth to speak, but she made me breathless, made my mind empty and my body shiver.

  Alex chuckled low. “Soulmate,” he said in a deep rumbling commercial-guy voice. “What Satan himself puts in his morning coffee. It’s good to the last drop. Start your day in an apocalyptic way. Get Soulmate at your local grocer, today.”

  Lea pinched him in the exact same place as she pinched me. He howled like a little kitten. I smiled at Grace, “Hell yeah, I believe in them.”

  Grace’s eyes fluttered closed and she tilted her head back against the wall and slid herself up. “Let’s get out of here, I’m hungry.”

  Jumping up, I unlocked the door and stepped out into the insanity of hallway. Bright red lips were on me instantly, “There you are!” Bliss’s voice screamed as her arms wrapped around me.

  Grace swore and gasped beside me, stepping herself away from us.

  I shoved Bliss away scowling and reached for Grace, “What the hell is wrong with you?” I asked Bliss when my fingers found Grace’s.

  Bliss smiled sweetly and tried to step in between Grace and I, “You sounded great singing. We should do some work in the studio together, just you and me.” She rubbed her hands up my chest, and Grace tried to let go of my hand, but I held on tight.

  I tugged gently on Grace’s hand until she stood in front of me, “No thanks, Mad World is absolutely perfect the way it is right now,” I snapped.

  The rest of Vixen4 slinked up behind Bliss, arms crossed like they had shit to say. “Shane, you guys aren’t much fun anymore,” Cream snapped.

  “Yeah. You guys haven’t partied with us too much while we were here, what gives?” Essex pouted. They were moving closer.

  “Maybe it’s their new guitarist,” Scratch said. She stood on her tiptoes to see around me to Grace and sneered, “What was your name again?”

  Grace squeezed my hand and stepped out from behind me. Locking eyes with Lea, that mischievous smile once again dancing over her lips, “I’m sorry, what did you say? I’m not fluent in stupid drunk slut.” Crossing her arms, she laughed, “I don’t remember. Lea, did they offer that class in our high school?”

  That’s my girl.

  Lea giggled nodding her head seriously, “Skank 101. No we definitely didn’t take that nasty class.”

  “Bitch,” Bliss snapped crossing her arms in front of her chest. That was all she could think to say?

  Okay, this is stupid and knowing Bliss, it was going to escalate into blows and then I’d have to hit a girl. I opened my mouth but Lea shoved me back. Hard. Alex’s heavy arm landed on my shoulder and he pulled me back a step. “Relax, Shane. Grace isn’t breakable,” he whispered.

  Lea laughed loudly, “Oh, one syllable word war. You don’t even need a brain to play that game! Okay, my turn! CUNT!” She was jumping up and down all excited.

  Grace was shaking her head and waving her hands at Lea, “No, no no. You can’t call her a cunt, she lacks the warmth and depth of one. Slut is much better; it really fits her, well, all of them better.”

  Bliss stomped her foot, “Fuck off, you stupid bitch!”

  Lea growled, “That’s not one syllable. Skank!”

  “Ass,” Grace called making a funny face at Bliss.

  “Whore,” Lea added.

  “Ho!” Grace yelled, laughing.

  “Cow,” Lea continued. Alex mooed loudly next to me.

  Bliss’s face burned a deep shade of red, holy crap I think her head might explode!

  Lea tilted her head, I think in wonderment of Bliss’s new skin tone, “Should we move to two syllables or phrases now? It doesn’t look like they understand the game.” Her cheeks puffed out, she was trying desperately not to laugh.

  “Should we talk slower?” Grace asked annunciating every syllable slowly.

  My body tensed when I heard Bliss’s throaty growl. She pitched herself forward, launching her body at Grace, spitting and screaming. Alex held me back tightly.

  Like slow moving frames in a movie, Grace smiled like the sun had just come out of hiding on a cloudy day, stepped forward into Bliss’s lunge and smashed her fist right into Bliss’s mouth. She didn’t even cringe when her fist hit, she didn’t even stumble back from the motion.

  Bliss’s body slammed back against the wall and crumpled to the floor. My eyes were on Grace instantly, shoving Alex out of the way to grab her around the waist. She immediately threw her arms up ready to block the other members of Vixen4, but none of them moved. They just looked down at Bliss and laughed. Ethan jumped in front of Grace, ready to defend her, and I swirled her around to face me.

  “Well, hello there Mr. Rockstar,” she smiled up at me.

  Pulling her closer, I slid my arms up her spine, “Hello yourself, Miss Ultimate Fighting Champ.”

  Bringing her hands up around my neck, she pulled me forward and whispered over my lips, “Take me home, Shane.”

  Chapter 32

  When we got to the door, we were greeted by police officers, who were ending Vixen4’s little get together. Ethan, Grace and I stayed for a few minutes making sure everyone left the apartment while Lea and Conner helped Brayden and Alex carry a passed out Tucker back to Grace’s apartment.

  As the police escorted the last of the partygoers out, Ethan, Grace and I stood in my destroyed apartment and cringed. Grace’s eyes were wide as she took in the mess, “How the hell are we going to clean this up?”

  Ethan laughed and walked to the door, shaking hands with the officers, who thank God we knew, so we didn’t get any summons this time. Or arrested. Again. Fucking Vixen4.

  Grabbing Grace by the waist, I lifted her over my shoulder as she giggled. “Bliss’s problem. She’ll call a cleaning service.” I carried her, ass to the ceiling; one arm wrapped around the back of her thighs, out the door and locked it behind us. “I seem to remember someone telling me in the sexiest voice I’ve ever heard to take them home. And that’s the only thing on my mind right now, Gray.”

  She smacked me on my ass and told me to walk faster.

  However, since I have the shittiest friends in the world, when we got there, Tucker and Alex were sound asleep on the floor in sleeping bags in Grace’s bedroom
. Brayden was snoring loudly on the couch and Lea was attempting to make hot chocolate for everyone. Ethan plopped his ass on one of the chairs in the living room and laughed at us.

  Fuck that. I grabbed a huge metal frying pan and a metal spoon and clanged it loudly over Alex’s head while screaming. The douche snored louder. Tucker didn’t even move. I wondered if he was still even breathing, but then I didn’t really care, so I left the room. I walked back into the living room, burdened with a pair of giant blue balls and watched a horror movie with the rest of the cockblocking idiots.

  Grace sat on the floor with her back against the couch, leaning her shoulder up against my leg. In the middle of the first movie, she tilted her head on my knee and I played with her hair, twirling the silky strands between my fingers. She turned her head to look up at me and I twisted her hair in my fingers tighter. I leaned my face down to hers, pulling her hair back. “Come to bed with me,” I said.

  Letting her hair fall free from my hands, I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her up gently. Holding her hand, I led her through the hallway into her bedroom. She turned to face me in her room, gave me a cute little pout and nodded toward our two sleeping friends. I just shrugged and pulled her against my body, “I’m just dying to put my arms around you,” I whispered. With our body’s touching, I walked her towards her bed, my lips hovering over hers, reaching past her to pull down the cover on her bed.

  She crawled into bed and I slid in after her, molding my body with hers. She turned her body towards me so our faces were almost touching. Pale moonlight fell gently across her bed through the open curtains.

  I brushed a loose hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear and skimmed my fingertips over her neck. She shivered. “Tell me more about Gabriel,” I whispered.

  “I really don’t want to talk about him, Shane. I don’t want you anywhere near him either. He’s a monster,” she murmured.

  I leaned my head on my arm and stared deeply into her eyes wishing she would tell me everything, wishing she would just ask me who I was, so I could just smile and without really telling her, tell her. “I promise Grace, I won’t let him hurt you. I’ll stay here with you every night if I have to.”

  “I believe you. And I think you staying here every night might make me feel a little itsy bitty bit better,” she giggled and showed me how little by bringing her index finger to her thumb.

  I brushed my thumb over her lips, “The way you sang to me tonight, was…you just completely took my breath away, Grace,” I whispered. My body inched closer to her, we were completely touching, everywhere along our bodies.

  “We’ve sung like that since my audition, haven’t we?”

  “Yeah, we have.” Since the dawn of time, my love.

  Still touching my thumb lightly against her bottom lip, I slowly dipped my finger in, “All I thought about was what it was like to be buried between the lips of a woman who could sing like that.” It’s me, Selah. Take me all, I’m yours to have forever.

  Her heart raced in her chest. I could feel it flutter like a butterfly’s wings against me, and mine matched its speed instantaneously. Running my finger slowly along her jaw and down her neck, I brushed my lips against her cheek to her ear, “Why did you choose that song for us to sing?”

  “I wanted to tell you how I felt. Why I was always so mean to you, Shane,” she whispered.

  Pulling my face back, I searched her eyes, hoping she’d really see me. “Because you feel broken?”

  Tears pooled in her eyes, “Completely shattered,” her voice whispered, cracking. It tore at my heart. How will I ever make it up to her? How could I ever make this better? Thousands of years of hurt and pain, of never knowing, of lies. Alone.

  I softly brushed away the tears that fell from her eyes. She inhaled deeply as I slid my hands from the wet tears on her cheeks to take hold of her waist. I gently rolled her over, sliding myself on top of her, my knee slipping between her thighs, opening them. She trembled beneath me as I slowly leaned down, and then she wrapped those gorgeous legs around me, holding me tight.

  I brought one hand back to her face, trailing my fingertips across her lips. “Then let me in, because I promise you, I will pick up every little broken piece of you, every single fucking piece, Grace. For the rest of my fucking life, I will put you back together...I’ll make you whole again,” I whispered.

  Both of us stopped breathing. Time stopped, the world went on spinning, yet we were its only two inhabitants.

  I brought my lips to hers, and traced the outline of them; skimming so softly over them, touching and dragging so lightly over them, the warmth of her breathe mingling with mine. While lacing my fingers through her hair, I parted her lips with mine and dipped my tongue in. My body shuddered as her tongue met with mine and she moaned into my mouth. Her hands raked up my arms, dug into the skin of my back, and we deepened our kiss. We devoured each other’s lips, drowning completely, intensely in each other’s kisses. Desperate, needy kisses.

  Leaning up on one arm, I clawed at the bottom of her shirt, yanking it up over her breasts. Our lips parted just long enough to drag it over her head. Grasping the back of her neck, I slammed her lips back against mine with a low growl. My hands skimmed all over her bare skin, grasping, kneading. I couldn’t get close enough to her. “I can get lost in your lips forever, Grace,” I whispered against her lips. “So beautiful. Perfect.”

  Our lips were soft and teasing, then rough and wild. My hands fisted in her hair, tongues dancing, grinding our bodies against each other. Exhaling heavily into my mouth with shaking hands, she roughly tore at the waistband of my pants, pulling them down along my hips. Sliding her hands over me, she gripped her warm hand around me. I bit down on her lip and moaned aloud at the intense sensation. Only she, only Grace could make me feel like this. I was lost to her; she had me so fucking completely.

  “Hey!”

  It was Tucker’s voice. Tucker’s voice? What the hell? Then the reality hit me. Alex and Tucker were still in the room with us. Fuuucck, I moaned too damn loud. Both of us lay there, silent and not moving. Her hand was still tightly around me and God forgive me, but I fucking slowly thrust myself against her. It may have been even more than once. Honestly, I only stopped because she was shaking with laughter next to me, which kind of felt really fucking good too.

  “Hey, Alex! Get up! Get up! Shane’s about to bag Grace!” A load smack and a cursing Alex were heard next. Rolling away from Grace, I grabbed her tee shirt and yanked it back over her head.

  “Wait! Hold on! I need to get my camera phone!” Alex drunkenly screamed from the floor, and then fell. “You’re not thinking about OUR BLOG, Grace!”

  I could barely make out Grace struggling to put her arms into her shirt, and Alex and Tucker falling over each other on the floor to be the first one to the light switch. I tucked the covers over us, kissed her forehead quickly and leaned the back of my head on my arms on her headboard waiting for the light.

  Tucker got to the switch first and flicked it on. Grace was innocently sitting up on the other side of the bed from me cross-legged with her hands folded in her lap over the tucked up blankets. God, she was beautiful.

  Tucker looked like a rabid dog, all foaming at the mouth, red-faced and baring his teeth. “Alex. I’mnotfuckingkidding I heard them kissingandshit!” he slurred. Pointing his finger at me and spitting, “What the fuck were you guys just doing? I know those sounds,” he yelled.

  I looked over at Grace innocently and she shrugged then yawned, “We were sleeping until some drunk asshole sleeping on my floor woke us up with his screaming.” Tucker punched his pillow a few times.

  But Alex? Alex, sat back and looked back and forth between Grace and me, then he drunkenly smirked at me. Then he winked. And blew kisses at me.

  “Fine!” Tucker screamed. “I’m going to take a fucking piss.” He stumbled over his sleeping bag and fell, and then crawled to the door. Before he tumbled through it, he turned back and faced me, “Remember you robbing-f
ucking-backstabber, she was with me first! The fucking minute you toss her for something new, I’m all over that ass.” Yeah. Definitely not happening. Yeah, I’m going to go beat the shit of that prick right now. I flung the blankets off my legs to go after the dick, but Grace’s hand grabbed for mine and she entwined her fingers to mine, holding me back.

  Tucker flicked the light off and he fell against the wall in the hallway giggling and cursing, then slammed the bathroom door. He started singing immediately after.

  Alex’s deep chuckles filled the room. “Whoa, Tucker has serious issues. Everybody knows Shane wouldn’t sleep with someone in his band, that’s against the rules, right, bro?” Silence. Grace squeezed my hand tight. “Oh, and hey, Grace? You might want to turn your shirt right side out again,” Alex said bursting out in laughter. “I’ll never be so drunk that I can’t tell if a chick is dressed wrong, that’s for damn sure.”

  Son of a…Ah, it was pretty funny. I laughed back, “Dude, why don’t you find another room to sleep in?”

  Alex’s dark figure moved around on the floor getting more comfortable in his sleeping bag, “Nuh, uh. But, if you’re changing the rules of the band, I’m all for watching.” Then he made kissing noises.

  “You’re disgusting,” Grace laughed next to me.

  I grabbed one of the pillows behind my head and pegged it where I thought Alex was lying on the floor. “Hey, thanks, bro. I need a little somethin’ to hold down here.”

  I slid my arms around Grace and pulled her across the empty space between us into my arms. “Don’t worry, Grace. I’m sure you’ve heard all those rumors about Alex and me having a torrid affair that we don’t want our fans to know about. Well, it’s true, and he really just wants to watch me, not you.” I teased her about what she and Lea told those two blondes at the bar about Alex and me, so they’d stay away from us.