This Could Have Been Our Song!: A coulda woulda shoulda ballad

by Ngontang Mba, Danielle-Claude

  Axelle witnessed our little ‘spectacle’ earlier today and was mortified. She arrived home before I did to pick up Cassie for the night. “What on earth is going on here?” she asked.

  “What?” I said, caressing Cassie’s hair, her head buried in my cashmere sweater, still sniffling. “She has abandonment issues. I can relate. Can’t you?” Our mum abandoned us when I was just twelve; hers went on tour when she was just four months.

  “Maybe I should keep her with us for a few more days. Fraser will like the company,” she said.

  “I give it two days before you bring her back here. Be my guest, take her. We’ll pick her up on Christmas day,” I told her with a very wicked smile.

  Yes, the apartment feels empty without any of them here with me. I’m just going to rest my eyes a little while I wait for Greg to come home. I will not fall asleep…

  “Lulu,” Greg whispers in my ear. “Lulu,” he says again and kisses my neck. “Was all this for me?” I can feel his hands running down my neck, his mouth on my shoulders. “Open your eyes, Jagiya.”

  I slowly stretch my body against him while opening my eyes. “Happy birthday, babe,” I yawn. I did not fall asleep and let the feast I cooked for us go cold. I was just resting my eyes a little. “You’re late. Why are you so late?” I put my arms around his neck and pass my fingers thought this thick black hair, massaging his scalp. “I made dinner for us, got all dolled up –”

  Greg hungrily takes my mouth and shuts me up. One week apart: that’s a long time in Greg and Lulu years.

  “I’ve missed you, birthday boy,” I whisper, breaking our kiss.

  He plays with my negligée. “I can see that… I’m not so hungry anyway.” He removes one strap. “Cassie is sleeping?”

  I smile and bring him closer. “She’s with Axelle until Christmas day. It’s just the two of us for five days and five nights.” We kiss some more and I make him remove his shirt. “My beautiful fiancé.”

  “No, my beautiful fiancée,” he laughs back and carries me to our bedroom. “I want to unwrap this particular gift right away.”

  “I love you,” I mumble in his ear. We could at least have some cake; I worked on that for two whole hours. “I made a red velvet cake just for you, Jagiya.”

  “Special icing?” he asks while removing his pants.

  “Always the best for my yeobo.[28]”

  “We got ourselves a snack then.” He gently pushes me on the bed. “Are you alright about Cassie being away?”

  His concern touches me. “I’m fine,” I say with a forced smile. Axelle will be great with her. “Tonight is about you. Are you going to take advantage of me or what?”

  “The things I do for love,” Greg says, jumping on the bed next me. “The things I do for you, my Lulu.”

  “Call your sister,” Greg says from across the table. “You’ve been staring at your phone for the past two days.” That’s because Axelle has been torturing me for three days.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was just thinking about the meeting with Tallie Simpson earlier today,” I respond. After a three-day wait she finally made it to My Guitars Production.

  “Okay, I’ll bite. How did it go?” he asks. He quietly waits for me to respond while devouring my famous Christmas meatloaf with caramelized carrots.

  “It’s not a done deal just yet. She’s making us work for it! And that’s what frustrates me right now,” I tell him. Axelle purposely not calling to give me any news on Cassie wasn’t upsetting at all. She must be very busy with four children and a husband to take care of. “She’s flying to the Virgin Islands tomorrow afternoon for the holiday. It would be my last chance to woo her.”

  “That meatloaf is the best thing I’ve ever eaten!” Greg says between bites. He pours more cranberry gravy on top of it. “You’ll get her. I just know this deal is going to happen and change My Guitars Production in 2012.”

  I put his free hand in mine. Between working in his exclusive studio in New York City and his choreographing work all over the world, Greg has a pretty full schedule. But he’s all mine for the holiday. I can see that he’s letting loose, eating rich food for a change. “There’s nothing sexier than a man building his fiancée’s confidence,” I tell him then kiss his hand before releasing it. But he takes my hand and kisses it back, near my engagement ring.

  “On that note, I have a confession to make. Axelle called me; in fact she has been calling every night since she took Cassie. You know how Cassie can be,” he tells me then, just like that, he goes back to his meatloaf.

  “Do I?” I giggle. My little drama queen is driving her other auntie completely bonkers! “I’m a terrible sister!” I joke or at least I think I do.

  “The worst and I love every single inch of you anyway.”

  Tallie Wilson has been very quiet for what seems like forever. Koran, one of my best songwriters, has been telling her about our plan for her next album, if she would sign with us.

  “Mrs. Wilson, you’re one of the best female singer-songwriter of all time and this album would do you justice. We’ll stay true to your voice and style but we’ll update for the new generations,” Koran says with so much enthusiasm.

  “I like the acoustic work you did for Beesly & Matt,” she agrees.

  That’s progress. However… “The G Band and I had a bit of the fallout when I refused to go on tour with them last summer. They can be so needy sometimes!” I tell her. I just got custody of Cassie; I couldn’t go anywhere outside Toronto.

  “I know! I toured with the original members twenty-five years ago. Good times!” she says and we share an intimate look.

  “Crazy times!” I say and laugh. I toured with them last year with Beesly & Matt and when I was teenager under the stage name Lucita. “Loco tiempo![29]”

  “¿cuándo? Yo no lo hice amigo![30]” we both say and bust out laughing for a while.

  “Alright. Let’s do this,” Tallie says. Female bonding… Who knew? She paces around the meeting room. “I do have a condition,” she announces.

  Right… Female bonding my ass! I look at Koran; he’s already over the moon. He’ll say yes to anything. “And they are?” I ask her. There’s never just one.

  “Koran seems great, but I want you on top of this project,” she says.

  “That goes without saying, Tallie,” I say, crossing my arms. It couldn’t be so simple; I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  “…In London. I want to record in London not here,” she reveals and she looks very proud of herself.

  If the shoe bloody fits! “My life is in Toronto, Tallie, with my fiancé and the rest of my family,” I tell her.

  “I’ll go,” Koran says. Ass-kissing much? He’s forgetting who his boss is.

  “Lucia, you’re a Brit. I’m sure a few weeks in London would do you some good,” she says. She smiles at Koran. “Who doesn’t like London? 2012 is going to be an amazing year for it. And I want my album to be about London in 2012. Can it be done?” she asks Koran. He energetically nods back all excited and sends me a pleading look.

  I don’t do well in London: too many bad childhood memories. I’ll be away from Greg; he needs to stay around here so he can fly to New York. On the other hand, there will be none of Axelle’s interference or Noor’s annoyance. Cassie would get to see where she comes from. It would only be for a few weeks, two months tops.

  “I do have a Riddell wedding to attend in London next spring,” I tell them. Koran starts breathing again and Tallie happily claps her hands.

  “Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant! You’re a star!” she says.

  “We should all go for lunch to celebrate before you catch your flight,” Koran tells Tallie. They’re both edging out of the door. “Are you coming, Lucia?” Koran asks.

  I take my cell phone out. “In a minute.” Let me share the good news first. Alone in the room, I quickly type:

  BLG☺! Guess who’s coming to London cramping your style next spring…ME! Tallie Wilson is in
! From Lovely Lucia

  BLG: That’s fantastic!!! Happy Christmas, Luce. I’ll be keeping South East London warm and trendy for your arrival.

  Me: lmao… West End forever, Patrick, I will not take the tube anywhere else! Merry Christmas Better Looking Grant! :-D

  Greg: The One Hit Wonder? Surely Not…

  “Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one… Happy New Year!” we all scream and release our confetti. This year my date’s brought her plus-one to our house party. Lulu is holding and kissing a surprisingly unfrighten Cassie. Could anything scare that baby? “Where’s my kiss?” I ask them with a fake pout. They both look at me and smile, sending strange shivers down my spine. Cassie’s strong resemblance to Lulu always throws me back.

  “Come here,” Lulu says and plants this long, agonizingly sexy smooch. “Happy new, jagiya.” Cassie wiggles out of her arms and lands in mine. “Well look at that; I think she’s calling a truce for 2012. Just in time too. I need to wee.” She kisses both of us one last time and walks away.

  “Look around,” I tell her. “The apartment is full of guests and none of them are wearing diapers. You should really be in bed.” I finish my champagne with my free hand and walk toward the bar. “You do look adorable with your ‘Cassie knows best’ onesie and your tiny pigtails,” I continue. She doesn’t seem to care too much and points out Lulu from across the room. “I know; she’s breathtaking isn’t she?” She’s dancing and singing to ‘Party Rock Anthem’ with Axelle, her ‘Team Cassie’, black, tank-top mini-dress matching all her moves. Her new haircut really suits that new Lulu; it’s giving her that sexy edge she’s always wanted to have. The bright red lipstick and extra smoky eye makeup doesn’t hurt either. She quickly waves in our direction and keeps dancing, completely barefoot now that ‘On The Floor’ is playing. “She’s not coming back here anytime soon, kiddo,” I laugh. You little tease!

  “Why isn’t she in bed?” Paul asks behind me. His and Axelle’s children are safe and sound at home with their nanny. Unlike Daredevil here, who’s now clapping away in my arms.

  “Cassie’s not the best sleeper,” I whisper back. But she can hear and understand us and you won’t like her when she’s angry.

  “Yeah… So we found out the hard way last week,” Paul says and kisses Cassie’s forehead. “She’s quite peculiar, this one.”

  I look at the now-blabbing and dancing Cassie with a bit of fondness. Dancing – she’s a Riddell and a Burton after all. “She’s a handful. One would think that Noor and Andrew left us with the easiest baby. Think again!” Cassie is as difficult as she is beautiful and she is the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. So much like Lucia, same looks, same smiles. Her own mother has had so much plastic surgery done over the past two years; she almost lost that Riddell look or just gave it to her daughter.

  “How are you guys handling it all? We have three kids and we were a bit overwhelmed,” Paul asks me. He smiles at his wife dancing not too far from us.

  “Lulu…” I say, looking at her dancing with Axelle. “She does it all: waking up at odd hours of the night, feeding her, changing her, playing with her. They were both crying the day we tried to put her in a daycare center across the street. That’s why we have a nanny.”

  “I’ve seen their reunion,” Paul says.

  I laugh, you get used to it after a while. “I just didn’t know she would be this good at being her mum.” And how will she react when Noor finally comes back to Toronto and takes her away?

  “I don’t even think she knew that herself,” Paul says. We both look at the sisters dancing in silence.

  “Get your sexy butt here,” Lulu mouths my way. ‘Wild Ones’ starts to play.

  “Me?” I whisper back. “Go see your Uncle Paul, Cassie.” I give her to him and reach Lulu. “How are we doing here?”

  “Much better now that I’m in your arms,” she says, locking her arms around my neck and pressing herself against me. “Oh…somebody is happy to see me?”

  “Always,” I whisper against her neck as we start dancing.

  I tilt my head to get a better view of Lulu’s behind while she’s stretching in my studio. She is in a skin-tight dance suit and this vision will be haunting my dreams for a while. With Cassie at her grandparents for the next ten days, Lulu flew to New York with me. The Burtons take her every six weeks for the same amount of time; they couldn’t handle her for a longer period or more often.

  “Are you ready?” I ask her.

  Just to show how flexible she is, she pops her head between her legs with a straight back and smiles before sliding down to a perfect spit. She puts both of her elbows on the floor. “I think it will do.”

  “Okay, show off. Get up,” I tell her. I turn up the music.

  “‘Breathless’? The Coors? That’s our first big routine!” she says, taking my hand.

  The walk down memory lane goes much better than expected. I remember choosing that song the week it came out as a secret message to a completely unaware Lulu. “I thought we’d start with…the beginning,” I say, a bit out of breath. I forgot how complex the choreography was.

  “Every freaking time, Greg! I haven’t forgotten how to dance you know,” she says back and grabs a bottle of water. “You were such a little girl back then; I can’t believe I didn’t realize you had a crush on me,” she teases.

  “Very funny! Make fun of your lovesick friend,” I tell her, giving her a towel. “Ready for another one?”

  She takes the remote away from me. “Okay. Freestyle… Alone.” She takes her suit off, leaving only her sports bra and tight boxer shorts. “I’m already feeling sexier and freer, like something is maybe raining on me?”

  “Lulu dangsin-eun mwohaneungeoya?[31]”

  “I’m just going to say, Yeobo, nan neol joh-a![32]” she tells me. She starts the music “But Jessie J tells it like it is!”

  She starts dancing to ‘Domino’ and I can’t take my eye off her. Her freestyle is an upgraded version of Flashdance and something else totally awesome. She dances around me purposely avoiding my touch. She’s the one spinning me out of control!

  “I promise to never let you go,” I say when I finally catch her at the end of the song. “You were incredible, better than most dancers in this studio and they train thirty hours a week.”

  “Well, you were my inspiration. I would love to work with her, Jessie J. Maybe when I get to London in a few weeks,” she absently says and kisses me.

  “It just comes to you with no real effort doesn’t it? That jump you made; none of my crew have mastered it yet.” She needs to go back to dancing; she’s a natural.

  “I’m a Riddell; dancing is in our blood,” she shrugs.

  “Could you redo the routine? I want to learn it,” I tell her.

  “Greg…” she warns. I shoot back my best innocent look. “You know what I like about that song? The use of the guitar, structure and the lyrics; it makes it an instant hit,” she says and walks away.

  “I know but when you dance Lulu… You have so much talent.”

  “I know that. Like I said, I’m a Riddell; we’re all talented. But I want to make music more than I want to choreograph a show. We’ve talked about this before.”

  Yes we have and I should let this go before we fight again. “Sorry, yaeya,[33] my lips are sealed.” For now…

  She doesn’t look too convinced, but her phone buzzes and as usual, she thinks it’s about Cassie. But it’s not. It’s the other man in her life: the notorious BLG himself – Patrick Grant.

  “Heya, Paddie. Do you like my Essex accent?” she laughs. She looks at me. “No, I’m free to talk. I’m in the studio getting my ass back in shape by… Don’t be mean!” She covers her phone. “I’ll take it outside,” she says and leaves the room.

  Sometimes I hate not being her best friend anymore – the one who used to light up her eyes with a phone call or a visit – but I guess we needed to move past that stage of our relationship. But how Patrick Grant got the job I’ll
never know. They talk, chat, text every day. It’s always Paddie this or BLG that. The man is so damn handsome…and a doctor! The perfect man really…if he wasn’t her ex Marcus’s older brother. But, really, how did Patrick Grant get the job? I quietly peek thought the door. Lulu is laughing and telling him about…everything! So that’s how it feels to be on the other side. It fucking sucks.

  “Aunt Liv, for the last time there is no need to criticize her in Korean. She is fluent in that language as well,” I say to my mum’s cousin. Lulu is in the living room too busy trying to put Cassie down for her mid-morning nap to notice all the strange stares going her way. She is used to it by now. They call her gug-oeja[34] and I’m still not sure why. It’s just another monthly Sunday brunch with the Choi Clan.

  Our first 2012 New York gateway didn’t go as planned. Lulu ended up working most of the time, either from my townhome in Brooklyn or scouting new American talents her team had told her about. Music, music, music… Always music.

  “Yua?[35] It’s hers?” another cousin of my mum asks. Every time we get another member of the family showing up, we have to explain the ‘situation’.

  “That would make her mine too, so no she’s not. She’s her older sister Noor’s daughter,” I tell her.

  “And where is that Noor?” she adds. Where is she, this one?

  Last time we checked, in Budapest. “They’re dancers, her husband and her, like me,” I say, forgetting how much they are not so keen on my choice of career. “Anyway, they put up this big show last spring and they’ve been on tour ever since. Someone had to look after their kid while they’re away.” Not that we volunteered for the job. She was already leaving her with us.