Return to Celio

by Sasha Cain

  “She was trying to convince me to stay.”

  Darrios’ smile faded and he downed his drink. He poured another one, but left it on the counter, staring down into it. His eyes met mine and the pain in them speared my heart.

  “So, I guess that means she didn’t, right?” he asked quietly.

  I placed my hand on top of his hand. “You know she didn’t,” I said gently.

  He jerked his hand away and circled his hand around his glass.

  “Darrios, please. We’ve been over this. You know why I have to leave.”

  “Yeah, I know, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it!”

  He sat and gulped down his drink. I could see he was upset with me and I hated it. I didn’t want us to part with any bad feelings between us. I walked up behind him and put my hands on his shoulders. He stiffened.

  “I’m sorry if I’ve made you angry. I care about you. I don’t want to hurt you, but you’ve known from the beginning that I wasn’t going to stay. Please say something.”

  “If I thought there was something I could say that would make a difference, I would, but clearly there isn’t...so...”

  He pulled me onto his lap and kissed me. A molten heat flowed through me as his kiss continued. I put my arms around him, pulled my body closer to his, and delved further into that kiss. I really wanted to reach Avascon. It wasn't even about getting a wish. I needed to feel that closeness with Darrios before I left, and then that earth-shattering release.

  I kissed him hungrily, groping at him and pulling at his clothes. He took me, again, right there in the kitchen, but still I didn’t reach Avascon. When I felt his breath quicken and his body stiffen, I knew he’d gotten there. He kissed me on the forehead, said he was sorry, and whispered something under his breath.

  “What did you say?” I asked.

  He shook his head and suggested we go to bed.

  Once we were lying in bed, Darrios turned away from me. Then he turned back to face me, propped himself up on his elbow, and sighed heavily.

  “Maggie, I have to tell you something. Please don’t be mad...please don’t...hate me. I have a confession to make. At first, it seemed harmless. But now I just feel guilty. I shouldn’t have done this to you.”

  “What is it, Darrios? What did you do to me?” I asked somberly, nervously awaiting his answer.

  “My wish? The one I said that I used wishing to kill the molterg? That wasn’t what I used it for. I lied to you, Maggie, and I’m sorry.”

  I waited for him to continue. He didn’t. “Why would you lie? What did you use the wish for?”

  “I...um...I used my wish...I wished that I wouldn’t get you to Avascon.”

  “Why? Why would you wish that?”

  He brushed a few stray hairs back off my face and stared into my eyes. “Don’t you know, Maggie? I did it so you wouldn’t leave...so you would stay with me.”

  He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He sighed heavily again and looked back at me. “I know it was a bad plan, not to mention a shitty thing to do to you, but I only wanted a little more time. Can you please forgive me?” he whispered.

  I sat up, staring at him. I didn’t know what to say. I was kind of in shock. I knew I should be angry, furious, in fact...but I wasn’t. “I...I don’t understand,” I said.

  He took my hand. I thought about pulling away, but I didn’t.

  “I just couldn’t let you go yet, Maggie, that’s all. I was desperate. It seemed like the only way. I’m sorry for being dishonest. Please, Maggie. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?” he asked again.

  I nodded, unsure of my feelings. Part of me felt elated that he cared for me, but another part of me cried out heavily with grief that I had to leave him. As if reading my thoughts, he audibly wished that he could get me to Avascon.

  Darrios stroked my arm and looked into my eyes. His eyes held a sorrow I couldn’t describe. It made me want to weep.

  “Next time, Maggie. I’ll get you there...one last time.”

  I lay back down and turned my back to him. I was afraid that if I continued gazing into those sad eyes I would break down. I needed a minute to regroup.

  He didn’t try to touch me right away. I suppose he thought I was angry, but I wasn’t. As I lay there, I thought about leaving. The next time Darrios and I made love would be the final time and possibly the last time I’d ever see him. An overwhelming sadness and emptiness spilled over me.

  I dozed off with fleeting images of Celio dancing around in my head.

  Chapter Five

  I awakened a couple of hours later with Darrios hovering over me, kissing my neck and whispering in my ear, bringing me out of my sleepy haze hearing him utter all of the delicious things he planned to do to me.

  He stopped and gazed into my eyes when he saw that I was awake, the sadness in his eyes now replaced by a fiery hunger. He lightly ran his fingertips across my face, over my lips, and down my throat. “I’m going to make up for what I did. I’m going to make sure you remember this night...and me...forever,” he purred.

  I breathed deeply, my body brimming over with heated arousal, craving his touch. Darrios lovingly caressed my breasts, teasing my nipples with his tongue as he kissed his way over my skin, moving down my body. His lips grazed the inside of my thigh and then they found the hot center they sought. I heard myself moan and gave in to him.

  Darrios brought me right to the edge and then backed off, causing my desire to build to such heights, it was sweet torture.

  “Please Darrios, please,” I begged. He moved up and kissed me deeply, like he was exploring my mouth for the first time. At the same time he allowed his hand to slowly wander down between my legs and within minutes he had me pulling away from the kiss, arching my back and screaming his name. Afterward, I clung to him trembling.

  He kissed me again and rumbled, “Baby, we’re just getting started.”

  He kept true to that declaration. We made love in every position I’d ever heard of...and some that I hadn’t. When we had finally exhausted ourselves, we lay together in his bed, bathed in sweat, breathing heavily and ragged. I couldn’t stop smiling. My body tingled all over, raw from everything he’d just given me. I closed my eyes, basking in the sensation.

  ****

  I opened my eyes to find Darrios inches from my face. I placed my hand on his cheek and brushed away the strands of hair that had fallen across his eyes. He looked down and then met my gaze.

  That heaviness in my chest returned and I found getting a breath difficult. A tear escaped my eye. Darrios wiped it away. I tried to look away, but something in his eyes wouldn’t let me. Another tear slid down my cheek and Darrios kissed it away.

  “Ssshhh...Maggie, it’s okay.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut and willed myself to stop the waterworks. Why was I being so silly? After all, I was the one who had to leave, right? I seriously needed to get ahold of myself.

  “I’m sorry,” I sniffled. “I don’t know what came over me...it’s just...I don’t want to leave you...but...”

  “But you have to,” he said, just above a whisper. “I understand, Maggie. This is my world, not yours. You couldn’t live in my world any more than I could live in yours. You want to go home. I get it.”

  “No, it’s not that simple.”

  “Maggie...”

  “No, goddammit, let me finish!”

  I pushed him off of me and sat up. I gazed into his eyes and the tears started again. “It has nothing to do with your world/my world. This place is beautiful. I love it here. But I have to go home. I don’t know what will happen once I get there, but I have to find out.”

  “It’s okay...”

  “I have feelings for you. I do. I shouldn’t. I didn’t want to, but I do. I don’t know if those feelings are because I’m here, because you saved my life, or because I’m falling in love with you.”

  Darrios breathed in and out. He spoke slowly, just above a whisper, his eyes boring into mine. “What if it is because you
’re falling in love with me? What then? You’ll be gone and...”

  “And I’ll find a way back. Darrios, I will.”

  He pulled away from me, abruptly, and jumped up. Yanking his jeans on, he then began pacing. He stopped and glared at me, almost angrily, running his hand through his hair, blowing out a breath.

  “I can’t believe you’re willing to throw this away,” he growled. “He isn’t right for you, Maggie. He doesn’t love you the way you need to be loved.”

  “I know that. This it isn’t about him...but what, all of a sudden you do?”

  “Well,” he said, coolly, “I guess we’ll never know.”

  He looked at me with such malevolence, it ripped through me like that molterg’s teeth would have on that first day I’d arrived in the Outer Rim, if Darrios hadn’t been there...and at that moment, I almost wished he hadn’t.

  He stormed out of the room and then I heard him go outside, slamming the door behind him. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving with him hating me, but I didn’t see any other way.

  The tears flowed freely then. I tried to stop them, but the dam had broken. I had hurt Darrios and I was hurting myself.

  How could this have happened? Why did I let it get this far? Every minute longer I stayed I tortured Darrios and myself even more. The best thing to do was just to get it over with, to stop tormenting Darrios. I needed to go, so he could get on with his life.

  I rummaged around until I found paper, a pen, and some ink. I spoke the words as I wrote them, my tears staining the thin, fragile paper.

  Dear Darrios,

  I leave this place...and you...with great regret. I am truly sorry that I hurt you. That was never my intention. Please know that I care deeply for you. You will always be in my heart.

  I will miss you terribly, but I could never have stayed here, leaving people behind wondering what happened to me. It wouldn’t be fair to them. It is my responsibility to honor the commitments I made...or at least explore them honestly and decide what to do. I will try to come back, but if I can’t...

  Thank you for saving my life and for opening my eyes...about a lot of things. I’ll never forget you. I only hope someday you’ll forgive me and remember me...remember us, fondly.

  All my best,

  Maggie

  I wiped my eyes, blew my nose, and looked around one last time, regret suffocating me. The emptiness in my chest spread through me like a disease, threatening to consume me, as I stood in the middle of Darrios’ living room, missing him already. I took a deep breath and reluctantly said out loud, “I wish I was back home in Missouri.”

  Chapter Six

  I opened my eyes and looked around to find myself surrounded by white; the walls, the floor, the ceiling, even the door. I heard an irritating beeping noise, but there was no one in the room with me to explain it or make it stop.

  As I acclimated, I realized I was in a hospital room, lying anchored to a bed by an IV, the smell of antiseptic heavy in the room. I rubbed my eyes, trying to focus.

  The hospital gown I had on was a hideous shade of yellow covered with, probably at one time purple, flowers. Now they had faded to a drab gray. My mind swimming with confusion, I asked myself, “How did I get here?”

  A nurse walked in and smiled broadly at me. “Well, it’s nice to see you’re finally awake, sugar,” she said in an incredibly annoying, singsong, southern drawl.

  “Where’s Darrios?” I asked, sounding a little anxious.

  “Who, sweetie?”

  I sighed and looked around again, realizing I was alone. He wasn’t here. He’d never be here. Panic began to creep up on me. Oh God! What had I done? How could I have left him?

  The nurse must have seen the apprehension on my face. She patted my hand and told me she was going to take my vitals. She eyed me suspiciously, like she expected me to start foaming at the mouth and leap at her throat or something. She smiled suddenly.

  “Your vitals are good as gold, honeypie, and I know someone who will be real glad you’re awake,” she cooed.

  I felt guilt slap me in the face as Gregg’s image popped into my head. Before I could say his name aloud, the nurse said, “Yep, that’s right—Dr. Adams. He’s been waiting on you, girl.”

  I looked at her, puzzled. “What about my boyfriend?” I asked.

  Her smile faded and she looked away. I grabbed her arm. She smiled again, too quickly. She muttered something about calling him as she pulled away and hastily left the room.

  “What was that about?” I asked aloud to nobody.

  It wasn’t until after she’d left the room that I realized I hadn’t even asked her why I was there. I didn’t get the chance to call her back, though. Minutes later, an orderly came sweeping into the room.

  He reminded me of a cartoon. All smiles and going on and on about what a miracle it was that I woke up. He spoke in a high-pitched, animated voice as he helped me into a wheelchair and explained that he was taking me for some tests. I smiled weakly.

  “What kind of tests?”

  He waved me off and chuckled. “The ‘you just woke up from a coma’ kind.”

  I sucked in a breath, shocked. Coma? What the hell was he talking about? Did something happen to me on my way back from Celio? My heart pounding in my chest, I sat there as he wheeled me down the hall.

  “Coma? What happened?” I shrieked, a bit frantically.

  The orderly smiled, patted my hand reassuringly, and said, “I do not know, child. Ask the doc when we get back. I'm sure he knows.”

  I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm down. My mind raced wildly. I wondered where Gregg was. How long had I been in a coma? What had happened to me? Was Darrios missing me as much as I missed him...or even at all?

  I took a couple more deep breaths, desperately trying to relax. Gregg was undoubtedly at work when they called him. He was probably on his way right now. I told myself he’d most likely be standing in my room by the time I was finished with all the tests. Good, the sooner I could end it, the better.

  Guilt flinked me in the head. What was I going to say to him? Here I’d been in a coma for God knows how long and now the first words out my mouth were going to be “Sorry, but I don’t love you and by the way, I slept with another man.”

  Yeah, I was some piece of work. While I doubted his faithfulness, I guess I was no better than him.

  After they finished scoping, scanning, poking, and prodding me, the orderly returned me to my room and began helping me back into bed when the doctor walked in. He extended his hand and introduced himself as Dr. Adams. I looked at him, anticipating some sort of explanation or clarification to why I was there. He said nothing, just smiled a “too slick” smile.

  Irritated, I asked, “What happened?”

  He leaned in and responded with an “I’m sorry?” as a question. And this was my doctor? Greeeaaat.

  “Why am I here? What the hell happened to me?” I demanded, a bit snottily.

  “Oh,” he replied. “Apparently, you had a nasty fall out in L.A. Your...ah...boyfriend had you transported here.”

  “And here would be...?” I was losing the little bit of patience I was still clinging to.

  “Peanut Falls Medical Center,” Dr. Adams answered proudly.

  I fought the urge to cry...or scream. I guess I’d forgotten I lived there. Or maybe I’d just blocked it out. The only thing I could think of that would be worse than living in Peanut Falls, Missouri would be getting medical treatment from the hospital there. I resisted asking Dr. Adams if he was a real doctor. It wouldn’t help my case to act like the bitch I was feeling like.

  “Where is Gregg?” I asked, my voice shaking.

  Dr. Adams looked at the nurse entering the room and she shook her head. He turned back to me and smiled his “used car salesman” smile.

  “We’re trying to reach him, now,” he said in the most patronizing tone.

  I found myself really disliking this guy. “Could somebody please call my brother?”

&nbs
p; “Brother?”

  I spoke slowly. “Yes, my brother, as in next of kin?”

  “Um, I wasn’t aware you had a brother. Mr. Stanford never mentioned him.”

  Of course he didn’t. It was so like Gregg to be remiss on something important like next of kin. Trying to keep my voice level, I said, “I have a brother in St. Louis and I’d really like to talk to him. Could someone please make that happen?”

  Dr. Adams nodded and told the nurse to get right on it.

  “Please, Doctor, I’m very confused. Could you please tell me how long I’ve been here?” I asked.

  He sighed. The nurse scurried out of the room, muttering something about going to get me a phone and trying to call Gregg again.

  “You’ve been here almost eight weeks.”

  I couldn’t take a breath. Two months of my life spent lying in a hospital bed in Peanut Falls, Missouri. Breathe, Maggie, I told myself.

  First, I disappeared to Celio for who knows how long, then apparently I’d been injured on my way back and in a coma for nearly sixty days and nights. How many nights had Gregg lain awake wondering what had happened to me? And my poor aunt and brother...they must have been frantic.

  I suddenly felt tremendous guilt over the feelings of pleasure and passion I had experienced with Darrios. If Gregg had, in fact, stood by me through this, maybe he hadn’t had an affair with his assistant. Maybe I’d jumped to conclusions. That only made me feel worse, because I still didn’t love him. Was I a horrible person?

  I was drawn out of my thoughts by a heated exchange of words in the hallway. I could only make out Dr. Adams’ voice. The other voice was a man’s. He was whispering angrily, but whispering nonetheless.

  “You’re the one who never mentioned the brother, so you’re the one listed as her next of kin!” Dr. Adams hissed.

  I heard more angry whispering, and then Dr. Adams again, “That is not our problem. She is being discharged...to you.”