A Mother's Choice

by Kristin Noel Fischer

My sister placed the leftovers in the refrigerator and lowered her voice. “She needs to sell her house. It’s too big for her, and the master bedroom is upstairs.”

  “No,” I said, feeling a sense of panic. I’d grown up in that house and couldn’t imagine my mom living anywhere else.

  “You need to talk to her,” Eleanor demanded.

  “About what?”

  “About moving.”

  “No, I’m not going to kick Mom out of her house.”

  Eleanor shook her head. “Michael already said he’d help clean out the attic, and Dan is going to paint the kitchen. You’ve always gotten your way with her, so just tell her she needs to sell.”

  As the baby of my family, I resented my sister’s statement even though it was true. “Has Mom mentioned selling? Does she want to move?”

  Eleanor removed the broom from the pantry and swept the floor. “It doesn’t matter what she wants. Houses in her neighborhood are moving fast right now. We need to convince her selling is the right decision, even if she’s reluctant.”

  “We need to convince who selling is the right decision?” my mother asked, entering the kitchen at that very moment. She coughed hard and narrowed her eyes at Eleanor. “Are you talking about forcing me to sell my home?”

  “Of course not, Mother.” Eleanor’s gaze dropped. “We just want to make sure you’re managing okay.”

  My mom scowled. “I’m managing just fine, thank you. I haven’t gone completely senile yet. And I certainly don’t need anyone making decisions for me behind my back.”

  “Of course not,” Eleanor said. “But what about your cough? You need to see your doctor about it.”

  I expected my mom to complain Eleanor was interfering again, instead her whole face lit up at the question. “That was him on the phone. He called in a stronger prescription for me, so I’ll stop by the pharmacy on my way home tonight.”

  I stared at her. Did she have a crush on her physician? Her giddiness gave me some insight to what she must have been like as a teenager when she fell in love with my father. It was kind of comical, and I couldn’t wait to tell Kyle about it.

  Eleanor glanced at the kitchen clock. “The pharmacy closes in half an hour. Why don’t you send Autumn to get your medicine?”

  I loved how my sister had no trouble volunteering me for errands. I’d do that for my mother, of course, but I didn’t want to be bossed around by my bossy older sister. Eleanor had been telling me what to do, what to wear, and how to act my entire life. At some point, it had to end.

  My mother declined the offer. “Thank you, but I’ve got some other things to pick up at the store.” She collected her purse and slung it over her arm like a warrior going into battle. “Autumn, I’ll see you and the boys at the house. And Eleanor—stay out of my business. I may be old, but I don’t need you to take care of me.”

  “Yes, Ma’am,” Eleanor said, sounding more like an obedient child than a successful physician.

  Chapter 8

  One thing I’ve learned in my seventy years is that life is all about choices. Inevitably, those choices have consequences. Some good and some bad. When I was a little girl, my father chose to move our family from Texas to Seattle, thus changing my childhood. Ruby had chosen to befriend me on that first day of second grade, and I’d chosen to accept that friendship.

  At the high school talent show, I’d chosen to be immature and perform a song that led to Jude and me being suspended. My parents were beyond furious. They forbade me to date Jude, and my father insisted there must be something wrong with a boy who wore his hair long and imitated Elvis.

  I cried and screamed in protest, but nothing changed my parents’ decision. When my suspension ended and I returned to school, I learned Jude’s situation was even worse. His father had sent him to a boys’ boarding school on the east coast. We hadn’t even been allowed to say good-bye to each other, and I had no idea how to contact him.

  The pain of being separated from the love of my life nearly killed me. Would I ever see Jude again? Would he at least write and tell me he still loved me? Maybe because of what I’d done, he no longer cared about me. After all, he hadn’t wanted to perform Jailhouse Rock. I’d been the one to force the song on him.

  “Do you think he’s forgotten about me?” I asked Ruby, sitting in the cafeteria during lunch.

  Ruby’s face grew serious as she attempted to peel an orange in one piece. “Jude cares for you deeply. I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before you hear from him.”

  “I sure hope so.”

  Tim O’Connor, who was sitting at the end of our table, scooted down the bench. “I hate to tell you this, Nadine, but he’s not coming back. Not after what your father told him.”

  My stomach lurched. “My father?”

  Tim nodded and shoved the rest of his sandwich into his mouth. “Your dad threatened to press charges if Jude ever contacted you. I heard he even consulted a lawyer about issuing a restraining order.”

  “He wouldn’t do something like that.”

  Tim shrugged. “Well, he did.”

  I was furious. How dare my father ruin my life like this! He couldn’t keep me away from Jude. Wasn’t that a violation of my constitutional right to happiness?

  After school, Ruby and I rode the city bus to my father’s building downtown. She waited in the lobby while I marched into his office unannounced.

  “Sweetheart, what a surprise,” he said, rounding his desk to hug me.

  Placing both hands on my hips, I glared at him. “Did you tell Jude you’d call the police if he ever contacted me again?”

  My father flinched. I’d never spoken to him with such anger. I was an only child, and my parents and I shared a mutual level of respect. I’d never been spanked or grounded, and I’d certainly never glared at my father.

  Straightening his tie, he gestured toward the chair in front of his desk. “Sit down, sweetheart.”

  “No, Daddy, I don’t want to sit down. I want you to tell me the truth. Did you threaten to have Jude arrested?”

  My father studied me carefully before responding. Leaning against his desk, he exhaled slowly and looked down at his shoes. “I did.”

  “Daddy!”

  “Listen to me,” he said, meeting my gaze. “That boy is no good. What he did at the talent show—”

  “That was my fault. Jude didn’t want to sing the Elvis song, but I insisted.”

  “No.”

  “It’s true. I’m the one to blame, but it was one innocent song. It’s not like we robbed a bank or committed some heinous crime. I don’t see why everyone is so upset about this.”

  A tense silence filled the room. My father folded his arms and looked out the window. “You violated a school policy and were suspended. One of my clients asked me about it in front of my boss. I’ve never been more ashamed in my life.” He shook his head with repulsion. “I’m disappointed in you, Nadine. Your mother and I raised you better than that.”

  Guilt filled me. He’d always been so proud of me. Always believed I could do no wrong, but that didn’t justify his actions. “Daddy, I’m not your little girl anymore. Jude is important to me. I love him.” My voice cracked, but I swallowed hard and repeated the last sentence. “I love him, and there’s nothing you can do to keep us apart.”

  My father returned to his desk chair. “You’re too young to understand now, but in time you’ll see that he was not the right boy for you. Anyway, his father has been transferred, so the whole family is moving back to the east coast. Your relationship would’ve ended regardless of my involvement.”

  The hair on my arms stood. “You’re wrong. It’s not over.” I fled from his office before he could see my tears. He hollered for me to come back, but I kept walking.

  “What did he say?” Ruby asked as I stormed through the lobby.

  I shook my head and waited to speak until we were outside. “It’s true. He told Jude to stay away from me.”

  “What are you going to do?”


  Tears pricked my eyes, and I held out my hands, palms up. “What can I do? Jude’s gone, and I have no idea where he went.” My throat burned with anger. I’d made such a mess of things. Why hadn’t I been more responsible and anticipated this trouble? “My father also said Jude’s family is moving, so our relationship would’ve ended anyway.”

  “Oh, Nadine.”

  Ruby and I rode the bus home in silence. I wondered if part of her was actually happy I’d lost Jude. After all, she’d liked him first, and spending time with Jude meant less time for her.

  Out of the blue, she clapped her hands. “I have an idea.”

  “What?”

  “Let’s go to Jude’s house and get his new address. Then at least you can write to him.”

  For a second, I dared to believe it could be that easy. Then rationality kicked in, leaving me more discouraged. “His parents aren’t going to hand over his new address to me. Not after how my father treated Jude.”

  Ruby bumped me with her shoulder. “They’re not going to give it to you, silly, but they’ll give it to the president of the ‘Young Republicans.’”

  A smile tugged at my lips. “You?”

  “Yes. Have you ever noticed the Nixon bumper sticker on the back of Jude’s father’s car?”

  “No.”

  “Well, I have, and I bet you anything I can convince them to give me Jude’s address. It’s worth a try, anyway.”

  I bit my lip. “You’d do that for me?”

  “Of course. You’re my best friend.”

  I looked out the window, then back at Ruby. “I’m sorry I stole Jude from you, since you liked him first.”

  She stared down at her hands. “It doesn’t matter. Jude fell in love with you, not me. And …” She stifled a grin. “Well, I kind of like someone else.”

  “Who?”

  Her face turned red.

  “Come on, Ruby. You can’t keep something like this from your best friend. Tell me.”

  She exhaled. “It’s Tim.”

  “Tim O’Connor?”

  She nodded. “Don’t say anything because he doesn’t know.”

  I said I wouldn’t, but my mind began formulating a plan to get Tim and Ruby together. I could see them dating, and maybe if Jude came back, the four of us could go out together.

  Hope filled me as Ruby and I got off the bus and walked six blocks to Jude’s house. Maybe everything would work out after all.

  My optimism crumbled, however, when I spotted the “For Sale” sign in the Kingsley’s front yard. Ruby placed a hand on my shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.”

  I wanted to believe her, but once Jude’s family moved, what hope did I have of ever seeing him again?

  I hid behind a bush while Ruby knocked on the front door. Mrs. Kingsley answered with a smile and listened to Ruby speak. I thought she was going to give Ruby the address, but in the end, she refused.

  My heart twisted. I wasn’t letting Jude go without a fight. Marching up the walk, I pushed past Ruby and demanded Mrs. Kingsley tell me how I could contact Jude.

  His father came to the door, and recognizing me immediately, he scowled. “Haven’t you done enough damage to our boy?”

  “I—I’m sorry,” I stammered, taken aback by the gruffness in his voice and the hatred in his eyes. “It was just a song—”

  “You may think it was just a song, but do you know how many nasty phone calls we received from concerned parents? It was humiliating, so I’m telling you to stay away from my son. He’s getting his life back on track, and the last thing he needs is someone like you derailing him.”

  I blinked hard. “I don’t want to derail him, Mr. Kingsley. I just want to talk to him. I care about him very much.”

  “If that’s true, then stay away from him. He doesn’t want to see you.” Jude’s father pulled his wife back and closed the door in my face.

  A cold wind swept across the porch and I shivered. Was it true? Did Jude not want to see me?

  Ruby slipped an arm around my shoulders. “Come on, honey. Let’s go.”

  In a trance, I allowed her to lead me back to the bus stop. I felt as if someone had stabbed me in the heart.

  That night I lay in bed defeated. If only I could talk to Jude and find out how he felt. If he didn’t want to see me, that was one thing, but if he still cared about me …

  A knock at my bedroom window startled me. Was it Jude? Had he come back for me? I bolted out of bed and flung open the curtain to find Ruby, smiling and waving.

  Disappointment, followed by guilt, washed over me. Why couldn’t I be happy to see my best friend? Why did I have to be so obsessed with a boy who probably hated me?

  I opened the window, and Ruby thrust a piece of paper into my hands. “This is the address to Jude’s school.”

  “What? How’d you get it?”

  Her smile was full of pride. “When we were at Jude’s house, I glanced at the mail on the entry table. I didn’t put it together until tonight, but there was an envelope with a red and black shield. Tim and I found a library book that lists all the private boarding schools in America and … we found it.”

  My eyes filled with tears. “This is his address?”

  She nodded.

  “But what if he doesn’t want to talk to me? What if he hates me?”

  Ruby shook her head. “That’s impossible. Write him a letter and tell him how you feel. I’m sure he’ll respond.”

  Hope shot through me, and I gave Ruby a big hug. “Thank you. And tell Tim thank you. I don’t deserve such a good friend like you.”

  She laughed. “You don’t, but you’ve got me anyway.”

  We smiled at each other, and I knew regardless of what happened, Ruby was truly the best friend a girl could have.

  That’s why the excruciating pain of leaving her all those years ago continues. Knowing she’s alive and just a phone call away breaks my heart every day.

  If only I had the courage to tell her why I had to leave.

  If only I had the courage to admit the truth.

  Chapter 9

  Nadine left Eleanor’s house and drove to the grocery store. Standing in the self-checkout line, she tried to figure out what to do. She hated getting old. Hated the way her mind lacked the patience and focus it once had to learn new things, especially when it came to technology.

  Determined to stay young and keep Eleanor from running her life, Nadine scanned her own groceries, pleased it went well. When it came time to pay, however, things got a little tricky. Several options popped up on the screen, but since she couldn’t see them without her reading glasses, she ended up pressing the wrong button.

  “Please select method of payment,” the machine chirped in an annoying, friendly voice.

  Coughing, Nadine dug her reading glasses out of her purse.

  “Please select method of payment,” the voice repeated.

  Nadine’s patience cracked. “Give me a minute!”

  “Everything okay, Mrs. Kingsley?” said a voice behind her.

  Nadine spun around to find her Denzel Washington look-alike doctor smiling down at her. Her face flushed with embarrassment. “Dr. Henry. You didn’t follow me to make sure I picked up my prescription, did you?”

  He gave a charming smile. “You know me too well.”

  Without warning, she emitted a high-pitched, flirtatious laugh that she covered with a cough. Honestly, she had no idea why the man affected her so. He was young enough to be her grandson!

  “I heard you coughing,” Dr. Henry said. “If that medicine doesn’t kick in by Monday, you come see me, okay? No appointment necessary.”

  “I’m sure I’ll be fine. It’s probably allergies. I haven’t been sleeping well—”

  “Anything bothering you?”

  His question hit her hard. For a brief moment, she wondered if he’d been spying on her as she wrote her life story in the little journal. Did he know about Tim’s letter? What about the letter she’d written to Ruby’s daughter?

&nb
sp; “Mrs. Kingsley?”

  She shook her head to clear her thoughts. “Sorry. I’m sure once I take this medicine and have a warm bath, I’ll sleep like a baby.”

  The good doctor rocked back on his heels. In his dark arms he held diapers, a gallon of ice cream, and a bottle of wine. Melancholy filled Nadine as she remembered Jude running out for such items. Not diapers, of course, since they’d used cloth, but essentials such as milk, bread, eggs, and wine. Lord, she missed her husband.

  “How’s your son-in-law doing in Haiti?”

  That’s right. She’d told Dr. Henry all about Kyle going to Haiti for the month and her concerns about Autumn being on her own for so long. Sometimes Nadine had such a big mouth. It was a miracle she’d managed to keep her secret for so long.

  “He’s been gone a week, and Autumn seems to be doing okay. I visited her on Thursday and tried to clean the boys’ room, but there were so many random pieces of Legos I gave up. Is there anything more painful than stepping on a Lego in your bare feet?”

  Dr. Henry chuckled. “I know what you mean. I have two boys. My wife would like a daughter, but I can’t imagine another child.”

  The checkout machine spit out her receipt. At least, she hoped it was her receipt and not some notification that she’d broken the machine. Tearing it off, she said, “You can never have too many children.”

  Dr. Henry raised his brow. “You think?”

  She nodded. “I was in my forties when I had Autumn. At the time I considered myself much too old to be pregnant, let alone have a newborn. But …” She paused, knowing she couldn’t tell him everything. “I regret many things in my life, but having Autumn is not one of them. She’s been such a blessing and has given me adorable grandsons I can brag about on the golf course.”

  Dr. Henry smiled and began scanning his groceries. Maybe because of Nadine’s cold or allergies or simple loneliness, she felt compelled to keep talking. “I lost a daughter. Did I ever tell you that?”

  He shook his head and gave that warm, non-threatening expression that always made her tell him more than she should. He probably went home at night and complained to his wife about the old lady who wouldn’t stop talking. If that was the case, then he needed to work on making his facial expressions more stern and unwelcoming.