A Mother's Choice

by Kristin Noel Fischer

  “He might not know where she lives. I never saw an envelope, so maybe he—”

  “What? Passed the letter to her in study hall or during church? Maybe on his way up for communion, he handed Mother the note when the priest wasn’t looking.”

  I blew out a frustrated breath. Eleanor was just upset, but I didn’t deserve to be treated like this. “He should know. You may disagree, but I’m going to look around and see if I can find an envelope with his address.”

  “No. Don’t read the letter. Don’t look for an envelope. And don’t go poking your nose into other people’s business. Nothing good will come of it.”

  Her anger seemed over the top, even for Eleanor. “Why are you so agitated? What’s going on, Ellie?”

  “Nothing, and don’t call me Ellie. I hate that name.”

  “Sorry … Eleanor. But what is it?”

  She shook her head, but her eyes filled with tears, stunning me. I’d never seen my sister cry or show any kind of weakness. She was the epitome of a tough and independent career woman. I wanted to reach over and embrace her, but I was afraid she might slap me. Wetting my lips, I chose my words carefully. “Did something happen?”

  She looked away, and I expected her to dismiss my question, but she surprised me by confiding in me. “I found something on Jim’s phone, unintentionally. I didn’t have mine, and I needed to make a quick call and …”

  It took a minute for my mind to catch up with what she was saying. I pinched my bottom lip with my thumb and forefinger. “Eleanor—”

  She tugged her sweater over her stomach. “That’s why you shouldn’t snoop through Mother’s things. You might regret what you find. Everyone has secrets, and those secrets are best kept hidden.”

  My head spun. “What are you talking about? What did you find on Jim’s phone?”

  She paced the room, then stopped abruptly. “I’m done talking about this. It’s late, and you should go home.”

  “Did you find a text from another woman?”

  She stiffened. “I’ve got to go. I’m supposed to bake three dozen gluten-free cookies for Aubrey’s dance recital, and I’m on call tomorrow night.”

  I stared at my sister. We’d been here for hours. How could she even think about normal life right now? I glanced at our mother’s damaged body, unable to leave. “I’m going to stay longer. Darlene has the boys so …”

  “Fine.” Eleanor gave me a curt nod and left the room without saying good-bye.

  Chapter 13

  After breaking up with Jude, I fell into a deep depression. Even though I had to end our relationship, my heart ached, and I felt physically sick.

  The next week, Tim and Ruby dragged me to the fairgrounds where the movie production company hired us to be extras in Elvis’s new movie. Our job involved riding one of the amusement rides over and over and over. It was fun at first, but after an hour, we all suffered nausea and feared we’d made a grave mistake.

  Just as Tim suggested we quit, Ruby shrieked and pointed at something in the distance. “It’s Elvis! It’s Elvis!”

  I twisted around to see Elvis himself walking with the adorable Vicky Tiu! Despite my insistence that I no longer cared about him, I squealed right along with Ruby.

  Tim spoke with mock exaggeration. “Oh my gosh, I think I’m going to faint.” He collapsed against Ruby, and we all cackled with laughter. The ride lifted, swooping us through the air and spinning us around. With our hands raised high, we screamed with joy.

  Afterward, we ate at the Food Circus, which had about thirty different food vendors. Just as I was biting into my hot dog, I saw him.

  Not Elvis, but Jude!

  He strode toward me, a stern look on his face.

  “Jude!” I stood and tried to walk toward him, but my legs wouldn’t work. By the time he reached me, my heart was in my throat.

  He held up my letter, and my stomach dropped. I opened my mouth to speak, but only managed to stammer his name again. “Jude—”

  “Did you mean it?” he asked, shaking the letter.

  “I—”

  “I’m not losing you, Nadine. I’ve been on a bus for the past three days. I went to your dorm, and one of your friends said you were here. I’ve been looking for you all day.”

  My insides turned to mush. “You came all this way to see me?”

  He nodded, his thick black hair swooshing forward.

  I swallowed hard. “Can I see my letter?”

  He handed it over, and I shredded it into pieces. One corner of his mouth tugged upward. “I should’ve come a long time ago. Sometimes, I’m an idiot and just need you to tell me what to do.”

  “Okay,” I agreed.

  Then, in front of everyone, he enfolded me into his arms and squeezed me tight. I rested my head against his strong chest and listened to the solid beat of his heart. All my doubts vanished, and I knew Jude was the only man for me.

  Leaning back, he cradled my face with his large hands. “So, you’re still my girl?”

  I nodded and he lowered his lips to mine, kissing me so hard my head spun. His mouth was soft and wet and urgent, causing a jolt of excitement to course through my body. Threading my arms around his neck, I hung on and forgot about everything but the two of us together.

  *

  Later, we stood in line with Ruby and Tim to ride the elevator to the top of the Space Needle. I would’ve preferred to have Jude all to myself, but I didn’t want to appear desperate. As we waited, the four of us chatted easily about school, music, and Jude’s bus ride from Boston to Seattle. Jude held my hand, giving me a warmth and strength I’d missed. Being with him was so easy; it was like he’d never left.

  At one point, Ruby leaned toward me and whispered, “You should’ve broken up with him sooner.”

  “I know,” I agreed, grateful my letter had inspired him to come see me instead of having the opposite effect.

  At the top of the Space Needle, we took in the majestic view of the World’s Fair. Jude stood behind me, his hands around my waist and chin on my shoulder. I pressed my back into him, wanting nothing more than to slow time. I was afraid to ask when he had to leave, so I avoided the question.

  On the elevator ride down, a young boy, his eyes wide with excitement, peered out the window. Jude grinned. “The view is impressive, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, sir. And tomorrow, I get to kick Elvis in the leg.”

  “What?” we all asked, confused.

  “It’s true,” the boy insisted. “I’m one of the actors in the movie, and I get paid for kicking Elvis.”

  We laughed and discussed how acting seemed to be an easy profession unless you were prone to motion sickness. On the way back to the dorms, Ruby and Tim walked ahead while Jude and I lagged behind, holding hands.

  At one point, Ruby linked arms with Tim and put her head on his shoulder.

  “It looks like they’re getting serious,” Jude said.

  I sighed and kicked the pebble in front of me farther down the sidewalk. “Ruby cares about him a lot. I just hope Tim feels the same way. He can be such a flirt.”

  Jude stopped, turned to face me, and narrowed his eyes. “He doesn’t flirt with you, does he?”

  I smiled. “Are you jealous?”

  He put his hand on my waist. “Should I be?”

  “No.”

  We exchanged a brief kiss, then resumed our walk, enjoying the presence of each other. When we reached the campus, Jude’s voice grew serious. “I’m going to talk to your father, Nadine.”

  Panic shook me. “About what?”

  “I want to ask his permission to date you.”

  “No, don’t do that. Talking to my father is a bad, bad, bad idea. Besides, you’re going to leave and—”

  “I’m not going back.”

  My pulse jumped. “What?”

  “I’m not going back. I dropped out of college, and I’m staying here for good. I know we’re young, but … I want to be with you.”

  My heart pounded. “Are you going
to attend the university with me?”

  “No.” His shoulders sagged. “When I told my parents I was coming to see you, they cut me off. They refused to pay for any more of my school or living expenses.”

  “Jude—”

  He held up a hand and lifted his chest. “It’s okay. I’m on my own now, but I’ll be fine.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “Get a job. Maybe go to school, eventually. Regardless, I’m going to make something of my life, you’ll see. I promise I’ll become a man you can be proud of.”

  My voice shook. “I’m already proud of you.”

  He pressed his forehead to mine. “That’s all I need, baby. Just keep believing in me, okay?”

  *

  Jude found a construction job and a small room to rent in a boarding house just off campus. Ruby continued seeing Tim, and the four of us often double-dated on the weekends. Sometimes we went to the movies or played cards, while other times we just met at the library to study. Even though Jude couldn’t afford to go to college, he spent a tremendous amount of time reading architecture books.

  Every morning Jude and I met at the coffee shop for breakfast. The waitress, realizing we were poor and in love, took pity and often brought us a complimentary side of pancakes or eggs.

  As the Seattle rain beat against the diner’s windows, Jude and I talked about our hopes and dreams for the future. We shared a common faith and the belief that there was a reason for everything. Maybe we disagreed on movies and fashion, but when it came to the important things in life, we were a perfect match.

  One morning, he told me about his goal to own a construction company. “I’ve started saving a portion of every paycheck for that purpose.”

  “I can imagine you doing that,” I told him, taking a sip of my coffee.

  He leaned back in the booth and placed his folded hands on top of his head. “You have so much faith in me. Why is that?”

  I studied the way his bicep tugged at his shirt. Working construction had made him strong. “I just do. I know you can accomplish anything you put your mind to.”

  He rocked forward and placed his arms on the table. “Then I want you to have faith in me and let me talk to your father. I hate this sneaking around and being dishonest. That’s not the kind of man I want to be.”

  “Oh, Jude. I have faith in you. I’m just afraid of what my father will say. It’s him I don’t have faith in. He’s conservative, old-fashioned, and extremely overprotective of his little girl.”

  Frustration encompassed Jude’s face. “We’re going to have to deal with this someday, honey. At least before we get married.”

  “Married?” My heart skipped.

  “I’m going to marry you someday, Nadine. If you’ll have me, that is.”

  Happiness filled me, but I feigned indifference with a little shrug. “I’ll have to think about that.”

  Surprise, then humor filled his eyes. Laughing, he captured my hands and pulled me toward him. He kissed me hard right there in the diner, and I giggled against his mouth.

  I had no problem imagining myself married to Jude and living happily ever after as Nadine Kingsley. But telling my parents about us? I couldn’t do that.

  Over the next few weeks, Jude continued to pester me about talking to my father. Finally, I relented and invited him to dinner. When I told my parents I was bringing “a guest,” they asked me all sorts of questions. Afraid they might not allow Jude into their home, I refused to reveal his name.

  “Is it Tim O’Connor?” my mother asked, a glimmer in her eye.

  “No, of course not! Tim’s dating Ruby, you know that.”

  We were trying on hats at Nordstrom’s in the Northgate Mall. My mother studied herself in the mirror and adjusted the fabric on the ridiculous tulle cloud hat she proclaimed was the height of fashion. “Tim has always carried a torch for you.”

  “We’re just friends,” I insisted. Part of me had always wondered about Tim’s feelings toward me. Then again, he had lots of friends, many of them girls. Still, I often worried he was going to break Ruby’s heart since she was crazy about him, and he didn’t seem to reciprocate the feeling. Hopefully, I was simply misreading the situation.

  “So you’re not even going to tell me this boy’s name?” my mother asked.

  “No, you’ll learn all about him soon enough. Besides, if I give you any details now, Daddy won’t be able to interrogate him in person.”

  My mother scoffed. “Honestly, Nadine. I wish you wouldn’t be so secretive. It’s not as if we’re going to hire a private investigator and look into his background. We’re just curious and excited. You haven’t brought home a boy since …” Her voice trailed off, refusing to say Jude’s name aloud, which wasn’t a good sign.

  She removed the hat and returned it to the rack. “Well, it’s been a long time, and we’re looking forward to meeting your gentleman friend, that’s all.”

  Her voice sounded wounded, and I regretted hurting her feelings. The two of us had always been close. “It’s Jude, Mother. Jude Kingsley. I’m sure you’re disappointed, but please give him another chance.”

  Her expression was surprisingly reserved. “I thought his family moved to Boston.”

  “They did, but Jude came to Seattle to be with me. He has a good job and is supporting himself. We’re in love, and if you forbid him from coming to dinner … then you might as well forbid me.”

  She sucked in a sharp breath. “I see.”

  My heart pounded as I waited for her to say more. After what seemed like ages, she looked in the mirror and smoothed her hair. “Well, then … we’ll see the both of you at six o’clock, Monday night.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

  She picked up the hat again, looked at the overinflated price, and strode toward the cash register as if the traumatic news of Jude justified the expense and fashion mistake. “You should invite Ruby and Tim. They’ve always had a calming effect on your father, and I’m sure he’ll need that. You can’t go wrong with extra company to keep everyone civil.”

  I smiled, feeling I’d gained an ally. Maybe Jude was right. Maybe confronting my parents wasn’t going to be so bad.

  *

  Jude arrived at my parents’ house with Ruby and Tim right on time. He greeted me with a quick kiss in the foyer before my mother joined us.

  “Thank you for inviting me,” Jude said, offering his hand.

  My mother, who’d always liked Jude but worried too much about my father’s opinion, timidly shook Jude’s hand. “It’s nice to see you again.” She embraced Tim and Ruby warmly, then gestured toward the living room at the back of the house. “Mr. Greene is watching the news. I gave him a drink, but … well, good luck to us all.”

  My father had never liked Jude. Even before the talent show performance, Daddy disapproved of how much time I spent with him. Perhaps, he just didn’t like seeing me growing up and falling in love.

  Jude straightened his tie and headed down the hall with a confident stride. I followed, praying all would go well. In the living room, my father sat in his usual leather chair, glued to the television. He barely glanced at us when we entered the room, and I suspected my mother had warned him about Jude, since he just seemed irritated and not surprised.

  “Don’t be mad,” I said, stepping toward my father. “Jude and I are dating and—”

  “Nobody is dating anybody,” Daddy growled.

  I lifted my chin. “I’m old enough to make my own decisions, and I’ve decided to—”

  My father came to his feet and turned up the volume of the television. “None of that matters. We’re about to go to war!”

  We all turned our attention to the television where President John F. Kennedy was speaking from the oval office, informing us that Soviet nuclear weapons had been found in Cuba.

  “Oh, Lord,” my mother said, clutching the pearls around her neck.

  I stared at the television, fear pressing down on me. Were the Russians
going to start a nuclear war with us?

  Jude took my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. I leaned against his arm, never more grateful for his presence than at that moment.

  Chapter 14

  Around six in the morning, Dan showed up to stay with our mother, insisting I go home and get some sleep. I stared at him, confused. “Don’t you have to work?”

  “My boss gave me the day off when he found out about Mom. Darlene told me I should come to the hospital to relieve you.”

  “So you don’t want to be here? You’re just following your wife’s orders?”

  He shrugged. “It’s hard being here. I hate seeing Mom like this, and the hospital smell reminds me of when Dad and Angela died.”

  I’d never thought about how my father and Angela’s accident affected Dan. He always seemed so stable; quiet and aloof, perhaps, but steady and confident in the role of husband and father.

  “Did you go to the hospital after our dad’s accident? Is that how you learned … learned he died?” The phrase our dad sounded odd, but I never knew what to call my father since I’d never met him.

  Dan nodded. “Just briefly, to help Mom. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

  Like our mother, Dan seldom spoke about the past or opened up about his feelings. I wanted to ask him more, but he escorted me out the door, insisting he’d be in trouble with his wife if I didn’t leave immediately.

  I gave him a hug. “You’re a good brother.”

  “Your favorite brother?” His smile was weak, and his eyes didn’t have their usual mischievous sparkle. Probably a combination of worry and lack of sleep, but I appreciated his effort to connect with me.

  “Sometimes, you are my favorite brother, but if you ever hurt Darlene, I’d totally take her side.”

  He smiled. “Yeah, I know. Mom and Eleanor and Michael have all told me the same thing.”

  I walked out to my car, suddenly exhausted. A cold front had swept in, and I shivered, wishing I’d brought a warmer jacket. Wrapping my arms around my chest, I breathed in deeply, grateful for the fresh air, in spite of the chill.