A Mother's Choice

by Kristin Noel Fischer

  “Yes,” I agreed.

  Although Faith weighed about thirty pounds more than I did, the similarity between us was unnerving. We shared the same eyes, same nose, same chin. Our hair had the same reddish hue, but while mine was long, hers was cut in a stylish bob.

  I’d been wearing my sunglasses when I spoke with Ruby on the bench at the hospital; otherwise, I’m sure she would’ve recognized me. Looking at Faith was like looking in a mirror.

  Zane entered the kitchen, rubbing his eyes. “I’m thirsty, Mom.”

  “Do you want a sip of my water?” I offered.

  Keeping his head down, he nodded as though shy and walked over to where I was sitting. I hugged him and handed over my water bottle, reminding myself not to drink after him unless I wanted to get sick. I placed a hand on his forehead, relieved he didn’t feel hot. Hopefully, it was just something he ate or a short-lived virus.

  He looked around the room, then buried his face in my shoulder. “What are all these people doing in our house?”

  Father Tim, Ruby, and Faith smiled, and I made introductions, reminding Zane he’d already met Father Tim at the hospital.

  “I know.” He stared at Faith for a long time. “You kind of look like my mom.”

  Faith smiled. “Do I?”

  I ran a hand through Zane’s thick hair. “She looks like me because she’s my sister. My twin sister.”

  His eyes widened, and he gave Faith a little wave. She waved back, then I pulled him onto my lap and he snuggled against me, tucking his head under my chin. I would never wish for my kids to be sick, but there was something wonderful about their snuggles when they didn’t feel well.

  “Did my mom say anything else?” I asked Faith, gesturing to the letter.

  She nodded and continued reading.

  When Autumn was released from the hospital, the children and I moved to Texas. I told them we were only going for a visit, but I’m certain they suspected we weren’t returning.

  I found a job teaching music at the elementary school, and we bought a beautiful two-story house, surrounded by Texas live oak trees in the small town of Turtle Lake. The community welcomed us, and while they knew about our tragic loss, they didn’t know everything. We made a clean start and built a life here.

  Regardless, you and your mother are always on my mind and in my heart.

  Faith, I’m so sorry if my choice caused you pain. I’m sure it did—especially when you tried to locate your birth mother several years ago, and she didn’t want to be found. Please know everything I did was out of love and what I believed was best for you, your mother, and the rest of my children.

  As I enter my seventies, I feel a desire to make sure my affairs are in order. I’m planning on living for a long time, but I no longer wish to carry this secret. It’s too heavy a burden.

  I deeply miss your mother’s friendship. Father Tim said you would like me to come to her birthday party. If after reading this you feel the same way, I’d be honored.

  All my love, Nadine

  Faith looked up at me and smiled. “It’s still such a shock. Neither my mother nor I had any idea.”

  I studied Ruby carefully. “You didn’t suspect Faith was related to my mother? Dan said I look like Angela.”

  Something I couldn’t identify flashed across Ruby’s face, but she didn’t get a chance to respond because Logan entered the room, asking if Faith was really my twin sister.

  “I am,” Faith said. “And you must be Logan.”

  “I’m six and Zane is four,” he said proudly, lest anyone confuse the issue of age. He opened the bottom cupboard beside the sink and removed a plastic cup, which he filled with water by standing on his tiptoes to reach the faucet.

  I turned back to Faith. “Did you ever suspect you were a twin?”

  She nodded and pressed a hand to her heart. “Maybe not a twin, but I always felt something important was missing. Something just out of my reach.”

  I pressed a hand to my own heart, thinking about my personal struggle with feelings of loneliness. I remembered hearing God say, “Faith.” Had He meant a belief in Him, or was he referring to my sister? Or maybe both?

  “My favorite movies have always been about twins,” Faith said. “Parent Trap, Big Business …”

  I laughed. “Me too. And I love those stories on the news about twins or lost siblings being reunited.”

  Nodding in agreement, she held out her hands to Zane, who slipped off my lap and climbed into Faith’s.

  “He’s been sick,” I said. “Are you sure you want to hold him?”

  She pulled him close. “I don’t mind. I work as a speech pathologist in the hospital, so I have a pretty high immunity.”

  My jaw dropped. “I’m a speech pathologist, too.”

  We smiled at each other, and I could hardly wait to find out more about her.

  Logan wandered over to the table, set down his cup, and leaned against me. I wrapped my arm around him and kissed the top of his head. “Are you feeling better?”

  He nodded.

  I smiled at Ruby and asked why she’d never tried contacting my mom. Ruby fiddled with the latch on her purse. “I wanted to see Nadine, but we didn’t have cell phones back then. I figured she’d call me when she was ready. Although we parted as friends, I mistreated your mother after the accident. I was too caught up in my own grief, and I’ve always regretted that.”

  I nodded with understanding. When I’d read about Ruby going inside the house without speaking to my mother, I’d been angry. Sure, Ruby had lost a son, but my mom had lost a daughter and her husband. Now, I felt compassion for Ruby and all she’d endured.

  “After adopting Faith, I visited my own parents in Florida,” Ruby said. “When I returned, your mother had already sold the house and moved. I had no idea where she went.”

  “That must’ve been such a shock,” I said.

  “I was devastated. We’d been best friends since the second grade, and suddenly, Nadine was no longer part of my life.” Ruby’s voice cracked, and she retrieved a tissue from her purse. “I’m sorry.”

  Faith reached past Zane and placed a hand on her mother’s arm. “It’s okay, Mom.”

  Ruby dabbed at her eyes, trying to regain her composure. “I’m just devastated by all the time I’ve wasted. And now she’s lying in that hospital bed …”

  Zane leaned toward me. “Mom, is that lady sad about Grandma?”

  I nodded.

  He reached across the table, grabbed his dinosaur egg, and handed it to Ruby.

  She gave a little laugh. “This looks like a turtle egg.”

  Zane opened his mouth in surprise. “Yes, it is a turtle egg. You can have it.”

  “I thought you were going to give it to Grandma,” Logan said.

  Zane’s expression darkened, but Ruby said the right thing. “How about we share it?”

  “That’s a great idea,” Zane said. He jumped off Faith’s lap and announced he was going back to the living room to watch TV.

  “Me, too,” Logan said.

  After they left, I found an unopened tin of Danish Butter Cookies in the pantry. Faith arranged them on a plate while I prepared drinks for everybody.

  When we were all seated at the table again, Ruby spoke. “Since we’re being honest, I need to confess something.”

  “What is it, Mom?” Faith asked.

  I held my breath, wondering if there was more to my mom’s secret. Ruby sighed and addressed her daughter. “I came to see Nadine when you were about six. You had so many questions about your adoption, and I just needed to talk to my best friend. Perhaps I suspected something—especially since you looked so much like the Kingsley family—but mostly, I wanted to see Nadine. I missed her so much.”

  Everyone remained silent as Ruby continued her story. “I didn’t tell Nadine I was coming. I just showed up and sat in my rental car outside her house, waiting for her to come home. When she pulled into the driveway, all the kids piled out of the car—Dan, Michael, Eleanor
, and …”

  Ruby paused and looked directly at me. “And I saw you, Autumn. You raced into the house, your little pigtails bouncing … and I knew what your mother had done. I knew why she’d left and had never called. At that age, you and Faith were absolutely identical, and it scared me to death.”

  “Why were you scared?” I asked.

  Father Tim took a cookie from the plate. “You were afraid Nadine might want Faith back.”

  “That’s right,” Ruby said.

  Faith enveloped her mother in a hug. “Oh, Mom. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

  Ruby patted her daughter’s back. “That’s okay, honey.”

  Straightening, she returned her attention to me. “All the kids, including you, Autumn, helped Nadine carry the groceries into the house. You all seemed so happy. I didn’t want to disrupt your life, or mine, so I left. I came home to Faith and Harold, and we made a life for ourselves.”

  “Did you ever tell Dad?” Faith asked.

  Ruby nodded. “We spent time in counseling, vowing to be honest with each other. He agreed it was best not to say anything, so we put our hearts and souls into our marriage and kids.”

  “Kids?” I interrupted.

  “Harold and I were able to adopt two little boys. Faith has two younger brothers.”

  Happiness swept through me. After reading my mom’s journal, I knew how much Ruby had yearned for more children.

  And now with everything out in the open, she’d have me as an additional daughter.

  *

  Eleanor, Michael, Dan, Darlene, and all the kids came over to the rental to say hello to Ruby, Faith, and Father Tim. We ordered Chinese food and sat around talking long into the night. Despite the fact my mother’s accident and subsequent coma had brought us together, a festive mood pervaded the house.

  True to his word, Kyle returned from work, met our guests, then took my car to get washed and shampooed. Afterward, he showered before joining us in the living room.

  Father Tim led us in a prayer for our mother that brought everyone to tears. I wasn’t ready to let her go yet, but I found myself able to put her fate in God’s hands. Whatever happened, I knew would be in his Divine Mercy.

  When Kyle and I climbed into bed that night, he held me tight and chuckled to himself.

  “What’s so funny?” I asked.

  “I seriously can’t believe there are two of you.”

  I smacked him on the arm. “I know. It’s crazy I have a long lost twin sister.”

  “Maybe next year, when we’re living a normal life, you could fly up to Seattle and spend a few days with Faith. Get to know her and Ruby.”

  I pressed up on my elbow and stared at him. “Do you mean that?”

  He nodded and ran a strand of my hair between his thumb and forefinger. “Definitely. It’s your turn now.”

  I studied him carefully. “Kyle, what really changed your mind about the fellowship? Just seeing my family in the hospital, or was there something else?”

  He cupped the back of my head with his hand and pulled me toward him. I resisted and shook my head. “No, not until you tell me.”

  “Come here,” he beckoned. “Let me kiss you first, then I’ll tell you.”

  I laughed. “It doesn’t work that way. Tell me first, then you can kiss me.”

  “Okay.” He sat up in bed and adjusted the pillows behind his back. “You know I have a lot of admiration for Dr. Forman.”

  “I wasn’t aware of that,” I said in a serious tone.

  He flicked my knee with his finger, making me laugh. Then the line between his brow furrowed, and he spoke in a sober voice. “I viewed him as a father figure. Someone to emulate, but this morning … he showed me pictures of his kids, who live back in Australia with his ex-wife. I’d assumed they were grown, but they’re only a few years older than Logan and Zane.”

  Kyle ground his knuckles into his chest. “Seeing those pictures made me sick to my stomach. He’s completely missing their childhood, and he doesn’t even realize it. I tried to explain it to him, but … he doesn’t care. He’s so focused on his research and career that he’s losing out on the best part of life.”

  Kyle’s eyes met mine. He tugged me toward him, and I put my head on his chest. “You and the boys mean everything to me, Autumn. I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize that. But more importantly, I want you to be happy, too. I know I sometimes forget to consult you and consider your feelings, but I’m going to work on that. I’m going to stop putting up walls between us, and …”

  “What?” I asked, sitting up so I could see his face.

  He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I never told you this, and I’m sorry, but I had a sister. A younger sister. She was adopted out of foster care, and I wasn’t. I lost track of her, but I’m going to find her.”

  “Oh, Kyle.” I was shocked he’d let me into his past like that. I had so many questions, but for now, I wrapped my arms around his chest and held on tight. “I love you, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you find her.”

  “I know you will.”

  *

  It was early in the morning when we received the call. My phone rang, jarring me out of a deep sleep. At first I thought it was my morning alarm, but then I squinted at the caller ID on my phone.

  Eleanor!

  “Oh, no!” I said in a strained voice, violent fear rushing through me.

  Kyle sat straight up in bed. “What’s wrong? Who’s calling?”

  I handed him the phone, unable to face what Eleanor had to say. Please, God. No. Please, please, please.

  Kyle spoke to my sister in a calm and steady voice. “Okay,” he said, giving me no indication of what was happening. “We’ll be right there.”

  Chapter 36

  The morning sun shining through the window made it difficult for Nadine to keep her eyes closed. She tried turning over but found her body stiff and sore. Blinking several times, she opened her eyes and took in the unfamiliar surroundings. Where was she?

  “Nadine?” A man who resembled a much older Father Tim leaned over her bed. “Nadine, darling? Can you hear me?”

  That’s right, she’d had the baby, and then something had gone wrong. Her mind churned as though clogged with clay. She tried to put all the pieces together. Tried to remember.

  She’d had another little girl. Twins! And then she’d moved her family to Texas. She wasn’t a young woman anymore. Her children were raised. She had grandchildren.

  She’d gone to the grocery store, flirted with Dr. Henry, and then what? She couldn’t remember what happened or why she was here, but judging by the rails on her bed and the strong smell of antiseptic, she was in the hospital.

  Had she gone in for surgery? No, that wasn’t right. At least, she didn’t think so. She’d received the letter from Father Tim, telling her about Ruby’s daughter looking for her. Then she’d written down her life story and …

  Her thoughts stalled as more and more faces appeared around her bed: Dan, Darlene, Michael, Eleanor, Autumn, Kyle, her grandchildren, and a woman who looked so much like Autumn, they could be twins.

  Twins?

  Nadine sucked in a sharp breath and tried to speak. Eleanor offered a glass of water. “Not too much, Mother. How are you feeling? Do you remember anything?”

  Nadine guzzled the water then focused on the stranger in the room. Could it be? Could she be here? “Faith?”

  “Yes.” The woman had a pleasant smile. Autumn’s smile. “You know who I am?”

  Nadine nodded and tried to reach up to touch her daughter’s face, but she could only lift her arm a few feet high.

  A warm hand clasped hers. “Nadine, honey, it’s me, Ruby.”

  “Ruby?” Nadine couldn’t stop the tears streaming down her face, nor find the strength to brush them away. “Ruby, you’re here.”

  “I should’ve come a long time ago.”

  “I’m sorry,” Nadine whispered.

  Ruby shook her head. “You have no
thing to be sorry for. You gave me the greatest gift anyone could’ve given me. You gave me a daughter, and she’s amazing. Thank you. Thank you.”

  Nadine looked at Faith, afraid she might see resentment in the young woman’s eyes. Instead, there was only love and understanding.

  A doctor, not her Dr. Henry but someone much younger, pushed his way through the crowd and shined a flashlight in Nadine’s eyes. “Mrs. Kingsley, can you see me?”

  “Not with that blasted light in her eyes!” Eleanor snapped, shoving his hand away. “Honestly, my mother just came out of a coma. She hasn’t even had her morning coffee yet, so back off, okay?”

  “Oh, yes, Dr. Fairchild. I was just checking her vitals.”

  “Well let’s try to be a little less invasive about it,” Eleanor said.

  Nadine smiled, grateful her assertive daughter’s personality hadn’t changed. “The baby?” she asked.

  Eleanor grinned and pressed a hand to her flat stomach. “I had a little boy, and when he’s not screaming his head off, he’s incredible. He’s got Dad’s eyes and he’s—”

  “He’s right here,” said a nurse. Her name tag read Christy, and she lowered the bundle in her arms so Nadine could see her latest grandchild.

  “He’s beautiful.”

  Eleanor smiled proudly. “I named him Jude. After Dad.”

  Nadine breathed a sigh of contentment. She was surrounded by family and friends. For the first time in her life, all her children were in the same room. One might argue Angela wasn’t present, but Nadine would disagree.

  With all the love in this hospital room, she felt certain Angela, Jude, and Eric were present in spirit.

  A feeling of complete contentment washed over her as she embraced the life she’d been given … and the life still to come.

  Dear Reader,

  Thank you for reading A Mother’s Choice. If you enjoyed it, please consider leaving a review on Goodreads or wherever you purchased this book. The review doesn’t have to be long. Just one or two sentences giving your honest opinion would really help me out by allowing new readers to find me.