by Emily Snow
As I stepped around the corner, Gage and Roy were sitting at the table with pens in hand. Gage heard me and looked up quickly, a warm smile on his lips. Thank goodness he wasn’t making things awkward for me. I told him over and over again during the middle of the night that it was only my virginity. It wasn’t like he’d snatched it away from me. I wanted it to happen between us. I didn’t mind it and if I weren’t ready, I wouldn’t have given it up. He finally became satisfied with my response and went back to sleep again.
“Good morning,” I breathed, heading for the kitchen and rinsing out one of the mugs in the sink. It reeked of beer so I added soap to make sure it was thoroughly cleansed. Gage said good morning and Roy did as well, but his voice was barely a whisper and his eyes never left his paper.
Finding it odd, I kept my gaze on him for a brief second before grabbing the mug of coffee. I poured some into my cup, added crème, sugar, and then slid into the booth beside Gage. I kissed his cheek and he returned the kiss, but Roy stiffened, pulling his cup toward him and then picking it up to take a sip.
I brushed that off as well. I knew I would never figure Roy out, so I sipped my coffee while the boys continued writing. “Working on lyrics?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Gage sighed. “It’s best to work on them early when the animals like Montana and Deed are sleeping.” He winked.
I nodded, sipping on my coffee again. I took a glance down at Gage’s paper, spotting words like, “pain, misery, it’s all over, never look back, and newfound addiction.” At the sight of newfound addiction, I looked up at him, but he sniffed and ran the back of his hand across his nose. He isn’t talking about me, I thought to myself. They’re just lyrics anyway.
I took a glance in Roy’s direction but wasn’t allowed enough time to see anything because he snatched up his paper. I looked into his eyes quickly, but his were dark, cold. His eyebrows knitted as he looked me over and then, picking up his coffee and still glaring at me, he turned to go for the living room. Gage didn’t seem to think much of it, but I was pretty offended by his behavior. What had I ever done to make him hate me so much? I’d barely said two words to Roy and he was acting like I kneed him in the balls.
“Don’t take it personally,” Gage murmured into my ear, watching Roy sit on the sofa with his back facing us.
“What’s wrong with him?” I whispered, hoping Roy couldn’t hear me.
“He’s just… not used to you being around us so much.”
“And he hates me because I’m around you guys?” I frowned.
“He just has to warm up to you. That’s all. He doesn’t trust easily. He’s very conservative.”
“Yeah, I can see that,” I scoffed, taking a look at Roy who was scribbling madly on his notepad.
Gage’s hand ran over my thigh, stealing away my thoughts. I looked at him beneath my eyelashes and he smiled, gripping my hand. “Did I… um… hurt you last night? If so, I’m sorry. I’ve never—”
“No, Gage. I’m fine. It was good.” I gave him a sweet smile and he nodded, tightening his grip around my hand. “Why were you so worried, anyway?”
He shrugged, pulling his hand away to pick up his pen again. He grabbed his coffee to sip it and then placed his mug down, his jaw ticking. “I don’t know. Just not used to it I guess.” He forced a smile, but I frowned, fixing my lips to speak. There was more to it than that. Unfortunately, before I could speak on it, Montana let out an exaggerated yawn from the hallway. We both looked up at him as he came walking in, scratching his bare chest.
Montana had a dragon on his ribs, too, but unlike Gage’s blue and black one, his was red and black. The dragons were almost identical and I couldn’t help but question it. “Did you two get the dragon tattoos together?” I asked.
Montana smirked as he stepped into the kitchen and pulled out the jug of milk. He drank straight from it and my nose crinkled while my mind made a mental note to never drink milk from the boys’ bus. “We all have one,” Gage said.
My eyebrows rose and my curiosity piqued. “Oh?”
“Yeah.” Montana sighed, sitting across from me. “Mine is red and black, Gage got black and blue, Deed has green and black, and Roy over there has orange and black. It was a… drunk and crazy night. It was kind of like a band bonding thing.”
“Oh.” I grinned. That was kind of cute to hear. “Why dragons, though?”
“For one, dragons are the realest mythical creatures known to man,” Montana said matter-of-factly. I smirked, pursing my lips at him with high amusement. “Plus, they aren’t just ordinary dragons. They’re Chinese dragons. Their meaning of the dragon is something much greater.” I took a glance at Montana’s ribs again, studying the graphics—the pointy tongue, fierce red eyes, extremely sharp teeth. I then thought back on how Gage’s dragon looked. They did seem more Chinese than anything.
“Like happiness, immortality, the ability to ward off evil spirits,” Gage added on. “We want all the luck we can get as a band and since Roy over there is a bit obsessed with them,”—Roy grunted, shrugging—“we figured we could just go for it. So far we’ve been doing great. We’re all still happy, and by immortality, we mean that even if we are to split up or even die, we want the name of our band to live on—kind of like The Beatles or The Rolling Stones.”
“Hmm.” I nodded. “Cool. I never would have thought of that.”
“See,” Montana said, leaning back in his seat. “We aren’t total dicks. We can still be on the caring side.”
“You’re all complete dicks.” I laughed and for some reason, Roy laughed with me. I looked in his direction, but his back was still turned to us.
“Speaking of caring, I heard how well Gage took care of you last night.” Montana burst out laughing while my heart skipped a beat, my eyes expanding. “Headboard and all.” He laughed even harder and I turned crimson, stealing a glance at Gage, whose smile was amused. Of course he was used to being heard so he thought nothing of it, but since it was my first time, it made me squirm. Gage placed a hand on my thigh and I picked up my coffee, taking a huge swallow. I couldn’t have been that loud… at least I hoped not.
“The bus is supposed to stop in a few minutes.” Deed’s deep voice came out of nowhere. He was no longer wearing his sunglasses, but I could see the hint of color beneath his eye. One would mistake it for a lack of sleep since there was bruising beneath both eyes, but I knew why it was really there.
“Okay?” Montana said, glancing over his shoulder with a slight frown.
“We have to be there early today.”
Montana dropped his hands on the table, causing it to rattle. “Dude, what the fuck is up with you?” he asked, his eyebrows drawing in. “You’ve been acting like a bitch ever since the night you were late to the show.”
Deed stepped into the kitchen and leaned his lower back against the counter, swinging his gaze from Montana to me. “I’m just saying. This time we can’t be late, meaning the visitors should get going.” I cringed inwardly, offended by Deed’s menacing tone.
Gage stiffened at my side, taking in Deed’s sullen mood. “Deed,” he said, sliding away from me to stand to his feet. “Let’s talk. Now.” Gage cocked his head to his left and led the way down the hallway. I frowned, watching as Gage stole a quick glance over his shoulder at me, his eyes begging me not to get offended, before disappearing down the hallway.
The door shut behind them and not long after, there was yelling and grunting. Roy dropped his notepad in a flash and dashed down the hallway, and Montana hissed, “Oh shit,” before following after him.
I jolted, placing my mug of coffee down and scurrying around the table to follow after as well, but at the sight of Gage pinning Deed down by the throat, I wished I hadn’t. Anger was written all over Gage’s face. His calm demeanor had vanished and turned into rage.
“Gage, chill.” Montana help up his hands, trying to mediate. “Let him go. Chill.”
Gage pulled away instantly, but I knew it wasn’t because of Montana’s calm
voice. It was because I was watching. I knew because he looked straight into my eyes.
Deed sprang from the bed, shoving Gage against his chest with his hands. Gage hardly stumbled. Deed was about to swing, but Montana and Roy ran forward to break it up. Montana held Gage back; Roy held Deed back.
“She’s fucking with the band!” Deed yelled.
I flinched because the only “she” around was me.
“Would you just shut the fuck up?” Gage snarled through his teeth. “The only one fucking with the band is you and your fucking attitude!”
“She’s taking you away from the band, and you know it.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat as Deed pulled away from Roy and stared at me briefly. Behind his grey eyes there was ice and anger. What had I done to him? Why was he so upset with me? Because I’d seen his black eye? Was it that serious? It’s not like I told anyone about it.
“How, Deed?” Gage asked, his voice laced with frustration. “She’s done nothing to you.”
“Way before this tour even started, you told me you were going to be my partner and my wingman if you needed to be. You were supposed to be behind me, but instead you’re fucking her and taking her out and shit. You’ve completely forgotten about who you’re really supposed to be on this tour with.”
“So you’re mad because I’m spending time with her? Deed, you’re a grown fucking man! You don’t need me to have fun all the goddamn time.”
“I’m a grown fucking man, but Bentley’s been riding my ass. Because of you being with her all the time, Bentley’s been—” Deed stopped talking abruptly, noticing he said too much. As he stopped, Gage’s eyebrows furrowed, his eyes softening as if he just now registered the meaning behind Deed’s words. I still had no clue.
Montana released Gage slowly, but everyone’s eyes were on him, expecting him to clear the confusion. There was panic behind Gage’s eyes. Panic, worry, a sliver of frustration, and even sympathy. What the hell just happened?
“Deed… shit, man, I’m so sorr—”
“I don’t want your fucking apology, Gage. I don’t need it. I see who’s more important to you now, even when you’ve known me for pretty much your whole fucking life and you’re just now getting to know her. Even when you gave me your fucking word.” Deed huffed, grabbing a T-shirt and pulling it over his head. He stormed toward the door and I backed up a little, but not fast enough because he bumped into my shoulder, knocking me back a few steps.
I stared at Deed’s back, my eyes wide with shock. He yanked one of the doors open up front and yelled for the driver to stop. The bus slowed down as soon as he met the front door, and he swung it open, shielding his eyes from the sun. He stepped down the stairs and out the door as the bus came to a complete stop, the door slamming behind him, causing me to flinch.
After he was gone, my gaze lowered to the ground. It was dead silent in the room and I didn’t want to look, but I gave in and did anyway. Everyone was looking at me, their eyes full of sorrow, including Roy’s. At least he was still capable of human emotions.
“Eliza, I’m sorry,” Gage apologized, stepping past Montana to get to me. “I—he didn’t mean it. I swear. He’s just going through a rough time…”
He was about to say something else, but I didn’t want to hear it anymore. As I looked around into each pair of eyes, I saw what I’d done. I lived through the moments again—mainly the night at the club. Gage was supposed to be hanging with Deed that night, not me. Deed was trying to make Gage jealous and it worked, but in the end, Gage spent his night alone. Montana warned me the day he went to the diner with me for breakfast. He didn’t want anything to get ugly, but it did anyway.
I was coming between them. I told Gage over and over again it was okay to go out with his band and have fun without me, but he always refused. He always wanted me to come with him. We were together so much that he didn’t even realize how much distance he put between him and his band.
While we were having fun, Deed was the one who would always end up missing. He was the one who would always leave early, and the reason for his attitude was because of my fling with Gage. Whenever I came around, he would look at Gage, expecting him to brush me off, but Gage would take me in and walk off with me. I hadn’t noticed it before, but every time Gage walked away with me, Deed stormed away from the fun. It just seemed so immature of Deed, and I knew there had to be more behind it. I couldn’t be the only reason for his frustration.
“I should probably go, Gage.”
His eyes stretched, his head shaking. “No. Why, Eliza? It’s fine. He didn’t mean it. He just has to cool off. He’ll be fine later.”
I shrugged as if none of Deed’s harsh words mattered, but deep down, it was killing me slowly. I swallowed to keep my throat from drying out. Montana took a step forward, his arms folded. “Eliza, you shouldn’t let him get to you. We’ll talk to him. We’ll get him to apologize if you want us to.”
“He doesn’t have to apologize.” I sighed. “I’ll just be on my bus.” I forced a smile at Gage, but he shook his head, grabbing my arm.
“Eliza, it’s still early. You can stick around a little longer… can’t you?”
“Gage.” I smiled as warmly as I could, but it felt cold and meaningless to me. “It’s okay. We can talk a little later. I have to go check in with Ben anyway.” That was a lie. I just needed an excuse.
Gage’s grip slacked from my arm slowly, and I took a few steps forward. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, walking down the hallway after me.
“I’m fine, Gage.” I smiled again and, unexpectedly, he pulled me in against him. I warmed up to his embrace, inhaling deeply over his shoulder. “I’ll see you in a bit. Go find Deed and talk to him. You can tell me about it later.”
He pulled back slowly to get a look into my eyes. I remained strong, making sure a smile was still on my face when what I really wanted to do was curl up in my bed alone and sleep the rest of the day and night away.
Sighing, Gage kissed my cheek, my forehead, and then hugged me again. “Don’t take what he said to heart,” he whispered into my ear. “I swear he didn’t mean it. I know Deed. He speaks out of anger.” He pulled back, his boyish smile warming my heart.
“I won’t.” Of course it was a lie because after I placed a swift kiss on Gage’s cheek and stepped off the bus, I hurried for my bus and banged on the door, ready to dwell in my own gloom. Cal came to the door groggily, but at the sight of me, he smiled and his eyes brightened.
“Morning, Eliza.”
“Good morning,” I mumbled, stepping past him. I didn’t need him in my way. I didn’t need anyone in my way, and the last person I wanted to see was Ben. Good thing he was still in his room because I was sure facing him would have brought out the waterworks. I hated crying and I wasn’t going to do it today. Instead, I shut and locked my door behind me and took the thought of curling into bed into consideration.
Ben came by my door twice and knocked, but I told him I wasn’t feeling well each time. My voice was faint, feeble. I felt weak all over and I thought I was being dramatic, but I wasn’t. This really bothered me. I was glad I locked the door because, knowing Ben, he would have barged in and demanded I talk to him, and that would have required me looking into his understanding eyes and probably crying.
No tears, I told myself. No tears.
Ben asked if I was going to attend the show, but I told him no. I didn’t want to. I wanted to be left alone. My worrying exhausted me.
I knew the bus was going to be empty while everyone was out, so I went out and drew at the table. I made a few cups of coffee in between until I finally decided to stop and curl into bed again.
Night crept up on me and I sighed, turning onto my back to shut my eyes. I drifted into a light slumber, but my eyes opened widely at the sound of the door opening and closing. My heart sped as footsteps came down the hallway and my bedroom door creaked open. I cursed myself mentally for not locking the door behind me. I hoped it wasn’t Ben or Cal.
I didn’t want to see either of them knowing they were always in chipper moods. Ben especially, who always wanted me to express my concerns. It just wasn’t the night to express anything. I liked being alone, but a part of my body was longing and aching for Gage’s touch. His presence. Anything from him.
The room stilled as I waited for whoever it was to turn on a light or say something. The bed sank beneath their weight and a hand touched my leg. Knowing the touch, I stirred and looked up. Gage smiled down at me, the moonlight shining on his handsome face. His eyes were tired, but other than that, he looked amazing. He had on all black; a few pieces of hair hung on his forehead. His cologne smelled nice as it whiffed past my nose and I inhaled, enjoying the scent of him.
“Hey, Ellie,” he whispered.
“Hi,” I whispered back.
“You didn’t come to the show. Are you okay?”
I nodded, adjusting myself to get comfortable. “I just needed some time to myself.” My lips twisted and I looked away from him. “Is… Deed okay?”
“He’s fine.” He sighed. “Just upset… and hurt. Now that I know why he was acting like that, I feel like the shittiest friend on the planet.”
“Why?” I asked, sitting up against the headboard. “What happened?”
He shrugged and kicked off his shoes. “I would tell you, but it’s kind of personal for him.”
“I won’t tell anyone.”
“I know you won’t, Ellie, but I have to respect his privacy.” He smiled sweetly, his hand resting on my leg again. My lower lip pouted, but he leaned forward to kiss it. “It’s nothing personal between us,” he assured. “If he didn’t care about people knowing, I would tell you.”
I sighed because he was right and I wasn’t pushing it. I didn’t want my business buzzing around, either, so I sat up some more. Gage stared into my eyes briefly before leaning in again and pulling me against him. His arms circled around my waist and moved up my back, and I placed my chin on his shoulder, hugging him back. “I’m sorry, Ellie. I know he said some things that may have gotten to you, but he wants to apologize. He didn’t mean it.”