by Emily Snow
I swallowed, nodding my head. “It’s okay. Maybe you should spend the rest of your night with him. It’ll probably make him feel better.”
He pulled away from me, a smile gracing his lips. “He’s going to a strip club with Montana and a few others. Montana gave him a stack of money to cheer him up and, surprisingly, it worked.”
I cringed at the thought of Gage going to a strip club and staring at other girls’ tits and asses, but I slowly said, “Well, you should have joined them. I’m sure you wanted to anyway.”
He chuckled softly, his broad shoulders shaking. “I could have, but I wanted to check up on you.”
“Well, I’m okay,” I sighed. “Really, you should go. I can just paint a little more tonight and then read until I fall asleep again.”
Gage stared at me for a quick second before sighing and pulling away from me. Inwardly, I cringed as he stepped back to get out of the moonlight. He picked up his shoes and my gaze fell because although I said it, I really didn’t want him to go. I hated how much I worried over him. I hated how I was starting to care more than necessary. We were taking this further than a fling and I knew it, but I didn’t want to face it. Feelings were coming from somewhere and I couldn’t deny it.
I lay on my side, listening as he rustled around a bit. Finally he blew out a sigh and the bed sank behind me. Heat smothered my backside and he hooked his arm around my middle, pulling me back to cuddle against me. “I’ll just make you my stripper for tonight,” he whispered in my ear. A smile spread across my lips and a heavy load of butterflies thrashed around in my tummy, but I remained content. I couldn’t show too much emotion. We weren’t involving emotions… or feelings.
Gage kissed my neck and my head fell back, allowing him to do so. I was sort of glad he stuck around because, in the back of my mind, I knew I wasn’t going to paint or read after he left. I would have been up bothering myself about what he may have been doing or what stripper he may have possibly slept with.
His warm, plush lips moved up to my ear and he swirled his tongue around it, making the sweet heat between my legs clench. I gripped his hand that was on my stomach, smiling from ear to ear, knowing for the rest of the night I was going to have him to myself. I willingly turned in his arms and stared into his eyes. His were hard and his body tensed as he looked down at me, his smile transforming into an uneasy one. “Should I stop?” he asked.
“No.” I shook my head quickly. “I like it. Keep going.”
He smirked at my compliment and then kissed my neck again. With each one, I drowned more and more. At least I didn’t have to worry about him holding off on me because of my V-card. I was no longer pocketing it so it made the casual sex that much better.
With each position, I was nearly in heaven. After a few moans, groans, and heavy panting between thick sweat and cavernous kisses, Gage and I took separate showers, tossed on our clothes, and decided to go to the nearest restaurant for a bite to eat.
I settled on a cheeseburger with fries and Gage went with two grilled cheese sandwiches and chili-cheese fries. “That’s a lot of cheese.” I giggled as he picked up a fry and popped it into his mouth.
He smirked. “I love cheese. My mom always used to make me a grilled cheese after school—” He stopped talking abruptly, leaving his sentence incomplete, and my head tilted curiously. “After a while, my sister started making them and then… I had to start making them myself.”
“Oh,” I said softly. “How old were you when you started making them yourself?”
“Twelve.” He shrugged, keeping his eyes down.
I grew even more curious about Gage. He hardly talked about his family and I always wondered why. Even when we were younger, in Virginia, I never saw Gage with anyone outside of his band. No family, no other friends at all. Without much consideration, I asked him, “Who’s Chloe and Kristina?”
He snapped his gaze on me, his hazel eyes darkening. He then licked his lips and reached for his glass of soda. “My mom and sister.”
“Oh. Is your sister older or younger?”
“Older.”
My mouth clamped shut, confused about why he gave me one and two-word answers. I was being nosey, that’s for sure, but I was really trying to figure him out. After deciphering it in my head, I decided to go for it. Maybe I could exchange some info whenever he asked me about my family or my past life. I would do it just to get to know Gage a little bit more, even if it did hurt me to talk about. “What happened to them?” I asked.
He swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple working hard just to get the invisible lump down. Lifting his hand, he ran his fingers through his hair and lost all eye contact. He looked everywhere but into my eyes. “We should go,” he said, dropping his napkin into his basket of fries.
“No… Gage.” I reached for his hand, but he pulled away slowly. “Gage?” Silence again. I hated that he wasn’t talking to me. I felt terrible and guilty for asking, especially as his eyes glistened. His eyes watered even more as I called his name again and he shook his head, pushing from the table. “Seriously, Eliza, come on.”
“Gage, I—I’m sorry,” I whispered, pushing out of my chair. He didn’t look at me. Instead, he stared out the window behind me. I stepped forward, bringing my hand up to get him to look at me. He was stubborn at first, his neck stiffening so he couldn’t see me, but I tried again until his eyes finally met mine. After I did it, I wished right away I hadn’t. The rims of his eyes were red and glistening. Seeing his hurt made my heart snag. “Gage…”
I cupped his face. He shut his eyes briefly, shaking his head. “It’s fine, Eliza,” he whispered as a single tear fell. “It’s fine. Come on… please.”
I swallowed, conceding and nodding my head. To comfort him, I wrapped my arm around his waist and smiled up at him. He forced a smile back, hooking his arms around my shoulders and pulling me into him. My heart broke in two for him. I shouldn’t have asked. I wasn’t supposed to be getting in his business anyway. That wasn’t me… but I wanted to know so badly. I knew it would take time for him to want to speak on it, so I let it go.
After a while, he warmed back up to me and we headed to the FireNine bus, cuddled on the sofa, and made out a little while a few movies played. I was sure he was still thinking about it because his eyes kept distancing. His gaze would lower and his jaw would tick, and instead of interrupting him or snapping him out of it, I’d watch him.
So many emotions were displayed on his face before he looked at me, and I forced a smile at him. Anger. Deception. Hurt. At one point he looked so feeble, so weak, that the guilt snuck up on me even more, causing my heart to crack for him. I’d obviously brought back horrid memories. Memories I was certain he didn’t want to relive.
Damn it, Eliza! So stupid, I cursed myself.
I was worried for Gage, but I bit my tongue as much as I could and snuggled against him, kissing his cheek and his lips tenderly and hoping it would make him forget about it and feel better. He smiled at me and eventually, with each passing hour, he calmed down more and more and hugged and kissed me back like he really meant it.
I really wanted to know what happened. I just hoped he would tell me willingly before it was time for me to go back to Virginia. After that night, I refused to bring it up again unless he wanted to speak on it.
BREATHE
The cities were going by so fast I didn’t even realize we were actually in Chicago. I figured it out as I heard the howling wind outside the window and remembered how many times Ben identified the newest state to me the previous afternoon. We’d been in the Windy City a little over twenty-four hours and I was just noticing. If it was becoming a blur for me, it had to be a blur to the band.
Gage and I ended up falling asleep on the couch. I was lying on top of him, my arm still around his waist and my other arm beneath him. He looked peaceful as he slept. His features were relaxed and no part of him seemed worried or upset about the night before. His lips were parted and by the dark circles beneath his eyes, I figure
d he needed the sleep. I didn’t want to wake him so I pulled my arm from under him and slowly drew back. He shifted, groaning while gripping my arm and muttering something I couldn’t make out.
Sighing, I freed my arm again and hopped off the couch. I turned, seeing if he would wake up or move again, but he remained perfectly still, his breath evening out again. Satisfied he was still sleeping, I turned and slipped on my flip-flops, hurried for the door, and stepped out, shutting it behind me quietly.
It was windier that day. The trees behind the buses were brushing with the howl of the wind. If I wasn’t mistaken, a storm was coming. The clouds were grey and a light fog hovered in the parking lot, surrounding the buses and swarming all around me.
I shivered from the breeze, hurrying to my bus, but hearing someone yell, “GET UP!” caused me to flinch and stop in my tracks. I froze, gasping as I scanned my surroundings. No one was around; the parking lot was empty. I figured it was one of the security guards in the trailers being rowdy over a sports game, so I turned for my bus again, but this time I heard a loud SMACK and someone cried out in pain.
I gasped again, hurrying for the noise. The smacking and bone crunching happened over and over again, and as I got closer and closer, it sounded extremely painful. Grunting filled the silence and as soon as I rounded one of the trailers, I froze in my tracks, staring ahead in complete disbelief.
Bent over on his knees was Deed. His head hung low, blood running from his lips and dripping onto the pavement. His floppy, wet hair fell over his eyes and he was sniffling while clutching his middle. It surprised me that he was bending over, but what surprised me even more was seeing the man in the suit (whose presence always freaked me out) standing above him with nothing but hatred in his eyes. His large hand was balled into a fist and held in the air and his jaw was locked as he glared down at Deed. As they heard my gasp, both of them looked up at me, and the man lowered his hand slowly.
“W—what are you doing?” I tried to keep my voice stable… Unfortunately, I failed terribly at it.
The man in the suit ran a hand through his peppery hair. He looked at Deed once more and took a step back. “It’s none of your concern,” he said, sliding his fingers into the pockets of his suit pants.
“Why are you hitting him?” I snapped. I then looked down at Deed, but his head was hanging in shame and he was still sniffling, his jaw locking while he clutched his middle. “Deed,” I whispered. It sounded more like my voice had broken. “Are you okay?”
“Eliza… I’m fine. Just… leave,” he murmured.
I flared instantly. Hearing his voice crack and fill with agony brought back harsh memories. Memories I didn’t want to relive. A smacking upside my head. A kick in the stomach. A blow to the chest. A slap on the face. Leather against my fragile skin. It all came tunneling back to my mind, and I took a step forward. “You worthless piece of shit,” I hissed at the man in the suit.
He chuckled, amused by my sudden rage, but I wasn’t having it. I wanted to sock him right in his fucking jaw. Now I knew why Deed had such an attitude lately. It wasn’t me. This man was to blame. I felt for Deed then because being tossed around and beaten up was never a good feeling. It hurt. I knew from experience.
Shoving past the man, I helped Deed to his feet, but he winced as I hooked my arm around his shoulder. Drizzle sprinkled over us as I grabbed his arm to keep him up. “Deed, look at me,” I said, tilting his chin. “Are you hurt?”
He nodded once but kept his lips sealed. “You shouldn’t be here, Eliza,” he whispered to me. “You’re just making it worse for me later on.” Just as Deed spoke, there was a blow against his back and he crumpled. I didn’t want him to fall and I couldn’t support all his weight, so I ended up falling against the pavement with him.
“We aren’t done talking, Dedrick,” the man said, seeming entirely too intimidating for either one of us to handle. I scrambled back with Deed, but the man kept taking steps forward, his eyes dark, menacing.
He then pulled his leg back, lifting his foot higher in the air, and I knew what was coming. He was going to kick him. And by our proximity—by the way I was sitting in front of him, trying to defend him—I knew the kick might come at me first.
I winced, preparing for it. The higher his leg lifted, the more frightened I became—the heavier my heart banged against my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut. I would do it for Deed. He was hurting already. I would take the blow and tell Ben right away to toss this man in jail. Who the hell was he anyway?
Just as the thought surfaced, someone roared, “Bentley!” from a distance. I turned quickly, spotting Gage, whose eyebrows were stitched. His nostrils flared and his lips were pinched so tight that the skin around his mouth was pale. The skin over his knuckles was as white as snow because of his clenched fist.
“Look, all you fuckers are worried about me and my business. Mind your own,” Bentley snapped, but before he could speak anymore, Gage stormed forward, punching him in the jaw. Bentley stumbled backward and started to fall but caught himself. Growling and grimacing at Gage, he charged forward, but it was too late. Gage widened his stance, his fists clenched and ready for him, but before he could get to Gage, a few large men stormed out from the trailers nearby and rushed for Bentley. Their grips locked around his arms and he tried to pull away, swing, and even shove, but they weren’t having it.
Bentley then laughed sarcastically, looking around at each man, at Gage, and finally, Deed and me. Deed’s head was still hanging down and he was breathing painfully hard behind me. Who is Bentley to Deed?
“This is funny,” Bentley said, gazing around with a wide, eerie smile. “Truly funny.” He yanked his arm free of the men’s grips and stormed for one of the trailers nearby. The door slammed behind him and with a few grumbles and concerned looks, the men were back in their trailers as well. Gage was still standing, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared at Bentley’s trailer.
I stood slowly, struggling to bring Deed with me. Gage heard me grunt and rushed for us, hooking Deed’s arm around his shoulders. “I got him.” Gage sighed, taking him away from me. “Go and get your day started, Ellie. We’ll meet up later.”
I nodded, refusing to argue. I was terrified. I was so close to being kicked—so close to being hurt and put back into the nightmare I once lived, that I had to get away. Shit. Bentley triggered it.
I started panicking, panting in and out my nose and mouth a little too quickly. I rushed for the door of my bus and banged on it. Ben appeared, fully dressed and smiling, but as he took in my horrid, pale face and how fast I was breathing, he panicked as well and helped me inside.
“Eliza, sweetie, what’s wrong?” he asked, dragging me toward the couch.
I heaved in a breath, but it didn’t seem like enough. Oh no. I was reliving it again. The flashbacks were coming. The smacking. The beatings with leather belts. The shoving against my back. Her tormenting words as she laughed at me while it happened. It was painful, scary.
“Eliza, what did I tell you before?” Ben said, squatting down in front of me. “Breathe, Eliza. It’s the past. Just… breathe, baby.”
I nodded, taking in deep gulps of air. I started to calm down as I squeezed my hands together, my leg bouncing up and down to try and get rid of it. Unfortunately, it kept coming back and my breathing only increased. Soon I was hyperventilating and Ben cursed beneath his breath, pulling away from me. He stormed down the hallway and I clutched my chest, feeling my heart pounding a mile a minute.
I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t get myself under control. I was older now and it was over with. It’d been a while since I thought about it, but being a witness to Bentley’s abusive side brought back the harsh, terrifying memories. It dredged up the agony and sent my world crashing down around me. My ribs were closing in around my heart; my lungs were deprived of any oxygen.
The front door of the bus swung open, but I didn’t bother to look up and see who it was. I couldn’t. I was stuck.
“Eliza?” Gage call
ed from the door.
I wanted to answer him. My heart had even skipped a beat at the sound of his voice. I was glad to hear it, but I couldn’t stop. It was surprising that when he spoke, the worries vanished a little bit.
He came closer and bent down on one knee. “Eliza, what’s wrong?” he asked, his voice shaky. I shook my head, still squeezing my fingers together. He looked down at my fingers, his eyes wide as they met mine. “Eliza, tell me what’s wrong.” He cupped my face, forcing me to look into his eyes. “Breathe, Eliza. Breathe. What’s wrong?” he whispered.
He kissed my cheek and my heart skipped another beat. The heavy breathing slowed and I squeezed him, begging him to say something else to rid my mind of the memories. My fingernails bit into his arm as I squeezed him harder.
“What?” he asked, staring down at my vice grip on his arm. “What? Eliza, please say something.” He pulled away slowly. “Shit, where’s Ben?”
“Right here.” Ben stormed around the corner with my inhaler in hand. “I had to dig around for her inhaler.” He placed the inhaler in my hand and I brought it to my lips, gasping for dear life, sucking in and pressing the top to get as much medicine as I could. It would have been embarrassing had my life not been on the line, but I didn’t care that Gage or Ben were watching me. I didn’t even care when Cal came strolling into the living room fully dressed. He was humming but stopped immediately when he saw them standing in front of me with eyes full of concern.
“What’s going on?” he asked, switching glances between all of us.
My heart steadied a little with each pump until finally I could breathe again. I inhaled one last time and breathed through my nose, pulling the inhaler away from my mouth.
“Are you okay, Liza Bear?” Ben asked. I nodded slowly, but my hands were shaking. Gage noticed and swallowed, shaking his head. “What the hell happened?” Ben hissed, smacking Gage on the shoulder.