by Emily Snow
He stilled, but he didn’t stop kissing me. “No,” he growled.
I frowned. “No, what?”
“No, Eliza.” He pulled his lips away from my neck and blinked quickly, but I noticed the tears burning in his hazy, sleep-deprived eyes. My heart ached, taking in the sight of him. His face was pained, hurt. Behind his eyes I saw the loneliness, the heartache. I couldn’t wrap my mind around what he was thinking, but I knew whatever it was, was because of me.
Instead of speaking on it, I lowered my head and he dropped my leg. “Gage—”
“Stop saying my name like that, Eliza. I’m not…” His voice cracked, his head lowering. “I know what you’re going to say. Not right now… Just please. Stop. Don’t end it yet. Just… stop.”
Tears burned my eyes, but I blinked quickly to get rid of them. “I’ll have to leave eventually, Gage. I only have a few days left. You know this. We might as well stop while we can… before it gets too hard.” My voice was breaking. I was breaking.
“I don’t wanna stop,” he said. “I like it too much. You do something to me. You make me think twice… You make me feel something. I feel alive with you around. I haven’t felt anything this real in a long time. Not since…” He stopped talking again and I looked at him curiously.
“Since what, Gage?”
“Since… my sister.”
He didn’t look at me as he said it. I tried to get a good look into his eyes and figure him out, but he kept his head down, a few pieces of hair falling onto his forehead. Now he was making me feel even guiltier. Now he was making me want to take him just to make him happy again. I didn’t know what else to do—what else to say. I didn’t speak as I cupped his face in my hands and forced him to look at me. I pulled one hand away to run my fingers through his hair, pressing against his chest as our breaths caught and got tangled with each other’s. I studied his sorrowed hazel eyes, the grief he’d been carrying for so long.
I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want to lose the connection, so I told myself I would stay… for now. I could still remain casual, but that was it. I slowly brought his lips to mine, kissing him fervently, and he groaned, reeling me in by my hips so I could mold against him. I knew no one was on the bus. I heard Cal take off earlier and Ben left with his assistant Terri. It was only us, and I wanted to take advantage of it.
“Gage,” I whispered as he picked me up in his arms. He stumbled forward to go for the bedroom door and shut it. He locked it and then my back pressed against it. “Gage,” I said again.
“I’m not letting you go yet… You can’t leave… We can’t stop, Eliza.” His lips touched my collarbone and my head fell back, enjoying his warm kisses on my skin. He moved up to my neck and kissed me, pressing his erection into my stomach. At the feel of him, I moaned, whimpered, ready for him to just rip off my clothes and go for it already. All thoughts were lost. All heartache seemed to disappear.
He kept me pinned against the door by his waist and reached up to help me remove my shirt. After tossing it on the floor, he reached behind me to unhook my bra, exposing my breasts. He tossed the bra, too, but his eyes never left my chest. He finally looked into my eyes again, scanning me intensely, hungrily. There was a fire behind his irises and it turned me on completely. Burned me on the inside with nothing but desire. My stomach coiled as his eyes locked on mine. It coiled even more as he leaned forward and sucked on my nipple greedily, his gaze never shifting. My breath hitched, enjoying the pleasure running through me, his hands at my waist, his tongue circling around my nipple until it was erect. He moved to the other and I rested the back of my head against the door, accepting it all.
I moaned, clutching his shoulders, ready for him. He didn’t oblige. He continued sucking on me until that nipple had become a pebble and then he pulled down my shorts. He placed me down for only a second, and I helped him by stepping out of my shorts and panties. I was completely naked before him and my face burned scarlet, but his eyes remained hard, drinking in all of me. After staring at me for what seemed like hours, he attacked my lips and crushed my body to his.
I reached down to unbutton his jeans and he slid out of them with ease. Spinning me around in his arms, he placed my back on the bed and separated my legs, climbing between them. His lips found my neck and I gripped his back, my core throbbing as he got nearer. He was so close. I could feel the heat of his cock. I throbbed for him again, aching, longing, desiring. I wanted it so much even though I knew I didn’t need it. I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it. I should have stopped it, but I gave in.
Gage pulled back in haste to dig into his jeans pocket for a condom. After sliding it on, he teased me some more with his tongue on my nipples. He ran his tongue down to the dip of my belly and I gasped, inhaling deeply at how far he’d gone and how close he was to my core.
“You can’t stop this, Eliza,” he said, kissing my thigh. “I need it.” I tingled as he kissed the other and heat spiraled down between my legs. He kissed the skin outside my entrance, making me clench, tingle hard, and clutch at the sheets. “I’ve just gotten started with you,” he whispered. “You can’t stop this yet.” Then he slid his tongue between my sweet, sensitive folds, and I bucked against his mouth.
The panting increased. I gripped at the sheets wildly, aiming to avoid scratching him up. One of my hands ran through his hair as his tongue licked, dove, and circled around my clit, causing me to screech at the top of my lungs. A rush ran through me as I moved against his mouth. He groaned and moaned, causing a vibration between my legs. Oh, fuck. He grabbed my waist to try and stop me from squirming and then he said, “Look at me, Eliza.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t look. Looking into his eyes was going to send me teetering over the edge completely. Gage’s fingers dug into my side as he growled, his tongue swirling harder and flickering so quickly that it was driving me mad. I wasn’t going to be able to keep up for long.
“Look at me, Eliza,” he repeated. His mouth barely moved away from me. He was licking my nub as he spoke. He was so talented in bed and I hated how amateur I was. I dared a look and in return, I was sent into overdrive. The fire in his eyes, the heat as he watched me moan, the way his tongue circled and dipped and I felt it all, sent me shuddering. Shattering, crumpling into pieces. I squealed, my body quaking, legs trembling. In a heartbeat, Gage moved up quickly, kissing my nipples, each side of my collarbone, my neck. He hovered above my mouth, a small smile curling at the corner of his lips.
“Do you want me?” he asked.
I nodded, pressing my hand against his chest and squirming to get him as close to me as possible.
“You’re sure? You want me?”
I nodded eagerly, moaning as his lips barely brushed mine.
“How much?” he asked.
“I want all of you, Gage,” I whispered.
“All of me?” Before I could nod, he shoved his cock deep inside me. I sucked in a breath through my teeth as he hissed. “That’s all of me, Eliza. Want me to go slow on you? Want me to make love to you?”
I looked up at him quickly, swallowing the heavy brick in my throat. Make love to me? How was that even possible when we weren’t in love? My mind was boggled and soon Gage’s strokes deepened, causing all worries to fade. His lips crushed mine, a saltiness taking over my taste buds. It was me I tasted, along with his personal taste.
Gage’s forehead pressed on mine as he watched me, but I shut my eyes, wanting the feeling of him inside me to take over. His pace picked up as he gripped my hips, diving inside me, in and out, as my fingers bit into his skin. I groaned through my teeth as sweat built up between us and he lowered his head to bury his face into the hollow of my neck. He sucked on me tenderly, licking my neck and then the lobe of my ear, sending wave after wave of moisture to course through me and melt between my legs. I shuddered a dozen times, clenching around his thickness.
“You feel so good, Eliza. You make me feel good,” he whispered. “You can’t leave. You have to stay.”
> I didn’t bother to speak. If I were to respond, I would have lied to him. We both knew I couldn’t stay. I had a life to live, things to do. I had dreams to accomplish. Instead of speaking, I pulled him into me, leaving no space between us, and he went harder. His grunting grew heavier as he gripped my hips.
He then did something I didn’t see coming: he lifted me up, still stroking and my chest still against his, but my back was no longer on the bed. I was being held upright against him, his arms circling around to hold me up by my back. He slammed into me some more and I stared into his eyes, enjoying the full feeling at the pit of my stomach.
“Ride me,” he whispered.
I did as commanded. I had no idea what the hell I was doing, no idea which way to go, how fast to go, how slow to go, but I worked my hips as best as I could. His eyes were blazing, watching my pleasured face intently. He cupped my ass, allowing me to do all that I could. He kissed my neck, providing his own strokes and his own rhythm, which helped me out in return. He kept me steady, giving me a good balance, and after a while, I knew I’d gotten the hang of it because he grunted harder, hissing my name and cursing right after. I was moaning loudly, unable to hold back.
My hips grinded, still feeling him at the pit of my stomach. My core was tightening. I clenched around him, knowing another spiral of pleasure was on its way. He knew it as well because he brought his head up again to look into my eyes. “I want you to watch me as I watch you let go. I want your eyes on mine. Don’t close them. Don’t block me out.”
His husky voice sent me higher. He stared into my eyes, his face oozing with just as much pleasure as mine. He groaned; I excessively moaned. My lips locked with his and my fingernails clenched into his skin, but I kept my eyes open. It was coming, and with each second, I kept getting hotter and hotter, but I didn’t dare myself to look away. I couldn’t. His eyes were doing something to me that I couldn’t hold back on. They were low, heavy, watching every reaction.
Finally, I screeched, soaking the length of him, still grinding my hips, a bead of sweat trickling down my back. I was coming undone, falling apart. Melting. He growled against my chin and I couldn’t help it anymore. I shut my eyes, shuddering and shattering. Trembling and quaking. My hips didn’t stop moving. My head fell back and then he cursed beneath his breath, flipping me over. He gripped my ass, slamming into me from behind countlessly, grunting through his teeth, until finally he collapsed on top of me.
We breathed through the moment, the intensity still in the air, until I finally turned over to face him, tangling my fingers through his damp hair as he kissed my cheek.
So many thoughts were running through my mind. I had to stop this before I ended up even more torn than I already was. I had to just tell Gage straight. It wasn’t like he couldn’t replace me with another girl within a second. He could—I knew it—and as bad as I didn’t want to be a part of his past, I knew we could never be more than a fling. We could never be more than casual because Gage lived the fast life. He lived a life that I could never live up to. We were two completely different people with completely different lives. I wanted a normal one. I couldn’t tolerate being on the tabloids or the entertainment channels anymore. Most were calling me his girlfriend, but I wasn’t that. We were just friends… with benefits.
I couldn’t be the girl Gage wanted me to be. I had my own dreams to chase after and I knew I wouldn’t be able to trust him once I was out of sight. Even if I were to ask for more, in the back of my mind I knew it would be dumb of me because he wasn’t a faithful person. He didn’t have to admit it for me to know. Sooner or later the distance would get in the way.
In between telling Gage good-bye so he could go practice with his band, taking a shower, brushing my teeth, detangling my hair, eating something light, getting dressed, and sulking on the couch all day with a book glued to my face, I finally settled with just letting life run its course. I didn’t want to think about the end of the week any more than I needed to, so I slept it away and half-heartedly forgot about it.
STEPDAD
The following day, Ben and I went out to pick up flowers and balloons for Deed. No guy wanted flowers, but Ben insisted and irritably, I’d conceded and went with him. I should have known something was behind his little day out, though. He seemed much happier from the night when he was crying over Bentley. I refused to bring it up, especially when I knew it would most likely kill him to talk about.
We decided on grabbing some lunch after stuffing the flowers and balloons into the car with Marco. Marco rolled his eyes at us, but, as always, we thought nothing of him. The restaurant Ben chose was in the heart of New York City. The city was bustling; bodies were everywhere. Steam drifted out of potholes, the color yellow crowded streets because of taxis. I would never understand why New York was so busy, but it truly was the city that never slept.
As we entered, a tall man with light-grey hair and a warm smile greeted us. He had on a chef’s hat, a clean white smock, and black slacks. He was a decent-looking guy and knew who we were as we stepped into the restaurant. He called Ben by his first name and Ben blushed a few times, grinning at the man who he’d said to me a million times was a real “hottie.” I smiled and laughed with him to keep his happy mood going, but I knew he was only trying to cover up his broken heart.
Thinking of broken hearts made me sick to my stomach. After last night, I was ripped in half. I could hardly sleep. I hadn’t talked to Gage this morning and was slightly relieved he gave me some kind of space. I needed to clear my head. I needed to think.
Ben chatted with the man at the bar, but my gaze drifted to the busy streets. My eyes swung to the fleeting pedestrians, the food stands, the couples walking by hand-in-hand. I sighed, longing for Gage’s hand in mine. Then again, I snapped out of it, knowing his hand wasn’t what I needed. I only had three more days left. Three more days. I really didn’t want to face the reality of it. Dreaming was better. Spending time with Gage was better. Laughing, joking around, teasing, cuddling, and even sex was better than being alone.
I wondered if he thought more of me, as I thought of him. He said a lot the other day, but everything was broken up. He didn’t complete his sentences and it confused me even more. His face was torn, but I needed to hear it. I needed to know. I was hoping I wasn’t overreacting to our fling that had transformed into more. I wasn’t stupid. I could feel it between us. I just wanted so badly to ignore it. To just pretend it was nothing. Of course, that was nearly impossible.
“Eliza,” Ben snapped, pulling me out of my daze. I dropped my hand from my chin, providing all my attention. “Eliza, talk to me,” he sighed. “You’ve been zoning out on me all morning. Speak.”
I sighed, shrugging and forcing a smile. “I’m fine. Just thinking… about school and classes and stuff.”
I stole a glance at him and his eyes narrowed, full of doubt. “Gage,” he said.
I frowned, my cheeks burning. “W—what?”
He smiled, oddly amused by my blush, and then sighed again, folding his arms. “You’re thinking about him. I see it in your eyes. In your face. In your little red cheeks,” he noted, reaching across the table to pinch them.
I brushed his hands away, smiling. “I’m not. I’m fine.”
“Hmph.” He snorted. “Whatever you say.” Ben picked up his menu and I did the same, but his eyes never left me. “Liza, can I ask you something?”
I looked up, swallowing heavily. “Yeah, Ben. Anything.”
“When it’s time for you to go, what are you going to tell him exactly?”
I squeezed my hands together. “What do you mean?”
“I mean… how are you going to go about it without getting hurt? Without hurting him?”
“It’s not going to hurt him,” I assured, waving him off and staring at my menu. I was shrugging it off, but on the inside my heart was clambering and I could hear the beats in my eardrums.
“You think so? What about you?” he asked. “You didn’t answer for yourself. How ar
e you going to handle saying good-bye?”
I bit on my bottom lip. Tears stung my eyes, but I kept them down, reaching for my glass of water. “I don’t know, Ben.” My voice was faint, almost inaudible, but somehow he heard me.
Ben sighed, adjusting himself on his side of the table. I looked up and his eyes were empty, distant, but he was still staring at me. Worry crept behind those eyes and then he sighed again, reaching for my free hand that was on the table. I clutched my glass of water, hating how he’d set me up just to talk about it. I didn’t want to talk about it. I just wanted to go through with it and get it over with already, no matter how much it tore me apart.
“I see the way he looks at you,” he whispered. “I see the way you look at him. You told me it was just a fling—just a casual thing—but I see more than that, and you’re fighting it. You’re denying it so you won’t be hurt by the end of this week.”
My eyes burned and I looked down, no longer steady enough to look into his eyes. He squeezed my hand, rubbing his thumb along the back of it. “I’ll be fine,” I whispered.
“You always say that, Eliza. You swear you’ll be fine, but that’s when you’re hurting the most.” I hated how much he knew me. “Eliza, sweetie,” he said, his voice wavering and causing me to look up. “Just don’t lie to yourself. Don’t lie to him. Do it the right way. Don’t run from it. It’ll kill you just as much as it’ll kill him.”
“Gage will be fine, Dad,” I snapped. “He’ll be doing just great without me, just like he was before. He’ll move on. He’ll be fine.”
“And that’s what bothers you most? The fact that he can move on with whomever he’d like and you can’t.”
“I can,” I retorted. Suddenly, I was blinded with rage and hating this whole conversation. It all started to come to me again. After this week, he would be back at it and it would be like I never existed.
“You could, but you wouldn’t want to,” he said. “Eliza, be honest with me. Do you love him?”