by Emily Snow
I frowned, hesitating slightly. “No.”
“Are you sure about that? Think about it. All the time you two have been spending together. All the nights you two have shared. All the smiling you’ve done. I’ve seen you smile more this summer than any other time of your life. He’s made you happy and you’ve enjoyed the feeling.”
I shook my head, pulling my hand away. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear. “Why are you defending him now when you’re the one who told me to be careful of my heart while we’re together?”
“That was before I saw how much you really meant to him—before I noticed how much more time he was spending with you than his own band, the guys he grew up with. I notice these things, Eliza. I know love. I’ve been in it. You’re in love, so stop lying to yourself. Stop wallowing about it.”
“I’m not wallowing,” I muttered. “And I’m not in love.”
“You are and it’s annoying as hell, sweetie.” He was trying to be sympathetic, but I knew I was getting on his nerves. “You just don’t wanna be ‘cause you don’t wanna get hurt. Because you know you’ll have to go.”
I finally caved in, drawing in a slow breath while staring at my menu again. Tears stung my eyes and I tried to fight against them, but one fell eventually and dropped onto my lap. “I know after I’m gone it won’t be the same, Ben. Even if I do want more, I can’t have it because we’ll be separated. I’ll be in school and he’ll be… wherever. I’ll be living a normal life and he’ll still be living the fast life. Girls will continue throwing themselves at him and I’ll start to fade into nothing. It’s not like he’s going to deny the girls that cross his path. I’ll slip away from his memory. He’ll drink, party, and forget about me and what we had because it’s who he is and it’s how he’ll always be. It’ll be like we were non-existent. That’s how this fling was supposed to end… right?”
Ben was quiet for a moment, his lips pressed. His silence was really getting to me as he sipped his water, raked his wavy hair, and pursed his lips at me. I was about to yell at him to speak—to say something—but before I could, he said something to me that repeated in my mind for the rest of the evening. “Talk to him about it and see how he really feels. Don’t assume. It’ll only continue to bother you if you don’t know the truth, Eliza.”
It sucked that he was right.
Ben and I stopped by the FireNine tour bus. I decided to stick around with Deed while Ben left with Terri to check on the crew and make sure everything was going to be okay for the show on Saturday night. Deed was lying on the couch, playing a video game, his feet kicked up on the coffee table. I was sitting across from him, completely confused on how shooting zombies was so enjoyable. It kind of freaked me out.
“Do you watch The Walking Dead?” Deed asked, looking at my grimace toward the TV screen.
I shook my head. “No. What is it?”
“A kickass zombie show. Roy and me used to watch it all the time. We haven’t had much time lately, but I swear it’s the shit.”
I shook my head again, laughing. “I hate zombies. They freak me out. A virus might break out one day and kill us all. Then we’ll start eating each other and that’s just… gross.” I shuddered from the horrid thought.
Deed chuckled. “Funny, Eliza.”
He clicked away at his game controller and I sighed, looking toward the kitchen. “Do you want me to make something to eat? I’m not sure what you guys have, but I can try and whip something up.”
“You cook?” he asked, eyebrow raised, his eyes still on the TV screen.
“Yes,” I laughed, pushing from the sofa. “I cook for Ben all the time when we’re at home.”
“Oh. You don’t look like a cooker.”
“Exactly how does a ‘cooker’ look?” I countered, teasing.
He shrugged and then snorted. “Like my mom.”
I giggled, stepping around the sofa to get to the kitchen. I pulled the cabinets open, seeing what I had to work with. There were macaroni noodles in one cabinet, a bottle of wine in another, cheese in the fridge, a jar of honey, and a can of corn. I opened the freezer and there were frozen ham slices in a TV dinner box. It was odd seeing all the separate food, but I grabbed the macaroni noodles, the block of cheese, the corn, the honey, and the ham.
“How about macaroni and cheese with honey glazed ham slices and a side of corn?” After I asked, it sounded funny and Deed laughed the same time I did.
“Sure. Anything’s fine, Eliza.”
I nodded, turning to grab a pot beneath the counter and fill it with water. I dumped the noodles into it, added a few pinches of salt, and then scrambled around for a cheese grater. While grating the cheese, it became silent and I looked up quickly, but Deed was already looking at me, his head tilted to the side. I forced a smile, thinking he’d snap out of his stare and look away, but he didn’t.
“Are you okay?” I asked, still forcing a smile.
He shook his head no. He continued staring at me until his eyes started glistening and he jerked away his gaze. He placed his game controller down, shaking his head and grunting as he stood from the sofa.
“Do you need help?” I asked, stopping my grating. He shook his head again.
“Just need to use the bathroom,” he said, limping his way toward the hallway. I watched him until he was out of sight, my eyebrows drawn in with concern. Water ran in the bathroom so I started grating the cheese again.
After mixing some honey with brown sugar, I coated the slices of ham and stuck them in the oven. Now all I had to do was wait for the macaroni noodles to be done. I sighed, folding my arms and leaning against the counter. Deed came out of the bathroom seeming much better. His eyes weren’t glistening.
As he entered the front room again, he met my gaze and smiled. Limping his way toward the kitchen table, he sank down into one of the seats, looking directly at me. “There’s something I wanted to ask you,” he said.
I swallowed, nodding as I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “Okay.”
“I was so rude to you—mean to you when it wasn’t even your fault. I’m sorry for that, seriously,” he said, running a heavy hand through his dark hair.
“It’s okay,” I murmured.
He nodded, swallowing noisily. “Why’d you do it?” he asked.
“Do what?” It wasn’t that I didn’t know what he was talking about; I just didn’t want to relive it again, for him or myself.
“Why did you step in?” he asked. “Why were you going to take the blow for me?”
I looked into his eyes thoughtfully and his were serious, desperate for an answer. Finally he blinked and I sighed, pressing my lips. “I just… I know how much it hurts to be… hurt by someone that you think loves you. I didn’t want you to hurt anymore.”
“So you stepped in the way and tried to take that hurt away from me?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Wow,” he breathed, his head lowering. He stared at the table for a few minutes, and to find something to do to occupy myself, I checked the oven. I then checked the noodles and saw they were done. I grabbed a strainer, dumped the noodles, and ran some cold water over them. “Thank you, Eliza,” Deed said from the table. I stopped the water, looking at him slowly. His eyes were soft, sincere. A few tears had run down his cheeks, but a small smile was on his lips.
I placed the noodles down hurriedly, rushing to his side to hug him. “You don’t have to thank me, Deed.” I sighed, hugging him tighter, but not enough to hurt his ribs. He sniffled, running the back of his hand across his nose and getting rid of the tears, but after a while he gave up on it because the tears kept streaming. We stayed that way for a while until he stopped crying. When he did, I pulled away and sat in the seat across from him.
“I just don’t get why you’ve allowed him to hit you for this long. Why didn’t you fight back?”
He shrugged, wiping his red nose again. “Because although Bentley is abusive, he was the only one who supported my dream. He was the only one who liked that I
was following after my drumming career. My mom hated it, and I know she still hates it because whenever I call her, she hardly says a thing to me. I’m the youngest of the band, twenty-two, and when we started getting noticed, I was a senior in high school. It was a decision to go after my dreams or to get my diploma. I chose my dreams and she hated my decision. After she and Bentley split, I didn’t hear from her for a while. Bentley gave up everything at home to join FireNine. I didn’t know how to thank him so I thought it was best to let him tag along.”
“But shouldn’t he be proud of you? He shouldn’t hit you,” I said, getting even more upset about his past.
“I’ll never understand Bentley.” He ran a stitched hand across his face. “He has a different way of showing how proud of me he is. He’s so strict and used to perfection that if I fuck up, he gets mad and hits me. He’s been a part of this band for so long. We were his way of making money. As much as I may not like him, he raised me and I do love him. I wanted him to be taken care of and I didn’t fight back because he’s probably done more for me than my mom has. He was more of a dad to me than my biological one…”
“Oh,” was all I could manage. He was torn. He didn’t want Bentley to lose everything so he stuck through it. But sooner or later Deed could have been brutally injured, worse than now. Bentley seemed like he was going to keep hitting harder and harder the older Deed got. “What makes him so angry?” I asked.
He shrugged, running another hand through his hair. “Don’t know. I think he had a fucked-up childhood. Saw some scars all over his back one time… It freaked me out. They were like scars from whippings. Not sure what happened, but I never wanna find out.”
I nodded. That could be understood. Perhaps Bentley released his past aggressions on Deed. Maybe for once he felt superior to someone else and used it to his advantage. It happens.
“Seriously, though,” Deed said, smiling softly and bringing me out of my crazy Bentley thoughts, “if there’s anything you need from me, you ask me. I owe you big time. I really didn’t know how I was going to get out of that one.”
I smiled back. “Anytime, Deed.”
We talked more about minor stuff like if he was going to be ready to play on Saturday and if he felt any better, and of course he was trying to man up and say he was more than ready, but by his limping, I knew he needed to heal a little more. I finished up cooking as we chatted and after the food was done, we talked over our meal and shared the bottle of wine that was in the cabinet.
I learned a lot about Deed, which surprised me. He was hiding a burden for so long that he actually opened up to me in ways that created a better bridge for our friendship. He and Montana were similar in ways, only Montana was a bit goofier and more mindless than Deed. At least Deed thought about his picks before just dragging them onto the bus and sleeping with them.
I cleaned up after we finished eating and Deed hopped back to the couch to continue his game. During my cleaning, Gage came in with overly eager eyes.
As soon as he saw me, he smiled widely and rushed for me. “What are you doing tonight?” he asked.
I grinned as he pulled me close, reeling me in. “Nothing that I know of. Why? What do you have in mind? Another party?”
“No,” he said, which caught me by surprise. “Something much better. A surprise.”
“Where at?”
“It’s a surprise, Sweet Ellie,” he said, kissing my cheek. “You’ll have to come with me to find out where and what we’re doing it.”
I kissed his cheek back, wrapping my arms around his neck. Finally, I nodded and finished up the cleaning, and Gage told me to go pack some overnight clothes. I found that odd but did so anyway, refusing to miss out on any time with him. I was even more excited when he told me to bring a few art supplies. I wasn’t sure which art supplies to bring so I went along with some paint, my sketchpad, and my drawing pencils.
I stuffed some shorts and tank tops into my small bag, my toiletries, and even a nice outfit consisting of skinny jeans, a sheer black blouse, and the Chuck Taylor’s Gage bought me. I adored him for buying them for me. I’d even teased him and said we could be twins and match one day. I didn’t know when that “one day” would be, but I tried to look over fitting the future into our present.
After I was all packed, I sent Ben a text telling him who I was spending my night with and he sent me a winky face along with another “be truthful and open up” reminder. I tried to not let it get to me as I tossed my bag onto my shoulder, headed for the front door of the bus, stepped out, and met Gage at Stan’s truck.
“You all set?” he asked, taking my bag and art supplies from me and knocking on the glass of the trunk to get Stan to unlock it.
“Yep,” I sighed. “All set.”
After tossing in my bag, he stepped in close. “You know what I’ve just realized?” Gage asked, his nose skimming across my cheek.
“What?” I breathed.
“I haven’t gotten a kiss from you all day, Ellie.” His mouth hovered right above my lips. His voice had deepened and turned silky. I shivered, delighted by the nearness of his lips. It was fall, so it was a cool night in New York, but with him this close, my insides were set on fire. Warm tingles were running all over my skin.
“How about you take one from me?” I grinned wickedly.
He raised an eyebrow, his smile expanding. “Look how untamed you’ve become. I hope it isn’t because of me,” he teased, smirking.
I laughed as he chuckled, and soon our lips met. Fire sparked throughout my entire body, trailing down to my toes and causing them to curl. I breathed in his fresh, masculine cologne and sank my fingernails into his shirt, gripping onto him, never wanting to let go. There was urgency between us. It grew as he licked the curve of my upper lip and grinned devilishly behind it. I brought his tongue to my mouth, coaxing it with a few moans and delightful groans. He nibbled at my lower lip, his hand sneaking from my waist to my breast. He swallowed my next moan and I panted as he started kissing my neck. But then a loud horn beeped, snapping us out of our eager, fervent kiss.
“You have time for that later, you two!” Stan yelled out his window. “Get your asses in this truck. I ain’t got all night!”
I giggled, glancing over my shoulder. Smirking, Gage smoothed his crumpled black T-shirt and then grabbed my hand, walking around to the passenger door behind Stan. “Sorry, Stan,” Gage said, laughing as he opened the door and allowed me in first.
Stan only chuckled, cranking the car.
As soon as Gage was in the car, Stan pulled out of the parking lot and we were off to my “surprise” destination.
SINGLE DOVE
The hotel where Gage and I were dropped off was way more than luxurious. Tower after tower, lights over lights. It was beautiful and stood out next to the New York harbor. Of course Gage had to be fancy and go with the penthouse suite. As the elevator opened, I marveled at the scenery before me.
A spacious living room with a leather couch. Candles lit in every corner. A wide window took up one side of the room, and I rushed for it to gaze out. We were right beside the Atlantic Ocean. The water rippled and a few yachts and boats were parked near the shore. I gasped, completely in awe, and then heat smoldered my backside. Warm lips touched my neck and fire ran from my throat to my toes.
“You like it?” he asked, pulling my hair back to kiss the back of my neck. I smiled, realizing he meant his question in more ways than one. He moved in closer and my stomach pressed against the glass. His masculine scent filled my lungs and I breathed him in, lacing my fingers through his.
“This was sweet of you, Gage,” I whispered.
He slowly stopped kissing me, pulling his hand away to grab mine and spin me around. “You think this is all?” he asked, a large smile on his face.
I looked around, frowning. “What’s wrong with it? I love it.”
He chuckled. “You’re adorable, Ellie. This is only the warm-up. We have bigger plans for tonight.” He kissed my cheek before pulling
away from me and going for my bag. Making his way toward me, he smiled and handed it to me. “Go get changed. I know how you like to look ‘presentable’”—he made quotation marks with his fingers—“as you put it.”
I smiled, clutching my bag. “I do. And I’m glad you know it.”
Gage tenderly kissed me on the lips before letting me go.
When I’d satisfied myself with how I looked and how I braided my hair to the side, I stepped out. He was waiting for me on the sofa, strumming his guitar. He heard me and looked up, smiling adorably. “You ready?”
“Yeah,” I murmured.
He stood from the sofa, strapped his guitar around him, took my hand, and we were on our way.
Gage and I filled up on Italian food and wine. We laughed a lot and talked just enough. We flirted and held hands. Hugged and kissed. I was having so much fun and trying my hardest to block out my time limit with him. There were moments when I thought about it and it literally hurt my heart.
I hated it.
We strolled the city, gazing up at the high towers and twinkling lights. The stars were bright and seemed closer than normal. The streets were calm but somewhat busy. A few taxis were still raiding the streets, but it was soothing, especially having Gage by my side, hand-in-hand. We’d even passed a few people who knew Gage right on the spot and he autographed a few things for them. I was glad it was a group of calm teenagers. I don’t think I could have handled girls revealing their tits that night. It would have killed my entire mood.
After Gage took a few goofy pictures with his fans, he hugged some of them and then came back to me. His smile stretched as he opened his arms wide and circled them around my waist. He kissed my cheek repeatedly, and I giggled, begging him to stop.
We continued our walk, hearing the occasional flickers and clicks of cameras. I thought about flipping some of them off, but Gage told me to act like they weren’t even there. After a while, it became easier because he would steal away my attention, but it still aggravated me because we had no privacy whatsoever.