Dream Me Off My Feet (Sex, Love, And Rock & Roll)

by Kisner, Stevie

  She arrived at the incoming-flight waiting area a scant few minutes before they disembarked. Through the concourse windows, she saw the jetway was already pulled and leeched to the side of their plane.

  She paced through the crowd, stomach in knots. I can’t wait to see him; but what if I see it, that black fog? Or, what if I don’t? What then? I’ve been so certain from those nightmares that it was true, but what do I do if it’s not? Oh, shit, I hadn’t even though of that until now…Dammit! I’ve already done the stupidest thing imaginable, splitting my heart based on what could just be the vapors…but I don’t get the vapors, that’s for old ladies and Victorian novels…I get nervous, I get visions, but I do not get hysterical or faint…wait, yes I do, but only if I haven’t eaten…when did I eat last, anyway? Yesterday? No, wait… JT made me eat a bagel this morning so I wouldn’t pass out again…and there it sits in my belly like a rock…well, at least I don’t feel like I’m gonna puke…not yet, anyway…

  Stop it.

  Right NOW!

  Jesus Christ, get a hold of yourself, woman!

  What you see, you see.

  Deal with it. Whichever it is.

  She closed her eyes and willed herself to calm with several deep breaths. As the babbling hubbub of the disembarking passengers came down the concourse, she pasted on a fake smile, too nervous to summon a real one.

  Any minute now…I’ll know what I’m doing, which way my life is headed, in just a few more seconds…

  “MOMMY!”

  A blond blur rushed through the slow-moving travelers with their low-slung carryon bags. Before she was ready, the blur slammed into her and wrapped his not-so-little-boy arms around her waist. He was solid enough to push her a half-step back, but sturdy enough that his bear hug kept her from stumbling further. She hugged him tightly and dropped a kiss onto the top of his head, inhaling deeply the smells of fruity shampoo and everything boy.

  “Oh, Zach, I’ve missed you,” she managed through his stranglehold. She still didn’t dare to look up, afraid of what she might see.

  Or not see.

  “What did you do with Daddy? Leave him on the plane?” Still not letting go. Not yet.

  “No, silly! I only ran away from him when I saw you. He should be right here,” he said.

  “Hi, sweetheart.” The deep voice, familiar for so many years, sounded from right behind their son.

  She looked up and her heart leapt at the rugged, cheerful face she loved so dearly.

  Her eyes drank him in, looking for any sign of illness. “Hi, yourself, sweetheart.” She wanted to hold him, but Zach still wasn’t letting go. Mark leaned over their son’s head and kissed her softly.

  “I’ve missed you,” he murmured against her mouth.

  “I missed you, too,” she whispered.

  She pulled back, letting her awareness rise and her guard drop, needing to see, having to know.

  What she found gave her pause.

  She was flooded with anxiety and relief, and wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or bad. She marveled at the swirling colors, as always amazed at being able to see them.

  Gnats.

  He’s surrounded by millions of them, a cloud black as night. But I know those aren’t bugs, just like that’s not blue lightning streaking around, either. This is, at least, what I expected. What I recently started planning my future around.

  I thought I was prepared, that the forewarning would make it not hurt so much….oh God, was I wrong…..

  Dammit all to hell and back.

  Her emotions were in turmoil, but her smile belied only the genuine happiness of seeing him again. She raised her arms to Mark, letting go of their son, and he pulled her in tightly. Zach wisely (finally) stepped aside to avoid getting squashed.

  As she held him, she noticed that he felt different. Diminished. Her arms seemed to wrap further around the barrel of his chest; his arms no longer seemed quite so strong (smaller?) about her.

  Oh, honey, why didn’t you say anything? Why?

  “Let’s get out of this crowded airport so we can find somewhere to be alone,” he said low into her ear. “I’ve really missed you…” She smiled wider.

  “Okay, then come on, you two,” she said, stepping out of his arms and tugging them both along. “I know where the baggage claim is since I was there an hour ago. And then I have a surprise for you both.” At least mine’s pleasant….

  Zach was all but hopping out of his skin. “What is it? What kind of a surprise? Tell me tell me tell me!”

  She turned, walking along backwards. “Want to ride in a limo, courtesy of the band?”

  “Can we just forget the suitcases and go riding now? Can I stand up through the sunroof? Is there a refrigerator with cold soda? Does the window to the front seat go up and down like in the movies?” Zach paused to breathe and she answered before he could start again.

  “No, maybe, yes, and yes it does. So let’s get your suitcases first, and then we can check it all out, okay?”

  They arrived at the baggage carousel, and Korina was stunned to see how many bags they’d packed. Maybe he has less time left than I thought…

  In the limousine, the minutes stretched in the nervous silence that was broken only by Zach’s exclamations of delight as he investigated the passenger compartment. He was a bouncing blur of fingers on buttons and levers, playing with every possible gadget the limousine had to offer (what does this button do? and this one? oooh, and this one?).

  Zach’s constant raising and lowering of the glass partition which separated the front from the back had the chauffeur gruff and irritated by the time they arrived at the hotel. As he guided the long car through the circular drive to the front doors, he decided he preferred drunken rock stars having sex in the back over kids playing with the privacy screen

  Mark insisted on carrying the suitcases to the suite, no bellhops or luggage racks for assistance. He wanted to use his strength while he still had it.

  “A suite?” he remarked as she unlocked the door. “Isn’t this kind of expensive, honey? I mean, I like the privacy and all, but still…”

  “We’re ‘overhead,’ babe. It’s part of the cost of the tour, so the band pays. They booked the entire floor; they do that whenever they can for security. Normally, I’ve just had a room, but since there’s three of us, JT gave up having a suite so we can have a closed door, if you catch my meaning.”

  Mark trundled the suitcases into the bedroom, flashing her a grin. “Remind me to thank him. Later. When I let you out of this big bed.”

  “Where am I going to sleep?” asked Zach with a slight whine, noticing there was only one bedroom and one bed.

  “The couch is a hide-away bed, so you can sleep right by the TV. The cable has the cartoon channel. I already checked.”

  “Cool! And Dad let me pack my Xbox, so I won’t get too bored.”

  I guess he does plan to come along for quite a long time, then. For a long weekend, happy-to-see-you-again lovemaking or not, Mark would not be bringing the video games to keep him occupied.

  “After homework, remember?” intoned Mark.

  “Yes, Dad, I remember. Did Dad tell you he got my schoolwork so we can stay with you for a while?”

  She smiled at her son, but her eyes didn’t register much surprise. “Really? That’s wonderful. Now I won’t have to miss you.” Zach was already unpacking the videogame console. “Do you need help setting that up?” she asked.

  “No, I can do it. I know how,” he replied as he rooted around in the zippered nylon bag for the game controllers.

  “Okay. Your dad and I are going into the other room to talk. Just knock if you need anything, all right?”

  “ ‘kay.” He was already hooking up the various cords and plugs.

  Mark followed her into the bedroom and slowly closed the door. “Come here, beautiful,” he said, pulling her into his arms. “I want to talk to every inch of your body.”

  ****

  JT was restless, knowing she had
returned with her family. He couldn’t possibly miss it, they were noisy and he was right next door. Even if they had been silent, the now-familiar warming bloomed deep inside, telling him she was once again nearby. He wondered what she’d seen, if they’d talked yet. How sick was he? How long did he have? He sighed loudly. I’ve got to stop thinking about it. I’ll find out when she tells me, and I’ll have to be patient until then. I’m just not good at being patient.

  He tried watching television, but nothing held his interest. I need a distraction. His eyes fell to his suitcase. Well, there’s always my favorite reading material. It’s never failed to get me lost before…

  He pulled out the sizable sheaf of paper and began to flip through it, looking for his favorite part. He settled against the pillows and began reading about himself, Cherie (Korina, his mind whispered), and a freight elevator…

  … “Getting on, luv?” he repeated. “I promise, I won’t bite.” Unless you want me to.

  “I’m sorry. I just didn’t expect anyone to be on the elevator. You gave me a start.” Cherie stepped to the opposite wall and leaned back, eyes trained on the scuffed tile. JT reached out to the button for the top floor, his gaze never leaving her form.

  Just don’t look at him again, she told herself, and you’ll get through this. Look, and you’re lost.

  “Hellooo.” Again, that soft rumble. She ignored him, keeping her eyes locked on the floor.

  “Cherie (Korina, came that whisper again).” This time, the voice was quieter, but closer. She shook her head slowly.

  “Cherie (Kori).” The toes of his canvas tennis shoes came into her view. “Please, luv, look at me.” She stuffed her hands into the pockets of her jeans and shook her head no. Just don’t come any closer, she pleaded silently. Her rapid heartbeat roared in her ears.

  God help me, but I want her, JT thought (and I do want her so…). I never stopped wanting her (I can’t stop. How am I going to manage this now?). Need to touch her, taste her lips. He felt a stirring in his groin at being so close to her. So close, but still too far away, out of his reach. He took another step forward, willing her to look up at him.

  “Don’t ignore me, love. Please.” His tone was pleading, his voice just a shade above a husky whisper. She could feel the heat radiating from his body. Cherie wanted to throw her arms around him with reckless abandon, pull him close, feel his hard, strong body against hers. Please don’t do this, JT, she inwardly begged. We made a decision, you and I, and now you tempt me so to break it…

  JT sighed and settled deeper into the pillows, his imagination working overtime. He flipped the page and kept reading.

  ****

  Mark and Kori lay in a tangled, sweaty heap on the bed, her head snuggled into his shoulder, an emotional tug-of-war waging in her mind.

  I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to do this…

  But I have to know.

  She swallowed heavily over the boulder in her throat.

  I need to know.

  No secrets. Not about this.

  She parted her lips to speak.

  No! Don’t…

  “Honey?” she said softly.

  His arm tightened around her and he sighed. “Yeah, babe?”

  Shut up! Shut up!

  A deep breath shored up her mental braces. Headlong and damn the consequences…

  “How long do you have?” Her voice cracked. “Until you get really ill?”

  Ah, shit. I wasn’t ready to talk about this, not this soon. I wanted to wait until it was so apparent that she’d have to ask or I would have to tell. It can’t be obvious yet, can it? I’ve lost only about ten pounds so far, that’s not very much. I don’t think I look any smaller. I’m not pale, my color’s still good. The whites of my eyes haven’t taken on any yellow yet. How could she know? That’s a stupid question. Remember who, or more specifically what, you’re married to. She dreams, she sees, some intuition tells her. No matter how she knows, she knows. Maybe this is why she was looking at me so oddly at the airport. She sees….things.

  Mark’s reply was soft and unwavering as he stared at the smooth ceiling. “Four months. Maybe less.” He held his breath.

  Tears surprised her eyes. With monumental effort, she resisted the urge to raise her head from the curve of his shoulder. She wanted to rail and cry, beat her fists against his chest and ask him why he hadn’t told her, why he’d waited so long and wasted so much irretrievable time.

  She made the painful decision to ignore her own feelings, to not squander any of the time left by pointing fingers. The amount of time gone was irrelevant. How much was left, and what they did with it, was truly all that mattered. She could be angry about it when he wasn’t nearby; she could hate him for it after he was gone.

  She swallowed hard and her voice came out choked and thick. “Four months is…God, honey, that isn’t long. We’ll go home now, so you can be as comfortable as possible. I’m sure leaving won’t really be a —”

  “NO.” Mark broke in. “I’ll be damned if I spend my remaining months with my son in bits and pieces while he’s in school. I will not have his last memories be me riding his ass to get his homework done, to turn off light switches or to put his bike away. I won’t be weak and alone while you do laundry and run errands. I will not watch you fall apart, day after sad boring day, crying all over my shirt. Oh, no. No way.”

  He shifted to look down into her face. “What I want, how I want to spend what time I have, is to see you smile. I want to watch you doing what you love and make damn sure that you have this job for keeps; I don’t ever want you working at that drugstore again. I want to travel with my son and see the wonder on his face when he looks at new places. I want him to remember this as the best time of his life. Not the worst.”

  He summoned a sad smile. “I want to have fun with what time I have left with you. I want to make sure that this band you’re working for are really as great as they seem. Will they make a good extended family for you and Zach? Will they look after you? I want to know just whose hands I’m leaving you in. That they can hold you both tightly, and that they want to do it.”

  The tears she’d been holding in check surged, and she let them fall.

  ****

  She felt the press of his skin against her behind and his two hands curved on her hips; Korina was standing head down, pulling her hair into a ponytail and twisting it into a tight topknot on the crown of her head.

  “Whatcha doin’?” he singsonged.

  “Trying to keep my hair dry when we take a shower. We’ve left Zach alone long enough out there. I don’t want him getting bored and going off in search of who-knows-what if we’re in here too long. Plus, I didn’t want to hassle with washing my hair when it wasn’t what got all sweaty.” She shook her head lightly, still bent over upside-down, testing the pins that anchored her hair in place.

  “Keep aiming your butt at me and shaking it and our shower will have to wait until after Round Two,” Mark bumped his hips against hers.

  She straightened, grimacing slightly, then noticed his look of concern. “You know how crying always gives me a headache. Ugh,” she answered . “No Round Two right now. I’m trying to save time here, not use up more of it.”

  He reached into the shower and turned on the hot tap. “You’re no fun.”

  “That’s not what you thought a little while ago.”

  His eyes twinkled and sparked. “A little while ago, you were lots of fun.” The twinkle dimmed. “But you’re right, we really shouldn’t leave Zach alone too much longer. He missed you almost as much as I did.”

  Korina tested the temperature of the water, then pulled aside the curtain and stepped into the steam. Damn, I hope a shower gets rid of this headache before it becomes a full-blown thumper. She dropped her chin and let the hot spray pound her shoulders and the top of her spine.

  Mark slid the shower curtain a few inches to one side, intending to join her. He stopped, his hand still clutching the edge of th
e curtain, and simply watched her instead. He noticed the lines of tension at the corners of her closed eyes, marring the otherwise peaceful beauty of her face. I am so sorry I had to hurt you again, that the selfish actions of that driver who just wouldn’t put away his car keys when he was too drunk to drive still has to hurt you all these years later.

  She angled her neck and winced, letting the punishing spray wash over a particularly tender curve. It was a fleeting, tiny flinch, but he noticed. Ah, hell. Maybe I should have lied and told her she didn’t see what she thought she saw. Like she’d believe me. I could have told her I had more time left than I do. People constantly take an unexpected turn for the worse when they’re seriously ill. Except that she sees right through me. I can hide things, but lie? Never. I never could lie to this woman and get away with it. She always knew. I’m so sorry, Kori. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. Dammit.

  He let the shower curtain fall back into place.

  “Why didn’t you get in with me? I thought we were going to share a shower,” Korina said as she pulled the pins from her long coil of hair. She tugged out the rubber band and shook her head, letting the long waves cascade over the shoulders of her bathrobe.

  Mark was standing next to her in front of the steamy bathroom mirror, toweling off the remaining drops of moisture that trickled down his back “Maybe I should have instead of getting in after you were done, since you used up all the hot water. But it seemed so small in there compared to our shower at home. I didn’t want another falling-out-of-the-shower scene like in our first apartment.”

  She giggled at the memory, making him smile.

  On the first night in their new apartment, after a long day of moving and unpacking, Mark suggested they shower together to wash off the sweat and dust. He was hoping for a romantic interlude in the steamy water.

  The tub was smaller than they were used to and the spray from the showerhead was as narrow as a tiny flashlight beam. Mark was ever the gentleman, and let Korina be first under the water. She washed her hair while he waited at the dry end of the tub, then suggested they switch places.