Dream Me Off My Feet (Sex, Love, And Rock & Roll)

by Kisner, Stevie

  I don’t like being anxious. And I don’t like that she can make me feel that way and I can’t do anything about it. It ought to feel like too much. Too involved, too invasive, too much emotion, too tied to her. But it doesn’t.

  Instead, it feels like it can’t ever be enough. And that scares the hell out of me.

  Twenty

  They pulled into the underground parking garage of the Cincinnati hotel shortly after nine that Saturday evening, nearly seven hours after recovering the troublesome cell phone and hitting the road again. Kori was emotionally and mentally exhausted from trying to outrun the burgeoning blizzard. Her body, however, was riding the familiar adrenaline buzz of running on empty for far too long. Her hands were trembling with pent-up energy as she opened the trunk to remove their suitcases. Mark woke up muzzy and still tired; it was all he could do to drag himself from the car up to their room. She and Zach wrangled their scant luggage back upstairs and dropped it in a heap just inside the suite’s door.

  Zach begged off eating dinner, saying he wanted to just lay down and watch television until he fell asleep. Kori noticed the dark smudges still lurking under his eyes and didn’t object. He was snoring lightly before the first cartoon ended.

  Mark took himself off to bed again, still dressed but for his shoes. Kori watched him go with a sinking heart, wondering how much longer he could continue at this pace before it was all too overwhelming and they had to return home for the last time. He was pushing himself for everyone’s sake but his own. She sighed heavily. It was a closed argument. Until he couldn’t get out of bed by himself any more, he’d said, they would trek along with the band and give their son the kind of memories of his dad that he’d truly want to remember. She wondered how much longer it would be until their vacation from reality would end and they’d go back to their little house on the outskirts of Albuquerque. And then the waiting would begin.

  So much for recovering my wits and getting rested on a long weekend with just my family.

  Just my family. Those words held a different meaning now. She’d been welcomed easily and openly right from the start. These men were more than just bosses or coworkers. After all, she’d never seen any previous employers running around almost naked before. And I don’t think there were any I’d have wanted to, either.

  But these guys… apart from JT, she’d really only gotten comfortable enough with Rafe to call him her friend. The others were warm and funny and treated her as an equal, but there was something more welcoming about him than the others. She could sense his deep inner calm and strength when she needed a sounding board and confidant. Besides, because Rafe and JT were as close as brothers, he was naturally the one she’d turned to.

  She didn’t want to disturb Mark or Zach by making a telephone call, but Kori needed to make JT aware that they had returned, tired but otherwise intact. She was feeling jumpy and edgy, and only a small portion was from driving in the storm. The rest was JT’s worry mainlining into her head. She was far too tired to shut him out and until she put an end to it she’d never be able to rest.

  She approached JT’s door, but a nervous tickle in the pit of her stomach told her he wasn’t all that close by. She knocked anyway, and wasn’t surprised when he didn’t answer. Maybe he’s with Rafe. Even if he’s not, I’ve got to let someone know we’re back.

  She thought Rafe looked at her rather oddly when he answered her knock on his door, but didn’t ask about the meaning behind his stare. JT’s overwhelming concern tuned out all perceptions of any higher planes, so that option was out, too. She was too tired to care, anyway. All she wanted was to sleep and find a spot of peaceful oblivion away from the worries of her life. Rafe said JT had gone to the little shop in the lobby for a newspaper and a couple of lighters, and that he’d tell him when he came back up. He mumbled a comment about knowing he’d see him, since one of the lighters was to replace the one he’d borrowed and lost.

  Kori was acutely aware of his return; the anxiety pipeline was instantly turned off and with it went the remains of her energy. She had a last hazy thought that someone had stolen her batteries then fell asleep sitting upright in the stiff sitting room chair.

  ****

  The next three weeks passed in a blur of cities and venues. Christmas trees and Santa Clauses had sprouted everywhere, but a celebration of the upcoming holiday was about as far from Kori’s mind as planting a summer flower garden. Instead of coming back refreshed and energized, the return trip had robbed her of every shred she’d recovered. And JT’s dreamtime assault was just as bad, if not worse, than before Thanksgiving.

  It seemed he’d somehow managed to jack up the wattage. No slumber went undisturbed, a casual passing brush in a crowded hallway slammed home heated images, even sliding sideways glances now held more than just his gaze. To further complicate things, it seemed the harder she tried to avoid any direct interaction, the more often Mark brought them together.

  Kori was sure Mark didn’t know what JT was doing; she wasn’t even certain JT did. He acted innocently enough. And while she studiously avoided being alone with JT, Mark constantly sought him out. They were becoming thick as thieves during the diminishing time Mark spent awake and sociable. When he wasn’t with Zach, he was with JT. It became increasingly apparent that the time he reserved for her alone was only when he needed comfort or a soothing hand. If she wanted to spend any ‘good’ time with her husband while he was lucid, she had to join him when he was with JT. And almost every time, he grew tired and would beg off the remainder of a conversation or the rest of a poker game, needing to retire to his bunk to lie down. Leaving them alone.

  Kori frequently didn’t finish whatever had been started. It was hard enough to maintain her sanity when JT was (mostly) distracted by her husband and the imagery was intermittent and semi-chaste. She didn’t want to stick around to see what it might become without the chaperone.

  She would excuse herself to be with her son, with Rafe, to watch another inane cartoon video, to do anything or even nothing at all but stare out the window and watch the miles go by. JT found himself increasingly dumbfounded by her sheer avoidance. Living in the close quarters they shared on the tourbus didn’t afford him the privacy to ask her why, and at every hotel stop, she clung to Mark like Velcro.

  If not for the occasional emotional leakage he picked up when she was visibly tired and straining, he would have begun to doubt her feelings. He lived for those unguarded moments to bolster the patience of a normally impatient man.

  Something about the way Rafe had looked at her upon their return occasionally tickled at the fringes of her mind, especially when she caught a sideways glimpse of his stare and turned to meet it full on. He’d quickly look away, but not before she saw it again. That warm yet measuring look held something else as well, but it never lingered long enough for her to figure out just what it was. And between trying to hold off JT’s kinetic assault and giving what energy she could spare to Mark, she was too tired to step up her awareness for a more thorough assessment. She wasn’t sure she really cared all that much, anyway.

  The exhaustion was once again a daily fight, and the bizarre trails of color were back with a vengeance. The long break for the band to spend Christmas with their families was rapidly approaching, and couldn’t come fast enough for Kori. Her own Christmas wish list was short; all she wanted was a stocking filled with naps and dreamless sleep in bed at home. Unfortunately, Saint Nick doesn’t grant the wishes of grown-ups.

  ****

  “They what?” JT shouted into the phone. “Stuart, how can they cancel an overseas flight because of a domestic snowstorm? Are you sure it’s not just delayed?” He raked one hand over the top of his head and grabbed a fistful of hair.

  This can’t be happening. I cannot be stranded in a hotel room for the holidays. Alone. I was supposed to be seeing my mum and dad, dammit! I wish I’d left when Rafe did yesterday evening, but I hate the overnight flights over the ocean. I’d much rather fly all day, instead. Dammit, dammi
t, dammit.

  Times like this I wonder why I didn’t move here to the States like most of the band did. Hell, even Stuart lives here now. But my only family is back in England, and so’s Rafe. And I need both of them around to stay grounded.

  Grounded. Hah. I certainly am that today. So bleedin’ grounded.

  The tour manager’s voice buzzed in his ear, yanking him back to the present. “I know I’m not a pilot, Stu. But I still don’t see how such a small storm can cancel the flight. In half an hour, we’ll be out of it and over open ocean.”

  Stuart explained that the squall was heading inland from the Atlantic, and the jet’s engines were already having ice problems during just the pre-flight check. Even if they flew out the other side of the storm, it was colder and wetter over the water and just too dangerous to fly. Interior flights were still leaving on time, he said, so everyone else was still lucky enough to head home. “See, JT? I knew all your questions in advance and made sure to have the answers so you can put your mind at ease. Well, as at ease as you can be, anyway. See, there’s one other problem…”

  Well, hell. How can this get worse? “Just tell me what it is, Stu.” His sigh echoed through the telephone.

  “You have to check out today.”

  “Beg pardon?”

  “The hotel’s booked solid, and there’s not a room to be had. Yours is reserved for someone else, and you have to vacate in two hours.”

  Well, fuck. Christmas alone on the tourbus. That’s gonna suck. “I’ll get my stuff ready to pack back into the bus.” JT’s shoulders slumped in disappointment.

  “Uh, no, you can’t do that, either, JT. The bus was scheduled for maintenance over the break, and it’s already in the shop. All your remaining luggage was tagged and shipped to the airport to fly back home with you.” He cleared his throat. “I can get it back. Or change the flight it’s on.”

  I had to go and wonder how it could get any worse. Stupid, JT. Stupid, stupid, stupid. “I have nowhere to keep it, and nowhere to go. Let it stay where it is. For now. I’m more worried about where I’m going to be than where my clothes are.”

  “You could spend the holiday with me and my family, JT. You know you’re always welcome. Or with one of the others. I’m sure they wouldn’t tell you no. We’re a family, JT.”

  JT knew how much they all looked forward to spending time apart from one another after being thrown into such close quarters during the tour. And to being just normal families, which was more important than anything where their children were concerned.

  “No. I’ll work something out somewhere. Don’t miss your own flight trying to make sure I have a place to be. I’m a big boy, Stuart, and I can take care of myself.”

  ****

  JT tried with every airline that flew overseas, and got the same response. All flights to Europe, no matter the airport he landed in or left from, were booked. Standby, too, was pretty full, they told him. The chances of him leaving before Christmas Day were slim to none. And now he had only thirty minutes to vacate the room. They’d politely reminded him of that with a telephone call to his room five minutes earlier.

  Well, there’s one option left that I can think of. Not the one I wanted to use, but it seems it’s all I have left. “Fuck,” he mumbled, stepping through his door to knock on Kori’s, two rooms down. He remembered that they weren’t due to leave until tomorrow. I can at least sack out on the couch in their suite, if it comes down to that. Then, maybe, if I’m really lucky, I can finagle a flight to LA and spend Christmas by myself at my little vacation house in the hills.

  Kori answered almost immediately, and indicated for him to keep it low. “Mark’s sleeping right now,” she stage-whispered. “He had an awful time last night and he’s just exhausted.”

  She doesn’t look too far from that herself.

  “What’s up, JT? Come to say goodbye for the holidays?” She’d been hoping to see him one last time before he left. She was no longer angry or even annoyed by his sensory invasions. She was ready to unravel with just one more pluck at her threads.

  “Uh, no, not really. Look, luv,” he said, cutting the vowel short for her son’s ears, “is there somewhere we can have a quiet word alone?” Comfortable with them or not, he felt embarrassed at having to ask to stay on their couch for the night.

  Her eyes slid to her son, sitting nearby on the couch. He was reading a magazine filled with tips for winning at video games. “Sure. Want to go out in the hall or something?” she asked, needing to keep their conversation as public as possible.

  “Actually, I’d really like a smoke right about now, and that’s forbidden out here. Would you mind if we went to my room for a moment?” He noticed her hesitation and added, “I have to check out in less than half an hour, Kori.”

  She nodded. “Honey?” she called softly to Zach, “I’m going to JT’s room for a cigarette instead of freezing my butt off out on the patio. I’ll be back in a few minutes, okay?”

  “’Kay, Mom,” he said without looking away from the glossy pages. “I’ll tell Dad if he wakes up.”

  She inclined her head toward the door, indicating for him to go first. He held the door for her instead, following her out.

  He couldn’t help it. He noticed the slight sway of her hips as she walked a step ahead, and he sighed. Quit it, Blackwood. Just put those thoughts away. You’re asking for a place to sleep, not asking to sleep with her.

  “Cut it out, JT,” she echoed his thoughts. “I can hear the wheels turning in that brain of yours, and quite frankly, you’ve been thinking much too loud lately. Again.”

  His eyebrows arched. “Beg pardon, love?”

  She stopped in front of his door; the drawn-out vowel wasn’t lost on her any more than the shortened one was a moment ago. “Oh, never mind. I’m sure it isn’t on purpose. You’re just being you, and I have to live with that.”

  He stepped up behind, near enough for the heat from his body to radiate into her back. She reached for the knob with a shaking hand and felt his fingers close over hers, stilling the quiver.

  “Your hand is cold, love. And you’re trembling. Are you all right?” he said from too close to her ear.

  She twisted the knob without a reply and stepped inside, a safe distance away again. She turned to face him but kept her eyes trained to the toes of his shoes; she didn’t think she could look into those emerald eyes and not dive in.

  Even if I couldn’t read her like my favorite book, it’s so obvious that she’s uncomfortable. And that comment she made before, in the hall. Have I been doing it again? But I can’t help it if I don’t know what I’m doing and don’t know how to control it. Just ignore it, JT. Make it a big deal and it becomes one.

  He stepped to the table and picked up the pack of cigarettes with his lighter tucked neatly inside. “Kori?” he said quietly. “You left yours in your room. Do you want one of mine?” She mutely nodded her head. He shook two from the pack and held one out to her, but she didn’t see; her gaze was still focused below his knees.

  He stepped closer and took her hand. Kori’s head jerked up but she retained just enough control to keep from meeting his eyes. He pressed the cigarette into her palm, then drew a lingering finger slowly down the back of her hand as he pulled away. She gasped as a jolt of his thoughts invaded her mind.

  – No, dammit, no! Not here, not now, not this way. Keep yourself together, Blackwood. She’s trusting you…even though you’ve apparently and unknowingly abused that trust just recently. Don’t try to entice those entrancing eyes upward. No hands, no lips…oh lord that mouth… goddamn but I miss those soft lips… A vivid image of his fingertip tracing languidly over the cupid’s bow of her lip brought a tingle as if he’d actually touched her.

  Her gaze sidled over his shoulder to the wall and stayed there as she stepped away from him. Her shoulders slumped and she sighed as the connection was broken.

  Kori cleared her throat, but her voice failed anyway. “What…”

  She started again.
“What was it you needed, JT? I really shouldn’t be gone for too long. Mark wakes up a lot and he… He usually calls for me when he wakes up.”

  An embarrassed smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “God, I hate asking people for help,” he mumbled. Louder, he said, “My flight’s been canceled due to bad weather. My room has been booked to someone else and I have to be out in about fifteen more minutes. And the tourbus was sent for maintenance yesterday.”

  She waited for him to continue.

  “And the hotel’s booked solid. So are all of them in the area, due to the storm. Coastal and overseas flights have all been canceled until further notice. Only flights heading inland, away from the storm front, can leave.” He set down the unlit cigarette and sighed. “I need a place to stay for the night, Kori, so I can figure out where I’m going to spend Christmas. Can I… can I sleep on the couch in your room tonight?”

  She blew out a long breath. “Of course, JT. What’d you think, I’d make you sleep in the lobby?” She looked at him with a warm smile. As his eyes met hers, she had a fleeting thought of what she’d just agreed to and then all rationality fled under his exquisite stare.

  He stepped closer; the smile slid from her face but she didn’t back away. With another half-step he had his hands on her shoulders, his eyes still mesmerizing hers. Her lips parted on a tiny sigh as his face dropped closer.

  I know I ought not to, but oh God, Kori… He closed the last inches to brush her mouth lightly with his. Stop! Godammit JT, stop! His tongue ignored his conscience and slid between her lips. Her never-lit cigarette fell forgotten to the floor. He trapped a low whimper as she yielded beneath him, her hands sliding up his chest to wind around his neck and twist into his hair.