Dream Me Off My Feet (Sex, Love, And Rock & Roll)

by Kisner, Stevie

  Maintaining the barrier was tiring, the past nine days of caring nonstop for Mark took their toll, and being filled with worry for the last fourteen hours since the ambulance was smashed by a speeding car wore her down even further. Most likely, with a hasty reopening of herself, she’d end up unconscious on the floor and be unable to plug the current for hours.

  Lowering her defenses to read Mark, if he was even findable in his condition, meant she was vulnerable to a full-scale JT invasion. And she knew he would try. Sure enough, as she softened her guard, she felt him. A constant lurking nudge she had to find some way to deny.

  ****

  Done. It’s done and it took damn near everything I had. And all for nothing. He’s too far gone for me to find. Her neck ached and she wasn’t sure when or how, but at some point someone had buried white-hot stones underneath her shoulder blades. She shrugged and cautiously rolled her shoulders, but it didn’t make a dent in the burning pain. She was reconnecting with the physical world after a lengthy internal retreat and her body actively hated her for making it stay in one position for so long. She twisted her head a fraction to the right was rewarded with a series of loud pops and flaring red stars behind her closed eyelids.

  “That sounded like it must’ve hurt.” The unexpected and all-too-familiar voice came from a few feet above her left elbow, and if she hadn’t still been somewhat disconnected, she would have startled right out of the chair.

  Kori was thankful that her face was turned away. The last thing she wanted was for JT to know she hadn’t had the foggiest clue that he’d even gotten off the airplane already. Damn! Ever since I began opening up again, I’d sensed him getting closer, but right next to me? How’d he manage that? Either I must have been completely out of it or he’s getting entirely too good at controlling what I can pick up.

  “Nah, it cracks and pops all the time,” she replied, forcing a casual tone and hoping it sounded like she’d already known he was there. Her stiff spine and the ache in the tops of her thighs where her elbows had settled screamed a reminder that she’d been in the same position for hours. She swung her head to the left and, fighting a wave of dizziness, gingerly eased her eyes open.

  Although she saw him from just the knees down, it was obvious he’d dressed for comfort, wearing his favorite pair of baggy, faded jeans and an old battered pair of canvas tennis shoes. She squinted through the room’s twilight to look harder at the fraying hems of his pants and, despite the grim circumstances, felt the beginnings of a smile tugging at her lips.

  “Did you dress in a hurry after the show, JT?” she asked, neatly sidestepping the confused statements her still somewhat groggy brain was attempting to get her mouth to blurt.

  “Beg pardon?”

  She wished she had the courage to further unbend and look at his face, but since all she was likely to see were fuzzy grayouts and starflashes, she stayed put. And tried to remember when she had last bothered to eat. She wasn’t sure if it was at the beginning of this interminably long day or if she’d snacked on something the day before, but was certainly long enough ago that it wouldn’t keep her from getting lightheaded when it came time to straighten up. She just hoped she wouldn’t pass out and land headfirst on the dingy tile, a replay of that afternoon which now seemed to be part of a previous lifetime.

  “You forgot your socks. Your hems are sort of folded up and crinkled so I can see your ankles, and you’re not wearing any.”

  She watched his toes wriggle in the thin canvas shoes. “I packed a small satchel to bring here with me and sent the rest of my bags to be loaded onto the tourbus. I forgot to leave out a pair for after the show.”

  In the pause she felt a familiar, gentle warmth glide through her thoughts that she couldn’t muster the strength to deflect. “I know you’re stalling and trying to distract me, Kori. Quit it.”

  JT sensed from the easy peek into her mind that she was exhausted, and it left her defenseless. He also picked up that she’d broken down all of her barriers. And that his presence in the room had taken her by surprise. Somehow he’d managed to arrive underneath her reactivated radar. He wasn’t sure if it was his own doing or hers. He rather hoped it was hers. The time when she’d really need him was coming on faster than any of them had anticipated, and Kori would have to believe in him absolutely for her soul to mend.

  “I am not,” she retorted. “I’m just really tired and can’t help noticing the stupidest little things, and then whatever I’m thinking pops out of my mouth.” She peered up as high as she could without raising her head, hoping to catch a glimpse of his expression to see if he believed her. She was too tired to extend her awareness with any sort of focus to check his thoughts.

  JT knew she was stretching the truth to the breaking point. He’d only seen her less than razor sharp when she was lurking in the rafters at the show in Salt Lake City and had gotten secondhand stoned. Even when she was avoiding him and drank herself silly, her self-control remained.

  “How long have you been here, Kori?” he asked softly.

  “I have no idea. What time is it?”

  “Just past three.”

  “In the morning? Jesus. Zach and I got here around noon. And my neighbor picked him up at around four.” Kori rolled her head slowly, still too chicken to sit up properly. “You do the math. I’m too damn tired.”

  JT crossed his arms and adopted a sterner tone. “That’s fifteen hours. You need to get some rest.”

  “Rest from what? Sitting? I’m fine. This sorry excuse for a chair suits me fine. Or maybe you could have them wheel me in some sort of cot or bed. I’ve asked for one and gotten nowhere. Maybe you can charm them into it. The nurses don’t seem to like me too much since I got on their asses to keep the overhead lights off.” She tilted her head back to look up at him and was mildly pleased to find it brought only one rather loud crunching sound and frazzled her vision around the edges just the slightest bit. “I’m not leaving, JT.”

  JT sighed heavily. He’d expected a fight to get her to leave for even a little while and she wasn’t disappointing him. “You need sleep, Kori. You just told me how tired you are.”

  “I’ll sleep here. Somewhere. Drag in another chair for my feet and finagle me a blanket. But I’m not going anywhere, JT. Something might happen…”

  “I’m not gonna lie to you and tell you it won’t. But whether you’re here or not here won’t prevent it, love.”

  The tears she’d fought since being emotionally broadsided on the way to the hospital welled and she had to close her eyes to keep them in check. “It’s not that I expect it to make any difference for Mark,” she whispered thickly. “I know it won’t. But I have to be here for me. I need to say goodbye, even if he can’t hear me. And I won’t do that until I have to. Until the very last possible minute.”

  “But —”

  “But nothing.” She pushed herself upright and JT saw the muscles in her cheek flinch over her grinding jaw. “I’m not leaving. Food, sleep, whatever I need can and will wait if I can’t take care of it from this room.”

  The eyes that met his were a deep aqua blue and flaring with defiance. JT decided that not provoking her was the wisest course. Her molten glare told him he’d already lost anyway. And giving in rankled; JT wasn’t one to easily back down, even when he thought he was wrong, but especially when he knew he was right.

  His eyes narrowed and held hers with matching intensity. A formless sensation of challenge drilled into his thoughts, lingering for a moment before winking out as completely as if it had never been. The blaze in her stare dwindled to embers and he had no intention of rekindling this particular flame. She’d made her point.

  “If I can scare up a cot or something, can I have your word that you’ll try to get some sleep?”

  “I can only promise not to fight to stay awake. Anything more than that… well, I think sleep is just unlikely to find me right now, JT.” Kori slid one hand into the crook of her neck and let her head fall back. A burst of snaps broug
ht the stars sparkling into her vision for a repeat and she groaned softly. “I wish you a lot of luck getting anything for my comfort. I’ve asked several times and been told there wasn’t anything available, not even a spare pillow.”

  JT glanced toward the door, then back down at Kori. She was slowly rolling her head from side to side and her eyes had drifted closed again. “Don’t worry, Kori. I’ll find you something and bring it right back.”

  As much as he longed to pull her to her feet and envelope her in his arms, he couldn’t; she appeared hell-bent on staying in the thinly-padded chair. Even a simple reassuring touch struck him as an unwelcome intrusion. He didn’t need any special radar to see her attitude flashing in neon letters a foot high. All he could do was wish strength and comfort in her direction and hope some of it made it through.

  JT’s eyes swept over her one more time and, sighing heavily, he headed out of the room to see to the needs that she would allow him to address.

  JT slipped into an unoccupied room and began tugging the blanket from the bed. I guess it was fortuitous that I didn’t write down the room number when I spoke to Zach’s sitter and found out which hospital to go to. If I had the number, then I wouldn’t have had to look in almost every room on this floor to find her, and I wouldn’t have known that half the rooms don’t have anyone in them. He stepped to the head of the bed and plucked up the pillow, dropped the stolen bedding onto the seat of the chair stationed nearby, then bent and slid his hands under the seat. When he straightened, the load of linens was tucked neatly against his chest and he said a silent prayer of thanks that the doors were propped open in the unused rooms.

  He was only a few steps from completing his pilfering completely undetected and was congratulating himself when he nearly walked into a short, steely-haired nurse as she rounded the corner of an adjoining hallway. He stepped smoothly to the side and continued on his way to the room.

  The stout, troll-faced woman stopped abruptly and glared at him. “And just where do you think you’re—”

  “Oops, sorry, luv. Shhh,” JT interrupted. With a smile and a wink, he pushed down on the dull steel door handle with his left elbow and backed through the door.

  Kori had been in a trancelike state, fully conscious but nearly dozing. JT’s voice and the thump of something solid bouncing off the doorframe brought her fully back into herself and she jerked upright in her seat.

  He’d have made one helluva pirate. Look at him walk, he’s almost bouncing, for chrissake. Kori took in the armful of booty and JT’s lopsided smile and one corner of her mouth quirked up, a faint answering echo. “What did you do, rob another room?”

  JT set down the load near her feet. “As a matter of fact, I did. A lot of the rooms are empty, so I just helped m’self.” He picked up the pillow and blanket and dropped them to the floor, then stood in front of her with his hands outstretched.

  Kori simply looked up at his face.

  JT wiggled his fingers as if he could conjure her to her feet.

  She continued to gaze at him without comprehension.

  “Up on your feet for a moment,” he said in exasperation. “Let’s stretch you out and get rid of those kinks before you try to settle in for a while.” He grabbed her hands from her lap and slowly pulled her up.

  Kori thought she might actually make it, but halfway up, her vision clouded and the stiff muscles in her thighs cramped in protest. She gave a little cry as her knees buckled and she girded herself to encounter a much closer view of all that shiny gray tile.

  JT quickly snatched her into his chest and wrapped one arm tightly around her back to keep her there. As his hand gently stroked her side, his temper spiked.

  “When was the last time you ate something, Kori?” he asked in a low voice.

  She buried her face in the cleft of his arm that was playing lightly over her ribcage and didn’t answer.

  He slid his hand up to cup her shoulder, effectively removing her hiding place, and forced her back just enough to look down at her face. “Dammit Kori,” he growled, “answer me. When, and what, was the last thing that you ate?”

  She shook her head and looked down.

  “I’m sure you’re gonna get pissed off, but you can grouse at me later for this,” he mumbled then reached into her thoughts.

  Her internal dialogue, disjointed and chaotic, floated into his head: Not sure… yesterday? today? What day is today, anyway? Coffee in the morning… no, I never did get to have any. I wonder if the mug’s still on the table? Did I remember to turn off the coffeepot before we left? Slices of apple, maybe? No, those were for Zach… I think. Clueless. Completely fucking clueless. He’s expecting an answer… I don’t have one. Make something up… say anything… just get him to not be mad any more… and to stop looking at me like that, looking through me like that… I can’t take any more… couldn’t deal with you being mad… don’t be angry, JT. Please don’t be angry with me… but it just didn’t matter. Can’t he see that? They need… and I have to give…

  Her chatter made it quite evident she hadn’t picked up his presence inside her head. It was time to make it clear he’d heard every thought. “Taking care of yourself has to figure first or else the rest becomes moot. Can’t you see that, Kori? They may need you, but what can you give if you have nothing left?” He gave her shoulder a light push, shaking her from her thoughts. “I want you to look at me, sweetheart. I need to know that what I’m telling you is getting into that mule head of yours.”

  He waited a long beat but her eyes continued to bore holes into his shoulder. JT brought his volume up a notch. “Right fucking now, Kori.”

  The rounded eyes that finally dragged up to meet his nearly made him regret the demand. He’d never seen such naked pain and confusion on one face. She looked like she should be screaming, but she was mute. Such hollow misery ought to come with tears, yet her eyes were dry. Deep rings of exhaustion rimmed her reddened eyelids and he wondered how she managed to continue functioning at all. He swallowed past the lump forming in his throat as her emotions resonated into him. “You can’t give what you don’t have. You’re no help if you’re incoherent and lost.”

  She was still submissive and meek in his arms. JT pulled her in closer and enfolded her snugly against his chest. “And yeah, I ought to be furious with you. You deserve it, mistreating yourself that way,” he murmured against the top of her head. “But I’m not, because what you’ve done to yourself is irrelevant. The past is unchangeable, and all I can do is try to fix it.”

  JT maneuvered her a step closer to the short-backed wooden torture device and continued in the same soothing tone. “So, let’s get you as comfortable as possible in these two chairs and then I’m off to find something for you to eat.”

  He loosened his tight hold and leaned forward to ease her down into the seat. “I can wrap up in the blanket and sit down by myself, JT,” Kori grumbled into his hair.

  “Right. And I’m the bloody Queen of England,” he retorted mildly.

  “Well, your Majesty, I’d curtsy, but you’re holding me too tight.”

  “Do you honestly expect me to believe that if I were to let go of you right now, you could stand up all alone?” he chided. “I think not. What you are going to do is stop protesting and allow someone to look after you for once in your life.” JT relaxed his grip a bit more and, satisfied that Kori’s bottom was planted firmly on the chair, let go of her completely.

  “For once in my life? Uh-uh, mister. This is the second time you’ve done this to me, JT.” Their brief contact had restored a small measure of her normally feisty self.

  “Then you should be getting used to it by now.” JT picked up the deflated pillow and beat on it. “I intend to make it a habit to look after you.”

  The pillow was a lost cause. He stuffed it behind her as a cushion instead, tucking the bottom edge below her shoulder blades.

  “Are you implying that I can’t take care of myself?” Kori settled against the meager stuffing and hoped it wou
ld give enough support for her stiffening neck. In the few short minutes since she sat down, her head had taken on an extra two hundred pounds.

  “No,” JT replied. “I’m simply noting that you won’t take care of yourself, so I will.” He wrapped her snugly in the blanket and slid the second chair underneath her legs and feet, then stepped back to survey the result.

  “A little more comfortable now?” he asked.

  “I feel like a mummy,” she said with a yawn. “A very warm mummy.” She yawned again and looked down at her hands squirming restlessly under the smooth blanket before dragging her eyes back up to his. Their rich turquoise contrasted sharply with her chalky skin and the white cotton blanket tucked under her chin, and JT was struck once again by the force in their depths.

  I’ve missed those eyes, missed the way she looks at me in just the way she is now. Makes me feel powerful and perfect, ten feet tall and strong enough to conquer the world… JT blinked hard to break the stare. He still had work to do.

  It’s not the most nutritious stuff in the world, but it’s the best I can scare up at nearly five in the morning. JT idly shook the plastic bottle of orange juice as he walked back to the dim room where Kori was wrapped up and waiting. They shouldn’t call it a trauma center. I didn’t notice anyone getting critical care for traumatic injuries. I only saw all sorts of machinery hooked up to silent people lying still in their beds. And everywhere I looked there were other people waiting. Nurses waiting. People at bedsides, waiting. They ought to call it the Waiting Center. Everyone’s either waiting for someone to improve or waiting for someone to die. Or just waiting for the next thing to happen.