by London Casey
The backyard was twice the size of the old one, and I managed to have enough left over to have a swing set delivered for Sadie. I let her pick one out of a catalog, within reason, of course.
The house had a long front porch, a back patio with a custom built fire pit, and it screamed of everything a family would need. Even if it was just me and Sadie, we were a family. I wanted it to be mine, for the rest of my life, and maybe something I could give to Sadie one day. Be the father that raises her right, makes her proud, she makes me proud, and then I can give her the keys and walk away.
I did something I never thought I would do. I sold the car. Found someone who was willing to bring me cash and that was that. The car was in perfect condition, never driven, a dream that just sat in the garage, a reminder of what I wanted out of life. It was time for the car to go to someone else. Plus, the chunk of cash I got for it was a nice thing to have. That money was going to be split into two. Half for Sadie in a bank account until she turned eighteen. The other half to buy shit for the new house. The craziest part was that I didn’t even cry when the car was gone. The guy who bought it - a guy named Mike - brought a flatbed truck and took it away. I stood in the spot where the car had been all those years and felt nothing. Without Everly around, that car meant nothing. Time to move on for good.
I stood in the hallway upstairs and took the empty walls in. The outlines on the walls from the picture frames that were never moved until they were put into a box.
I rented a storage unit and paid for a year’s rent in advance. Everything Everly was packed up and stored there. I kept the photo albums and important memories but all the knick knacks, the things she bought, everything like that, it was all stored away. And I already knew in my heart I would pay for that storage unit until I died. Then it would be left to Sadie. She could go there anytime she wanted and learn about her mother.
A hand touched my back.
I looked to my left and Emily stood there. She had a glass of ice tea for me.
“Thanks, Em.”
“So, what’s left?”
“One last ride,” I said. “Then it’s done. I, uh, I’ll turn in the key and it’s done.”
“You’re okay with everything?”
“No backing out now,” I said.
I looked forward and saw the master bedroom door wide open.
That had been the hard part.
I had to face the room. The bed, the dressers, the decorations, they were all put in storage. Everly’s clothes were put into totes and stored away too. When I stepped into the closet, I smelled her. I grabbed everything I could and hugged it, screaming as loud as my lungs would let me, Everly’s clothing muffling my screams. I collapsed to the floor, covered in her clothes and stayed there until Emily found me. She sat next to me, held my hand, and let me work through it.
That’s why I fucking loved Emily so much.
I put my arm around her and kissed her head. “Hey, do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
“Get Sadie and go to the new place. I’ll meet you all there. We’ll get the last couple boxes unloaded and then have a pizza party.”
“You sure?”
“Positive. I just need to finish up alone.”
“You got it.” Emily kissed my cheek. “Call me if you need anything.”
Emily broke away and I grabbed for her hand and stopped her. “Em. I love you.”
“I love you,” she said.
I let her go and she left.
I waited until I heard all the noises of the trucks leave.
When I was alone I walked toward and went into the master bedroom. For the last time…
(“Look at this room!”
She spins in circles with her arms open. Like she’s in an open field. I smile. She’s the same woman that walked into that pizza shop. The same woman I instantly fell in love with. The same woman I’m going to love for the rest of my life.
I hurry forward and grab her, scoop her up, stop her from spinning.
“You sure, Ev?” I ask.
“I’m so sure,” she says. Her eyes are big and beautiful. “This house is perfect. This room is amazing. This is it. I feel it.”
“You feel it.”
“Don’t pick on me for my feelings. I’m never wrong. Ever.”
“Of course you’re never wrong. You picked me.”
She curls her lip.
I kiss her.
I kiss her again. She bites her lip.
I look around the room. The realtor is downstairs on a conference call.
The room is empty.
I step back and kick the door shut.
“Better test out the lock,” I whisper. “And see if the floor is sturdy.”
I walk her to the middle of the floor. I take a few more steps. I figure that’s the spot where the bed will be. I drop down to my knees and place her on the floor. She props herself up on her elbows. She’s got that wild look of uncertainty in her eyes.
I can’t contain myself.
We christen the room before we even buy the fucking house…)
I looked down at the middle of the now empty floor. All that’s left are the imprints of where the bed and nightstands and dressers were. I crouched down and put my hand to the carpet.
“What a wild ride, Ev,” I whispered.
I stood up and gave the room one last look. I shut the door behind me. It was no longer my room.
I stopped at the bathroom next. I poked my head inside. It was empty as empty could be. Not even a shower curtain. I looked at the toilet though. My throat tightened for a few seconds…
(I hear crying. I bolt out of the bedroom in nothing but boxers. It’s Saturday morning. Everly always sleeps in on Saturday. But it’s seven in the morning.
I knock on the door. “Ev?”
“Jake,” she says. “Jake, open the door.”
I open the door and she’s sitting on the toilet. Seat closed. Her hand at her mouth. Her eyes wide. Tears running down her cheeks.
“Ev…”
“Jake…”
She points to the sink. I didn’t even look at the sink. But when I did… I saw the pregnancy test.
“What is this?”
I grab for it.
It’s positive.
“What?” I ask. I look at Everly. “Are you sure? What if…”
Everly reaches next to the toilet and lifts a bag up. “There are four more positives here. Three I haven’t taken yet.”
“When…”
“I got up early and went to the store. I just had a feeling, Jake. We’re… going to have a baby…”
I throw the pregnancy test into the sink and I grab for Everly. I stand her up, drop to my knees, and lift her shirt. I kiss her belly… just like I would do every day for nine months…)
I shut the bathroom door and cleared my throat.
I went downstairs and looked at the wide open space that was the empty house. There were miles put on the house but there were many miles to go. I walked to the back door and out to the deck. The table was gone. The chairs were gone. The cushions were gone too.
I walked off the porch into the yard.
Just like the first day we saw the house, I looked right at the tree at the far end.
(I’m going to cut that fucking tree down. And burn all the wood where the tree used to be. I hate that thi-
“Jake! Do you see that tree? Ohmygosh, it’s amazing!”
Everly runs off the steps.
I’m more fixated on the swing set, not that we have a use for it now. But it’s nice to have a dream, right? Someday, a little kid - a son - swinging on the swings. Sliding down the slides.
Everly runs through the yard, arms open.
“Jake! It’s an apple tree!” she cries out.
I slowly make my way through the yard. I’m taking it all in. I don’t want the realtor to realize how much we love the place. I like to play the ultra cool game.
Everly smiles at me and throws an apple at me. It hits me
right in the shoulder.
I look down at the damn thing. It’s a little red-brown apple. I bend over and pick it up. I smell it. It’s not eatable.
“What the hell is this?” I ask.
“The greatest tree ever,” Everly says. “In the greatest backyard ever. In the greatest house ever.”
“Ev… we should…”
“What do you two think?” the realtor asks from behind us.
I widen my eyes.
Everly smiles big. She looks beyond me.
I already know I’m screwed.
Then she says, “We want the house…”
I put my hand to the tree. “You got it all, Ev. Everything I could give. But it never felt quite enough. You were worthy of so much more yet you chose me. I was just some punk at a pizza shop, eating his lunch. Fuck, Ev, if I didn’t talk to you that day you’d still be alive. I know, I know, you’d slap me right now if you could. Because without me talking to you that day there would have been no Sadie. That day we needed diapers, I wanted you to lose so you could get out of the house. You were such a good mother. Fuck, you still are a good mother. The wisdom and love you gave our daughter in her first couple years of life have carried her for so long now. And will carry her for forever. I couldn’t throw anything out, Ev. I saved it all. But I have to start this thing over. Sadie has her own room again. A room she gets to pick everything out for. I have a house to figure out how to decorate. I don’t know shit about that. You know that, right? My first apartment I used bathroom towels as curtains. And when I ran out of bathroom towels… I used the ones that were used as curtains.”
I slowly started to crouch down. I shut my eyes.
(“I dare you to eat one.”
“What? What am I, five?”
“Just take a bite.”
“Ev, you can’t eat these apples. Why do you think I hate the tree so much?”
“Oh, come on, Jake, it’s an apple tree. Come stand where I am.”
I drop the apple from my hand and stand next to Everly. She smells beautiful. She looks beautiful. She’s so fucking happy in this house. It’s crazy.
She put her hands into mine. “Just look, Jake.”
“What am I looking at, Ev?”
“Everything. The yard. The deck. The house. It’s just… perfect. You promised me perfect Jake and you gave it to me. Not that I ever doubted you. But look what you did for me.”
I look over at her. “You’re kissing my ass to keep this tree.”
“Yes I am.”
“It’s working.”
“Good.” She smiles.
“You really want this dumb apple tree?”
“It’s already here,” she says. “It’s part of the charm.”
“It’s a pain in the ass.”
“You’re a pain in the ass, Jake.”
“You’re a pain in my ass, Everly.”
“But you love me.”
“Want to know how much I love you?”
“Try me,” she says.
I had thought of many ways to do what I did next. But when it came to me and Everly, it was always different.
I reach into my back pocket and pull out the diamond ring.
And I drop down to one knee.
I ask Everly to marry me and she covers her mouth and after a few seconds of silence, she screams YES at me. I can’t believe I just proposed in front of a damn apple tree.
I stand up and she throws her arms around my neck. I hug her. I spin her around. I kiss her.
Then she whispers something to me… “Jake, you kneeled on an apple…”)
I grabbed one of the apples and let out a sigh.
I was going to throw the thing as far as I could but I decided against it.
As a final goodbye to the house where all my dreams were supposed to come true but were shattered, I stuck one of those pain in the ass apples into my pocket.
Why?
I was going to plant some seeds at the new house… and maybe someday someone will be worthy enough to propose to Sadie under the tree that grows…
I closed the book and put it on the edge of the nightstand. There was no more putting the book away when I was done. When Sadie fell asleep during a book she liked then I would leave it for her for the morning to read again.
I stood up and looked around the room. There was a nightlight on in the corner, a pink one with unicorns that shined across the walls. Amazing how the shadow of a tree branch was scary but the shadow of a giant unicorn was comforting.
The mind of a kid, huh?
I touched Sadie’s head and kissed her cheek.
First night in the new house.
On the far wall there was the bubbling sound of a fish tank. I broke down like a damn fool and bought her an actual fish tank. A ten gallon tank with a filter. New decorations inside and a handful of fish. They hadn’t been named yet, but we both agreed not to name them after anyone we knew.
I walked out of the bedroom and downstairs. There were boxes everywhere. I told Mickey and the guys to drop and run. I ordered up a bunch of pizzas, we sat out back on the patio, had some beer, and we all laughed until it got dark out. Then they all left.
It was my first nightly walk through the house.
From the living to the dining room to the kitchen. Everything was different. Everything was new to me. And that was a good thing. A really good thing.
I flicked on the light to the patio and it shined just a little into the yard too.
I took a deep breath and turned to face the dining room table.
I pushed a box out of the way and dug through another until I found what I was looking for.
A notebook. A pen.
I smiled, knowing exactly what I had to do next.
I opened the door to my bedroom and Emily sat there, waiting for me. She wore a silk robe and I fucking hoped there was nothing else on under that thing. It was comforting to not be alone for my first night in the new place.
I shut the door and walked to the bed.
My hands reached for Emily’s legs and slid up her bare skin. Her legs were as silky as the robe. I pulled her to the edge of the bed and lowered my body down to hers. Without hesitation, Emily gripped for my shirt and ripped it up over my head. There was no need for talking, at least just yet.
We kissed. Her hands ran up my back and around to my face. She clawed at the scruff on my face and bit at my lip.
“Jake…”
My hand pulled at the weak knot on the robe. “Em…”
My hand touched the skin under the robe. I felt her softness and trailed my hand down until I felt her soft warmth. My fingertips dipped into wetness, but only for a moment. I moved my hand back up her body until I touched her bare breast. She thrust her chest at me as the silk robe peeled off her shoulders and down her arms. Emily put her head back and gave herself to me.
And I took what I fucking wanted.
Kissing from her neck down to her chest.
I pulled away for a moment so she could open my jeans.
“Em,” I said, touching her chin. “Thank you for being here.”
“I’m always here, Jake.”
“I know. But everything that’s happened. And is going to happen. It’s hard to speak words that have already been spoken and promised to someone else. But when I look at you, I feel forever. I see forever. I want forever. I hope you know that.”
Her hands flirted with the top of my open jeans. “I know, Jake. I get it. That’s why I’m here. And I’m promising you everything I have. And right now, I want everything you have…”
She smirked as her hand touched me.
I gritted my teeth and hurried to get the fuck out of my jeans. I scooped her up and put her in the middle of my new bed. In my new room. In my new house.
I pulled the covers over us and sank down into her.
Emily let out a whimper and bit at my neck. Her hot breath tickled me for a second as I fell deeper in love with her.
The only time I attempted to come up fo
r air was to reach for my jeans.
I grabbed something out of my back pocket.
No, it wasn’t an engagement ring.
But it was something maybe just as important.
I slipped the letter I wrote under Emily’s pillow.
She would forever have a pillow in my bed.
I kissed her and continued to love her.
Two broken hearts dancing between the sheets. My hands touching all the skin I could touch. Her hands pulling, scratching, clawing. Our breaths entangled like our kisses. Our eyes meeting more than a few times, those split second moments when time found a way to stand still.
Together, feeling the worst of pain, we were able to feel love.
Our lips found one another again and this time we held the kiss.
I didn’t stop kissing her either.
My plan was to find out just how long forever could be.
Epilogue
Best Hug Ever
MONTHS LATER
(Jake)
I rang the doorbell and stepped back. Yeah, I had every right to just enter the house. Hell, I even had a key. But something… I don’t know what… I always rang the doorbell.
The door opened and Sadie stood there, a smear of purple paint on her cheek like she was some kind of small warrior.
“Daddy,” she said.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
“You’re back early.”
“That I am.”
Emily appeared, wiping her hands on a towel. “Jake.”
“Hey, Em.”
“Everything okay?” she asked.
“Perfect.”
“Well, don’t just stand there. Come in. We’re finishing up painting.”
I stepped into Emily’s house and smelled the aroma of kids’ paint. Her dining room table was a mess. Freshly painted pictures scattered all around.
“Sadie, why don’t you go wash up?” Emily asked.
Sadie hurried away to the bathroom.
I grabbed for Emily’s wrist, spun her around, and kissed her.
“Thanks.”