The Phoenix Born (A Dance of Dragons #3)

by Kaitlyn Davis

  "Jinji," Janu repeated. But she couldn't look at him. He waited a moment longer. The feel of his eyes on her was painful, prickling her heart. "I want the truth. I deserve it." And then he swallowed. The gulp was like thunder in her ear, impossibly loud, making her chest pinch tight. "Why did your prince want to kill me?"

  Against her will, her eyes flicked up, meeting his. Behind that question, she heard something else, an admission in her brother's voice. He already knew the answer. He'd been suspicious all along. He just needed her to confirm it, to make it real. Jinji whispered, barely able to get the words out, "Because of the shadow."

  "The voice, the shadow," Janu murmured. "He is part of me? Connected to me? We are one person?"

  "You are two souls that share one body. He is tied to you and you to him. You cannot live without each other."

  You cannot die without each other either, she thought.

  And Jinji knew the same phrase had just run through Janu's head. His eyes darkened like bark wet from the rain. He licked his lips, this time looking away from her. "Will killing me end this war?"

  Jinji closed her eyes, sealing them as her heart pounded in her ears. "Janu."

  "No, Jinji, tell me. Everything."

  Coarse fingers gripped her hand, warm. Jinji opened her eyelids, watching his brown skin blend into hers, grasp fierce. The sight gave her just enough strength to sit up. Janu followed. They sat cross-legged, facing each other, holding hands.

  Her time had run out.

  And before she even realized what she was doing, Jinji was telling him the truth, the whole truth, brutal and unfair as it was. "The shadow in your head and the spirit in mine have been playing a game for thousands of years, and we are just the unlucky souls who inherited their battle. The voice in my head is the spirit dragon, guardian of the living world, of the elemental spirits, of the earth and everyone who lives in it. The voice in yours is the shadow dragon, the guardian of the dead. They are meant to live together in the ether, the world between the realms, but the spirit often escaped to this world, to live among the humans, leaving the shadow alone. And a thousand years ago, the shadow decided he'd had enough of being abandoned. He brought the phantoms to our world, an army of dead souls unnaturally summoned from his shadow realm, and threatened to destroy everything the spirit had created. To end the war, she made a promise to remain with him in the ether for all time, to never leave him alone again."

  "That is the promise that was broken?" Janu asked, voice ringing with recognition. The shadow had told him a version of this tale before.

  Jinji nodded, hands still firmly holding on to his, as though he would disappear if she let go for even an instant. "The spirit latched on to my soul at the moment of my birth, sneaking back into this world, and the shadow latched on to yours, sensing her betrayal. And everything that has happened since was his attempt to make the spirit agree to a new compromise. To make sure she doesn’t leave him again."

  Janu swallowed. "The phantoms? All the deaths I've witnessed through his eyes?"

  Jinji nodded. "All to hurt her. He was first trying to take the riders away, to make sure I could not wake them. But now, destruction is his main goal I believe. Chaos. The closer the world comes to falling apart, the more desperate the spirit in my head becomes."

  "Can no new compromise be made?"

  Jinji bit her lip, breathing deeply, before shaking her head. "The shadow will not make a deal with me, not yet." And she stopped there because Jinji couldn't yet admit that she was the one holding the deal up. The shadow was ready to talk, just not to her. But she refused to let the spirit control her, to determine her fate. The spirit had decided too much of her life already, she wouldn't decide how it ended. Jinji wouldn't let her. There were too many people she loved involved, too many lives she wasn't willing to gamble.

  "So killing me is the only way to rid the shadow from the world," he murmured. A statement. Not a question.

  All the air left her in one push.

  "I'm not going to let that happen," she said sharply.

  Janu released her, leaning back, but she held on, not letting him go. His eyes were vacant, and she knew in that instant that he had given up. After fighting for so long, he was ready for peace, for whatever came next. But Jinji wasn't. She never would be.

  "Janu," she hissed, jerking on his arms, forcefully regaining his attention. "Dying is not the answer. It is only a temporary solution. The shadow would only come back. He would fuse his soul to another, and in a few years, when the baby had grown into a boy, he would do the same thing he did to you. He would control that poor soul, he would use him, and he would continue to call forth his phantoms, would continue his path of destruction. Nothing would change. I would be right back here, only more lost because the shadow's true body would be a mystery, and I wouldn't have my brother fighting by my side."

  "But—"

  "No!" She cut him off. "I will not lose you, not like that."

  He wrenched free of her grip, standing. "Jinji, that is not your decision to make."

  "It is," she said hardheartedly.

  "You don't know what it is like to be me, to have him in your head all the time. My hands have killed hundreds of people. I've lived each murder. I'm haunted by them. And to know that my life will cause the death of a thousand others, I cannot live like that. Especially not now, not knowing the full truth. Knowing I have the power to end it. Don't ask me to."

  Jinji remained seated, folding her hands in her lap, hating herself but unable to stop the words from passing over her lips. "I'm not asking, Janu. You know as well as I do that you are not strong enough to fight the shadow by yourself, and you cannot ask me to help you. You cannot ask me to murder you. I cannot live with that. I won't."

  "Jinji," he whimpered, shoulders falling as he stumbled, unable to hold his own weight. But her heart was stone. It was the only way to keep it from breaking. It was the only way to keep herself from breaking.

  "Janu," she murmured evenly.

  They stared at each other, neither backing down, neither moving nor relenting. His brows pinched together. His lips pulled into a frown. And Jinji knew her face looked the same. She and her twin had always looked the same when they were being stubborn. Her mother had told her as much.

  "Who are you?" he finally whispered.

  A knot formed in the back of her throat. "Your sister."

  "No," he shook his head, eyes watery and dark. "The sister I remember was not so unfeeling, so incredibly cold. She cried once when she found the body of a bird at the base of a tree. We had to bury it together, humming the song of the spirits. I held her while she wept. The twin I remember would never torture me like this."

  "The girl you remember died with the rest of her family," Jinji said softly, unable to look up from the dirt beneath her feet. "The woman I am now would do anything not to be left alone again."

  Janu watched her a moment longer. She felt his gaze but couldn't meet it. And then he slowly stepped away, crunching the grass beneath his feet as he backed up. When he turned his back to her, he spoke softly over his shoulder, voice fragile and too caring for his own good. "Look around you, Jinji. Who is left to hold on to?"

  The words cut deeper than her brother could ever imagine. And with each step he took away, the knife hit her again, straight through her chest, until she collapsed back on the grass, staring up at the sky. The wound was imaginary, but still, Jinji felt exposed, as though her insides were bare and she was bleeding out, staining the earth around her.

  Janu was right.

  Who was left?

  No one.

  Not even Rhen. He'd made his choice. She saw the decision in his eyes, even if he wasn't certain of it yet. The second he jumped for Janu, his mind was made up. And she wasn't surprised. Not really. As soon as she found out Janu was the shadow, Jinji had known it was inevitable that she and Rhen would be on opposite sides. He was too good, too heroic. Even though he loved her, and she knew he did, Rhen would put the world first. Just a
s she hated him for it, she loved him for it too. He always said she was the strong one, but that wasn't true. He was. Jinji had known that all along.

  Are you ready to give me control yet? the spirit whispered across her mind, tempting. And for a moment, Jinji really thought she would give in. What was she fighting for? What did she have left to fight for? No one. Nothing.

  I can end your suffering. I can end everyone's suffering.

  But the longer Jinji stared up at the clear-blue sky, searching for any sign, the more a strange sense of calm filtered over her. There were no clouds. No storms on the horizon. There was nothing. The air was blank. But not bleak.

  It was blue.

  Sunny.

  Full of light.

  Full of hope somehow.

  Her chest swelled the longer she breathed the crisp, fresh air. Just like the sky, her heart was clear for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. The lies were gone. The hiding was over. And the more she thought about it, the lighter the burden on her shoulders became. The overwhelming pressure of the past few days lifted. All of her secrets had been found out.

  Jinji had clarity.

  Even if everyone had abandoned her, Jinji wouldn't give up on them. As long as she still had love in her heart, she would never be alone. As long as the people she loved were still alive, she would never be alone. And that was something worth fighting for.

  Let me help, the voice cooed one last time.

  But Jinji shook her head. "I don't need your help."

  Everyone has left you. Everything you feared has come true. And still you have no better way of defeating my shadow-self. Let me speak with him. Let me make a truce.

  "What deal are you prepared to make?" she asked.

  Any deal I must to save my world.

  Jinji shrugged, sitting up, brushing the grass from her hands. "I'm not prepared to let you make that deal. I have things I'm not willing to lose."

  And what if I promise to ensure the riders stay alive? My shadow-self does not seek their death or destruction. I'm sure of it.

  Jinji paused. "How can you be sure?"

  He only murdered them last time to leave me on my own. But now, in this life, they mean nothing to me. Everything to you but nothing to me. If you give me control, killing them would be worthless because I would have no reaction to it, and any reaction you have, my shadow-self would be unable to see. That is not the sort of game he enjoys playing. This game we're in now, of torture and heartbreak, this is the kind he loves.

  "And what of Janu?" Jinji asked.

  I'm not sure. One way or another, you both must die to send my shadow-self and me back to the ether. That is the only way to sever the connection between our souls.

  Jinji swallowed. The terms of her fate were changing. "We could go together?" she asked, chewing on her lip, thinking.

  Yes, together. Forever.

  Jinji closed her eyes, squeezing tight. Was she prepared to leave Rhen? Was she prepared for life to be over? Would she join her family in the shadow realm? Would they be waiting for her? Would they welcome her? Would it be an alternate life, the way things would have been if Jinji had just been a girl and Janu had just been a boy? Would she even miss Rhen, would she remember him? Or would their whole adventure become a strange dream once she was returned to the people who raised her?

  For a mere instant, Jinji pictured it—death.

  For a mere moment, her heart welcomed the idea.

  And in that second, while her defenses were down, the spirit acted.

  Jinji screamed, falling back as her body collapsed on itself, lifeless. Her head exploded with pain, a tremendous wave of pressure that knocked her over, that dislodged her mind. Invisible hands gripped her, pushing her to the side, trying to force her out and away, trying to lock her up.

  No!

  Jinji tried to shout, but her lips wouldn't move.

  They weren't hers to command.

  The spirit was everywhere, everything, blinding as she drowned Jinji in the strength of her magic. The voice was no longer just a voice, it was tangible, and it was taking control.

  No. Jinji thought. No, I won't let you.

  But the spirit was paying her no mind. She was settling into the body that was once Jinji's to command but would soon be hers. A wave of overwhelming joy sprinkled the air around Jinji as she was pushed farther back and farther away. Her fingers moved, but they were no longer hers. Arms that felt familiar and foreign stretched overhead, working sore muscles, bringing them back to life. The world was growing dense and gray. The color was seeping away. Her eyes were no longer hers to see through, and the grassy field began to fade. The clear-blue sky slowly winked out of existence.

  You tricked me! Jinji shouted.

  "No," the voice said. Only now, her voice was the one being projected out into the world. Her words were being spoken through Jinji's lips. "I finally made you see the truth. You let me have control. You might not want to believe it, but you want me to make the hard decisions for you. You finally realized you aren't strong enough to make them yourself."

  And far away, Jinji felt something that sent a pit of dread into what she still considered her heart—the hilt of a knife. And her fingers were wrapped sturdily around it.

  I won't let you kill him.

  "Even if you wanted to, you couldn't stop me. Not now. But I'm not trying to kill him, not in the way you think. I'm going to kill us both. I'm going to end it."

  And as soon as the spirit said those words, Jinji realized what her choice would be.

  Rhen.

  Not her family. Not to die with Janu. Not the afterlife and all the peace death might provide.

  She wanted life.

  She wanted Rhen.

  She wasn't prepared to lose him.

  Rhen!

  She screamed his name. She yelled it with all of her might.

  Rhen!

  The spirit didn't stop walking. Didn't change her grip on the knife. Distantly, Jinji felt her lips curve into a smile. The spirit was undeterred. In fact, her soul seemed stronger the more desperately Jinji began to shout.

  Rhen!

  "He cannot hear you," the voice said.

  But Jinji knew, she just knew, that somehow he would. Either through the spirit bond that connected all of the riders and all of the dragons to her, or maybe just through love. Somehow, some way he would hear her calling. He would know. And despite everything that had happened, he would come for her. He always would.

  Rhen!

  The spirit began to chuckle at Jinji's human naiveté, her human hope. But Jinji kept shouting through the void, trying to touch the spirit magic, trying to reach Rhen through that connection.

  Rhen!

  Her strength began to weaken. To wane.

  The spirit pushed harder against her, cutting a sharp slice in Jinji's arm with the knife, trying to dislodge her the same way Jinji used to get rid of the voice—through pain. And just as her world turned almost to black, just as all awareness almost faded away, something stilled them both.

  A word.

  A voice.

  Jin? Jin!

  The spirit stopped walking.

  Her strength faltered.

  And it was just enough of a slip for Jinji to latch on to. She pushed with all of her strength against the spirit, stretching her soul back out to the tips of her toes, to the very ends of her fingernails, reclaiming the body that belonged to her.

  Jin!

  Rhen shouted again through the dragon bond, and this time his words were as hot as fire, slicing through her core, burning the spirit away and giving Jinji strength. She could almost feel the salty air on his tongue, could almost sense the wind rushing overhead as he rode on Firestorm's back, flying toward her. Their connection strengthened with each passing moment, shoving the spirit farther and farther to the side, giving Jinji more and more access to the magic that would refurbish her strength.

  Jin!

  Rhen!

  And with those words, Jinji remembe
red something she couldn't believe she had almost forgotten. He would never abandon her. She would never leave him. They belonged to each other.

  14

  RHEN

  ~ RONINHYTHE ~

  "So," the air rider said a few moments after Jinji disappeared. "Would anybody care to fill me in?"

  That had been hours ago.

  And yet, Rhen still couldn't get the last image of Jinji out of his mind. Her eyes plagued him. The hurt. The betrayal. The pleading. All because he couldn't open his mouth fast enough, all because he had been too late to tell her the only thing she needed to hear—that he loved her, that they would figure something out together, that of course he could never ask her to kill her own brother, that he forgave her. And now he was the one left desperately hoping she would forgive him too.

  Janu was the shadow.

  All four riders now knew that to be true. But not a single one of them could figure out what to do with the information.

  "We need to kill the shadow," Leena murmured again. They had been talking in circles. Over and over again.

  "You mean we need to kill Janu," Bran said softly, sighing.

  Leena shrugged. "They are the same."

  "Look, Princess," the air rider interjected, voice full of bravado. In the hours Rhen had known him, he'd learned three things about the man—his name was Jasper, he was an orphan, and he showed no problems with voicing his opinions. But Rhen also knew something else—he quite liked him. "I don't know how it is in Ourthuro, but here in Whylkin, we don't go around forcing our comrades to murder their own family members."

  Leena narrowed her eyes. "This isn't a game. We have a duty to uphold. We are all new to being riders, but we should all know enough to understand that we were given this privilege in order to protect the world, to save it. From anyone who means it harm, no matter what."

  "That's all well and good," Jasper retorted. "But have you thought about the repercussions? What if Jinji never forgives us? What if she abandons the world and us? We can't fight the phantoms without her. We need her on our side for when the shadow returns, or we'll just be worse off than we are now."