Reckless Karma (Sinners & Saints #2)

by Chelsea Ballinger

  “My family is tearing apart because of me.”

  “No.” She doesn’t notice I’m close until I gently touch her hand. “Your family is tearing apart because… that’s what families do from time to time. You can either fix it or you could just add to the shit like I’ve been doing for the past seven years.” I step on the ledge next her, holding on to her hand. She looks at me shocked and I peek down and my fear of heights resurfaces. “I’m a little dizzy up here, so how about either we fly together or we fall back into reality. The latter maybe painful… but it’s worth it.”

  She sucks in a breath, her jaw clenched, looking at me and she exhales. “You really believe that? The pain is worth it?”

  “Not to be typical… but there’s a woman who loves me for a reason I will never really know. So I’m close to believing it’s worth it. When it’s confirmed, I would really like to tell you… if you’re still here.”

  She nods and sniffs and that’s all I need to step back off the ledge and bring her with me. She wraps her arms around me and I do the same for her. She cries and I give her the escape she is looking for. Someone to just hold her. To take in the pain and I feel it transfer into me and it is harrowing… but in this moment worth it.

  “Rebecca!” I hear her brother screaming and coming up the stairs with most likely company. I step back and she wipes her tears, the longing for my arms in her face.

  “Hurry up. Go,” she says. I quickly run towards the wall beside the door and hide once Patrick and security come out.

  “Are you okay?!” Patrick asks his little sister once I sneak through the exit.

  JORDANA

  “I can’t believe she left,” I say passing the joint to Ms. Eleanor.

  “We all face our demons in our own way,” she says before coughing out the smoke. “Excuse me, darling.”

  “But without telling Hugo?”

  “Jordana darling, even the most selfless angels have moments of selfish actions. It is only because of pain and fear. My dear Juliet is in pain and in guilt. The death of her beloved friend, a girl whose life was impacted by a decision orchestrated by Juliet and those around her has caused great grief and guilt in Juliet. She has found love and happiness and the other has gone but above our heads.”

  “I guess I can understand and she doesn’t want to be in the way of Hugo’s revenge. She doesn’t want him to take care of him and her.”

  “The heart is a very indecisive organ.”

  The doorbell rings and neither of us bother with it.

  “I got it,” I hear Cody say.

  “Ms. Eleanor?” I get candid with her. “Do you think true love is a manipulation created by the devil? If there is one?”

  I’m referring to my own love life given everyone else’s is just not going so great. No one’s relationship is worth having. Not my parents. Not Hugo’s and Juliet’s. Certainly not Gabriel and Karlie’s. Cody and Anika’s is just weird because it’s Cody.

  “My dear, true love is one of the many splendid things created by no devil. You just have to—what’s the clear words you young people say?” She thinks to herself. “Get over your shit.”

  I smile at the crazed and annoying and wonderful woman who, no offence to my mom, has probably given me more wisdom and nurturing than her.

  “Uh Jordana?” I lift my head from the couch and freeze mid-turn once I see who is standing next to him.

  “Hi,” she says.

  I stand up and Ms. Eleanor does too.

  “Cody, why don’t you and I go indulge ourselves with a glass of Bordeaux and ice cream?”

  “Yeah sure. Odd mix, but sure.” They quickly walk out, leaving me and Margaret Jacobs surrounded by the tension in this room.

  “What are you doing here?” I’m a bitch when I ask her. I have to be.

  “I miss you,” she says and my heart does that stupid skipping thing.

  “Well, some people miss Codeine and sprite. Doesn’t mean they should Lil Wayne it all the time.”

  She laughs a little. “True. That is true.”

  “So what now? Here to tell me that you’re sorry? Want to continue our secret affair? Perfect daughter of the Partridge family by day? My personal pillow by night?”

  “I don’t think I’m gonna have that title anymore. Being the perfect daughter of Steven Jacobs. Hell, I don’t even think I’m his daughter anymore. According to him, I’m not.” Her hazel green eyes stay on mine. “I mean what do you expect when his daughter tells him that she’s gay?”

  “I-I guess the usual Steven Jacobs insulting remarks will do the trick.” I’ve never stuttered or choked on my words before. But Margaret fucking Jacobs has stumped me.

  “Yeah. I was sitting with him and my mother and we were eating meatloaf and I hate meatloaf.” She laughs to herself. “Then I thought I hate meatloaf as much as I hate lying every day and I just… I didn’t wanna eat meatloaf anymore. I didn’t want my father running everything. So I told them. I told them that I was gay… and that…” She sniffs and shuts her eyes. Once they open the tears just fall. “And that I was in love with you. I’m in love with you. I have been since you smiled at me in biology.” Now I’m crying. “My dad kicked me out and told me that I was nothing but shame and disgusting and that God and him will no longer be with me on my journey, but you know I think God still has my back and I think I’m gonna be okay because we love each other, right? And as long as we have each other we’re gonna be okay, right? Right Jordana?”

  I make my way over to her. My hands fall around her face and I bring her into me. My mouth pressed against hers. My love surrounding her. Hers surrounding me. I kiss her like there is no tomorrow. Letting my lips, my tongue, my heart, and my soul tell her that everything is going to be okay. It’s going to be better than okay. In case she doesn’t understand, I let her know once I force my mouth away from hers, pressing my forehead against hers and catching the breath that tried to escape once she walked in.

  “Yes,” I exhale. “Everything is going to be wonderful.”

  She smiles and so do I. She cries some more and so do I. She kisses me and I now believe in something greater than the human spirit. Now I get what all the fuss is about.

  “Well on another day this would be a real turn on.” Hugo and Karlie and Anika are standing next to him.

  I scoff at his comment and clear my throat while MJ is flustered.

  “Um, how are the kids?” I ask.

  “Despite Scarlett paying off some homeless guy to scare my nephew into breaking his arm, they’re all good.” Anika’s answer causes my mouth to drop.

  “Are you serious?” Cody and Ms. Eleanor come in.

  “Yes, and Rebecca Townsend tried to kill herself,” Hugo says.

  “Oh Lord, is the poor girl alright?” Ms. Eleanor asks.

  “She will be and I think she’s definitely on the I-believe-Scarlett-may-be-psychotic bandwagon.” He looks around. “Where’s Juliet and August?”

  The up to date parties all look at me nervously.

  “I think August is in his room.” I pause before I can tell him about Juliet, but he runs up the stairs.

  HUGO

  “Hugo, what’s going on?” Karlie asks me as she and the rest chase me upstairs. “What did Scarlett say to you?”

  “No one expects the slow one to know anything.” I say the words that have been repeated in my head since I left Scarlett’s place.

  “What?” she asks. “I thought you texted to tell me to meet you here because she told you where the original box is.”

  “She did,” I say once I get to August’s room. I knock on the door and walk in. “Everybody stay in the hallway,” I instruct them as August looks away from his current maze to me. His eyes connect with mine and he knows what I’m about to ask him. He takes a step back as I take one toward him. He folds his hands behind his neck and looks down at his bare feet.

  “Gabriel knew that she would never expect you to have the box. He couldn’t trust anyone else with it.”


  “D-D-Don’t show anyone but Hugo,” he says low. “That’s… that’s what he said.”

  “And you did try to show it to me. Didn’t you?”

  “I was… I was so scared, Hugo. I was so scared to bring you the key. Show you the secret. I felt the darkness getting to you. It was getting too close. She was getting too close and the only way to save you was to give you the box.” He swallows and breathes. “So I did.”

  “That day I hit you…” I painfully remember. “That was the secret you had to tell me… and I hit you. I called you names.”

  “Retard, stupid shit, dumb nothing, stupid fuck.” He remembers every word I insulted him with that day. It was a breakdown I had and I took it out on my brother.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I know. You were only beating yourself. Calling yourself those names because I look like you. You look like me. I was the perfect wall to hit because you hated yourself.”

  I laugh a little. “Yeah. You know me best.”

  “Better than her?”

  “Yes.”

  He quickly nods his head. “You ready now?”

  “Yes. I’m ready now.”

  August kneels down by his bed and reaches under it and I can’t help but laugh.

  “Under the bed. Of course,” I say shaking my head.

  He brings it to me confused, not finding the amusement. “It’s where all the best hiding spots are.”

  “It is.” I grab the black box from him. It is the same exact kind of box as the other except this one holds more. It holds everything. Holding it I instantly feel a form of regret. I feel regret because I know once I open it, it’s over. Every mystery surrounding me. It will all be foretold and there will be nothing left.

  “All that and it was under August’s bed.” Jordana says once I get out to the hallway.

  “What is that?” Margaret Jacobs asks.

  “Long story,” Cody says. “You know the code for that one?”

  “I have an idea,” I say. “I look at them staring at it with the same curiosity.

  “I fear that box will only bring misery, my dear,” Ms. Eleanor says and I agree, but do we have a choice?

  August comes out of his room and hands a disc to Karlie.

  “Gabriel left this for you. He told me to tell Hugo to give it to you.” He looks around at all of us biting his thumbnail then at me. “Juliet’s gone. Get her back, Hugo.” He goes in his room and shuts the door and I look at Jordana and Cody.

  “What is he talking about?”

  “Uh…” Jordana for the first time is nervous to speak. “She left.”

  “What?” The “what” just comes out like poison?

  “She and Jazib left tonight. Went back home,” Cody says and I almost drop the box.

  “No, she wouldn’t leave like that,” I say in denial of the truth. Of course she left. They always leave.

  “Hugo, before you go crazy, you should know why she left. That girl Jess died.”

  Instead of being relieved that it wasn’t for me or feeling horrible that her friend died, I just get more angry.

  “Keep the box,” Karlie says knowing what I’m about to do. “I can wait till you get back.”

  SCARLETT

  “She needs to go home,” Patrick’s mother says.

  “Now? Now you want to take her home?” Patrick snaps. “You weren’t so worried when she got raped, but now it takes her standing on a roof threatening to kill herself to do it?!”

  “Yes! That’s right! I will not have my daughter being used as a pawn for someone else’s game.”

  “Whose?”

  “That tramp of yours and that disgusting boy.”

  “Scarlett has nothing to do with this!”

  “You’re so blind by her I can’t even fathom it! Where did I go wrong for you to be this incompetent?”

  “You were a horrible mother!” Ooh even I can hear the venom from Patrick’s words. “So you wanna go? Fine!”

  “How dare you speak to me like that?!”

  I move further from the living room smiling as I come down the hallway and pass Rebecca’s room where she is probably still crying. I’m still pissed about the outcome. It didn’t go the way I expected and Hugo somehow came out victorious in his knew persona of being a decent human being.

  “I know what you are,” Rebecca says to me from in her room.

  I walk in and she’s curled up in her bed, tears still in her eyes, glaring at me like she knows me. A look that makes me nervous.

  “What are you talking about?” I ask.

  “Hugo may be a lot of things… but he doesn’t seem like a monster. I think you are.”

  I break off the act and fold my arms, my eyes lighting up at the challenge.

  “Sure it’s not the medication talking?” My amused tone makes her angrier.

  “He’s gonna bring you down… and my brother will truly know what you are.”

  I smile and walk back out of the room as Patrick is coming down the hall. He passes me and heads into our bedroom where I follow.

  “You okay?” I ask wrapping my arms around him, laying my head on his back.

  “I don’t know anymore,” he says. I feel him breaking down more and more. I need him tamed, but I don’t need him useless. I need to nip this in the bud, especially since that little bitch is catching on. I need to get rid of Hugo. I didn’t want it to come to this, but it has to and I think I know exactly how to do it. “You didn’t know, right?” I let go of him and step back.

  “How could you ask me that?” I put on the perfect act. I swear I could get an Oscar. “I swear to you, Patrick, I didn’t know. I know that I’m not perfect and I have done some really fucked up shit.” I throw in the fake tears. “But I would never put Rebecca in harm’s way. Never. And this is what scared me. I was so scared that you would look at me… like the rest of them do.”

  “Baby.” He wraps his hands around my head and pulls me into a kiss before wiping my fabricated tears away. “I’m sorry. I promise you I will never think that way about you again. I just… Everything is just really fucked up right now.”

  “Then let’s go away. Get out of here. Take a vacation. I love you and I don’t want you to be this hurt.”

  “That sounds good.” He sadly smiles. “Next week maybe… go to St. Barts? Get on a boat?”

  I smile. “Yeah.”

  A boat with Patrick sounds a bit stifling, but well worth it if it keeps him mine.

  17

  JULIET

  “How dare they?!” my mum snaps as we watch my little brother Gregor play in the yard. “To forbid my daughter to go to the funeral.”

  “Jessica, sweetheart. There’s no helping when fussing,” my dad says.

  “Charles, they have disrespected our family. Juliet was more of a friend to their daughter than anyone.”

  “It was out of guilt,” I say to myself. “Mum.” I speak up louder. “Mum, just leave it be. It’s okay. I hate funerals anyway. I don’t blame them.”

  “What happened to that poor girl was not your fault.”

  “Your mother’s right, rabbit.” My dad gives me that reassuring smile that does nothing for me right now. “You need to stop beating yourself.”

  “I’m not,” I come to my defense.

  “Really? Well then why did you come all the way out here without telling your new boyfriend?”

  “I’m glad you said it,” my mum chimes in. “Yes, he has a vulgar reputation, but he is a Voncliff for Christ’s sakes. You’ve finally done well for yourself and now you will ruin it behaving in a rude matter.”

  “Seriously, Mum? And Dad how do you know I didn’t tell him I was coming?”

  “Well, I hope you didn’t because if you did tell him and he did not come with you then he doesn’t love you. No one lets someone they love grieve alone or thousands of miles away.”

  “It’s not that simple, Dad. He has enough on his plate already. Trust me.”

  “Rabbit, nothing is simple. That’s why yo
u have the ones you love with you.”

  I don’t bother arguing anymore. I stand up from my chair and step on the grass from the patio. Gregor kicks the ball into his net.

  “Good kick, Gregor!” I yell and he smiles at me. His long dark brown hair covering his green eyes. He pushes it out of his face. He squints his eyes my way and looks confused. He points and I wonder which one of us he’s pointing at.

  “Who’s that?!” he yells. I turn around and someone is standing by the white gate on the side of the house. Someone I didn’t expect to see. He’s standing there with a black leather duffle bag in his hand, a white shirt and black jeans and black blazer on. His sunglasses on until he takes them off. I wonder if I’m dreaming for a bit as I walk over to him. The closer I get, the more I realize I’m not. The more my heart beats and the more frustrated and excited I am that he’s here. Why is he here?

  Because he loves you, you bloody idiot.

  “Hi,” I say.

  One blue, one green pierced in me with pain, anger, love.

  “Hi,” he says back.

  “Hi,” I laugh. “I already said that.”

  “Yes, you did.”

  “Well, this is a pleasant surprise.” My dad sneaks up beside me. He opens the gate. “Come in. Come.” Hugo graciously walks past me and my mother doesn’t give him any breathing room. She hugs him and my mum does not hug.

  “Your mother doesn’t hug,” my dad whispers.

  “Apparently she’s come undone.”

  Hugo awkwardly hugs her back.

  “It is so lovely to finally meet you, Mr. Mandrake.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Spears. It’s very wonderful to meet you too.”

  “Oh, please call me Jessica.”

  I roll my eyes.

  Hugo faces my father and shakes his hand. “Sir, I’m honored to meet you as well. Juliet speaks in high regard of you.” He sticks out his hand and my dad welcomes it.

  “Well thank you, son. She too speaks in high regard of you.”

  “Dad, don’t tell him that,” I say and he laughs.