We're Working On It

by Richard Norway

  Matt remained very silent.

  Richard, sitting down and looking exhausted, gave out a sigh.

  “Why don’t you two go on upstairs and get cleaned up.”

  As the boys went upstairs, Richard looked up at them walking away from him. Richard knew that there was a lot more to Cory than there was just 2 months ago. He saw that ‘will’ again, stronger, growing. He also saw the love for Kevin that Cory had let out a month ago. It hadn’t stopped. No, it was still growing, if that were even possible.

  Entering Cory’s room, Matt sat in the chair in front of Cory’s computer, staring at the blank screen. Matt had remained quiet from the moment that he had left Kevin’s house except for explaining to Richard what had happened. Something about the telling again of what had happened, had gotten to Matt.

  Cory sat on his bed staring out the window at the approaching evening sky. It was dead silent.

  “Something happened out there to me today,” Matt suddenly said to the blank computer monitor.”

  Cory looked at Matt, but said nothing.

  “What happened to Kevin made me feel that we are, all of us, are so fragile. Shit like this can happen to anyone, anytime.”

  Cory still didn’t know where this was going or what to say.

  Matt quickly turned around in the chair and looked directly into Cory’s eyes. Cory became a little frightened.

  “Cory, if I don’t say this to you, I may not have the chance. It’s something that you need to know about me. I want you to have the chance to really know me before...”

  “What is it Matt?”

  Matt dropped his eyes from Cory’s for a moment, but returned his gaze.

  “This is hard Cory. Don’t say anything right away. You’ve got to know, to know...”

  Matt turned and looked out the window.

  “You’ve got to know that I’m gay.”

  Matt then lowered his head and looked at his shoes.

  “So?” Cory stated.

  Matt looked up quickly at Cory.

  “What do you mean, ’SO?’”

  “Just what I said, so what?” Cory exclaimed.

  “Huh? You don’t care?” Matt looked down.

  “How could I man? You see, Matt, I’m kinda a little gay myself.”

  Matt looked at Cory suddenly. He was startled.

  “What? You’re, you’re…you’re gay too?”

  “Yeah, kinda stupid isn’t it?”

  “It’s NOT stupid! Shit Cory, I was so scared to tell you. You, Kelly and Kevin are the only friends that I have. I’ve hidden this for so long and I was becoming afraid that something like what happened to Kevin would happen to me, or even worse. I guess I needed to tell you that so you’d know who I am before it’s too late.”

  “That’s not what I meant, Matt. I mean it’s so stupid that we have to hide not only from our friends, but from ourselves too.”

  “I guess that’s what I’ve been doing and it really sucks!”

  Both boys grinned at each other for a moment, but Matt’s eyes changed to a questioning hue.

  “What do you mean by a ‘little’ gay? How can you be a ‘little’ gay?” Matt asked.

  “Good one! I’m not a little gay. I’m really all gay. I guess I said it that way to try to break it to you gently,” Cory giggled.

  Both boys burst into laughter at that one.

  Matt soon stopped laughing and looked at Cory.

  “Do you have a boyfriend or someone who you’d like to be with?” Matt asked.

  “Yeah, I do. I mean I don’t have a boyfriend, but there is someone who I’ve got this huge crush on.”

  “Who is it man? Come on Cory! I want details, all of them.” Matt grinned.

  “Well, you’re going to laugh, so I’m not telling.”

  “You bastard! Come on Cory. Tell me who’s stolen your heart.”

  “No! You’ll laugh at me. But, yeah, he’s stolen my heart, my brain, my eyes, all of me. Thing is, he doesn’t even know it yet.”

  “Well, tell me who he is. Maybe we can make him see you.”

  “No!”

  “Come on man, you can tell me”

  “No!”

  “Who is it?”

  “I’m NOT telling you, period. You’re gonna laugh at me.”

  “Tell me!”

  “No.”

  “Cory”

  “No.”

  “CORY”

  “Kevin.”

  Silence

  “You’re kidding me, right?” Matt asked.

  “No. I wish I were.”

  “Holy fuck! My two best friends are stuck on each other. This is going to be good!”

  “No it’s not. I’m sick over him, and he’s not gay, but I have to stay this way. I’ll die if he ever walks out on me when this comes out. Look man. I just want his friendship. I want him close to me so bad that I’m willing to let it be and not tell him.”

  “Oh Cory, get off it man. You know he’ll stick with you. Kevin is NOT an asshole.”

  Just then Matt remembered something about Kevin. He had seen it before, but had not let it register. Now he knew. Matt waited for a second before continued while he grinned.

  “But there’s something that you might not have noticed.”

  “What are you talking about dipshit? I’m feeling like shit right now and you want to play 20 questions?”

  “I don’t think you’ve ever seen the way Kevin looks at you.” “Huh?” “Look at his eyes, man, the next time he looks at you. I think you’ll find something that you’ll like in there.” Matt continued with his grin.

  “And he doesn’t look at you just a little. He looks at you a LOT.”

  Cory blushed, then, grinned.

  Matt turned away from Cory suddenly. His brows furrowed as he stared at the computer monitor again. Cory saw the reaction and knew that something different than his talking about Kevin had just entered Matt’s mind. Something that Matt said, or Cory said, but something was bringing Matt to his past.

  “Ah, you okay, Matt?”

  Silence

  “It’s okay. I’m alright.”

  Silence

  “You sure?”

  Silence

  “No.”

  “What’s wrong, Matt?”

  “It’s nothing really. It’s just, just seeing what you and Kevin have, brought back some memories, that’s all.”

  Cory wasn’t sure if he wanted to press Matt. The mood had so quickly changed and Cory wasn’t sure what had happened. But Matt was his friend, and Cory wanted to help him if he could.

  “You wanna tell me about it?” Cory finally asked.

  “No, it was a long time ago.”

  The mood in the room became black. Cory knew that whatever it was, this may be what Kevin had seen, something that Matt was terrified of. He knew that now was the time to be a true friend, to love him, to be there. Matt was deeply troubled and Cory had to help his friend.

  “Matt, please tell me what it is. If you can talk about it, I know the pain won’t go away, but you will be able to come to terms with it.”

  Matt started to cry. Cory had never seen Matt cry before. This wasn’t good.

  Matt looked up at Cory.

  “Cory, it wasn’t my fault,” he said with mountains caught in his throat.

  “What happened, Matt?” Cory almost yelled.

  Matt couldn’t speak. The mood from before, gone. Silence was everywhere except for the sound of the wind slightly pressing itself through the open window.

  “I was raped.”

  Matt lost it.

  Cory’s mind screamed, exploding with grief. He ran to his friend and sucked him into his arms as Matt buried himself into him. They clung to each other, Cory praying he could make it all go away, to strip Matt’s pain from him, to suck it into himself.

  Matt was clinging to life itself. He had just exposed what he could never say, that having said what he just said, knew that his life was exposed for all to see, to see the shame. He had j
ust told Cory of the worst moment in his life. He knew that his life had been changed forever. Cory now knew. He wanted his life back, but also knew that with having told Cory, his life was changed.

  But then he started to feel differently about his life. He still had his life, changed, yes, but it was still his life.

  Matt’s sobbing lessened. He was getting in control of himself, as he saw that his life wasn’t over. What he had just experienced was what he had feared the most since the rape that someone would know. But now someone knew and he felt better. He didn’t know why but he actually felt better.

  Cory sensed that change. He knew that Matt was coming down from that emotional roller coaster he was on, but wasn’t at the gate yet. He loosened his grip.

  “I’m sorry, Cory. I’ve never told anyone this before.”

  “That must have been horrible.”

  Matt choked trying not to think about it but knew he had to.

  “Can I tell you about it?”

  “You don’t have to. This is hard for you. Just try to relax, okay?”

  “No, Cory, I’ve told you what happened, but telling you made me feel – I don’t know – better. Sounds weird, but I’d like to tell you.”

  “Okay, come over here, Matt. Sit down and I’ll listen.”

  Cory grabbed Matt’s hand and pulled him to the bed, sat down and patted his other hand on the bed next to him. Matt sat down next to Cory.

  Matt was silent for a moment, but turned to Cory and fixed his eyes on him.

  “I had a boyfriend.” Matt turned from Cory but continued.

  “It was back in California, just before we came here. He was a nice enough guy, so I thought we would make a life together. We hadn’t had any sex before and I thought that he was interested in me and that sex would follow as we got to know each other better.

  “But one night we were together in my room and he was hinting that he wanted to fool around. We were already just in our boxers together as we had been before, so this was normal. I thought that maybe we were at the next step, you know, our love progressing. And yeah, Cory, I was falling in love with him.

  “He started kissing me, which was normal for where we were in our relationship as we’d done that before too, but then he changed. He got more aggressive. I asked him what was wrong, and he said that he was pissed at me for waiting so long. He said that I was just teasing him.

  “That scared me Cory. He then said that he was going to have sex with me now, that I’d put if off too long.

  “Just then, I wanted to get away from him. I was scared of him. I didn’t know what he was going to do. I tried to get out from under him, but then, he hit me.”

  Cory almost retched.

  “God, Cory, I was really scared of him then. This was the guy that I was willing to give everything to but right then I wanted to cover myself. I tried to shove him off of me, but he grabbed my arms, pinned them over my head and holding them with one hand, and then he hit me again.”

  Cory stared at his friend, his heart crumbling.

  “I started crying, Cory.” Cory’s head left his gaze on Matt and fell to his chest.

  Matt paused.

  “Cory, you don’t have to hear the rest of this.”

  Cory knew that Matt wasn’t finished. Yes, it was terrifying, but he knew that Matt had to continue, for his own sake.

  “Matt, tell me all of it. Get it out, man.”

  Matt needed Cory right then. He had to do this.

  “Cory. I was so scared. He then let my hands go and reached for my underwear. I just lay under him as he pulled them down and off of me. God Cory, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want him to hurt me.”

  Matt was now crying, the words having a hard time coming out.

  “Oh God, Cory, he put himself in me. He put my legs up and forced himself into me. It hurt; it hurt so much. The pain was something that I had never experienced before, and I couldn’t stop crying, but he didn’t care. I felt that he had ripped my insides. He kept it up.

  “But you know what? It wasn’t ‘that’ pain that I was feeling so much then. It was the pain that I had been used, betrayed.”

  Matt paused for a moment. Cory didn’t keep his eyes off of his friend. Matt raised his tear soaked face and continued.

  “When he was done, he got off me and walked to the center of the room and started to get dressed. That hurt even more. He was leaving me. You know what he did then?”

  Cory could hardly speak, but whispered, “No.”

  “He left without saying another word, nothing. He left me and walked out the door without even knowing that I existed. Cory wrapped his arms around his friend and pulled him into himself. He didn’t say anything to Matt, but just wanted to be with him, to take the pain away.

  Matt’s eyes closed as he put his head on Cory’s shoulder. He took a deep breath. He had finally said it. Matt knew then that what had happened to him was why he was running away from friendship. Friendship had scarred Matt for what it could lead to.

  But Cory and Kevin had changed all that. All of a sudden Matt realized what the true nature of friendship meant as he sat there in Cory’s arms. Cory hadn’t moved, hadn’t run away and hadn’t turned on him. Matt no longer felt the guilt from before. The guilt had stopped, but he hadn’t taken the next step yet. It was coming, but not yet. All he felt now was...nothing.

  Cory tightened his arms around Matt, and Matt returned the stronger embrace, but he seemed to have died. Matt was emotionless, lifeless. He had let it all out. He had finally told someone.

  Cory sensed that Matt had finally expunged his devil. Cory held his friend, not saying anything, and just held on to him to let himself flow into Matt. Finally, he looked at the ceiling.

  “Matt, thank you for telling me and getting this out. Your life wasn’t over just because of what happened. Maybe it was on hold for a while. But now, right now, you’re life has just begun. Matt, know this, you exist,” was all that Cory could say.

  He knew that Matt was on the way to being truly Matt again, for the first time since it happened.

  Later that evening, Kevin’s mom called. Both Matt and Cory heard the phone ring, but Richard got to it first. They ran downstairs both knowing it had to be Kevin’s mom.

  “Yes.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Yeah. They’re both here waiting to hear right now,” Richard said.

  “Okay. Thank you for calling. And yes, Kevin can come over. He can join us for dinner, too.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you in a few minutes, and I’ll bring him back home tonight.”

  Richard hung up the phone and turned slightly toward the two boys.”

  “Out with it! What’s happening?” Cory yelled.

  “Will you calm down, Cory. Don’t worry. Kevin’s going to be all right. He’s got a hairline fracture in a rib from the kick, but he’s fine other than a few bruises.”

  “You said Kevin’s coming over?” asked Matt.

  “Yup. The doctor taped him up, and he’s going to be a little sore for a while and has to take it easy, but he said that Kevin can go on as normal. “Look. I’m going into the kitchen to get dinner ready. When Kevin gets here, no wrestling matches, you hear? You need to be a little gentle with him for a while. Hell, if it weren’t for his cracked rib, he’d probably kick both of your asses anyway.”

  Richard laughed and went into the kitchen. Both boys eyed each other, but then Cory turned to Richard’s retreat.

  “Hey, don’t swear,” Cory realized that he gotten one in.

  Turning to Matt, “What did Richard just say?”

  “I think he said that Kevin could kick your ass if you’re not careful.”

  “Hm. I think he used the plural form of ass.”

  A few minutes later the doorbell rang and Cory was on it like a shot. Before Kevin could get a foothold inside the house, Cory was all over him. His arms tried to squeeze the breath out of him.

  “Ouch! Let me go, doofus!.”

  Cory bac
ked away, but kept his arms loosely around Kevin’s neck.

  “Oh God, Kevin. Oh God. Oh God. I’m so sorry. I forgot. I’m just so glad to see you. Are you okay? Where does it hurt?”

  Matt couldn’t help but grin at Cory’s reaction at seeing Kevin. He knew what he was seeing, and it wasn’t just simple concern. Cory was so obviously in love with Kevin. And again he noticed. Kevin had that same airy look in his eyes as he looked at Cory.

  “Is it okay if I come in for a minute?” Kevin’s mother asked from behind Kevin.

  “Oops, sorry,” Cory said pulling Kevin to the side.

  “Let’s go up to my room. Can you make it, Kev?”

  “Hey! It’s just a busted rib. I’m not dead yet, you know?”

  The two boys helped Kevin navigate the stairs.

  “Mr. Mathews? May I have a word with you?” asked Kevin’s mother.

  “Why don’t I make you some coffee? We can talk in the kitchen while I finish the salad.”

  “No. Let me. I’m probably better at it then you are.” She grinned.

  As they worked together, Kevin’s mother turned to Richard.

  “Call me Ellen, please. I know we haven’t talked but a few times on the telephone, but I’d like to mention something about Kevin, and Cory.”

  “Okay, Ellen. I’ll call you that, if you call me Richard.”

  “Hmmm, okay. Richard, have you noticed any difference in Cory lately? I mean in the way he acts, especially around Kevin?” she added.

  Richard eyed Kevin’s mother for a few seconds before responding. Richard knew where this was going.

  “I have. I’ve seen a difference in Cory for the last month or so, actually.”

  Ellen said nothing for a while, but finally broke the silence.

  “It’s my son, isn’t it, the one who’s causing this, change, in Cory?”

  Richard now knew that she knew and now was about to let her know that he knew what she knew.

  “Yes, it is.” After a short pause, Richard continued, “How do you feel about this?”

  “I’m worried, I guess. You see, I’ve seen the change in Kevin, too. I don’t think he’s ever been more happy than he is right now, and I don’t want to see him go back to the way he was before he met Cory. I want him to be happy. He wasn’t always like he is now. His dad’s a little hard on him at times, I guess. I guess I’m worried that life will be hard on him too, both him and Cory.”