Unhinged

by Pamela Ann

  “So, this other girl; do you like her a lot?”

  He obviously did, didn’t he? I mean, he was breaking it off with me after four long years. That was huge.

  “No,” he replied curtly. “She’s a girl who’s always liked me. In my eyes, she’s just another girl, nothing like you…”

  This was a good sign, wasn’t it?

  My heart skipped a beat, yet the pain still weighed heavily on me.

  “Do you want to see other people, Damen? If this is the case, then it’s best you tell me rather than starting this whole conversation about me and my recently odd behavior.”

  He made a harsh, dark laugh, his eyes glittering as he stared intently at me. “I see you, Isobel.”

  My throat constricted, connecting with the pain his eyes had shown me.

  “All I ever see is you, and the thought of you with another man fucking kills me inside. But, if this is something I have to man up and do, then I shall do it. I don’t want you unhappy, and no matter what you say, you are quite unhappy with me.” He took a breath, sighing mournfully into the night. “I don’t want to lose hope that someday, once you find yourself, you’ll eventually come back to me. You’re young and beautiful, and I’m your first everything. If setting you free will make you realize how much you love me in the end, then I must do what is best for you … for us.”

  Fuck, how did I respond to such a heart-wrenching speech? He loved me enough to let me go, believing I would eventually find my way back to him. Even though I kept lying to him that all was well with me, he knew me well enough to know that something was amiss, and he wasn’t far off from the truth.

  “I love you … I do…” I stated with a small, scratchy voice. “But there’s something going on with me. This thing that confuses me, it’s like my conscience won’t shut off, and it eats at me. It’s a constant fight, and I don’t even know where to begin or how to end it.” This was the closest thing I could say to openly admitting the inner turmoil I had with Hugo. It was guilt and a mountain of regret. How could a person truly live and move on when they had so many regrets?

  Damen rapidly closed the gap between us before cupping my warm face with both of his palms. “What is really going on with you? Please, let me help you, or I feel like I’m going to lose you entirely, and I don’t want that ever happening.”

  Licking my lips as I lowered my lids, I was too ashamed and frightened to give him a glimpse of the mayhem I had inside my heart, inside my soul. “I can’t … I just can’t.”

  “Where does that leave me, Isobel?”

  “Wherever you want to be…” I softly responded to him, feeling like I had just lost half of myself. “I don’t want to hold you back, either, Damen. It would be selfish of me to ask that of you.”

  I felt him tremble against me. “I love you. I love you, Izz.”

  I did, too, but I had to follow what my gut was telling me to do.

  “There is no doubt in my mind how much I love you, but I got lost on my way back to your love, Damen. And for me to fully come back to you, I have to figure this out on my own.”

  He gave me a small nod. “Please don’t take too long.”

  My heart started to slowly break. “I’m going to try as best as I can. I’m sorry for putting us through this—”

  “If our love is true, you’ll find your way back to me. I believe in us. I have faith in the power of our love.”

  He did, but did I? Did I have enough faith in the power of our love?

  I could only pray he would be right in the end.

  Chapter 4

  Isobel

  “Are you sure you want to be single? ‘Cause there’s a line of eager women who want to snog your Greek man, and as you sulk here, daydreaming and shit, the line is getting bigger by the hour,” Claire greeted me the moment I slipped into the flat door after I went through my morning classes in a glazy haze.

  It had been three days since that excruciating encounter, and I was still reeling from it. Did Damen love the newfound singledom? I doubted by the end of the month he would even remember I existed. If what Claire was telling me had any grain of truth in it, then he wouldn’t have any qualms in choosing the next girl to date. Or maybe he already did with that woman who had constantly vied for his attention. Nevertheless, as much as it pained me to think of Damen dating someone else, I knew I couldn’t distract myself from trying to figure out what I wanted to do with this part of me that wouldn’t let Hugo go.

  Maybe, in time, it would gradually ebb, but I knew for sure that I couldn’t hold back Damen as I tried to settle my emotional quandary.

  Not wanting to respond to Claire’s provoking comments, I decided to delve into a much safer subject. “What time is your job interview today at Harrods?”

  “I ought to leave now, but I wanted to wait to hear what you think of this smart outfit?” she cautiously said before giving me a wry face. “Do I look posh enough to work for Harrods? Is my bun too tight, or should I loosen it a bit?”

  Thoughtfully measuring her up, I set my purse down on the blackened, glazed wood flooring before leaning against the wall with my arms resting against my chest. “I think you look more than smart, Claire. I think you look lovely. Your quick wit and sarcasm will make you fit right in.” She was a beautiful, green-eyed spitfire with an uncanny ability to make anyone feel at ease in her presence.

  Throwing me a toothy grin, she scrunched her nose at me, seeming unsure. “Oh, darling, you give me too much credit, but I adore you for it, nonetheless.”

  Claire, like the rest of our peers, worked for extra income. Though she didn’t like to disclose her family secrets much to me, from what I could gather, her father was rather wealthy, but her mother couldn’t afford to send her to school. With her barely non-existent relationship with her dad, he decided to put her through school, but that would be all. The other expenses—like books, food, lodgings, and such—were all up to her to figure out.

  I also meant to look for a job since I had gotten back from Monaco; however, I never really went out of my way to do so. I supposed the little money I had saved up to spend my summer with Damen had tided me over, but that tiny nest would soon be running out. And, even though Hugo had generously gifted me a large sum of money to spend, I dared not touch it. I was grateful enough that he hadn’t pushed himself on me and released me earlier than planned from my contract. Topped with a luxurious flat and paid tuition, I wouldn’t be able to look into the mirror without hating myself if I spent his money, too. He did more than enough, more than any man had ever done for me, and I would always be indebted to him, whether he liked it or not. In some ways, my father’s ordeal had come as a twisted fate that changed my life forever.

  “Do you mind if I come with you? I might scout out the area and see if there’s anyone hiring. I’m in dire need of employment, as well,” I lightly suggested, wondering where I wanted to work. As long as it wasn’t retail, I didn’t really care.

  “Can you be ready in ten? I don’t want to be late for the interview, if you don’t mind.”

  “I’ll be ready in five,” I quipped back before dashing into my bedroom to change out of my jeans and drab looking shirt, donning one of the outfits Hugo had paid for: black, fitted slacks with a simple yet chic sleeveless, beige, silk blouse that had intricate lace embroidery on the back. I then slipped into my comfortable black pumps before dashing into the bathroom to apply some light make-up, consisting of lip gloss, a few sweeps of mascara, and a good dose of concealer, before deciding I was all set to go.

  My plan was to drop off Claire at Harrods before walking around the area to scout for possible jobs. Since I had already set on not working in retail, there was still a lot of possibilities to choose from. After all, I could find an assistant job or work in a hotel as a concierge. Working for Hugo in that short amount of time as his assistant and seeing the hotel’s inner workings had made me all the more interested in possibly working in that field.

  There were a string of stellar hotels arou
nd the vicinity, and it surely wouldn’t hurt to enquire if they had available spots. After all, at the end of the day, I simply needed a job that I could love and enjoy while, at the same time, hopefully, it would take my mind off Hugo or Damen, most especially Hugo. Since school wasn’t enough of a distraction, keeping myself busy with a new job would do, hopefully.

  New hope sprung out of me at the thought of prospective employment. Maybe that was the change I had been waiting for—no men involved, simply me and me alone.

  After dropping Claire off at Harrods with a hefty sum of good lucks and air kisses, I went on my way to look for nearby hotels. With my phone in hand, I strolled around Knightsbridge with the intention of going towards Green Park then to Mayfair.

  It was a fun, daunting prospect, yet I had never felt freer just walking on my own with nothing much on my mind other than the thought of starting something new. I had stopped by at several five-star hotels with each establishment having had different openings. My mind was abuzz with excitement and imagination as I strolled about Piccadilly, heading towards the famed hotel, The Ritz.

  Stepping into the familiar building sent me back into that moment where Hugh Grant was dropping off Julia Roberts in the movie Notting Hill.

  I was basking in my imagination when something caught my eye, momentarily freezing me mid-step with my mouth slightly hanging ajar as I witnessed the man who had haunted me in and out of my dreams as he got out of a tinted black car with a beautiful, svelte woman hanging off his strong arm.

  Hugo Xavier was in London. Here, right before me, and I was too flummoxed to think and take initiative, let alone breathe the same air supply he was engulfing.

  My heart skittered in my chest, and I felt this sudden pang of excruciating pain as if I was having a heart attack of some sort. Maybe I was, because I had never thought that today of all days would be the day I would set my eyes on his gorgeous form again.

  I had fantasized of this moment several hundred times over in my head, but I had never thought I would simply encounter him this way. To make matters worse, now that he was here, I wasn’t sure what to do next or whether I should do anything at all.

  Well, the hope of an answer left me along with any good thinking brain cells, for that matter, because for some twisted fate, those gripping dark eyes of his swept my way, and the second our eyes connected, the rest of the world disappeared.

  Chapter 5

  Isobel

  Excusing himself from his beautiful companion, he strode towards me with an expression I couldn’t decipher. There was no excitement, no trace of enthusiasm, or any sort of emotion that would give away what he was thinking or feeling on his beautiful face.

  “Isobel…” he rasped out in the heady, sex-filled voice I had missed so much it almost endangered me of melting on the spot.

  In that instant, several conflicting emotions ran through me. There was a part of me that wanted to cry and jump for joy, a large part that wanted to simply run up to him and kiss him senseless, a part where I should beg him for something, and another desperate part that wanted him to reconsider his decision once more. Though all of those parts of me were fighting, the bitterness of seeing him with a brand new woman stood out the most, much to my chagrin.

  “Is that woman my replacement?” I greeted him back, having a damned jolly time reeling in the jealousy that was taking over me in the most beautifully destructive of ways.

  Without skipping a beat, he immediately replied, “Yes, she definitely is.”

  There, I got the truth. Happy?

  Not by any means; of course I wasn’t.

  As much as I wanted to dwell on the fact that he hadn’t taken much time to find a new woman to pleasure him, I knew I didn’t have much time on my hands, so I best get on with something better than my grand display of a jealous ex-somewhat-of-a-lover.

  “I’m around the area since my friend Claire had a job interview. I thought…” I paused as I caught myself staring hard at him, wondering if he missed me at all. “I’m not stalking you or anything, if that thought crossed your mind at all.”

  “It didn’t.” he curtly replied, sending me a hard stare while I lavished on his beautiful, godly self.

  Biting my bottom lip, I suddenly felt completely unsure of myself. “Are you here long? Visiting London, I mean?”

  He took his bloody time before finally addressing my question, as if he liked to see me confused or squirming right before his eyes.

  “I leave first thing tomorrow morning. I’m rather busy, as you can imagine.”

  “I know…” I never doubted it for a second that he was. “I know you are quite the busy person, Hugo.”

  He used the most clichéd tactic when one didn’t want to be in someone’s presence any longer by checking his watch before pressing his lips together. “Well, it was good seeing you, Isobel.”

  “Same here; it’s good to see you again. I was starting to believe that I never would. I mean, after you said you wouldn’t be interested in seeing me ever again…” I rushed out saying, knowing well enough that I didn’t have much time left with him. It was now or never, so best I summon all my courage and swallow whatever pride I had left to address what had been truly bothering me.

  “The sentiment hasn’t changed, but it would be rude of me if I didn’t at least say hi to you.”

  His unabashed response undoubtedly stung me deeply, yet I knew I must persist, or I wouldn’t ever get the chance to again.

  “I was hoping you would be so kind as to grant me a little of your time to privately speak with you. I know I’m out of line after what I did, but I won’t forgive myself if I don’t beg for this opportunity.”

  He stilled, seeming quite stoic and harsh at the same time. “Isobel—”

  “Hugo, please. I’m desperate here,” I uttered in a shaky breath, feeling entirely out of my depth when it came to him. “I can’t—I just can’t get you out of my mind. Guilt has been eating me alive, and I don’t know what to do. Please, don’t turn me away, Hugo. Please.”

  “There’s nothing left to be said—”

  “On your part maybe, but not on mine. Never on mine.”

  Looking away, he appeared to be deep in thought, weighing if I was worthy of his precious time, before finally cocking his head to the side, giving me an incredulous look.

  “At nine tonight, give your name to the front desk. Don’t be late.”

  Heat flooded my body before I had to curtail the urge of flinging myself at him for granting me this precarious request.

  “Thank you,” I gushed, blushing profusely as I directed him a secretive look.

  He merely nodded, unwilling to say more.

  “I’ll see you at nine, then.” Not wanting him to change his mind, I decided it was best to leave and prepare myself for what I intended to tell him tonight.

  Scurrying away from him, I walked without looking back. Despite the fact that my heart was pounding ever so loudly, and my thoughts were in such a jumbled mess, I felt exhilarated for the first time since I had seen him last.

  I knew in the deepest part of my psyche that seeing him tonight would be the right thing. Not only that, but I somehow didn’t feel any pangs of guilt in regards to Damen. I should have, but I didn’t, which was new to me, because whenever Hugo was concerned, I had always felt the guilt not too far away from my thoughts. Today, my conscience was surprisingly clear.

  Pulling my phone out, I decided to type a quick message to Claire, telling her I was on my way back home and would explain everything once I saw her. I wasn’t sure how long her interview would take, so I didn’t expect any reply from her.

  I had to figure out my head and what I ought to tell Hugo tonight. Most of all, I had to go through my closet and choose the most beguiling dress I owned. I needed all the wow factor I could muster.

  Chapter 6

  Isobel

  Several potential dresses sat on my bed while I stared at my body in the full-length mirror, donning only my red French lace briefs as
I tried to figure out what to wear when I saw Hugo that evening.

  Did I plan to seduce him tonight? Not entirely; though I did intend for him to look at me with unadulterated desire. I yearned to see the fire in his eyes burn and run free, devouring me with a mere look alone that made my entire existence throb with carnal longing. It was a long shot since it had been two months after all, but that was what I meant to do tonight—to provoke the past, even for only a night. My body was electrified with one purpose…

  Hugo Xavier.

  Wearing a black dress would be too elegant and chic. That was great and all; however, I needed a dress that would alert and heighten every sense in his body and not the other way around. For me to accomplish that feat, I had to choose my weapon wisely—the weapon being the dress itself. Well, what other color did seductresses and extremely confident women wear all the time? It was red, right? Then red it should be. Playing it safe wasn’t on the agenda. If I went down with embarrassment tonight, then I might as well go down in a hot and sultry ensemble.

  The designer, red, bandage dress that had the side of the hips cutout and most of my back exposed would surely be a winner. Not only would the color get every man’s attention, but the tight fitting dress would definitely ensure an ample display of my cleavage. I matched it with gold stilettos, engine red lipstick, and highlighted the best asset that lured him in by rimming my eyes with kohl and a hefty amount of mascara. Then I was set for tonight.

  Now, if I could simply settle the jittery feeling that was running all over my body, I could start heading out soon.

  I attempted to breathe evenly as if it would help put some sense into me, but nothing seemed to work. Glancing towards the wall clock that stated it was eight at night, I wondered where Claire was. Had she been here, her presence and her sarcasm would seriously drive all the nervous nonsense away. Regardless, since she wasn’t around, I had to resort to alcohol, sadly.