Live the Dream

by Josephine Cox

  'It wasn't too difficult this time,' the older woman answered. 'She seems ready to see you now.' She gave a wry little smile. 'Maybe I won't need to take letters backwards and forwards between you now, eh?'

  Amy was excited at the prospect of seeing Daisy at long last. 'When can we go?'

  'In about five minutes. My shift is finished, so if we don't get an emergency before I get my hat and coat, we can be off out the door, and you'll be seeing Daisy in about half an hour, if my reckoning is right.'

  As it turned out her reckoning was spot on.

  They came out of the building, caught a tram to Mill Hill to the south-west of Blackburn town centre, and from there they boarded a bus, which took them out of town and on towards Lytham St Annes. Halfway there, they disembarked.

  'The convent is just five minutes' walk from here,' Nurse Rita said. 'Hopefully, once we arrive, they'll offer us a nice hot cup of tea and a scone.'

  The narrow, meandering path up to the door of the convent was lined with early daffodils and as the visitors climbed, the way got prettier and narrower, and so steep that Amy wondered if they were climbing all the way up to Heaven.

  Mother Superior's round red face greeted them with a smile. A younger nun, who was introduced as Sister Mary, hovered behind her. 'Ah! Will ye look at the two of youse, frozen to the bone, and stomachs rumbling, no doubt? Come in wit ye before ye freeze on the doorstep.'

  Ushering them inside she introduced herself to Amy.

  'I'll have scones and tea sent to you and your friend,' she told her, then addressing herself to Nurse Rita, she invited cheerfully, 'You can come along wit me.'

  Knowing the heavy work burden carried by Mother Superior, Nurse Rita gracefully declined. 'Thank you, that's very kind, but I don't mind waiting out here…or I could go and have a word with the girls in the laundry, if that's all right with you?'

  Mother Superior wouldn't hear of it. 'You'll do no such ting! Wit all the charity work you do on our behalf and all the kindness you've shown to the poor wretches who find their way through these doors, don't ye tink ye deserve to rest your weary feet?' She looked Rita up and down. 'Come straight from the infirmary, have ye?'

  'More or less.'

  'Ah, well!' Mother Superior's smile was a joy to see. 'There ye are then! Will ye come and sit wit me, and we'll have a little chat, so we will?' She gave the cheekiest wink. 'D'ye know what I'm thinking?' She lowered her voice. 'Sure I'm th inking…I might even have a little red wine, left over from a crisis we had last week.'

  She summoned Sister Mary to accompany Amy to the dayroom and, taking Nurse Rita by the arm, she marched her unceremoniously to her office. 'Sure I'll not take no for an answer.'

  As they went from the hallway, Sister Mary gave Amy a knowing wink. 'Mother Superior likes to keep a little wine locked away,' she said with a chuckle, 'for emergencies and bad weather, or so she says.' She gave another, heartier chuckle. 'And if you believe that, you'll believe anything!'

  Amy had to stop herself from laughing out loud. She thought Sister Mary was delightful. As a matter of fact she thought she wouldn't mind spending a day or two in this lovely place herself, it was so amiable.

  It was also a beautiful, calming place as she observed when following Sister Mary along the corridors. Amy had never seen such beauty. The walls were panelled in richly carved walnut, and above them the ceilings dripped with beautiful work by ancient artists. The daylight shone in through the many stained-glass windows, to illuminate the magnificent creations embedded in the glass: sun-rays and stars and Biblical figures, bathed in all the colours of the rainbow.

  Beneath Amy and Sister Mary's feet the wood-blocked floors were lovingly polished, and as they walked along, the sound of their footsteps seemed to sing out in a peculiar, rhythmic melody.

  'Ah! Here we are.' Swinging round the corner, Sister Mary pushed open the heavy wooden door. 'Daisy, here's your friend to see you.'

  Thin and waif-like, Daisy was curled up on the window- seat, her gaze focused on the gardener as he went about his pruning. She didn't look up or speak, and made no move towards them.

  Sister Mary had seen it all before and understood. 'Go to her, child,' she whispered in Amy's ear. 'If you need me, I'll be right next door, catching up on my paperwork. First door on the left as you leave this room.'

  When Amy turned to thank her, she was gone, with the door still swinging shut.

  Nervous, Amy ventured forward, her mind in chaos at the sight of Daisy looking so forlorn. Had she done right in coming here? Was it fair to force herself on Daisy before she was ready? And was she being selfish in wanting Daisy to hear of her engagement, and expecting her to be a part of the wedding celebrations? All the doubts began to flood in. But mostly, she desperately needed to know that Daisy was going to be all right, that she was stronger now, and more able to deal with things.

  'Daisy?' Her voice sounded thin and weak, like that of a tiny child, while her heart was beating fifteen to the dozen. She felt she had to leave, yet she needed to stay. For Daisy's sake she needed to be here, to help, and comfort. And so she continued across the room. 'Daisy?'

  Daisy hardly moved a muscle. Instead, she kept her gaze averted, watching the gardener as he wheeled his barrow over the stony ground.

  Another step, and Amy was both thrilled and surprised when Daisy turned to look at her.

  'Are you all right, Daisy?' she asked tenderly.

  Dropping her gaze, Daisy looked away.

  Amy came closer until she could almost touch her. 'I so much wanted to see you, Daisy,' she whispered. 'I'm sorry. If you tell me to go, I will.' Her voice broke and the tears threatened. 'You know I'll do whatever you want.' When Daisy turned and looked directly at her, Amy's composure broke and the tears ran down her face. 'Oh, Daisy…I've missed you so much!'

  Suddenly Daisy was in her arms and the two of them held on to each other, as though afraid they might be separated for ever if they were to let go.

  They cried and laughed, and when Amy held her friend , at arm's length, she saw how the scar on her neck had faded. It was still an intrusion to the eye, but it wasn't angry or vivid red, and Daisy did not have her collar turned up to hide it. 'Are you all right?' she asked her again, and Daisy nodded; but she didn't say anything about the scar, or her state of mind, or whether she had come to terms with what had happened to her.

  Instead, she told Amy, 'I'm sorry I didn't want to see you before.'

  Amy understood. 'I'm here now,' she said. 'You can tell me how it's been, if you want to?'

  Just then there came a tap on the door, and an elderly woman entered with a trolley on which was a selection of cakes and a pot of tea with all the necessaries. 'I was instructed to fetch this along,' she informed them. 'Is it all right?'

  'It's lovely, Annie,' Daisy said quietly. 'Thank you.'

  Annie grinned and went away, content to be appreciated.

  'She was thrown out of her home when her son decided to get married,' Daisy told Amy. 'Now she'll stay here for the rest of her days.'

  While Amy took off her coat, Daisy poured the tea, and as she did her hands were slightly trembling. When she handed the cup and saucer to Amy, the trembling seemed to worsen.

  Amy took the cup and, wrapping her other hand round Daisy's shivering fingers, she murmured, 'It's all right, Daisy. I'm here with you now.' She decided there and then, not to tell her about herself and Jack and their wedding in a few weeks' time.

  For a time, they sat together, these two old friends who had hated every minute apart, and when Daisy asked her what news she had brought, Amy deliberately did not mention Jack. Instead she concentrated on other things. 'Roy misses you dreadfully,' she said.

  Daisy lapsed into deep thought and when she emerged from it, she remarked softly, 'I miss him too.'

  Made hopeful, Amy asked, 'Do you love him still?' Daisy gave a whimsical smile. 'I'll always love him.' 'And will you see him?' Amy asked.

  Daisy gave a long, solemn shake of the head. 'No, I wo
n't see him. I can't.'

  Amy did not persist. 'Everybody asks after you in the shop,' she told her, 'even old Ted Fogarty.'

  Daisy chuckled at that. 'Randy old devil!'

  Amy's mood was suddenly serious. 'Oh, Daisy, when are you coming home?'

  Daisy looked her in the eye, and for a long moment gave no reply. Then when she did it took Amy unawares. 'I haven't got no home to go to,' she said.

  'Oh, but you have!' Amy sat bolt upright in the chair. 'My home is yours. Wherever I am, you'll always be welcome.'

  'No.' Daisy had thought it through. 'I can't move in on you like that. When I'm ready to leave here, I need my own place to go to.'

  Amy reminded her about Roy and the dream they had shared. 'What about your dream?' she asked. 'The dream of a home with Roy, and children, and room enough for two dogs.'

  Daisy gave a strangled kind of sob. 'It was just a dream.' She shrugged. 'People like me never have dreams come true.'

  'Oh, Daisy, your dream will come true! If only you'll let it.' Getting out of the chair she went to Daisy and held her close. 'I don't think you realise how much you're loved. You have me and Jack, and my family; you have people who love you and want to help. And most of all, you have Roy, who loves you so much he's wilting away for the want of you. Not every woman has that kind of love, Daisy. Not every woman is fortunate enough to realise their dream. But you're lucky. You've got Roy! He would marry you tomorrow if only you'd give him the chance. Listen to me, Daisy. You know what I'm saying is true.'

  Shrugging her off, Daisy gave her a searching look. 'Are you and Jack getting married?'

  Taken aback by the directness of Daisy's question, and the way in which it was put, Amy hesitated for a moment. That was the very thing she had come to tell Daisy, and now, it was the very thing she feared would upset her—not because she was envious, but because she wasn't strong enough yet to see another woman enjoy what she believed was lost to her.

  'Well? Are you and Jack getting wed, or aren't you?' Daisy persisted. 'That's why you came to see me – to tell me the "good" news?'

  'No!' Amy was mortified. 'I mean…yes, and no! Yes, me and Jack are getting married. And no, it wasn't the only reason I came to see you. I've been desperate to see you since the day you left the infirmary, only you wouldn't let me.'

  Beneath Daisy's stony glare Amy felt helpless and confused. 'I don't want to hurt you, Daisy. I just need you to know about me and Jack, because I so much want you to be my maid of honour…'

  Without warning, Daisy leaped from her seat and fled out of the room, with Amy calling frantically after her, 'Wait, Daisy! Don't go, please…'

  But Daisy was gone, and there was nothing Amy could do. With clenched fist she punched the windowseat. 'I should never have told her!' Angry with Daisy, angry with herself, she hurried after her.

  She ran up and down the corridor, but there was no sign of Daisy, and when she returned, Sister Mary was waiting.

  'Don't blame yourself,' she told Amy. 'Daisy is very emotional just now. She has a great deal to accept, and she hasn't yet found the way.

  Sister Mary escorted Amy to the hallway, where already Nurse Rita was waiting.

  'How did it go?' she asked.

  'I think I've just lost the best friend I ever had," Amy murmured, her heart aching.

  'I'm sorry.' Nurse Rita could say nothing else. 'Leave it a while, and she might come round.'

  Amy didn't think so. 'In all the time I've known her, she's never looked at me like that before.' She recalled the stony glare, and the harsh words, and they cut her in two. 'I should never have come,' she said. 'It's too early. Daisy was right and I was wrong. She's been through so much; I should have given her the time she asked for.'

  She followed Nurse Rita down the path to the road, where they caught the bus and began their way home. All the while Amy sat silent and thoughtful, sorry for the clumsy way she'd handled things, and praying that Daisy would find it in her heart to forgive her.

  At the convent, Sister Mary was comforting Daisy, who had gone straight to her office when she ran from Amy.

  'She came here to tell me about her and Jack being married,' Daisy told her. 'What kind of friend would do that, when she knows how lonely I am without Roy? She can see for herself how ugly I am, and that no man would ever have me.'

  'Good friends are hard to find,' the nun told Daisy, 'and I know that in your heart, you're very happy for her.'

  But Daisy could only see as far as the scars on her neck, and whatever Sister Mary said, the girl would not be comforted.

  When Amy got off the bus, she went straight to the factory site, where Jack and Roy were just locking up. The brush works was housed in a temporary building rather like a small barn, and situated right by the main gates, while a new permanent factory was being built on the now cleared site of the gutted one. These days, with Luke spending so much time seeing customers or finance people, Jack was becoming increasingly responsible for the security and day-to-day running of the Hammond business, such as it was.

  'Hello, sweetheart.' Jack took her in his arms and held her for a while. 'How did your meeting with Daisy go?'

  Roy too was desperate for news. 'Did she mention me?' he asked eagerly. 'Did she say she would see me? Oh, Amy! Did you tell her how much I miss her?'

  Amy told them everything. She told them how quiet and uncooperative Daisy was in the beginning, and she relayed the snippet of conversation they had—about how much she missed Roy, but that she still believed that no man in his right mind would ever want her now that she was scarred and ugly.

  She told them of Daisy's reaction when she found out that she and Jack were to be married. 'She turned cold,' Amy said. 'She ran out on me, and I couldn't find her.' It was hard for Amy to relay all of this, but she believed they had a right to know.

  'It wasn't your fault,' Jack said, 'and it isn't Daisy's fault either. She's not well enough yet, but she'll be all right, because at least she saw you, when she wouldn't even consider it before. Give her time, sweetheart,' he said, 'just give her time.'

  Silent and thoughtful, Roy walked along with them for a while, and then as Jack and Amy clambered onto the tram, he told them he needed some fresh air, and that he would see Jack tomorrow.

  He had one final question for Amy. 'Now that you know where Daisy is, will you tell me?'

  For one insane, compassionate moment, Amy was tempted. But then she reminded herself it was not her place to give Daisy's secret away, and even if she did, with the way Daisy was now, what would happen if Roy turned up out of the blue?

  'I want to tell you, Roy, but I can't,' was her answer. I'm so sorry, but if I told you, my friendship with Daisy might be ruined for ever. Besides, if things went wrong with Daisy because of me, I would never forgive myself.'

  'But you have to tell me!'

  Amy knew she could not and said so. 'Go to Nurse Rita,' she advised. 'Tell her I sent you. Let her know how you feel about Daisy, and that you need to talk with her.' It was the best she could do. 'She took my messages to Daisy, and in the end she was the one who talked Daisy round to seeing me. She might well do the same for you.'

  He stood a moment, angry and frustrated, wondering whether to press the point, but even in his anger he could understand how Amy would not want to betray Daisy's confidence. 'All right,' he said. 'Take care, both of you.' And with that, he hurried away.

  On the tram going home, Amy was concerned. 'Was I wrong?' she asked Jack. 'Should I have told him?'

  As ever, Jack supported her. 'You did what you thought was right,' he assured her. 'You gave him a way to Daisy through the nurse. Now it's up to him. I'm worried about Roy,' he admitted. 'He's been like a cat on hot bricks all day long. This business with Daisy is driving him out of his mind. I wish to God him and Daisy could get back together again.'

  'So do I.' Feeling vulnerable and disillusioned, Amy cuddled up to him. 'I don't want anybody else to be my maid of honour,' she said. 'I only want Daisy.'

  Jack
made a generous offer. 'Suppose we put the wedding back for a few months,' he suggested. 'Maybe by that time she'll be her old self again?'

  Amy shook her head. 'We've got to live in hope—for Daisy to recover, but also for ourselves. Let's not change our plans unless we really must; let's just keep hoping and praying.'

  Later that night Marie told Amy that, given time, everything would come right between her and Daisy. 'You've got too strong a friendship to let it all slide away.'

  Yet she had to prepare Amy. 'If I'm wrong, and Daisy has really taken against you, then you'll have to live with it, lass,' she warned. 'You have to remember that sometimes when a body goes through what Daisy's been through, it changes the personality. She's already finished with Roy and she's adamant that she won't change her mind, so the same could happen where you're concerned.'

  As she spoke, she saw her daughter's face drop, and though it hurt Marie to say it, she finished, 'All I'm saying is, think on it, lass, just in case.' She hugged Amy hard. 'But, having said all that, I have a deep-down feeling it won't be that way at all. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, and hoping that once Daisy comes to see what she's throwing aside, she'll realise it's all too precious to lose.'

  With Marie's warning, Amy shed a few tears. 'D'you think I should go and see her again, Mam?'

  'No!' Marie knew that would be the worst thing of all. 'Let her think about it. She'll either go one way or the other, and whatever you do, lass, she'll still mek up her own mind.'

  Chapter Seventeen

  Three weeks later Amy and Jack's wedding day arrived. On this bright cold day in March, the crocuses and daffodils were still out, and the promise of spring showed in the buds on the trees and in the thickening hedgerows.

  At quarter-past one in the afternoon, there were only forty- five minutes before Amy and Jack walked down the aisle to be husband and wife, and the excitement in the little parlour behind Atkinsons' Corner Shop was growing. 'Where is she?' Dave was nervous as a kitten. 'It's tekkin' her long enough, ain't it?'

  'Keep calm for heaven's sake!' Somehow, Marie had managed to control her nerves and was fully in charge. 'She were ready when I left her just now. All she had to do was slip on her shoes and that was it.' She was alerted by a noise above. 'Hey up! Here she is now!'