Hayden's Timbre

by Thia Finn

  I stared at her. I couldn’t believe the bullshit that she spewed at me. I didn’t even know how to respond to her.

  “Then there’s Crew. He’s a great kid destined for great things just like his dad and this family y’all are part of. He needs someone to be his mom or friend or whatever, that can support him and teach him how to be that person. I’m not it. I’ll probably never be it. We can prevent this from causing anyone, especially him, any hurt if we don’t start at all.”

  “Fuck that.” I’d had about all I could take.

  “What?”

  “You heard me. Fuck that. I’m not giving up hope that we can be together in all ways until I see that it won’t work. I think we could have something, Timbre. Something real and you don’t even want to start because you think you’re not good enough for my kid and me? What the fuck? That’s the biggest load of shit I’ve heard in a long time, babe, and I’m not going to stand by and watch it all go to hell because you decided it.”

  “You don’t really get a choice.”

  “The hell I don’t.” This girl infuriated me with every word from her mouth.

  “You can’t make me see you, Hayden. I’ll leave today if you think that’s going to happen. I can move back to the shelter in a heartbeat. I can work from there until I get a place of my own. Please don’t make this harder than it has to be. We can be friends, maybe even with some benefits, and then when I’m stable financially, I’ll move on and so can you.”

  “No.” It was all I could do to speak calmly.

  “No? What do you mean, no?”

  “I’ll not be your friend with benefits, now or ever. If you think that’s why I moved you here, you are sadly mistaken. I moved you here to offer help and to have you closer to me so we could see each other more. I wanted you to get to know my son better.”

  “Yeah, well it hadn’t even been a week, and you see how that’s turned out. He’s smart just like you said. He figured out our little charade right off the bat. I don’t want him getting used to having me around and then feel like I’m leaving him high and dry. I’ll be happy to stay over when you need to be out late or whatever, but we aren’t doing this.” She pointed between us. “It’s too hard for everyone.”

  “So you’ll agree to be the hired help but not the girlfriend.”

  “That would be a temporary girlfriend. That’s a big no.”

  “Let me get this right. If I paid you to stay with him, you’d be glad to do so?” She nodded her head. “And if I decided I wanted sex, you’d be good with that?” She looked down and then up in my eyes and nodded her head again. “And if I wanted to have sex with other women and stay out all night, you’ll be glad to come over and stay with him when I needed you so I can. You’re good with that?” She didn’t look at me this time but nodded her head again.

  “Never gonna happen, babe.” I walked out the door without even looking back. I wasn’t sure I could contain the anger I felt. I needed to run or punch a bag or swim a mile or something. Talking to her right now was not what I needed to do.

  “That didn’t go like I thought it would.” No one heard me. I wanted him to understand how I felt, but he clearly didn’t think my idea of our friendship would work. We both needed not to become attached. Maybe that’s what he wanted now, but it could change. I didn’t want to get hurt. I didn’t want to hurt him and especially not Crew. If we saw each other often, I knew I would end up falling for him. Turning my life upside down for a man only to be dumped in the end couldn’t happen so I said what I had to.

  I’d thought about all I wanted to get done before the job officially started in the morning. Peri said they would be home this afternoon, and I could ride with her to work. I wanted to check out the whole bus situation before tomorrow just in case. She had three kids, who possibly were exposed to strep. She might never make it to work tomorrow.

  Now I knew and could be ready. If it rained, I could spring for the paying rides. I had a good plan ready for everything. I wished he would have liked the plan. Sex with him was off the charts, and I hated to hear he wasn’t having it that way. Wonder what he’d think if I brought another guy home?

  Yeah, like that would ever happen. I didn’t need sex that badly that soon anyway. I could do without until I got my own place if I had to. I never wanted to make waves with the Powell family like I’d just made with Hayden.

  Tossing and turning and then facing the ceiling, I thought about the whole situation all night. I liked him a lot, and I could see loving that kid. Crew’s sense of humor made me laugh at every turn. He was raised right, but he already acted like a little adult for someone so young. For not having a mom, Hayden had done a great job with him. I knew Peri had a lot to do with it, though, and probably Ryan, too. Hayden hit the jackpot with those two around. I’d hoped Hayden would share the story of Crew’s mom at some point, but I would never ask him.

  And then there’s me. I wasn’t mother material. Hell, I could barely take care of me. I hadn’t done such a good job of it so far anyway.

  Who ends up homeless with a degree from college? Me, that’s who.

  From here on out, things were going to get better. I had a place to live, a job that made pretty great money, and a plan.

  I stood patiently waiting by Peri’s car as she walked out the door holding a travel mug and looking beautiful.

  “Oh, hey, Timbre. Why didn’t you come in the house? You didn’t have to wait in the garage.”

  “I didn’t want to bother your family routine. I know it’s probably hectic.”

  “Between Ryan and Nanny, they can take care of everything. I hate mornings and Mondays for sure.”

  We sped off toward downtown with her weaving in and out of traffic.

  “I appreciate all the things you’ve done for me, Peri. Getting this job makes me so excited, and I promise I’m going to be out of your hair in no time.”

  She glanced at me. “What?”

  “Well, I don’t want to impose on y’all any longer than I have to with the pool house and all.”

  “Timbre, you’re not imposing. The pool house stays empty most of the time. We’ve had a few people in there. I’m sure Hayden told you that.”

  “Yes, he did, but I don’t want to live off y’all any longer than necessary. As soon as I get on my feet, I’ll start looking for a place close to work I can afford. With what I’m making, I think I can swing a place without having a roommate.”

  “Timbre. Stop. We don’t look at you as living off of us. You had a run of some bad luck, and we are happy to help you. God knows we’ve helped our fair share of musicians trying to make it. Besides, Hayden wanted you there, and that’s good enough for us.”

  “Okay but, just so you know, he’s not too happy with me right now.”

  “Really? Love on the rocks already, huh?” She gave a brief laugh.

  “We’re not in love at all. Not even close and after yesterday, I’m not even sure we’re in like or maybe even friends.” I didn’t want to look at her. I hated the way he left yesterday, but I needed to be clear with him.

  “You want to talk about it?”

  She sounded sympathetic, but I didn’t know. I’d never had females to talk to except Jenna, and we weren’t that close, and with this new job, we might never see each other again.

  “I thought about how having a relationship with Hayden would probably turn out badly. He’s in a different place in his life than I am. He’s got Crew and big friends and expensive tastes. I have nothing. I didn’t have anything when I got here, and I have even less now. Honestly, I don’t think I’d fit into his world.”

  “Oh really?” She didn’t say it in an accusatory way, but I knew she thought about what I said.

  “Yes, and even though we’re compatible in the bedroom, we might not be anywhere else. I thought it would be better not to get involved in a relationship.”

  “Did you tell him this?” She continued to drink from her travel mug and not look at me.

  “Yeah, yeste
rday. He’s mad. I told him we could be friends, maybe even with some benefits, but he’s not interested in that. I guess I offended him by offering. Anyway, he took off mad, and I never heard from him.” I felt better telling her the truth. Now she knew where I stood and if she wanted me gone, she could tell me now.

  We pulled into the parking lot, and she stopped the car. I reached for the door handle, and she laid her hand on my arm. “Wait, Timbre. I want to talk about this with you. I couldn’t do it while driving.”

  “I told you all of it.”

  “When we talked about you going to work, Hayden never said it was so he could keep a lady on the side. He wants someone he can be with that can learn to love Crew. He’s waited a long time even to start looking again. Don’t get me wrong, on the road, he had his share of women, but after he stopped traveling, he stopped sleeping around. His son was his number one priority. We all thought he needed to find a mom for Crew, but it didn’t happen, and Hayden didn’t want to expose the boy to a flock of females coming and going.”

  “No, I can’t see him doing that.” He loved Crew too much.

  “So when he asked about helping you, we all knew it was important to him. He’s waited this long… you must be important to him.”

  “I don’t know about that.” After him leaving yesterday, I’m not sure of anything.

  “We do. He’s never asked for us to help another woman, especially outside the music business. We’ve helped plenty, believe me.”

  “I know, and I’m so thankful for it. I told him I wanted to be his friend, and I would be more than happy to help in any way I could with Crew. He needs time to get out there and date around.”

  “And what about you, Timbre? What do you need?” She looked directly at me.

  “Me? I, I don’t need much. Just some time now to get my life up and running.”

  “Then what?”

  “Then I’m going back to school to get my master’s degree, so I can be a licensed professional counselor. I can open my own practice. That’s my plan right now.” It sounded so good to say out loud. I knew I could do this.

  “That’s great. I’m glad you have a plan. Do you see yourself doing this alone?”

  “I don’t know. That I hadn’t thought about.”

  “Hayden’s had a lot of years to think about spending his life alone. Twelve to be exact, and now he finds you and thinks maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t have to continue being alone.”

  “Yes, but I’m not the girl for him. I’m not like y’all. I have nothing. Y’all have it all. I’ll never be a gold digger, and that’s how it makes me feel.”

  She had the nerve to laugh at me. A knot in my throat formed. I didn’t usually get my feelings hurt easily, but her laughter struck a chord inside me.

  “No one would ever consider you a gold digger, Timbre. Far from it. Hayden’s told us how stubborn you are. He also told us how your pride got you in a bad situation that could have turned into a disaster. He wants you to be safe and happy, and he thinks he can provide you with that along with maybe some love. Why not take a chance and see? He’s willing to risk it all. His heart, his kid, his life. What do you have to lose?”

  I thought for a minute before I answered, “Nothing, except maybe my heart.”

  “Right. If he’s willing to risk a lot more, can’t you?” She patted my arm and opened her car door. When we met at the front, she stopped and looked at me. “Think about it, Timbre.”

  “I will, I promise.”

  The day flew by. People came and went with everyone on a busy schedule. Learning the computer systems came easily compared to the names and faces to match up. Johnna, who was leaving the position behind, helped me all day. She knew everything so well and all the people who came and went. She either introduced me to them or told me about them being sure to include some facts about the important ones so I wouldn’t make a fool of myself. By the end of the day, exhaustion set in quickly.

  “You ready to head home?” Peri stuck her head out of her office door.

  “Yeah, whenever you are.” I readied my desk for the following day. With my purse in hand, I stepped from behind the desk. I noticed a woman standing by the door on the outside. I didn’t know how long she’d stood there, but when she saw me, she moved out of sight. I walked over to the glass doors and peered out, but no one was there. Maybe she was waiting for someone.

  “God, it’s been a long Monday. I’m glad it’s over.” Peri locked her office door, and we headed to her car. “Did you hear from Hayden today?”

  “No, I didn’t expect to, though. He was pissed when he left so I doubt I will hear from him for a while, if ever.”

  “You don’t know him very well, Timbre. When he sets his mind to something, it will happen.”

  “I don’t think his mind is set on me, though.” I could only wish he had it set on me, but I knew it would never happen.

  “Guess we’ll see.” That’s all she said as we made our way home. It gave me time to think about the last conversation Hayden and I had. He left angry, and I supposed he still felt that way since he hadn’t made any effort to see me. Every time I heard footsteps from the rear hall, I glanced back to see if it was him only to be disappointed.

  Peri pulled into the driveway and around to the garage. There sat his truck closer to the pool house. No one was in it, so I thought that maybe he might be inside Peri’s with Ryan.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, Peri. Thanks for everything today.”

  “No problem. Please think about what I said this morning.”

  “I will, but I promise nothing’s going to change.”

  She gave me a brief nod of her head and a bright smile. From her look, I wondered if she knew something I didn’t know. I’m not sure if the two of them had been planning something.

  I heard voices inside the pool house when I reached the door. “What the hell?” I opened the door to find Hayden, Crew, and Tucker sitting at my table with homework spread all over it. Something creating a wonderfully delicious aroma cooked on my stove. The entire group turned and looked at me as I shut the door behind me.

  “Hayden?” I didn’t take my eyes off him.

  “Yes?” Any other day the smile on his face would have sent me to my knees with lust, but today I had to keep my wits about me.

  “What are y’all doing here?” I hung my purse, scarf, and jacket up behind the door.

  “Let’s see. These two are doing homework, and I’m cooking dinner. I didn’t need to go to the studio today, so I came over and found your food plan for the week on the fridge. I decided to go ahead and get it going, but I had to add to it so there’d be enough for all of us.”

  Tucker spoke up, “And me, too. It smelled so good when I came in I told him flat out I’m eating that, too, so cook a lot.” He looked up from his work. “If that’s okay with you? I mean, it’s your house and all, but I thought since we were neighbors, it’d be all right.” His smile stretched across his cute face. Damn these kids know how to turn on the charm when necessary.

  “Sure, Tucker, you’re welcome anytime.”

  “Thank you, Miss Timbre.” He grinned again and looked back down at his work.

  I glared at Hayden. This was his idea. I knew it.

  “Hayden, can we talk in the bedroom, please?”

  The two boys both looked at each other and then at Hayden. They made comments about talking in the bedroom and him being in trouble. When their comments disintegrated toward lewdness, Hayden stopped them with a look.

  “Sure, babe. Whatever you want.” He followed me in, and I slammed the door behind him, mostly for effect.

  “Hayden…” I wanted to speak calmly since I knew those two at the table had to be straining their ears to hear our conversation, “… why are you here in my house?”

  He walked over and wrapped me in a hug that I didn’t reciprocate.

  “I’m here to see you and feed you a great meal after your first day.”

  “Uh, huh.” He started kissing me
down the side of my neck making it hard to stay angry or to speak. I finally pulled back and tried to dislodge myself to no avail.

  “Hayden, really. What are y’all doing here? This is my house. You can’t just come over whenever you feel like breaking in. What if I had plans?”

  “Did you have plans?” He started on my neck again by moving my hair out of his way but not holding me in his arms.

  “Well, no, but I could have had plans. This is my house.”

  “I know it, babe, but I also know it was a hard day at the office and you needed to have a good dinner and relax before you went to bed.” At the word bed, he grabbed my waist and pulled me against his body.

  I continued to complain, “You can’t do that, Hayden. I’m not your responsibility. You don’t need to take care of me when I’m tired.”

  “I’m aware of that, babe, but I want to.” He left my neck and looked down at me. The golden rays were back in his eyes, and his voice took on a low, growling tone. “You see, I figured that if you spent more time with the kid and me, you’d see what you were willing to give up to someone else so easily.”

  “Is that right?” I felt myself caving with those eyes staring into mine and his rich voice causing a warm hum down through me. “This isn’t right, Hayden. You’re not playing fair here.”

  He leaned down and barely ran his lips across mine in a slow silky ghost of a kiss. “No one said I played fair, Timbre.” The softness ended there. The next kiss assaulted my lips. His hands slid down my body to cup under my cheeks and lift me enough to grind into his hard length captured between us. It set my blood on fire and desire shot through me with each erotic move as he backed off and started over.

  I latched my hands behind his neck and moved with him until he finally picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist so he might get closer to the spot that cried out for his touch.