Femme Noir

by Clara Nipper

  Sloane reappeared at my elbow and handed me a cold glass sparkling with clarity. It was a beautiful drink. I smelled it. Tangy, sugary. I tasted it. Gently bubbly, tart, edgy, and sublimely sweet. Mmm, this was very, very good. I felt a snap inside as if I had found a part of myself as I swallowed. Max’s tongue would taste like this at first, then as we went deeper, I would get Max’s real flavor. Maybe at the back of her throat she would taste like honey. Like pecans. Like milk. And her red, swollen, slick cunt when I finally, softly put my face there would taste like pineapple. Then, as I went deeper, it would taste dark and meaty. Her backside would be rich and fragrant and earthy like fresh truffles. “Thanks,” I told Sloane, “I’ll get the next round.”

  “Sure, pal. Lila’s got deep pockets. It’s all free today, so you buy me as many drinks as you’d like.”

  I was sure Sloane deliberately waited for me to take a big gulp before casually announcing, “Max wants to see you.”

  I barely escaped choking and spitting all over the floor. I put my napkin to my mouth and coughed, but not too much. Could’ve been a coincidence. Sloane watched. I looked at the stage as the singer announced a break before her next set.

  “Oh, she does? And she sent you to tell me?”

  “Sort of.” Sloane swigged her beer. In anticipation of my thoughts Sloane said, “She’s not here. She’s at home, alone, expecting you. I ’spect you can find your way, right? It’s near Swan Lake.” Sloane grinned.

  At her suggestions, I rebelled. “What makes you think I’ll go?” Even as I said it, my mind told me not to make a fool of myself in front of sharp Sloane.

  She clinked her beer to my drink. “Uh-huh” was all she said.

  “I’m gonna mingle,” I replied in a tough voice and walked away casually. Sloane’s knowing look infuriated me. “I’m gonna mingle?” I cringed at the memory of saying something that stupid. Why didn’t I just give it up and own my obsession? Sloane seemed like a friend…but my pride and fear prevented it. Maybe after a few more drinks, I could drop the ego. Yeah, I’d be an alcohol-infused butch, my eyes rolling with drunkenness, quoting movies, singing songs, and putting my arms around everyone within reach, declaring that I loved them forever, really and truly, I mean it. Never having been a sloppy drunk, I shuddered at that idea too, convinced to my everlasting embarrassment that if I were ever going to be messy, it would be in front of Sloane, and I definitely didn’t want that. First, I must find a cigarette; then I could face the rest.

  I looked the crowd over, wondering what to do next. I spotted Darcy, Ava-Suzanne, and Jhoaeneyie, but too late to avoid them.

  Jhoaeneyie engulfed me in a bear hug and rubbed my back. I shoved her away, but she held on to my arm. “Hard stuff,” Jhoaeneyie said, her head tilted. “Real hard stuff. Are you okay? Do you feel safe, deep down inside?”

  I used my stone cold stare to glare Jhoaeneyie to silence.

  “Stay healthy. We need you.” Jhoaeneyie released me.

  “Here.” Darcy thrust a big colorful drink into my free hand. “It’s a juicy pussy.” Darcy swigged hers. “Try it,” she urged me as Ava-Suzanne tittered and sipped her own.

  “I prefer to get mine on the outside. I like them better on the hoof.” I smelled the drink. “Hmm, tropicale.” Cloying, canned, oversweet fruits. Well, I could pose with it for a while.

  “So, what have you heard?” Darcy asked eagerly.

  I shrugged. “Just part of that last song.”

  “No, no.” Darcy frowned. “About us. What did you hear?”

  “Tell us everything,” Jhoaeneyie said.

  “What?”

  “I figure the entire community is buzzing and you would’ve heard something by now.”

  “Yeah, your hotel isn’t under a rock, is it?”

  I stared down my nose at Darcy and Jhoaeneyie in disbelief. Ava-Suzanne licked her lips.

  “We’re really private, so I thought I’d get your version and then tell you the true one,” Darcy continued, trying to smother her eagerness.

  “We really hate these messy lesbian rumors, but what are you going to do? It is the system we live in,” Jhoaeneyie said. The band announced a break and cleared the stage.

  “I ain’t heard shit.” I cocked my head. Darcy was pale and deflated.

  Jhoaeneyie shook her head. “Unbelievable.”

  “Oh, well, never mind. I guess you’re just out of the loop.”

  “Uh-huh, that’s it,” I agreed.

  Ava-Suzanne sucked a cantaloupe chunk. She looked like an albino tree frog.

  “Well, what do you think?” Darcy gestured to the empty stage.

  “Just great. They’re going places, I think.” I put my face in my drink as if it were an oxygen mask.

  “Yeah, I’ve known them for a hundred years,” Darcy boasted. Ava-Suzanne simpered on her shoulder.

  “Oh, they’ve been struggling for so many years.” Jhoaeneyie puffed. “I’m glad to see them finally getting off the ground. We’re real proud. I’ve watched them come up for a long time. Poor dears.” Jhoaeneyie tilted her head and smiled ruefully. “But we’ve been their number one supporters cheering them on just forever. ”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, I’m the one who told Lila to start singing in the first place,” Darcy said. Ava-Suzanne nodded in agreement. Darcy continued, “We are real tight. I can introduce you if you like. Sometimes I sit in with the band.” Then, she added with false modesty and a bad British accent, “Sort of like the fifth Beatle, you know?” Ava-Suzanne and Jhoaeneyie laughed. I stared. “Lila tries to get me to sing, but I tell her, look, that’s your thing, not mine, understand? See, I’m real visual. Music isn’t second nature. At least not yet.” Darcy searched my face for a response.

  “Where’s Jack?” I blurted, desperate to derail this line of talk. Darcy, Jhoaeneyie, and Ava-Suzanne turned together and gestured to the bar where he sat alone, smoking and drinking thoughtfully. He was still in his cemetery suit.

  “I think I’ll go over and say hello.”

  I pulled away, but Darcy said, “Good idea, we’ll join you.”

  “Hey, Jack.” I clapped him on the back and put my empty glass and the juicy pussy on the bar, shaking my head for the fruit drink and nodding at the bartender for a refill for Jack and me, saying as if experienced, “Tank and tonic.” I also sent a beer to Sloane, pointing in the smoky darkness. Jhoaeneyie, Darcy, and Ava-Suzanne sat on Jack’s other side.

  Darcy leaned in with an approving smile. “Good choice, girl. That’s the best of the British gins.”

  “Yes, I know,” I stated indifferently.

  “Hey, baldy. I remember you. You’re the…the…” Jack grinned impishly and shrugged. “A lot going on for me right now. So sorry. Whass your name? Mr. Clean?”

  “Nora,” I said, delighted. The bartender slid our drinks toward us. “Thanks.” Free drinks or not, I knew to tip well and passed Jack his bourbon.

  “Oh, thass right, you’re the generous charmer.” Noticing my hungry look that only another smoker recognizes, Jack passed his pack. I thumbed the match into flame and inhaled with a grateful sigh.

  “You gotta teach me that,” Jack said.

  “Any time.” I smiled, blowing smoke to the ceiling. I lit another match for Jack as a demonstration. Ava-Suzanne pointedly began coughing. Jack rolled his eyes and lit a fresh cigarette himself.

  “You know, Ava-Suzanne grew up with Michelle. Lived right next door. Silver spoon up her twat.” Jack giggled. I stared at Ava-Suzanne, who glared imperiously. Jhoaeneyie watched, her eyes sharp with prurient interest.

  “We were estranged at the time of her death,” Ava-Suzanne said frostily.

  “You know, Jack is Michelle’s cousin,” Darcy said to me across Jack. Jhoaeneyie smiled with satisfaction. Stunned, I looked at Jack for confirmation; he stared straight ahead. He lifted his shoulder, nodded imperceptibly, and drained his shot. Then he leaned close to me.

  “You know, Darcy Tate used to be plain old Roberta J
ohnson before she changed her name,” he whispered.

  I felt loose and goofy and I laughed. “Figures.”

  “And Jhoaeneyie hasn’t been a therapist for years. She had her license revoked for inappropriate conduct,” Jack continued.

  I laughed again. “Naturally,” I said. “So, you’re Michelle’s cousin?”

  “Yeah.” Jack grinned, turning to me, his eyes red. “We go…we went way back.”

  “You were close?”

  “Used to be. Before she burned all the bridges.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “She shat on everyone but me, and I thought it would never happen between us, but it did and I ended our relationship. About that time, she also shat hard on Sloane and had to leave town. I heard she went straight to Los Angeles.” He said it in a tone that implied, I heard she went straight to hell. “And she hooked up with some sucker there. Maybe that’s who killed her. Either that or the governor’s men. She died there in some dump apartment.”

  I was impassive. “She died in LA?”

  Jack frowned. “Oh, you didn’t know.”

  “No, I did not.”

  “How did you know Michelle, anyway?” Jhoaeneyie demanded.

  “I was the sucker in LA.”

  Jack stared. Darcy stared. Ava-Suzanne stared. Jhoaeneyie stared. It was as if the bar got silent.

  “I guess none of you knew that, ” I added.

  “No, no, sorry, I just didn’t.” Jack shook his head.

  “ You’re the ex?” Ava-Suzanne asked derisively. Darcy elbowed her. Jhoaeneyie smirked.

  “Yeah, what of it?” I asked angrily. I was ready to wipe that twig.

  “Nothing,” Ava-Suzanne said, venomously sweet. “I just didn’t realize Michelle was so… diverse. ”

  I snapped to Darcy, “You want to control your mannequin’s mouth before I have to get ugly, you get me?” Then to Ava-Suzanne, “I don’t know what your problem is and I don’t care. You just shut up and stay out of my way, dig?”

  Jhoaeneyie held up her hands. “Let’s just turn down the volume here. We’re all hurt and vulnerable. Remember we’re sisters and we love each other.”

  I tasted bile and took a breath to speak but before I could, Sloane cupped my elbow. The tension rose within the little group. “N? Whassup? Doin’ okay?”

  I sighed. “Sure. I believe I’ll have another candy drink, though.”

  Venom fairly dripped off Ava-Suzanne. Darcy’s jaw muscles were rippling, and a vein throbbed in Jhoaeneyie’s forehead.

  “Darcy. Ava-Suzanne, Jhoaeneyie,” Sloane said easily.

  “ Sloane, ” they said icily, in unison. I looked from one to the other: Sloane, an affable grin on her face, Ava-Suzanne appearing constipated and unhappy about it. Darcy was angry, and Jhoaeneyie was upset but supplicant.

  “I want you to meet Lila and Reese,” Sloane said as the singer and another woman entered the group.

  “Excuse us,” Darcy said loudly and she, Ava-Suzanne, and Jhoaeneyie turned back to the bar. Jack, his eyes closed, held his forehead in his hands and was now surrounded by the three.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Lila, may I present Nora Delaney, fresh from the sticks of LA. And, Nora, this is Reese Montgomery, Lila’s partner.”

  “Oh, thank God the skank bitch is dead !” Lila cried, shaking my hand and trilling laughter.

  Stunned, I said, “What?” My shoulders were starting to bunch. Reese was heavyset but dapper in khakis, loafers, and a severely pressed, starched shirt. Lila wore a swishy, voluminous black skirt and gold sequined blouse with leopard-print pumps. With her flashing black eyes and saucy grin, she looked like a gypsy.

  “I don’t mean anything, darling. It’s just such a marvelous party. And I love any excuse for a good party, don’t I, Reese Angel?”

  Reese said nothing, but smiled, her face tense.

  “Oh, poor dear Michelle, she will be so deeply missed.” Lila overanimated a sad clowny face.

  “Did you know her?” I asked.

  “Not a bit, darling.” Lila laughed into my face and swirled around me. I was dizzy trying to follow Lila and decided to shrug her off as a ditzy diva.

  “Let’s have a look at you.” Lila held my face and turned my head this way and that. She growled and barked, snarling hungrily. Sloane took a step back. Then Lila said, “You’re a beautiful, strapping buck, aren’t you?”

  “Watch it, El, you’re gone make my dog, Nora, blush,” Sloane said.

  “The hell you say.” Lila rubbed noses with Sloane.

  Reese pulled Lila back and wagged a finger in her face. “Lila, my queen, you mustn’t arouse suspicion. Remember whose girl you are.”

  “What a bore. But as you wish, Reese Cup.” Lila grinned at me but then stood straight and solemn with a pouty mouth to face Reese. “I’m a harmless flirt. Simply everybody says so. You’re such a square.”

  “Now, now, Lila, I’m sure you don’t mean that.” Reese smiled uncomfortably and stroked Lila’s arm.

  “Hmph. I am and I do.” Lila pulled away and clung to me.

  “Well, well, looks like Nora caught the big fish,” Sloane said. I gave her an exasperated look.

  “Don’t worry about me, Reese.” I tried to be soothing. Reese’s dead shark eyes turned to look at me. “I’ll protect her from salacious influences. She’s safe with me.”

  Reese looked as if she would like to strangle both Lila and me, but she smiled and said, “Of course you will. I am grateful.” She made an awkward little bow. Reese’s malevolent gaze remained on Lila, who was oblivious.

  “Oh, will you? Will you take care of me?” Lila blinked up at me and feigned a faint, forcing me to catch her. She snuggled against me and cooed, “An oldie but a goodie.”

  I tried to step away, but Lila’s grip was like a claw. Jack pushed into the group.

  He and Lila screamed and hugged and air-kissed.

  “That is a fabulous dress. Does it come in small?” Jack asked.

  “There are no small women, just small faggots,” Lila replied.

  They bumped hips.

  “Meow, Jack, have you met our latest import? She makes me crave deep, dark, rich chocolate, doesn’t she?” Lila pressed us together. Jack saw the look on my face and burst out laughing.

  “Yes, doll baby, I’ve met her. Go easy. She’s an amateur at you,” Jack said.

  “Amateur, schmamateur, have you seen those hands?” Lila asked. Everyone looked at my hands, which I promptly shoved into my pockets.

  “I declare, Lila, you are a married woman. You’ve been settled so long, you’ll finally have something fun to tell at confession,” Jack said.

  “No, she won’t,” Reese said.

  “She might,” Sloane added.

  “Hell, no,” I stated.

  They all turned to look at me. Lila’s chin was trembling, Sloane and Jack were grinning, and Reese was thunderous.

  “She’s not available…I’m not available…you do the math,” I said.

  Sloane raised her eyebrows. “You’re not available?”

  “Last night she was,” Jack said. He and Sloane slapped palms.

  “Oh, Nora, don’t break my heart wide open right here before my last set. Don’t make me sing the blues for real.”

  “Don’t break her heart,” Reese said to me, her teeth gritted.

  I shrugged. “I’m somewhat available.” I wished I had gone immediately to see Max. My Max, as I was already considering her.

  Lila smiled. “Just look at that face!” Lila made fish lips and grabbed my jaw. The group sighed in relief. Lila was charming and flirtatious, throwing back her head to laugh and touching my biceps. Lila had a gaudy cigarette holder that she sucked on frequently for effect. When she smoked especially hard, she looked like Betty Boop.

  I put down Reese’s careful stare to Lila’s aggressive behavior. Lila squinted at the bar where Darcy, Jhoaeneyie, and Ava-Suzanne sat, talking.

  She pointed her cigarette holder toward th
em. “Reese, dahling, I see those three boors everywhere. Who are they? How do I know them?”

  Reese raised Lila’s free hand to her mouth languidly and kissed it, Lila’s other hand still being caught on my arm. “Fans, my princess. They’re fans of yours.”

  “Oh, of course.” Lila laughed, squeezing me again and tilting her head and tossing her short slinky black mane. Reese’s eyes smoldered. I moved away from Lila, closer to Sloane. “You know what I say, if you’re a hugger, hug me twice, bitch, but don’t ever touch my butch,” Lila exclaimed, referring to someone approaching to embrace Reese. Lila and Reese ignored Darcy, Jhoaeneyie, and Ava-Suzanne. Jack air-kissed Lila again and returned to the bar.

  I watched Jack nurse another shot and cigarette. A man approached, nudged Darcy over, sat down next to Jack, and patted his shoulder. I turned back to the sound of Lila’s voice.

  “—know that Reese is an artist?”

  I groaned inwardly. There were more artists crawling out of the woodwork in Tulsa than were contained in the whole of the Los Angeles Museum of Art.

  “Let me give you a tour.” Lila grinned, her luscious overbite making for a spectacularly schmoozy smile. She took me by the arm and led me to a wall of the club. Reese and Sloane followed us.

  “Of course by day, you know this is my incredibly chichi and tiresome restaurant. And at night, it becomes my sanctuary. I just live to sing, you know. ”

  “Don’t we all,” I said.

  Lila tittered. “You are delicious. ” Lila pointed with her cigarette holder, the smoke trailing delicately after her hand. “Here is one of her earliest paintings. I was so skinny then. I hadn’t yet come into my voice.” Lila batted her eyes and tipped her head. “But Reese saw my potential, didn’t you, darling?” Lila said over her shoulder. “And she encouraged me and painted me and put meat on my bones and a voice in my throat.”

  I tried to extricate my arm from Lila’s firm grip. When I still couldn’t, I tried to engage Reese in the conversation. “Is that true, Reese?”

  “Every bit of it. But what my humble princess doesn’t say is that she made me grow as a painter too. These early works are too sentimental. They’re positively puerile.”