by Clara Nipper
“Don’t leave any marks, darling. At least none that Reese can see.”
“She knows what you’re doing,” I said.
Lila pushed me away, her eyes wide. “No, she does not. Honest. I’ve never cheated on her. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. Maybe I can’t now—” Lila started crying softly.
Femmes and their tears, good God. I hugged her roughly, patting her back, knowing that this was only stalling. Consciously or unconsciously, Lila had to stall. I had seen it a million times. Oh, we would have sex and a lot of it. Her taking the time to cry merely cemented the deal but only I knew it. Lila had to square her guilt to her desire and rationalize it all in her heart. Then the crying would stop; she would make some transparent femmey seduction move that I would allow so Lila could think she was taking the lead. Then we’d go to the bedroom, where I would bring her down with the force of a ravenous tiger.
“Reese and I have always been faithful to each other. All these years. I don’t know why I’m doing this. She has never cheated on me.”
“I know, baby, shh.”
“She hasn’t been around lately. She has been leaving me alone more and more and at all hours. I never know when she will be home. It’s always business, she says. I hear noises from the studio from dusk till dawn. What has happened? She makes me so mad. I hate her sometimes, you know?”
“Yes, baby, I know. I’m here for you.” I ran a gentle finger across Lila’s mouth, wondering idly what it would be like to kiss an overbite. Then I smoothed Lila’s glossy black pageboy and let her speak.
“How dare she! If she’s not careful, she will lose me. I deserve better.” Lila sniffled and her hand slipped into my waistband.
“Yes, baby, you do. I know.” I rocked her as Lila’s hand cupped my buttocks.
“I have never been treated like this. Reese knows how much I need her. She knows I’m very high-maintenance. What does she think I’ll do without all that? She can’t just leave me by myself so much and expect me to wait forever.”
“That’s right.”
Lila rested her head on my chest. She had stopped crying. “I want to be safe…to have safe…” Lila whispered, embarrassed.
“Safe sex?” I asked, kissing the top of her head, grateful that this was a one-nighter. I knew the exhaustive work that women like Lila needed.
“Yes.” It was almost inaudible. Apparently, the bawdy blues singer was truly a persona for this shy, needy woman.
“Not to worry, I never bareback.”
“Reese and I are fluid-bonded, you know.”
I bit back the impulse to laugh. “I will keep you safe.” I had all my latex in my pocket, just out of habit. I was sure, if we needed it, that Reese would have lube. Maybe we should do it on the studio bed? No, might make Lila too suspicious. Could be all kinds of hairs and smells and stains and panties in that thing. Let her find out in her own time, her own way.
“I really want you…I really do…” Lila’s eyes were dark with arousal. “But—”
“Listen, it’s okay. I know I’m not the one you really want. It’s all right. You’re not the one I really want. But we’re here now and we can do this for each other.”
Lila consented by closing her eyes, wrapping her arms around me, and tilting her chin up for a kiss. I imagined wavy copper-red hair, snapping navy blue eyes, rosebud mouth…oh, Max… I fastened my mouth on Lila’s hungrily.
Finally, Lila broke the embrace and took my hand. “I want to show you something,” Lila whispered, pulling her leopard-print dress back up over her shoulder. That vulnerable gesture tugged at my heart. I could still leave. I could yet not do this. Max’s refusals and Reese’s smug grin burned in my chest. I had never left a woman unsatisfied and I wouldn’t tonight. Lila led me down the corridor toward the bedroom. “See? I wanted to show you these paintings.” Lila pointed. I rolled my eyes. Enough already!
All along the walls were nudes of Lila. Nudes of Lila with something on her arm… I stopped breathing for a second. I stepped closer to the painting. Lights reflected on its shiny oil surface, so I maneuvered right and left until I could get a clear view. Was that an ancient gold coin? On a chain? Under Reese’s skilled hands, the coin was rendered in fine detail, its edges rubbed soft over time and the face nearly, but not quite obliterated. And Lila in the painting, smug, oblivious, titillated, hideous.
A fire started at the base of my spine and grew until the flames were in my eyes. Could it really be my grandmother’s bracelet? That heifer was wearing my grandmother’s bracelet! The bracelet presented to me on my thirtieth birthday. It had been a big surprise party. My team had been there, my friends, my women, and my family. When my mother fastened it on my wrist, I had to wipe my eyes many times. My mother and grama wept outright. With that beloved icon finally mine, I had believed I was invincible. I had smiled and winked at the small nieces staring up at me to whom I would will this bracelet when the time came.
Two years later, on the day I met Michelle, I was playing in a senior league championship and someone snagged my bracelet, snapping the chain. I stopped the game immediately, gathered the bracelet, and tucked it into my sock.
After my team won, Michelle, who was at the game watching friends play on the opposing side, approached to congratulate me and ask about the coin. We had gone for coffee and started dating. That had been on a Saturday and I put the coin in a safe place until Monday when I would go to a jeweler first thing. But Sunday, I had Michelle over for sex and brunch, and the next morning, the coin and chain were gone.
A rage swept through me like a fire. I had pleaded for Michelle to help look for it. We tore my apartment apart. I had gone crazy, yelling and cursing and breaking things. In desperation, I had even confronted Michelle and assured her it would be okay if she would just give it back. Michelle had protested so winningly. She had denied everything so earnestly. She had cried over the story of the princess and over my loss. She offered to do everything to help. She even searched the basketball court and called my teammates and asked them about it. Michelle insisted I must have lost it. I had been convinced of Michelle’s innocence. I had been grateful for her help. Grateful! That lousy rotten evil bitch! Evil. After resigning myself to its loss, I fell into a black depression that had lasted for months. It was a wound that had never healed. I had never told my mother or grandmother. Oh, to have five minutes with Michelle now. Hell, I would even like to beat her corpse to a pulp for good measure. So Michelle had taken the bracelet and given it to Reese. I stared in disbelief at the lifeless paintings.
“Nora, what’s wrong? Don’t you like them?”
I cleared my throat, tamping down my murderous fury, hoping I could speak. “Sure. They’re very sexy. What’s that bracelet? It’s unusual.” Good. Casual and light.
“Oh, that.” Lila laughed. “Everyone asks about that. Isn’t it hideous? Reese said she picked it up for a song at some tacky flea market in Los Angeles. She thinks it’s interesting so she insisted I wear the silly thing. It was an anniversary present. Can you believe that? I read her the riot act over that one, I tell you. I never wear it.”
“Do you still have it?”
Lila was puzzled. “Yes, why?”
“I’m a bit of a coin hound. It looks like it might be valuable. Can I see it?”
“Of course you can, darling. Come into my lair.”
I followed Lila into the bedroom, which was truly despicable. All clear acrylic and black leather and mirrors. Not a single color or sign of softness anywhere.
I watched Lila remove the bracelet, its chain now repaired, from her jewelry box.
“See? It’s not anything anyone would wear. It’s ugly.” Lila dangled it contemptuously from her fingertips.
My eyes burned. I used every ounce of my will to suppress my panther passion against snatching that precious bracelet and running all the way back to Los Angeles. “I’ll say. It’s awful. Reese is such a jerk. She doesn’t know what you need.” I took Lila in my arms. “Let’s forget about that nast
y thing for a while.” I used my rage to capture Lila’s mouth in a slow, fiery kiss. I felt her dissolve in my arms. I deepened the kiss when I heard with smug satisfaction, the bracelet drop from Lila’s fingers and hit the carpet with a tiny, treasured thud.
With the bracelet restored to me, I could focus on the job at hand. I undressed Lila slowly, making her shiver. Her dark, slick pageboy shadowed her face. Her skin was white and lightly freckled. I tossed Lila’s dress on top of a lacquered armoire. Little present for Reese. Lila’s breasts were heavy with deep brown nipples that looked to me, with my rabid needs, just like pacifiers. I dropped to my knees and embraced Lila, rubbing my face in her pubic hair. It was neat and trimmed, and could it be, combed?
“Your bush certainly is tidy,” I said, kissing the crease between hip and thigh. Mmm, they grow them big and beautiful in Oklahoma, ample and tasty, just as I like ’em.
“Reese likes my pubic hair that way. I even use conditioner on it. Sometimes I brush it.” Lila gasped.
“That Reese is a piece of work,” I muttered to Lila’s plump navel.
“Just talk about me, okay? Nobody else but me,” Lila whispered, gripping my shoulders. I looked up. Above the rise of her belly, the roundness of her arms and the bulging of her breasts, Lila stared down at me. In all my experience, I had never seen anyone so fragile. Stop; don’t do this, an inner voice whispered.
“Sure, just you. Of course, baby. I’m sorry. All you, only you.” I ran my hand delicately up the insides of Lila’s trembling thighs. “We can stop. We don’t have to do this. Are you sure you want to?” I looked up at Lila again.
“Yes!” It was a bellow. A sound of hurt, anger, defiance, and desire.
“All right, baby, let me take you there.” I stood and without warning, picked up Lila, carried her to the bed, and laid her down gently.
“No one has ever lifted me before,” Lila said, batting her eyes yet sounding like a child.
“I’ve only begun,” I answered, knowing in my soul that what we were going to do wasn’t going to elevate anyone. Just the opposite.
I fell on top of Lila, voraciously eating her flesh. She writhed and moaned, her voice not like Max’s at all. Her body was not like Max’s. Her face was not like Max’s. Her hair, her touch, her smile, her stare. Goddammit, they were all different. They weren’t even close. How could white chicks be so different? Lila wrapped her legs around me as I kissed and bit her chest and slowly descended to her pendulous breasts. Lila certainly was sexy; her only fault was that she wasn’t…someone else. I bit Lila’s nipple viciously. She gasped, dragging her nails across my back. I imagined Max’s pink pinprick nipple in my mouth, suffocating myself on Max’s breasts, Max’s body sprawled helplessly under me, ready for consumption. Soon, I would spread Lila’s legs and hold her ankles apart as I would regard what waited for me there. I hoped I would see Max’s pomegranate cunt, split open to reveal the glistening ruby seeds ripe for me to devour. I would slurp and slather the sweetly tart juice all over my skin. My hands were everywhere, pinching, kneading, massaging, gripping. Lila was a ship rolling gently on the sea. I left Lila’s breasts and started sucking her toes. Her shrill shriek of pleasure made me smile smugly. God, I know how to do this and I do it flawlessly every time. I moved to bite Lila’s heels and suck her arches. I chewed on her calves and spent a long time licking the backs of her knees, that sugary soft spot sensitive and aching to be plundered on every woman.
I was just beginning my smoldering journey up Lila’s thighs when she gripped me in a knee lock and whispered, “What’s that? Did you hear something?”
I listened, not frightened for Reese to catch us. But would Reese be back so quickly from her assignation? If I knew Reese, then absolutely not. Reese wanted to punish Lila and she would draw it out. Reese also wanted to tempt me with Lila as well as mind-fuck me with Max. It was too soon for Reese to return home.
“It’s nothing; relax, baby. Come on.” I tried to pry myself from Lila’s clenched legs.
“Shh, just listen. Maybe Reese is back.”
“You want me to check?”
“Just listen!” Lila barked bitchily.
So we waited. All was still. I watched the clock wearily. If Lila didn’t open up soon, I would just leave and return to Max’s. Max. Where the hell was she? Was she screaming Reese’s name and biting her bloody?
“Come on, Lila, it’s nothing,” I said roughly, snapping her thighs apart.
“Okay, I guess you’re right. Okay.” She breathed to relax.
“Now, where were we?” I grinned and sucked the crease between inner thigh and vulva.
Chapter Twenty-Three
It was like it usually was, with only two differences.
Usually, my women were wet and starved for me. They thrashed and screamed or whimpered and moaned or laughed and cried. All in my name. I was an all-purpose lover. I was indefatigable and I would do it all. I did whatever it took: licking, sucking, fisting, rimming, spanking, stroking. If they needed toys, I was more than happy to strap one on, put the vibrator on high, snap closed the restraints, use the cane or paddle, or whatever else they might need. I stopped being surprised ten years ago.
So Lila was the same in these ways. She liked it quiet, intense, and gentle. She came many times, each with a grateful gasp and a soft clutch. She smiled radiantly at me, drunk on pure pleasure, another sure sign Reese couldn’t miss. I was so aroused by fantasies of Max that I straddled Lila’s plump thigh and rubbed until I came. It was a powerful pent-up orgasm, one that astonished me with its depth. I arched into a primal curve. My face closed down and clenched like a fist. I thought of Max’s strong, serpentine body and imagined it below me, calling to me. Nora, Nora please, please. I came, shuddering and jerking, panting bitch, bitch, bitch with each breath. That was the first difference.
The second was that afterward, I felt dirty. I normally never felt that way because, while I was promiscuous, I was safe and I had ethics. Never commit adultery was one. I had clean boundaries and discussed them openly with my women before the first date. I was a player, but not a dog. Everyone involved was clear on all the rules, so there were no secrets and no victims. So now, as I lay with Lila, petting and soothing her as she wept, I felt disgusted with myself. Mad at Reese and Max for goading me into this. Heartsick because I had betrayed Max even though we were not involved. Lila sniffled and burrowed into me, as if she could also hide what she had done.
“Do you always react like this?”
“What do you mean?”
“Does having sex with someone other than Reese always make you cry?”
Lila wept afresh. “I’ve never done it before.”
I knew that was a lie. Lila was simply a complicated and difficult affair. She made you pay for every bit of pleasure. But I patted and rocked her anyway. I was tired and ready to go. It seemed as if the full weight of this trip finally overcame me and I wanted nothing better than to stretch out and sleep in a different bed alone. Lila calmed herself at last.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me, I just—” Lila’s chin trembled and tears welled again.
“Shh, don’t worry. This doesn’t mean anything. Reese need never know if you don’t want her to know. Relax.” I had to get her to sleep quickly so I could get the bracelet and get out.
“I’m going to take a sleeping pill. I’ll never be able to calm down if I don’t. Do you mind?” Lila stood, waiting for approval.
I shook my head, marveling at little miracles. “Not at all. I’ll just get out of your way.” I rose and began dressing. I heard Lila in the bathroom blowing her nose, opening a plastic bottle, running the water, flushing the toilet. I extracted the bracelet from the deep carpet and slipped it into my pocket. I grinned hugely at the floor as I slipped on my shoes. My, my, my, how nicely things work out. Lila emerged from the bathroom looking sad and weary and wearing pajamas. I embraced her.
“Thank you for everything,” Lila said to my shoulder. “I’m sorry I’m
so…”
“Shh, baby, just rest. I’ll go. I can let myself out.”
Lila nodded, yawned, and flopped on the bed. She seemed to fall asleep immediately. I had one final look around because if I left anything, I knew I would never get it back.
My hand in my pocket, clutching my icon, I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror. I thought I could see my royalty in my forehead and cheeks. In my imperial lips and broad shoulders. I felt restored again to the connection of my noble foremothers. I even thought I saw my ancestors’ faces laid across my own, each smiling, sighing in relief, and disappearing one by one. I saw my mother, my grandmother, and my great grandmother. I saw years ago when my mother, tears running down her face, let me know that my grama was dead only by silently patting the pendant on my arm.
I heard drumming and singing and felt the soil of Africa under my feet, the sun of Africa on my back. It was a strange, split-second time travel, all of these women culminating here and now in the being of a bald lesbian basketball coach and lady-killer whose ex was just murdered by her own family. In this alien place, I felt a longing for my mother’s arms, her generous bosom, her big Sunday dinners, and her strong, peaceful hands. Even her clucking disapproval would be a comfort.
I shook my head to dispel the thoughts and tiptoed out of the bedroom. Lila was snoring softly.
As I crept across the parquet floor, I heard rustling and soft groaning coming from behind Reese’s studio door. I froze, my blood rushing to my face and feet. It was a woman, all right. If I were in a coma, I would know those sounds of pleasure. I could almost smell the sex wafting from under the door and through the keyhole. That Reese was some kind of superfreak. Right in Lila’s home, under her goddamn nose.
“Not my problem,” I whispered. Then I headed for the front door. Oh, no, Max. Once again, I stopped. My blood began to simmer. That motherfucking psycho Reese brought Max back here. Reese was making love to my Max this second.