by Clara Nipper
“And you’re just standing here, taking it,” I said to myself. I walked to the door of Reese’s studio and listened once more. Quick moans and gasps emanated from the other side. I marshaled my rage and kicked the door with all my might. It was only a lady lock and it broke instantly. The doorjamb splintered and the door slammed open. Reese was kneeling on the floor, her head between the thighs of a curvy blonde. The blonde was flushed and confused and tried to cover herself, but Reese wouldn’t let her. I never noticed the woman once I saw it wasn’t Max. I focused on Reese, whose slick chin shone in the candlelight.
“Well, well, well, we meet again.” I chuckled, relieved.
Reese said nothing, but I could see her suave, cunning mind trying to come up with a retort.
I cupped my crotch and adjusted myself. “We just finished dinner, how about you?” I walked away, laughing.
“Where’s Lila?” Reese, suddenly panicked, called after me. There was a scene in the studio, but I paid no mind as I closed the front door behind me. Big night. Big, big night. I clasped the bracelet. All serene, I ambled to the elevator and pushed the button. As the doors opened, there was shouting in the direction of Lila and Reese’s and a door slam. The voluptuous blonde came rushing down the hall in tears, wearing only a sheet. We got into the elevator together.
I didn’t say a word the entire ride down.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I let myself into Max’s and quiet as a mouse, I crept to peek in on Max, who was sleeping silently. I returned to the guestroom where I dropped into sleep like a stone into water.
The next morning Max was gone. The maid had come and gone; the house was empty.
I decided to leave today. I had had enough. I needed space and peace. I needed Los Angeles to help get myself together. I needed the traffic and the smog and the ocean roar and the pure sunshine and dry air and my college and my team and my game, my game, my game on my own turf. I needed familiarity to soothe me and give me balance. I needed all that more than I needed the possibility with Max. On my way out of town, I would drop by the McKerrs’ to pay my respects and then drive to the airport.
I packed the few things I had, straightened the bed as best I could, and had one last hot shower in that luxurious, decadent bathroom. I looked up florists in the phone book, settled on Miss Dell’s, and had a dozen yellow roses sent to Lila—Reese would love that—and two dozen pink, white, and red sent to Max. I thought it was a bargain price as I read my credit card number over the phone. I included no inscriptions. But I did leave Max a note, which read: “Thank you for your generosity. I’ve enjoyed getting to know Tulsa and especially you. It’s been nice during a difficult time. Take care of yourself and say good-bye to Sloane for me.”
“Understatement of the year, ‘enjoyed getting to know you,’” I snorted, rolling my eyes. Though I was leaving, I knew I was completely sprung. Just the thought of Max was like a finger worming into my underwear and stroking my clit. I felt slick and swollen all the time and half embarrassed by it, like a man with an uncontrollable hard-on. It would take months and lots and lots of one-night ladies to expunge this obsession. “The most powerful cunt is the one not taken,” I muttered, shrugging.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I hefted my bag onto my shoulder, and feeling fresh and ready to go, yet reluctant, took a huge wet breath at the front door, regarding everything once more. The sun was blinding but bearable because I was leaving. The house, the lake, the swans and ducks. With a gusty exhale, I closed the door and forced myself to walk to the car. I pocketed the house key with a smile.
As I loaded the car, I blew a kiss to the house and immediately felt so foolish that I glanced around with hot eyes to see who might have caught me doing such a soft, sentimental thing.
That’s when I saw the car speeding crazily down the street and jerking to a stop directly in back of my car, blocking the driveway. Lila jumped out, wearing the leopard-print dress of last night. Her lip was puffed and bloody, her eye was swollen and black, her hair was in a chaos of black straw.
“Nora! Nora!” Lila screamed. “Come here, I’ve got to speak to you. Come on. Hurry!” Lila opened the passenger side of her own car and sat inside, waiting for me to sit in the driver’s seat. I was wary. Curiosity got the better of me and I locked my car and sat behind the wheel of Lila’s.
“Drive! Hurry!” Lila gripped the dashboard and the back of her seat, looking behind us in terror.
“How did you know I was here? What happened?” I stepped on the gas and followed streets randomly.
“I’ve just got to think. I’ve got to think.” Lila rocked herself. Then, putting her hands on her knees, she finally said, “Reese is after us.”
“Us?”
“Yeah. I got a good head start, but not before she smacked me around.”
“Reese did all that to you?” I had known without asking. Just wait until the flowers arrive, I thought.
Lila flipped the mirror down to study her face. “Looks like sunglasses and lots of makeup for my gig tonight.” Lila slapped the mirror back with anger. “I tell you, Nora, I’ve had it. I’ve had it! Who does she think she is, taking my money, keeping me in an ivory tower, letting me out only to sing and run the restaurant? While she does whatever and whomever she pleases right in my own bed?”
So Lila knew. Good.
“She’s hit you before?” I drove, not knowing where I was going, my anger a rising tide. I kept glancing in the rearview, but so far, no other car in pursuit.
“Yeah, but it’s no big deal. I love her. I’ll always be her girl. Even when she’s belting me, she’s promising never to hurt me.” Lila laughed. “She loves me. It’s just how we are. But this time, I don’t know, something snapped inside me. This time when we were in the kitchen and she was trying to have sex to make up for this,” Lila pointed to her face, “I clocked her with the frying pan to get her off me.”
I laughed. “Did it knock her out?”
“Almost. It just made her madder. Damn, I need a drink.”
“You want me to take care of that coward for you?”
Lila smiled and winced, touching her lip gingerly. “No, thanks, beefcake. I do all right.” The vulnerable girl/woman of last night was gone. In her place was a dame, hard as nails and streetwise.
“Do you?” I wasn’t so sure. “Why do you stay, then?” My gaze bored into Lila, who only shrugged and stared out the window.
We rode in silence. I was driving aimlessly with no direction from Lila. How long would Lila want me to do this? I had a plane to catch this afternoon and I meant to be on it, headed home to my silent apartment. Headed to Los Angeles, where the bright heat shimmered off the miles and miles of concrete. Home to the desert mirages. Home to basketball. Home to the open arms of women I hadn’t yet met. Home to my winning team and the comfort of my job and great Chinese food. Home to the beach. Home to the city that was lit up and going strong all night. I longed for familiarity. Suddenly, I yearned to be out of this sleepy wet jungle. This subtropical forest where miles of trees hid the sweet evildoings of the preachers and the police. Again, I longed to run and be free of Oklahoma with its innocent face and deep secrets, its heavy humidity that bore down on me like a wet wind shear, its quiet whispered promises in the moonlight, its ease with itself.
“I see her,” Lila said tightly, rigid with excitement.
“Where?” I sped up.
“Behind us, nitwit.”
At that, I braked and pulled into an empty lot. “Okay, I’m done,” I said harshly.
“What the fuck?” Lila was all big, blowsy babe now, her smoke-coarsened voice ordering another round for the sailors she would take home.
“You showed your ass. I’m not your monkey.”
“Whatever, Miss Swanson, now drive.”
“Fuck that and fuck you, you washed-up wannabe,” I snapped. I started to open the door and set off running to purge these people, but I saw Reese jump the curb in an SUV and come barreling toward us. Rees
e screeched to a halt only after she hit Lila’s car in the rear. Lila and I were thrown against the dash. I barely registered what happened when Reese flew out of her vehicle in a rage, waving a gun.
“Oh, my God,” I murmured. “The bitch done lost her mind.” This was so much worse than I had anticipated. A gun? Who was Reese kidding? None of this was that big; none of this was that bad. I rolled my eyes as I got a mental overhead glimpse of this sordid triangle. I’m one of those dykes now, I thought acidly, my stomach turning sour. And over a woman I don’t want or like. “Oh, I miss LA.” I sighed and prepared for war. Reese would have it no other way.
Lila was weeping softly in the passenger seat. “I love you; I love you; I love you,” she whimpered and I was startled because I thought Lila was speaking to me. I relaxed when I realized Lila was crooning to Reese, who stood in front of the car, shouting and screaming, mostly inaudibly. I caught the words “shithead” and “big shot” and “slimy piece of shit” and so assumed Reese was challenging me to a duel. Over Lila? She had to be joking.
“I shouldn’t’ve done it. I know she can get this way, I know her. I shouldn’t’ve done it,” Lila cried.
“Oh, come off it. Why don’t you two just go somewhere alone, talk, and patch it up?”
“No, no, it’s irreparable.” Lila shook her head, tears streaming down her face.
“Irreparable,” I mocked. “It’s not irreparable.”
“She will kill us,” Lila said simply.
“Kill us? Kill you, maybe. But my black ass is gonna be on a plane to LA.” I glanced at Reese, who still screamed and beat the hood for emphasis.
I put my hand on the door handle so I could get out and negotiate with Reese. I wanted to calm things down, defuse this situation. Lila put a hand on my arm and stopped me. Reese took aim with the gun and blew a hole in the windshield between Lila and me. I covered my face. Lila, jaw clenched, eyes hard, released the emergency brake and stomped on my foot that rested on the gas pedal. The car lurched forward. Through my fingers, I got a glimpse of Reese’s wide-eyed terror before the sickening thump. I was only dimly aware of shouting, “Crazy bitch!” over and over. Lila was silent, grim, and determined. The car stopped almost as soon as it started.
“Get out,” Lila barked.
“What?” I was dazed. Glass had peppered my face.
“Pull yourself together,” Lila said dryly. “Run. I’ll take the heat. Go.”
“But…” I looked around. At the edge of this abandoned lot, in the distance, ordinary life was proceeding, ignorant and indifferent of this trauma. Traffic flowed. Lights changed. People walked. The sun shone. The wind blew. And here I was, in hell.
“Oh, man.” I sagged against the wheel.
“Are you an idiot?” Lila said harshly. “Get out while you can. The cops are coming.”
“How…how do you know?”
“Look, I just know, okay? Come on, get out of this, leave,” Lila urged brusquely. “Jesus, what will it take? Do I have to drag your sorry ass out?”
“No.” I stood shakily and slammed the car door behind her, Seized by a morbid desire, I walked to the front of the car where Reese lay, her eyes filled with fright and pain. She had blood bubbling from her nose and mouth. “Thank God, Nora, help me. Help,” she croaked.
I shook my head and grinned grimly. I leaned close to Reese’s face and hissed, “I won, fool. ” Then I sauntered back to the driver’s side where Lila was leaning against the car, tearing at her own dress with a nail file.
“Aren’t you gone yet?” Lila cried. “And don’t you breathe a word of this, hear?” She stuck a finger in my face. “I’ll fix this, but don’t you tell a soul or else. We know where you live and we’ve been there once. ”
“You?” I felt shock move deeper into my body like a sweet numbness.
“We trashed your dump. You didn’t have anything good anyway.” Lila laughed at me.
In the crazy over-wet air, clarity sparkled in my mind. “You killed Michelle.” My voice was flat.
Lila laughed. “Don’t be silly. Not me. ” She paused meaningfully. Her eyes rolled toward Reese. “Not me, ” she repeated. “But I didn’t mind. And I didn’t stop it. Michelle wanted Reese for herself. But I told you, all those nasty femmes better not touch my butch. And Michelle was getting above herself, wasn’t she?”
All of a sudden, I knew that Michelle had been having an affair with Reese and that either Michelle threatened to tell Lila, hoping to milk another cash cow with blackmail, or she actually did tell Lila, after which Reese went insane for revenge. No one gets away with destroying the cozy little equilibrium of Lila and Reese’s world, right? Michelle and Reese had been having an affair. Reese had to come to Los Angeles a lot, allegedly for shows and gallery openings, so it had been perfect. She and Michelle teamed up while Reese kept the home front with Lila. Maybe things got out of control and that was the desperate phone call from Michelle to me. I smiled bitterly as I thought, maybe it was all just some misunderstanding. Who knew if Reese would even survive this accident? Well, no more than she deserved.
Then Lila nodded at me, as if we had said everything. Then Lila put a finger to her lips for silence and knelt by Reese, smoothing hair from her forehead. Reese’s eyes fluttered. “It will be all right, baby, mama’s here.” Lila spoke coldly to me. “Come on, you don’t really care that Michelle is dead, do you?”
“But…but that’s no…it’s still not—”
“And who the hell cares if it was Reese Cup or me or the two of us? No harm has been done. Justice is served.”
“No…you’re wrong…it’s—”
“Are you going to argue or run? You better run. You don’t understand any of this. Last chance.” Lila stood and slapped herself in the mouth, causing fresh bleeding. Then, staring straight into my eyes, Lila worked herself into a fever pitch of hysteria. Starting small then building, so by the time I was on the run, I could hear both sirens and Lila’s high-pitched wails.
Chapter Twenty-Six
I ran, totally lost. I ran for miles, burning my muscles and gasping for air. The molasses that was Oklahoma oxygen starved my pumping lungs and incinerated my throat. Max or not, I had begun to regret coming here. Hell, I regretted ever having lived with Michelle. Lived with? I regretted ever having seen her. It was an absurd path of inevitability. That one smile and wink at Michelle three years ago led to me in Tulsa, fleeing a crime scene on foot. God, I am ridiculous, I thought as I ran. Morning traffic was heavy and I dodged cars and looked for landmarks. There were none. I looked for long butts in the gutters. I found none. What now? Follow the game plan, my sane voice said. Follow the game plan. If you do that, everything will be all right. This troubled day will end and sunset will see you on a plane to Los Angeles.
“Yeah,” I gasped, bent over with my hands on my knees. “That’s right. It’s just like a game. I need to stick to my plan. With a plan, I’m invincible. I’m safe. Just do my list and leave. I’ll be okay. I’ll be fine. I’ll be just fine. I’ll be all right.” I stood, rolled my shoulders and cracked my knuckles. “Just fine.”
I went into a convenience store and bought water. I eyed the packs of cigarettes lustfully, my mind justifying and rationalizing in every direction to convince me to buy some. “You haven’t bought in a year. That’s good. That’s commendable. In fact, respectable. But come on. You deserve a good relaxing smoke while you execute your plan. It will help you stick to the list. After all you’ve been through this morning, hell, the Surgeon General would smoke. Just one pack. No one needs to know. Come on, come on, you’ll feel so much better. It’s just the thing for your frazzled nerves.” I shook my head against that voice. “Max would want you to. She would strip open the pack, pat one out, kiss your mouth, and then place the cigarette in between your lips as her fingers lingered there. Then she would light it for you as you stared into each other’s eyes. Come on, do it for Max.”
That nasty, sneaky voice.
“And a pack of Marlboros,�
� I said gruffly to the clerk. I looked up taxi services and called for a car. Did I have Max’s address? It didn’t matter; I could get there. In between huge gulps of frosty cold water, I stared at the cigarettes. I sat on a bench in the shade to wait. I pretended Max was there next to me.
Max took the pack, sliding it from my hand to her own and unwrapped it slowly, like a striptease. Then she smelled the pack with closed eyes. Max cracked the top and slid out a cigarette. She put it in her own mouth and lit it, the fire making a small orange burst on her face. She dragged the smoke deep into her lungs. She held her breath and leaned in to kiss me, smoke pouring out of our joined mouths. Only then did Max place the cigarette to my lips. I spat the cigarette in a graceful arc to the ground. “What took you so long?” Max asked. “Teaching you who is boss,” I replied gruffly. “I’ve always known who was boss.” Max laughed. “That’s funny, me too,” I answered. With smoldering eyes and itchy, hungry hands, I knocked her to her back on the bench. Cars rushed past heedlessly. Max succumbed, letting her head drop off the bench’s edge.
I sank onto her soft, yielding body. I filled my hands with her luscious flesh. I popped the snow-white globes that were Max’s breasts out of her bra and feasted on them, my head moving quickly from one to the other. I left wet tongue tracks all over her skin. She moaned and writhed, wrapping her legs around me and gripping like a vise. Oh, those thighs! Odes of eternal lust for those strong round thighs. I hated thin thighs; they looked anemic, spindly, unhealthy, and masculine. Women not only held up the world, but also gave birth to it. They needed big, juicy thighs to do that work. They held the earth in their thighs, they walked and worked and fed and loved and fucked with those thighs, and with jobs that important, women must have substantial weight. It was disrespectful to expect women to do their holy work on toothpicks. Thin thighs were a sign of a depleted woman, not fulfilling her role as goddess. Max had grand, wondrous thighs, and I wanted to brand her. Feel her squirm; see her flesh sizzle as the iron burned my mark into her skin. Oh, it drove me crazy not to be able to chew on mouthfuls of Max meat. To lose myself in the sheets of wide muscle, to pinch and stroke and grab abundance by the handful. As I hovered over Max, car horns honked. I drank from her creamy rich tits like a suckling infant. Her nipples swelled from cool pink pinheads to hot sweet berries. Her great hips were undulating under me, urging me on. My hand crept to her navel and she groaned her assent. I slipped my hand down, down, down to the tangle of hair and the slick heat that infused my fingers. Oh, God, yes!