Be All

by Marie Wathen

  Marcus Walker

  Damn, there goes the fortress I built to keep him out of my mind. It crackles all because of one stupid love song. My shoulders droop in defeat. I sigh because it's not just any love song, but the exact damn love song that holds the memory of our first dance. Pieces fall away, taking down the barrier meant to distract me from my fantasy.

  Oh hell. I sigh, knowing this battle will be difficult. Shaking my head, I put the romantic best seller back on the shelf quickly and halt my search for Melody's book too. There's no damn way I can deal with sexy Emerson now. Refocusing, my search now is for something cathartic. There will be no romance novels with an undying love for this girl today.

  Hell no. Nope, I need to find a world so far away from hot, pointless desires for a gorgeous man and I need it immediately.

  Choosing an oversize chair near the back wall, I get comfortable with one of my favorite Lindy Zart books, Safe and Sound. Jack is an amazing guy, but he has major issues that will prevent me from fantasizing about romance and relationships.

  "Ha!" Silently, I scoff at stupid freaking romances and unwanted relationships.

  Jack's issues, plus Lola's angst, will help distract my thoughts from sexy hands, emerald eyes, and an intoxicating, delicious scent.

  Dammit Marcus Walker. Smacking my hand to my face, I realize I am failing miserable at this distraction tactic. Just as I’m falling for the man… I am fooling myself into believing that I can forget Marcus. It's easier to accept that I am delusional than it is to keep him out of my mind.

  It's not long before I hear the bell over the front door jingle, indicating someone is entering the store. It only takes a moment before I feel the air stir and I catch a whiff of cinnamon and sandalwood, maybe a little citrus scent too, and know instantly he is close. Risking a quick glance, I confirm my senses are right. Before I can make an escape, he spots me and walks toward me. Shit. Unhappily I look toward the heavens, believing someone up there seriously must hate me. Dropping my eyes back to the book, I silently begin calming my anxiousness. Breathe.

  "Vampires or Shifters?" He jokes.

  Glancing from my choice of literature to the devastatingly handsome man with wide grin, my breath catches. After a moment I manage to return his gesture, but now I’m staring.

  Exhaling softly, my voice comes out as a whisper. "Oh...ha-ha...um.” Swallowing hard, I clear my suddenly dry throat. “I...I like all paranormal creatures but this one’s not a paranormal." Sitting up straighter, I suddenly feel like I’m under a microscope. Worry stains his handsome features and it bothers me. I don’t want him worrying. Damn girl you can do this.

  I sigh, "Hi Morgan." Grateful it’s him and not his brother standing here, I smile.

  "Hi Breesan, you look much better this morning." The corner of his mouth lifts, attempting a smile, but it fades quickly as his gaze shift to the book in my hands. “Whose books are you reading that make you look so sad?”

  Grateful we’re not going to discuss what happened this weekend, I relax at the change of topic. Shrugging I turn the book revealing the front cover to him. “It’s my favorite by Lindy Zart. It’s a really intense read, but I love Lola and Jack’s story. What are you doing here?" I ask, hoping it’s not to spy on me or coerce me back to Anna’s.

  Wearing a dark gray polo that fits well and corresponds perfect with his eyes, it also makes his chest appear thick and arms tan. His ultra faded jeans fit snug in the thighs but flare out over his black cowboy boots. Hair is lightly gelled and sexy. Morgan looks amazing.

  Sitting on the edge of the seat across from me, he stares. "I found this bookstore after I moved back home and I love it here. I guess you do too?" He appears nervous, which is not a normal character trait for him; I nod then avert my eyes to my lap. As a lover of books, I would never dog-ear my page, so I slip my Dating husbands bookmark between the pages and place it on the table between us.

  Clearing my throat, I glimpse at him again, “Oh yeah, this place is great. I come here a couple of times a week. I love my Kindle and I have a ridiculous amount of downloads, but…” my face reddens at my confession, but I can’t stop myself from continuing an explanation, “but there’s just something about holding a real book, being in a bookstore and sometimes I simply just need to come here, just by myself, to clear my head of stuff, nothing in particular.” Feeling stupid for telling him this, I let out a harsh breath. “Um, you know what I mean?”

  Great, I’m rambling like a moron. Way to go Breesan.

  Suddenly, I feel very awkward around him again. Sweat beads across the back of my neck. Under his scrutiny, I become uncomfortable and squirm in my seat. Realization sets in that he holds a power over me that could hurt me, but thankfully he doesn’t know. It’s nothing like the power his brother has over me, but still friendship is an intense relationship. I do care for him. Self-preservation pressures begin building inside my chest instructing me to run.

  “Yes, I do understand.” His smile falls. “Look Breesan, I’m really hungry. Actually I came in here to eat lunch so...” This is his way of politely telling me goodbye.

  Relief floods me and eagerly I offer an excuse to leave, “Is it already that late? Gosh, I have to go. So I guess...” He interrupts me.

  “Would you like to join me? That is if you can break your plans today. It’s my treat.” His pleading smile, while looking extra sweet today, is not helping my resolve to refuse his invitation.

  “Thank you Morgan, but I really should go. Enjoy your lunch and I’ll see ya later.”

  Grabbing my purse, I turn on my heels toward the bookshelf to return the book, but suddenly he stands closely beside me, leaning in to me. I freeze. Reaching for my hand, he smiles down at me.

  “I would really like for you to stay. Please. We’re friends remember.”

  I sigh, seeing the earnestness in his eyes. “Well, if you really don’t mind some company I’m hungry too.” Smiling again, he turns toward the sandwich shop and I follow.

  Picking a table near a side window, we sit. The overpowering scent of coffee and warm pastries is heavenly. After looking over the menu, I order a chicken salad sandwich on a croissant with plain chips and a sweet tea, which the waitress returns with quickly. After scoffing down two tuna subs and an Evian, he leans across the table and steals a chip from my bag. I quirk and eyebrow up at his shamelessness.

  “Hey, I know your momma raised you better than that young man,” I squeak, swatting his hand away and he shrugs and offers a ‘sorry’.

  A huge unashamed grin sneaks it way across his face, revealing brilliantly white teeth. I shake my head at him for not being remorseful at all.

  “I’m really glad that I ran into you today. I know Tristan must be making you crazy with the investigation and Anna refuses let you out of her sight. I’m actually quite impressed with your escape plan. She’s not easy to trick.” He chuckles. “So tell me, how are you?” He waits expectantly.

  “I’m fine. It’s good to get out of the house. I feel terrible hanging around when I know there’s other things she could be doing besides babysitting me. But whatever, it is what it is and she won’t stop mothering me. About the other, I’ve gone over the events so many times that my mind actually feels twisted. I wish I could remember everything. I want to remember it all but something is blocking me.”

  He nods, piercing me with his emerald eyes. “I want to find out who did this to you too. I made contact with a private agency that’s digging into the guest list and the employees. I vow to you that I will find out who did this to you. And maybe you will get the answers that you deserve.”

  “Thank you Morgan.” I smile. It feels good to have him on my side.

  “Now I have something I want to ask you.” He smirks, I swallow hard and freeze.

  Does he have motives for this meeting? I feel uncomfortable considering what question he could possibly ask me.

  “I want to take you out on a real date. The night at the club doesn’t count, that was a group thing that
got really fucked up. So you have to give me another chance. Would you go on a date with me?”

  Biting down on my lip, I sit shocked. I don’t want to be mean, but this can’t happen. “This again? You are persistent and I don’t want to offend you, but I would really rather not. I have so many things that I have to do that will keep me busy over the next few weeks. Then it won’t be too much longer before I’ll be leaving for school.” I force out a smile, hopeful my directness will appease him.

  “Damn girl. You really know how to cut a guy deep. I thought it would be nice to just hangout, read, eat chips, maybe catch a movie later tonight?” He winks.

  He is flirting. I want him to be harmless, but my gut instinct compels me to stay away. I really like Morgan. Since the night I left the hospital, I realize that I do have feelings for him, feelings of love that are reserved for very special relationships. Friends. I just don’t want him to know I care that much about him.

  “Can’t, but nice try.” I grin and he concedes. Truthfully, I have plans later that I don’t want to share with him.

  Our conversation gets comfortable afterward, talking about safe generalized topics. Grateful we can be this way, I feel relief. Morgan and I share Tristan stories, do our best Anna impersonations, and laugh. We’re totally engrossed in learning about each other, but I still don’t share too much.

  After a short time, Morgan’s phone rings. With an apology, he tells me that he must take it. Leaving me at the table, he walks over to one of the bookshelves. I pull my own phone out of my backpack. Noticing I have a missed call from Julia, I text her to let her know that I will be home soon. Quickly she calls back, leaving me no choice but answering.

  "Hello."

  Upon answering the call, my attention is drawn to the large window at the front of the bookstore. Shocked by what I see, I freeze. Glancing over my shoulder, I check that Morgan is still on the phone. I confirm it is his look-alike on the other side of the window, intimately hugging a very tall, beautiful brunette. I am blindsided by a feeling of jealousy that is rapid and all consuming. Marcus does not see me so I move swiftly out of his direct line of sight. Positioning myself against the wall, I observe him and the older woman.

  "Breesan, I’m calling to tell you that a package came in today for you. I assumed you might be interested in the contents. It appears to be from some university," she says, piquing my interest.

  Chewing on my thumbnail, I command my eyes away from the window, but they refuse. So what if he is hanging all over her? Kissing his cheek, she keeps her hand on his arm in a closeness that reveals a familiarity.

  Ugh! So what if he is making a spectacle of himself with in public?

  The way they are touching and laughing it’s obvious she is a girlfriend, or at the least, she is his lover. It shouldn’t bother me that he is with her, but it does.

  Fuck! Why do I care?

  Jealousy

  “Breesan, did you hear what I said to you?” Julia yells in the phone.

  Averting my eyes away from the window, I answer. "Yes, I heard you Julia. Just leave it on the table in the foyer and I'll open it later," I spout back. She disconnects our call without a goodbye.

  This is not the response that she wants, but I selfishly enjoy not giving it to her. Distracted momentarily, I glance back to the window to see that Marcus and his woman are gone. Simultaneously, Morgan and I end our phone calls. Walking over, I notice a slight grimace on his otherwise perfect face. He runs his hand through his already messy hair, he is upset. Wondering if he also saw his brother, I hope he didn’t notice me staring after shooting him down on dating.

  "Sorry but I have to go to my grandparent’s house for some family meeting. I really had a great time with you today." Meaning what he says, he looks upset about ending our conversation.

  I smile back at him. "Hey don't worry about it. I have to get home anyway. Thanks for lunch. I will see you around, yeah?" I ask.

  "Yeah, oh and Breesan.” My heart skips. Pausing I wait for…I don’t know what. Hoping he doesn’t ask me out again, I also pray he doesn’t mention his brother.

  “Next time I'm going to need you to finish that funny ass camping story. I could use all the ammunition I can get against Trist." Relieved, I snort.

  "You got it. See ya later Morgan."

  Leaning down, I pick up my bag. When I look up again I see that he is staring at me. Wanting to say something, he shifts uncomfortably but remains silent and I don’t acknowledge it. Stepping outside, I check the area for the secret lovers but they’re gone. Passing the window, I see Morgan still standing in the same spot I left him, wearing the same faraway look on his face. Mentally, I shake my head and continue walking.

  My phone chirps with a new text message. Initially I freeze, afraid it may be another weird text from the restricted number. Luckily it’s Anna wanting to know why I snuck off, where I am, and if I’ll stay over tonight. Wanting to blame her smothering on being a busybody, I sigh knowing that truthfully, she probably senses the problems between me and my evil stepmother and just wants to be there for me.

  Refusing to drag her into my bullshit, I text back a lie to cover. I tell her that Julia demands I come home tonight. Talking with her about everything going on would be nice, especially with the confused feelings I have for a certain pair of twins. But this is Anna and she will not let it end there. She will encourage me or insist that I act on my feelings. I’m just not sure if I can even admit it to myself yet, much less act on it.

  On the drive home, the sunroof is open and I sing along with the radio when I notice that the darkening clouds. Storm season is upon us and I can barely contain my excitement. Smelling the rain in the air, feeling the sizzle of electricity on my skin that causes the hair on my arms to rise, and hearing the rumble from the lingering thunder rolling across the sky excites me. When I arrive home and get the envelope from Julia, I plan to check the local weather.

  Hopefully I can do some storm chasing before it gets too dark tonight. Remembering the times chasing them with my dad before he left, a smile breaks across my face. It was our thing –no Julia. Now I am a total weather nerd. Prepared for the most severe weather, I have all the standard equipment for a hurricane. Living in the south, it is a requirement to know your plan of action well in advance of the warning sirens. Everything’s ready to go at a moment’s notice.

  Turning into our long driveway, I notice a dark sedan pulling away from the house. Remembering the night when Marcus was in the hospital and a vehicle matching this one trailed me, I slow down and steal a glance at the driver. The windows are tinted too dark and I can't see. Feeling an ominous tingle creep into my mind, I ignore it and chalk it up to my imagination. Parking, I leave my car in the back of the house instead of in the garage; allowing myself a quick exit.

  Trotting up the steps, I find Julia perched at the kitchen island sipping on a cappuccino and glaring at the packet from the university. Not understanding the anger she’s struggling to contain, I join her after a few moments. Acknowledging me with a smile, I can see it does not reach her eyes.

  "Hi bug." Her voice comes out with a nasty tone.

  Knowing how I feel about the cruel nickname she’s called me since I was a child, I pierce her with a glare. It’s not like she’s calling me ladybug or doodlebug. It’s more of a demeaning name, giving her some sick power over me. Begging for years, I have asked her not to call me it but she ignores me. For some reason today, when she uses the name it strikes a nerve and I snap.

  "Julia, I’ve asked you numerous times not to call me that name. Now I’m not asking anymore. For the last time, do not speak to me that way or call me by that name."

  Glaring at me, she simply nods her head but her body remains tense and she appears to be on the verge of slapping me. Something sinister is going on with her. I don’t give a damn any more about being defiant.

  "Fine. There’s your mail."

  Acknowledging the packet propped up in the center of the island, she indicates she wants
me to open it in front of her, but there’s no way in hell I will. Grabbing the packet without another word, I sprint up the back stairs toward my bedroom. Ripping the packet open before even closing the door completely, I drop onto the floor beside my bed. I close my eyes briefly. Leaning against the bed for a brief silent moment, I think about my dad; wherever he may be, I thank him for encouraging me to follow my dream.

  This is it. Holding my future in my hands, I smile knowing I will be free soon and think maybe that’s the one thing I actually do deserve.

  Pulling out the contents, I find it contains my final confirmation letter, along with information about freshman orientation and some school memorabilia. With a heavy, cleansing whoosh, my breath blasts out of me and I feel relief wash over me. Finally accepting that I will be leaving in just a couple of months, I giggle happily knowing it’s really going to happen. Moving away from home has always been my plan.

  With recent threats and grievances, I really am elated knowing I will be leaving this house, and Julia, very soon. On the flipside, separating from my newly acquired friends saddens me because they are wedging their way in, which is not something I was expecting.

  Dropping down on my bed, I stare at the ceiling and my mind drifts to Marcus. He really does have a reason not to be with me. She’s beautiful and better for him, better than I ever will be. How do I shake the feelings I have for him? Distance is my only option. I’ll keep as far away from him as this cramped island will allow. I’m restless from sorting out this one thing that I’ll never have. Quickly finding something comfortable to change into, I grab my pack and rush out of the house en route to the EMA center to pick up the city vehicle. Chasing storms is all that matters to me, not fooling myself into believing that Marcus could be all that I ever need.