Be All

by Marie Wathen

  Standing there hypnotized by her words, I swirl them around in my head for a few minutes, and try to understand exactly what she means by “he is all mine.” I don’t want Morgan like that. Why would she say that to me? She obviously thinks that there is something between Morgan and I, but there isn’t. What could have happened in those few minutes? It must have been serious to make her cry and run away from his bedroom. Just a few minutes before, she had sauntered in his room with confidence.

  Needing to get out of here, I swiftly march in the direction of the stairs. Standing on the bottom step is a very sexy man with green eyes, taking in every bit of me.

  Oh damn I’m wearing the bikini. Grinning with approval, it appears that I affect him.

  Morgan.

  He doesn’t owe me an explanation for why she was in his bedroom or why she left the way she did or what their relationship is. None of it is my business. Shrugging off whatever I’m feeling, I just decide to get lost in those beautiful eyes and have fun. I grin at him and he smiles a real smile at me, one that makes his eyes sparkle.

  Chapter 21

  Breesan

  (Graduation Party, a few hours later)

  Morgan kissed me. Plopping down on the bed in my room, I stare at the ceiling rewinding everything that just happened. We spent the past few hours dancing, laughing, and getting to know each other. Our talk on the beach cleared up some of the questions I had about Waverly. Deciding while he was in the heart of his confession that I have feelings for him, I tell him that I want his friendship. I realize this will most likely change the next time I see him, but there is no reason to base a relationship on feelings that are at times docile. No matter what feelings I sometimes have for him, I have to remember that and focus on it. He’s not going to get to me, like Marcus.

  Earlier while sitting on the pool patio with Morgan, the late afternoon sun was settling over the horizon with the last few remnants of daylight. Perched, suspended, and waiting just another moment, before dropping and taking the glow of the day with it deep into the darkness of the night, I absorbed the warmth of the late afternoon sun along with the pleasure of being with him. It all changed so quickly. I don’t know how it happened, but Morgan kissed me. Shocked – completely and utterly stupefied – I really thought he understood that I wanted a friendship with him and nothing more, certainly not a relationship that included kissing.

  When he kissed me it was so soft and light that if I hadn’t opened my eyes, startled by the tender touch, I may have missed it. Surprised and confused, I remained silent, as did he, waiting for my acknowledgment.

  With my brain numb, my body took over moving on autopilot, I couldn’t speak but I couldn’t stay there under the scrutiny of his heavy gaze either, and what was that look saying to me; hope, fear, yearning? Did he actually want me to respond? What the hell did he want me to say or do? Doing the only thing my body would allow, I left, finding my way to my room and straight into the shower.

  I don’t think I wasn’t trying to wash the kiss away, but my mind shutdown and my movements became automatic. It apparently went into protection mode because I scrubbed my lips with a soapy cloth until they became swollen.

  Now lying here trying to decide what my next move is, I know I have to face him and I need to do it now. I just wish I could get Anna to respond to my damn text messages. She has been MIA all day and I’m beginning to freak. If she were here, she could talk me down from these insane heights my fears are soaring. Even though she would be completely romanticizing the entire day, I still want her here.

  Giving up the internal battle, I choose to face him head on. I leave my bedroom and climb the steps to Morgan’s room. Standing at his bedroom door, I reign in my nerves and finally give it a couple of quick knocks. No response. I try again but still no answer. He must have stayed outside where I left him. I don’t want to do this in a public place, so as I come close to the back door I change my mind and turn back.

  Making my way down the hallway, I choose a random door and by chance walk into the family room. I cross the room and switch on the lamp sitting on an end table. The room is empty so I decide to take refugee here until I hear back from Anna. If she doesn’t respond soon I think I might just freak out on Tristan. Surely he knows where she is. He can’t be happy with her not being here either.

  Dropping down on the chaise end of the brown leather sectional, I draw my legs up to my chest and squeeze my arms tight around them. I need to relax. I search the room for something tranquil to meditate on. Surveying, I notice I’m in a man cave. There is a very large screen television across the room taking up the entire span of the wall. It is surrounded by shelves housing thousands of movies and video games. It looks lived in here, like a family spends time together watching a show, playing, or maybe just talking. I want this kind of life.

  The need to collapse from the weight of loneliness is dominating and sears me back to reality. And in my reality I can’t have love, I’m undeserving. A loneliness moves through me and suddenly I feel melancholy, envious of the family that lives here and loves here. I don’t know a life like this with a mother, father, and grandparent’s, people to do life with.

  It’s all too much for me now and tears start to burn my eyes. I’m crushed by my whispering fears. I want to stand against the voices and fight the lies they tell, but the reality is every day, always I stand alone. Instead of sitting here allowing the emptiness to consume me, I rise off the sofa needing to leave but as I stand here my hand hovers near the lamp, unable to switch it off. An unfamiliar emotion moves through me, a longing deep in my chest of hope.

  Crack Fat tears drop from my eyes. Standing alone, washed in soft radiant light, I fight against my demons. It’s a long overdue battle. Once it starts, I’m not sure I will come out the victor.

  Early in life I learned to never hold on to hope because it’s foolish to be hopeful. I’ve only hoped for one thing in my life, my dad coming back. Other than his, I can’t see any kind of love ever finding its way to me. Struggling to overcome the pain oozing from my lonely breaking heart, I escape before the depression consumes me completely.

  I release myself from this self-pity that consumes me just moments away from some bizarre destruction inside me, an implosion threatening to burst through. I want to love and be loved. But I can’t. This is not the place and I refuse to face all of this crap here and now.

  Flipping the lamp switch off, I turn around to leave. As my eyes rise up to the doorway and I’m about to take a step, I’m struck still.

  Marcus. He’s here, watching me. Quickly I run my hand over my face, wiping away the last of the wetness under my eyes. I look him over. His beautiful body is covered in a glistening sweat all over him that is melting into the dark shadows of his shirt, staining it. He has been working out. That would explain why I haven’t seen him today. Gazing at each other, our eyes lock and it is entirely feral.

  His look shifts to a glare. Is he angry with me? Does he know that Morgan kissed me? Does he know that I didn’t reciprocate the kiss? Maybe he is pissed at me, but it was one stupid kiss and once I talk to Morgan it will never happen again. Why is he angry?

  Whatever! My anger begins bubbling up reacting to the agitation his body displays. We need to talk, but am I prepared to hear him tell me again how we can’t be together? I’m done trying to figure it out and I don’t even know why I thought I would want to pursue something with him.

  Walking into the room he stands right in front of me, towering over me utterly intimidating. He doesn’t lift a hand toward me but I can feel his body is reaching and I am so fucking ready for him. I don’t know how to classify what is going on or why I react to him the way I do to him. Can I refuse to listen to my body cravings when my brain is trying to tell me something is different with Marcus tonight?

  I’m drawn to him now more than any occasion before, but if I open my heart to him it could be my funeral. Whatever he is doing to me it is something that I want to risk life for. For one brief moment,
I question everything I built my life on and realize I’ve been so stupid.

  Failure and heartbreak be damned, I want Marcus Walker.

  – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

  Marcus

  Ohgod she’s here in my home, the place where Morgan, Tristan, and I spent many nights growing up, playing, and hanging out watching television. She’s here and I want her here. The world stops spinning and everything falls away but her. Life doesn’t exist outside of the steely eyes of my beautiful goddess. Fighting every instinct in me to stay away before now, I know I can’t allow any more boundaries to block us. Dreams of her have consumed me. I’ve been fooling myself, denying what is so strong. My singular desire is her. A desire unlike any I have ever felt, she is a fire burning, consuming every fiber of man that I am. My doubt has kept me from her but I can no longer resist. The need to hold her consumes me and she must know I want her, but it’s more than want, I need Breesan Maxwell.

  Her eyes say she wants me as her body screams with desire. Standing right here before her I am moments away from taking what belongs to me. Inches from consuming her completely, I lower my face toward her. Taking in her scent, I notice her body’s reaction to our closeness. Watching her chest rise and fall erratically, I have a burning desire for a love that only she will stoke. I’ll never be the same after I take her sweet mouth. Squeezing my eyes tightly together, I do my damnedest to breathe through this moment.

  Can I allow this to happen between us? I’ve anguished over it, but honestly I don’t have the strength to stay away from her anymore. Opening my eyes I look to her, waiting for some sign. I need her to decide if she wants us. Or she needs to retreat and tell me no. I need her to stop this because there’s no way I can. Once I kiss her I will never stop and I will belong to her absolutely.

  Seeing her yield one step toward me is all the invitation I require. I cradle the sides of her face with both hands, tunneling my fingers into her ponytail, and tug it back. Moaning, she melts into my arms and I shiver at such a magnificent sound and experience our first kiss. Moving my mouth ruthlessly against hers; it is perfection. Accepting me completely, she encourages me along as she parts her lips for my tongue and I declare her mouth, affirming her as mine.

  Mine.

  So much sweeter and softer than I imagined, she is my tranquility, soothing scars others left. Every night my dreams are filled with holding her, kissing her, protecting her, and never letting her go. Frantically moving against her mouthwatering lips, I accept the reality that there will never be another woman that will belong to me. Moving my body into hers, I press roughly with my hips, and placing my hand on her hips I grab her waist. Taking my lead, she jumps into my arms, wraps her legs around me, and I cradle her closer against me.

  Turning slowly, I move us toward the sofa. She wiggles, trying to press her body closer into me, eliciting a deep rumbling from my chest. I stumble slightly but clench my arms tighter, cocooning her. Balancing upright until I feel the back of my calves touch the edge of the sofa, I drop down hard but keep her straddling on top of me. I grunt with the pressure of our bodies crushing together and she smiles against my mouth. All lucidity falls into a singular serene response. Aggressively she runs both arms over my shoulders, crossing them tight behind my neck. She kisses me like she wants to be loved.

  Pulling away to catch our breath, I lower my mouth to her shoulder; kissing and sliding my tongue up the side of her neck, feeling her raging pulse while slowly making my way to her ear. I nibble her tender earlobe and press a soft kiss to the spot behind it, allowing a sensual moan to escape her mouth. So sexy. That little sound drives me on.

  Consumed with our pleasures she throws her head back, digs her fingers into my hair and urges my mouth around to the front of her neck. Taking my time, savoring every inch, I kiss along her collarbone placing several open mouthed kisses from one bare shoulder moving up and around her luscious neck. Taking my time savoring her, my lips trail slowly over to the other sexy exposed shoulder. I reverse the path this time using my tongue, and little by little lick my way back. Softly I bite her shoulder then press a tender kiss on my mark. She groans her gratification.

  Overindulging, I press my lips over every inch of her uncovered flesh, pleasuring the erogenous points on her delicate neck and ears. Her hands wildly roam up my arms, along my shoulders and neck, and finally resting on the back of my head again. Gripping tightly she pulls my hair, forcing me to nuzzle the space just at the base of her neck as I slide my nose up and down there for a moment. She groans in protest, urging me to use my mouth. Intoxicated by her scent, I just want to stay right here breathing her in. Loving this spot I’m lost in the sea of desire to keep her in my arms like this forever.

  My left arm cradling around her waist presses her body tighter against me while my right hand tangles around her ponytail. Tugging it back gently allows me full access to kiss my way back around to the farthest place my lips will reach on her neck. Seizing the clasp holding her hair, I pull it free feeling her soft hair fall gently over my arm. This small sensation on my skin forces a shudder along my body. Needing more, I push and pull so forcefully that there isn’t space between us anymore.

  Rustling her hands through my hair she pulls my head back harshly, forcing her mouth roughly on mine, diving in for a deep kiss. My heart crashes hard within my chest. She kisses me breathlessly, fiercely and not like the innocent girl I know. I kiss the hell out of her. She groans her appreciation in my mouth, confirming we are as we should be.

  The next moment doubt slams into me. Slowing our kiss, I regretfully pull back from her mouth. She leans her head back, an invitation to her neck again, but I remain unmoving. Looking at her flush face, I am struck deeply by a new emotion in my soul because of this unbelievable woman. Mygod I am in awe of how she has totally consumed me. But is she mine? Returning back to reality, her eyelashes flutter open and she pierces me with a profound yet soft expression, owning me with those gorgeous gray eyes. A small smile sneaks across her now red swollen lips and I’m forever lost.

  “Hi,” she says breathlessly.

  I’m desperately searching her face now for signs of recognition; I need to know for sure that she wants me and not my brother. Moments seem like a lifetime before she pulls away from my hands and further from my embrace. Leaning back, she watches me with a puzzled look and I wait. Dreading the next words out of her mouth I’ll be crushed if she doesn’t know it is me. I take a deep breath to calm my crazed body and ask her what I fucking desperately need to know.

  “What do you need Breesan?” I ask nervously, my voice hoarse and words rushed.

  She looks stunned momentarily. This is it. She knows exactly what I’m asking. Will fate be this cruel to me? Can I have this desirable woman that already possesses me heart and soul? Or does she finally belong to him after their kiss?

  Hesitating briefly, she looks deep into my eyes. “Mygod you, I only need you Marcus,” she whispers fearlessly.

  She releases a hard breath and I claim her lips with a soft kiss. We remaining in this tender connect for long moments. Moving slowly along her jaw, I kiss softly finally resting again at her tender neck.

  “I claim you baby,” I whisper, grazing beside her ear. She will never be Morgan’s. “No one else will be enough for me Breesan, ever. It’s you baby. Do you understand me baby?” Eyes closed savoring the pleasure my mouth gives her, I feel as she lazily bobs her head. “Say it!” I growl dominantly, vibrating against her goose-bump covered neck.

  Absent of the ability to speak, she violently pulls me against her mouth physically giving me her answer. Nibbling and sucking, I let her take everything she needs. She stops kissing me then rest her forehead on mine.

  Liquid gray pools scorch within my soul destroying all my uncertainties, and then she whispers to me, “Yes I’m yours Marcus. Ohgod, I need you, please don’t ever let me go. Please,”
she cries desperately. Her agony is bared and I’ll never let her experience it again.

  Never!

  Thank you sweet lord for making her mine.

  Kissing her again, she moans into my mouth as I wrap my arms around her and she grips my shoulders tight. Releasing she pulls her lips away from mine brushing her lips down my neck. Panting and ragged she stops, presses her cheek flat against my neck, and I feel a shiver makes its way down her body. I pull her tight against me. We struggle to catch our breath, hard bodies furiously intertwined, but this break gives us time to silently absorbing the significance of our professions.

  “Marcus,” she moans passionately, her voice thick with emotion. It engages my natural instincts to soothe her. I rub her back and stroke her hair while I wait for her to continue. “This was not planned. I didn’t know, I didn’t think you would come in here and it would be like this between us.”

  “Ssh baby. I know. I didn’t know either,” I assure her.

  “No Marcus, I didn’t mean for us to kiss. Dammit, I don’t want you to feel guilty. I do. Mygod I feel really guilty. Can we just – let’s just forget it happened? Please.”

  Rushing through her words, she averts her eyes and I pull her body away from me so I can look into her eyes. She refuses to look at me. I firmly clamp my hand on her chin, lightly lifting so she can see and feel how serious I am.

  “Baby, I will never forget kissing you. It’s something I’ve wanted to do since our first flirt. Since dancing on the balcony, holding you close to me, and staring into these gorgeous gray eyes I have never wanted anything more. The only thing I regret is not kissing you that first night. I knew then that once I tasted these sweet, suckable lips I would never want another.” Smiling, I lift her face, forcing her gaze to fall into mine.