Black Forever

by Victoria Quinn

  I put her things in the trunk and watched her get into the back seat. She shut the door and locked it, her appearance invisible due to the dark tint over the windows. I stood on the sidewalk and stared at the place where I imagined she would be, her face covered in a waterfall of tears.

  The car pulled away from the curb and onto the street. It faded farther into the distance as it drove away. I inserted my hands in my pockets and stared at the taillights as the car drove down the road. Eventually, it came to a stoplight, where it turned right.

  When the car was gone from my sight, I knew she was really gone.

  And gone forever.

  8

  Rome

  When I reached Christopher’s door, I was on the verge of sobbing.

  I just lost the love of my life.

  It hurt so much I couldn’t handle it. My throat was tight, my heart was weak, my knees could barely hold me up.

  I hardly had the energy just to knock on the door.

  Christopher opened it a moment later, and when he saw the look on my face, he didn’t ask any questions. He did something he rarely did, only during the most extreme cases. He wrapped his arms around me and held me on the doorstep.

  And I cried.

  I cried into his chest, soaking his t-shirt until it was damp. I shouldn’t cry over a man, whether I loved him or not, but now I was falling apart at the seams.

  Christopher ran his hand up and down my back, comforting me in a way only my brother could do. When it went on for over ten minutes, he guided me inside and grabbed the bags Tom helped me carry to the door. He piled them in the kitchen then came back to me, concern written all over his face. “Rome, talk to me.” He grabbed a handful of tissues then placed them in my hand.

  I told him what happened, taking time between sentences to stop myself from shedding more tears. “So I left…and now I’m here.”

  He grabbed my shoulder and massaged it, his eyes crinkled with sadness. “I’m so sorry, Rome.”

  “I know you are…”

  “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want. I was a little lonely without you anyway.”

  I forced a chuckle even though I wasn’t in the mood to laugh. “You’re just saying that.”

  “I’m really not.” He grabbed my bags and carried them into the room I used to occupy.

  I drifted behind him, unsure what to do with myself. Now that Calloway was gone, I wasn’t even sure how to live anymore. Spending every day playing house with him was a dream. Having that taken away so suddenly was jarring. I wasn’t sure if I would ever recover.

  Christopher sat on the edge of the bed and patted the space beside him. “Do you want to be alone right now?”

  I moved to the spot next to him, feeling the bed sink just the way it used to. “Honestly…I don’t know what I want right now.”

  “I’m always here if you want to talk.”

  “There’s not much to say… I can’t believe he did that to me.”

  He nodded.

  I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at the floor.

  “Now what?” he whispered.

  “What do you mean?” I wasn’t even sure how I was going to get through the next day.

  “Do you have anything else left at the house that you need?”

  I shook my head. “Nothing that I care about.”

  “What about your job?”

  Could I really work for the man who broke my heart? “I don’t know. I would find something else, but I’m never gonna find anything that pays me nearly as well. With my salary, I can afford to live on my own…and food.”

  “Yeah, that’s true.”

  “But…I’ll never move on if I run into Calloway.”

  “How often do you see him?”

  “Very seldom.”

  “Well, you can stay there for now and look for something else in the meantime. I’m sure Calloway will do his best to avoid you.”

  I pulled my knees to my chest and stared at the floor.

  Christopher remained silent beside me, unsure what else to say. There was nothing that could cure this pain, could erase the loss I felt in my heart. The entire day had been chaotic. Calloway’s former lover confronted me at the office, and he confirmed everything she said was correct. And then he told me he had his doubts that we would ever work…so it was best if went our separate ways.

  It was catastrophic.

  It was hard to believe the morning started so beautifully. He kissed me in the shower and held me under the warm water. He walked me to my office and kissed me again like he couldn’t get enough of me.

  And then later that day, he let me go.

  I think that hurt worst of all.

  He was no longer fighting for me. He’d come to accept our doom. He told me he was willing to sacrifice his former life to make this work. But in the end, the happiness he got from me didn’t outweigh what he was missing.

  I wasn’t enough for him.

  Now I wanted to cry again.

  Christopher must have noticed my change in breathing because he started to rub my back. “I know things are tough right now. I know you’re heartbroken. But remember who you are. You’re Rome, and you’re gonna get through this. We were both locked in that basement for a week, and you didn’t give up. And you wouldn’t let me give up either.”

  Being locked in a basement was far less painful than this.

  “I’m not gonna let you give up. You’re gonna hold your head high and get through this. And some day, you’re gonna find the right guy who treats you the way you want to be treated. This will all seem like a bad memory then.”

  It was hard to imagine ever moving on to a different guy. I suspected I would always love Calloway. It was the kind of love that never faded. It was solid like a statue, standing through the ages of mankind. Like a scar that would never heal, his presence would always be visible on the surface of my heart.

  But I nodded anyway to make Christopher feel like he was helping. “Yeah…hopefully.”

  Later that night, Calloway texted me. I was surprised to see his name light up on my screen since he was the one who admitted he didn’t see our relationship working out. Even though I’d walked out, he was the one who dumped me.

  I’m not gonna bother you again after this. But there are a few things I’d like to say.

  My heart was beating so fast as I saw the dots light up on the screen.

  Stay with Humanitarians United. You’re perfect for the job and the community. Whenever you have to deal with me, I’ll always be professional. I’ll never mention anything about our relationship.

  The dots lit up again as he kept writing.

  If you ever need anything from me, I’ll always be there. Even if it’s five years down the road, there’s nothing I won’t give you. I’ll keep a close eye on Hank and know his whereabouts at all times so you’ll never be in danger. I’m not just doing this for your protection, but so I can get some sleep at night.

  The dots lit up again.

  I want you to know that everything I felt for you was real. I’ll love you until the day I die, no matter what happens in the meantime. I wish things could have turned out differently for the two of us. I just wanted you to know that. Goodbye, Rome.

  The dots disappeared.

  I knew that was the last thing I would ever get from Calloway. Now we were officially strangers on this earth. I would run into him at work from time to time, but we would never have a real conversation. We would always be aware of one another, but distant at the same time.

  Like a shooting star, our relationship was brilliant and beautiful, but it happened so fast that it didn’t seem to last very long. We only had a year together—the best year of my life. The ring he gave me was still on my finger, the black diamond that Isabella recognized. I knew I should take it off, but I’d grown used to the weight. I loved the way it was snug around my finger, just the way Calloway’s love used to be. I couldn’t part with it so suddenly, so I would take it off first thing i
n the morning.

  But not a moment sooner.

  A week passed, and I didn’t see Calloway. He probably didn’t come into the office at all just to give me space. If he really wanted to, he could work from home. There was nothing pressing that kept him physically in the office. I suspected he was there most of the time just because I was down the hall.

  I kept glancing at my phone, waiting for a text message to appear. But I wasn’t sure why because I didn’t want him to text me anyway.

  I could never forgive him.

  Even if Calloway said he could conquer his demons, I couldn’t give him another chance. Knowing he had erotic moments with Isabella, even if there was no touching, still made me sick to my stomach.

  It was an act of betrayal.

  Christopher was particularly nice to me all week. He was the one who made dinner and cleaned the apartment. My laundry was always done and folded on the bed by the time I got home.

  I appreciated the gesture, but nothing could fix my broken heart.

  Christopher didn’t mention Calloway. He always picked a random subject to talk about, like work or whatever was on TV. The second things became too quiet, he would pull out a game, anything that could distract me.

  But there wasn’t a distraction in the world powerful enough.

  “You wanna go for a jog in the park?” Christopher asked when I came home from work.

  “A jog?” I couldn’t remember the last time I jogged. It was probably in Calloway’s personal gym in the garage, the one he made so he wouldn’t have to leave me alone. The memory of his protectiveness suddenly made me feel weak all over again.

  “Or a walk. Whatever. I just think I would be good to get some fresh air.”

  I had no energy to do anything. “I walk around all day at work. I don’t need any exercise.”

  “Come on, don’t be lazy. You know I’m gonna bug you until you change your mind.”

  That part was true. “Okay, fine.”

  “Great.”

  We pulled on our gym clothes and running shoes then walked to the park just a block away. We joined a trail and walked briskly as the summer sun slowly faded behind the trees. We passed a few ice cream stands, but neither one of us was interested in the frozen treats.

  Christopher talked about work even though he’d already told me most of his stories. It was obvious he was just looking for something to say to keep me distracted.

  He was doing his best to make me feel better, and it was incredibly sweet. “Thanks for trying to cheer me up, Christopher. I appreciate it.”

  He shrugged as he walked, with his hands in the pockets of his shorts. “What are brothers for?”

  “But you don’t need to bend over backward for me. I understand you have a life.”

  “Yeah, I know. But I know you would do the same for me if I were crushed like you are.”

  Absolutely.

  “Staying busy always helps me when I’m down. Going for a walk. Playing a game. All those sorts of things.”

  “Yeah…”

  Christopher was so absorbed in me he didn’t even check out the pair of beautiful women who walked by in their leggings and t-shirts. He stared straight ahead, focused on me and our conversation. “Have you seen him at work?”

  “No.”

  “Has he tried contacting you?”

  I didn’t want to mention the text messages the night we broke up. “No.”

  He nodded like he was agreeing with me, when there was nothing to agree on.

  “Don’t tell him off like you did last time, okay?”

  “I wasn’t planning on it.”

  That was surprising. I eyed him as we walked side by side. “I thought you might want to kill him.”

  He shrugged.

  That reaction was even odder coming from a guy as vocal as Christopher. He always wanted to give his two cents on everything, making sure his voice and his fury were heard. His calm reaction to all of this was strange. “There’s something you aren’t telling me.”

  “Like what?” he asked.

  “Why aren’t you angrier with Calloway?”

  “What am I supposed to do, Rome?” he asked. “You aren’t the kind of woman who expects someone to fight your battles.”

  “And I don’t expect you to do that. I guess I’m just surprised that you aren’t more upset.”

  He stared at the black asphalt and walked around a snail that was right in his path. “I guess…never mind.”

  “You guess what?” I pressed.

  “It doesn’t matter,” he said quickly. “This is your relationship, not mine. My opinion is irrelevant.”

  “Why do you take that stance now, when you’ve always stuck your nose in my business? Now tell me.”

  “You really wanna know?” His eyes found mine as he searched for affirmation.

  “Yes.” I could handle anything he said.

  “I told you this might happen.”

  “That Calloway would cheat.”

  “He didn’t really cheat,” Christopher corrected. “He told you what he was into, and you wouldn’t do it. So he found someone else who would. I mean, I can’t say that I’m surprised. If I met a fabulous woman, and she said she would never give me a blow job, I’d probably leave too. I know it’s not the same thing, but I couldn’t be in a long-lasting relationship with a woman who wouldn’t give me what I wanted. Would you stay with Calloway if he wouldn’t do vanilla sex every now and then?”

  I stared straight ahead because my answer was obvious.

  “See?” he said. “I think the relationship was doomed to fail. I can tell the guy really loves you, but he just needs more. I can’t say I blame him.”

  The fact that my own brother agreed with my ex didn’t make me feel any better. “After what Hank did to me—”

  “You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” he said quickly. “I totally understand your point of view. I respect it, and I’m sure Calloway does too. But I still don’t blame Calloway for what he did. He did his best but collapsed under the pressure. It happens to the best of us.”

  Now I was just as depressed as I had been at the start of the week, not that I’d made much progress to begin with.

  “I think if you really can’t live without Calloway, you should give him what he wants. Because he’s gonna find some other woman to do it in a heartbeat.”

  “I’m aware.”

  “So that’s off the table?” he asked.

  “Yeah.”

  Christopher finally dropped the subject. “You wanna get some ice cream? My treat.”

  The last thing I wanted was food in my stomach. The only reason why I usually ate was because Christopher was force-feeding it to me. But after the admission that he sided with Calloway, I felt too stick to consume anything. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

  9

  Calloway

  Instead of being distraught, I was numb.

  In the back of my mind, I’d been expecting this relationship to crash and burn. That was probably why I wasn’t as devastated as last time. I’d anticipated the ending long before it actually happened.

  Not that it made this any easier.

  I worked from home for the first week, wanting to give Rome as much as space as possible. Having Isabella storm into her office like that must have been scarring. Having to listen to me correct and confess what I’d really done must have been worse.

  I felt like shit.

  Sometimes I questioned if I was doing the right thing. I knew how I felt about Rome, and I understood I would never feel this way for another woman as long as I lived. But I was walking away from her because my urges were too powerful. I’d been willing to compromise with her, to go half-and-half, but she wouldn’t meet me in the middle.

  So I had to walk away.

  Right now, I wasn’t ready to be with another woman. Isabella pissed me off, so I definitely wouldn’t be joining her in the playroom. I would have to let my heart bleed until there was nothing left. Once I had nothing left
to give, perhaps I could start over and return to my previous life.

  Even if it was lonely.

  In the end, I chose sex and control over the woman I loved. It made her seem insignificant, unimportant. But that wasn’t how I felt. I just couldn’t control my urges any longer. If she didn’t give me what I needed, I would resent her and find it in some other way.

  So it would never work.

  My house felt more like a prison than a home. Her presence was everywhere. I smelled her scent from the cushions on the couch. A load of her laundry was still in the dryer because she forgot about it in her haste. A strand of hair sat in the bottom of the shower drain. A pair of her panties were still tucked in my drawer because she must have put them there by mistake.

  Normally, I’d probably jerk off with them, but even that was too painful.

  Where did I go from here?

  I drank a lot. I drank during work and all through the night. I was always on the verge of being completely drunk, the perfect amount to where I was in control of my faculties and I was numb from the pain.

  It was the only way I could exist.

  Jackson called me at the end of the week, probably catching wind of what happened from Isabella. “Hmm?” I didn’t give him a warm greeting. Right now, I had nothing to live for.

  “I should have known you would be drunk.”

  “Any time I’m not drunk is a waste of time, if you ask me.” I was sitting at the kitchen table with the bottle of scotch right beside me. I didn’t even bother with a glass, even though I liked ice cubes in my drink.

  “I guess I shouldn’t bother asking if you’re okay. It seems pretty clear.”

  “You catch on quick,” I said sarcastically.

  “So, she packed her things and left when Isabella threw you under the bus?”

  “Not exactly.” I stared at the amber liquid right in front of me, feeling the smooth burn even though I didn’t take a drink. “Rome actually assumed Isabella was lying…because I would never do something like that. I corrected her.”

  “Damn.”