“But you’re bound to Lucas.”
“So?” She leaned back and held my gaze. “We can’t be bound to more than one person? You’re my best friend, Lindsey. I won’t let you go through it alone.”
I felt tears sting my eyes. “Thanks, Kayla. But I’ll figure this out. If I can’t, I’m not worthy of being a Dark Guardian. I want to be a guardian almost as much as I want to figure out who is truly my destiny.”
Before I left, I asked Kayla to explain to Connor where I was and that I knew what I was doing so he wouldn’t worry or come after me. Knowing Connor, it probably wouldn’t stop him from doing either of those things, but I figured it was worth a try.
Rafe was leaning against the porch post when I slipped outside, and I was hit with the reality of what I was doing. I was leaving with him. I was going to be alone with him. I was surprised by how desperately I wanted that. I could feel his gaze assessing me, but I was also acutely aware that his usually hard-to-read expression had shifted into one of obvious pleasure. In spite of the dangers that we might face—both in the wilderness and to our hearts—he was glad for my company. I felt an incredible warmth flow through me when he took my hand, threading his strong fingers through mine. I was amazed by how right it felt. Silently, I followed him away from the small village at the edge of the park to where he’d parked his bike, far enough away that no one would hear it.
I climbed on behind Rafe, adjusted my backpack so it was more comfortable, and slid my arms around him, welcoming the strength and warmth that was Rafe.
“Are you sure about this, Lindsey?” he asked, and I knew that he was aware I was taking this journey for a number of reasons—not simply to find the hidden lab.
“Absolutely.”
“You know that when Connor gets back and discovers you’re gone, he’s going to come after you.”
“But he can’t be mad at me, Rafe. The truth is…I’m just following his suggestion.”
He released a dark laugh. “Oh, he’ll be furious. Count on it.”
The bike roared to life. I tightened my hold on Rafe as we took off. A strange sensation skittered through me, and I glanced back over my shoulder. Although I didn’t see anything, I couldn’t shake the feeling we were being watched.
We rode through the morning and all day long in the thick and verdant forest. We stopped once to quickly eat some sandwiches that Rafe had packed. We didn’t talk. Maybe it was the sense of doing something we weren’t supposed to that kept us quiet—or maybe we feared being overheard. Maybe we just had nothing to say as the enormity of what we were doing began to sink in. Danger was bound to be involved, and bringing me along was probably not Rafe’s smartest move. On the other hand, I didn’t think going alone would have been too smart, either.
Heavy darkness had descended before we finally came to a stop for the night. Rafe held me close until my legs adjusted to standing again.
“How long before my legs adapt to riding for such long hours?” I asked.
“Hopefully never. I like holding you.”
Relaxing against him, I enjoyed the feel of his arms around me. Burying my nose against his chest, I inhaled the scent that was unique to him. No matter how this trip ends, I thought, I’d never forget his scent.
“I don’t think we should set up a campfire,” Rafe said, his chest rumbling with his words. “We have no idea how close anyone might be.”
“Do you think we’re being followed?”
“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t put it past those mercenaries that Dallas told us about.”
“Do you think they killed him?”
“That’s my guess. They might have hung around to see how we reacted.”
“Bastards.” Reluctantly, I pulled away from Rafe, took a small penlight out of my pocket, and scouted the area. I located a log, sat on it, and turned off the light. I struggled out of my backpack, wondering how I could be so tired when all I’d done was ride a bike all day. Every one of my muscles and bones ached.
We had more moonlight tonight, and I watched as his silhouette approached and sat beside me. I located the front pocket on my pack and unzipped it. “I have some protein bars and a couple of apples.”
“Guess that’ll work. I can take you back tonight if you’ve changed your mind, but once we have two days behind us—”
“I don’t want to go back.” I held out a protein bar and he took it. I grabbed a bottle of water from a side pocket.
“Tomorrow we’ll be close enough to one of our lairs. We can replenish supplies, sleep in a protected area,” Rafe said.
We Shifters had set up hidden lairs all over the forest. We stored food, extra clothes, and any other essentials we thought someone might need if separated from the pack, hurt, or in trouble. The government might technically own the forest, but we viewed it as ours. Some of our ancestors had come over on the Mayflower. It was when they’d begun burning them as witches in Salem that we’d taken up residence in this wilderness. It had been designated as a national forest for only about a hundred years, but it had been our home for much longer.
Even in the darkness I was comfortable here.
“Are you supposed to do anything if you find the lab?” I asked. “You know—destroy it, kill everyone within it?”
“Just report its location to Lucas. Then we’ll decide how to handle it.”
“I hope I’ve had my first shift by then. I’ll be more effective as a wolf.”
“I don’t know if we can wait that long.”
A huff of self-conscious laughter escaped me. “You make it sound like it’s so far off, and I’m sitting here thinking that it’s rushing at me too fast.”
“Most of us are excited about our first transformation.” He trailed his finger along my bare arm, and I shivered. “Why aren’t you?”
Was he pushing me to admit what I was feeling?
“Can you read my mind?” I asked.
“When I’m in wolf form.”
“And when you’re not?”
“Sometimes I’ll catch a thought.”
Was it significant that he could read my thoughts when he wasn’t in wolf form—when Connor couldn’t?
I pushed myself to my feet. “I don’t understand. I thought there was supposed to be one person for each of us, that our instincts recognized the one who was our destiny. I feel like an aberration. I didn’t think it was supposed to be this confusing.”
“What are you confused by?”
I spun around. “God, Rafe, if you can truly read my mind, you must already know.”
“I try not to intrude on your thoughts. Are you giving me permission—”
“No!” I needed my thoughts to stay mine until I figured things out.
“What did you feel when I kissed you?” Rafe asked. I watched his shadowy form lengthen as he came to his feet.
“It was more intense than anything I’d ever experienced. But it could have just been the emotions of the day…we were both reacting to them.”
“Then let me kiss you again. We’ll see how it goes.” His voice was low, soothing, almost hypnotic.
“It wouldn’t be fair to Connor.”
“Are all your doubts fair to him? Things are different for the males among us. During your first transformation, if your mate is with you, if you’ve chosen him for that moment, he’ll bond with you. It’ll be permanent. We mate for life. If you change your mind, you can walk away. We can’t. And if you walk to me afterward, I’ll always know that he was there for you during your first time—I’ll never have that experience with you.”
“But I’ll have other transform—”
“It’s never like the first time, when everything within us, everything that we are, everything that we will become—it all achieves maturity. A butterfly emerging from its cocoon will always be a butterfly afterward, but that moment of awe when it first spreads its wings—this only happens once. That’s the reason the bond forms so strongly with the female’s first transformation. She’ll never again experienc
e that moment of wonder, and the male—her male—wants to experience it with her.”
I’d always known the first transformation was profound, but no one had ever explained it like that before.
I didn’t know what to say. I thought, All this shouldn’t be a surprise to me. I’d always known what I was, what the first transformation was—but just like sex, it wasn’t anything my mom had ever truly discussed with me. It was an important part of my journey into adulthood, and no one had given me a road map.
Suddenly Rafe was closer to me. I could feel the warmth radiating off his body. I wanted to snuggle up against him.
“Why did you come with me if you didn’t want to experience what it was for us to be together?” he asked.
I didn’t answer him with words. Instead, I reached up and cradled his face between my hands. I could feel the stubble on his jaw. I could feel the slight breeze teasing his long, black hair across my fingers. I could sense his gaze on mine. I was acutely aware of the stillness of him as he waited for me to make my decision.
Forgive me, Connor.
I rose up on my toes to issue my invitation with a soft, and I hoped sexy, voice. “Kiss me.”
His low, victorious growl echoed between us and then he was kissing me passionately. And just like the first kiss, this one took my breath. Tonight there wasn’t the adrenaline spike of a near-death experience or the heady rush of him having saved my life. But the fire was still there, all-consuming, just like in my dreams. And just like the first kiss, it was overwhelming—it was almost too much.
I pulled back first. I no longer questioned whether lust alone was involved here. Finally I felt that soul-deep connection I’d heard about. I was in trouble. Big trouble.
Lowering my heels back to the ground, I nestled my cheek into the crook of his shoulder, welcoming his arms as they came around me.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“I’ve decided that’s the stupidest question on earth.”
“So you’re not okay.”
“I don’t know, Rafe. Things just got a lot more complicated.”
“I won’t say I’m glad, but I’m definitely not disappointed either. At least there’s a chance you could choose me.”
And what would that do to Connor?
“We need to get some sleep,” he said then, and I wondered if he felt a need to fill the silence that was stretching between us. “Share my sleeping bag with me.”
Great! I hadn’t thought to pack a sleeping bag.
“I can’t,” I said with a measure of regret. But I knew there were some lines that, once I crossed them, I would never be able to go back.
“You’re worrying about Connor again.”
“Of course I’m worrying about him. Rafe, he’s been part of my life my entire life. Until this summer, neither of us questioned, neither of us doubted…and now, I just don’t know. Falling in love should be the easiest thing in the world, but it’s not.”
And that’s what made this so complicated: I thought I was falling in love with Rafe. Not just because of the wonderful kisses—it was the fact that he could bare his heart and soul so openly with me. He was strong and good. He cared for me. He knew what he wanted and he went after it. He didn’t settle.
Tenderly, he touched my cheek. “I didn’t mean to make things harder for you.”
“Didn’t you?”
“Not intentionally. I wish it were easier, for both of us. But I didn’t want to give up if there was a chance we could be together. And if there wasn’t a chance, I needed to know that. You did, too.”
“I know. I’m not angry. I’m just…suddenly very tired.”
“I know you didn’t bring a sleeping bag,” he said. “I promise we’ll just sleep.”
He didn’t wait for my answer, but simply moved to grab his sleeping bag from the back of his bike where it was secured. Although I felt immensely guilty, I couldn’t deny the comforting anticipation of curling up beside him, sleeping in his arms. I’d never even thought about lying in Connor’s arms. But I knew that it would seem natural with Connor, too. I’d never questioned that he would always be there for me. Now I was worried that I might not be there for him.
I watched as Rafe rolled out the sleeping bag. Crouching, he reached up and threaded his fingers through mine, giving a slight tug. I knelt and stretched out on the sleeping bag. In the next heartbeat he was lying on his back beside me, tucking me into the curve of his side. I could feel the strength in his hold, the firmness in his muscles. I rested my cheek in the nook of his shoulder and listened to the steady pounding of his heart. I thought I should say something, but it seemed that any words I uttered would be insignificant when compared with this moment. He’d promised we would only sleep, but lying this close to him, I found myself wishing for more. I longed for another kiss. I yearned to feel the touch of his fingers on my skin. I wanted that intimacy with a fierceness I’d never experienced before.
Rafe shifted, curling himself around me until I was absorbed in the cocoon of his warmth. I wanted to resist. Instead I relaxed until I fit against him, my body molded to his.
I’d thought we were going in search of the most dangerous thing in the forest. I’d been wrong. Right that moment, the most dangerous thing I could face had his arms wrapped around me—and I’d never felt so remarkably safe.
TWELVE
The next morning, I awoke to find myself still snuggled against Rafe. He’d held me all night, and I didn’t want to leave the comfort of his arms. I didn’t remember ever sleeping as deeply, even when I was in a bed rather than on the forest floor. As a result, my dreams had been incredibly vivid and disturbingly real. They’d all revolved around Rafe kissing me until my toes curled—which didn’t take much time at all. I’d had one awful dream in which he and Connor had fought over me. As far as I knew, that had never happened in the modern era, but apparently it had been quite common among Shifters in ancient times. Sometimes I was amazed that our species hadn’t become extinct.
I burrowed my face into the curve of his shoulder, wondering if he was an early riser and what kind of mood he might wake up in. As for me, I couldn’t believe how rested I felt.
It was his kiss near my temple that alerted me: He was awake. His lips were soft and warm, and I wanted to bring them down to mine and kiss him deeply, but I was afraid to indulge my wishes until I was sure of my feelings. I couldn’t deny that they were growing, but would they exceed the affection I felt for Connor? Had they already surpassed those feelings? Was it even possible to measure what the heart felt?
I tilted my head back and met Rafe’s warm, brown gaze. Before I could say good morning, he was kissing me, sweeping away my doubts and my guilt. For a few moments, lost in the wonder of his mouth moving over mine, I was on vacation, with no worries, no stress, no pressing dangers. I relaxed into him and felt his muscles bunching and relaxing as I skimmed my fingers over his shoulders and back. He was so strong, so powerful. I wanted this, I wanted the surety he exhibited, I wanted to know—to know deep down—that he was the one. But several hours in his company couldn’t erase the lifetime I’d spent with Connor as the male meant for me.
Regretfully, I pulled back. His gaze touched on each aspect of my face—my chin, my lips, my nose, my eyes, my forehead—as if he wished to continue kissing them all.
“Too early for spontaneous kisses?” he asked quietly.
I nodded. He gave me a wry grin. I stroked the corner of his mouth. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, Lindsey. I’m patient. The moon isn’t.”
With that reminder, he rolled out of the sleeping bag. I immediately mourned his absence. Shaking off this yearning, I sat up, reached for my backpack, and removed my hairbrush. After unbraiding my hair, I worked the brush through it.
Rafe crouched in front of me and set down a package of six chocolate-covered doughnuts.
“Oh, my favorites,” I said excitedly.
“I know.”
I looked up at him. “How did you
know?”
“You’re a chocolate fiend.” Reaching out, he tugged playfully on my hair. “Wear it loose today.”
“It’ll be a tangled mess by tonight.”
“I’ll comb it out.”
“Have you ever fought the tangles in windblown hair? It’s a battle you’ll want to avoid. Sorry. I’ll wear it down when we go to bed tonight.”
He gave me a sexy grin. “That’ll work.”
After a hastily eaten breakfast, we packed up and I positioned myself behind Rafe on the bike. “Can you tap into my dreams like you do my thoughts?” I asked.
He gave me a sideways look and winked. “Only if I’m awake.”
Before I could ask if he had slept last night—I had to know if he’d seen my dreams—he’d turned on the engine and we were flying through the forest again.
It wasn’t as bright as it had been the day before. If it rained, we probably would have to travel by foot because the bike might get stuck in the mud—or we’d have to wait until everything dried up again. I wasn’t sure which option would cost us less precious time.
As we traveled farther north, the blackening clouds seemed an ominous sign. Even if all we were going to do was discover the location of the lab and report back, we were at risk of being captured. If they believed we were Shifters, they’d do experiments on us. No law would protect us, because no law acknowledged our existence, except for our own. Maybe PETA would step in and rant about cruelty to animals—but we weren’t really “animals” in that sense. Nor were we completely human. I couldn’t help but wonder once again if the time had come for us to step out of the woods, so to speak.
About an hour before dusk, we ran out of gas. Rafe had made adjustments to his bike so it would go farther than most on a tank of gas, and I thought maybe the tank was larger as well. But even the best mechanic can’t foresee all possible mishaps, especially in a swath of wilderness this large. He didn’t seem at all bothered by our predicament, probably because he knew we were near one of our lairs, where we had provisions stored.
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