I didn’t mind walking. I was accustomed to hiking far and wide. Part of me wanted to walk fast and part of me wanted to take my time. Our lairs were usually built inside a mountain or a hill. They provided some comfort. Tonight Rafe and I would be alone in one. Would I be strong enough to resist the offer of another kiss? Would we sleep in each other’s arms again? And knowing that we were hidden away and completely safe, would we find the strength to resist temptation?
I glanced around at the familiar wilderness that suddenly felt foreign, violated. “What if they’ve set traps for us? They must know that if someone told us about a lab, we’d come searching for it.”
“Then let’s hope I fall into it and not you,” Rafe said. “I can shift and heal. You, I’d have to somehow take back to civilization.”
“You’re anticipating that we would escape from the trap. What if we get hauled to their lab?”
Reaching out, he softly touched my cheek. “I won’t let anything happen to you, Lindsey.”
I thought about his fight with the cougar. But Bio-Chrome was another kind of animal altogether.
“How could they build a lab so near the national forest without anyone noticing?” I asked.
“It’s a sparsely populated area, and we can’t patrol all of it all the time. I’ve heard about drug cartels growing their poppies and marijuana plants on government land—inside a national forest—right beneath the noses of rangers. It can’t all be watched.”
“I guess it would lose its appeal if we set up surveillance cameras everywhere.”
He glanced over at me and grinned. “Absolutely. No private moments for making out.”
His gaze dropped to my lips, which began to tingle, and I knew he was thinking about kissing me again. It was so tempting. I needed to think about something else. “So who do you think killed Dallas? Could it have been one of us? Someone who didn’t trust him? Or could it have been random?”
“Those are always possibilities, but I think it’s more likely that it was someone hired by Bio-Chrome. Dallas was going to betray them. And they’re not making a big fuss about coming after us because they want to keep our existence quiet. They’re trying to lay low, to avoid involving the authorities, until they have a formula or whatever they think they can create to duplicate our abilities.”
“What if we can’t stop them?”
“We’ll stop them.” Nonchalantly, he continued pushing the bike up an incline and through a crevice in the low-rising mountain.
He sounded so sure. He made me believe him, made me believe that everything was going to be all right. In such a short time, I was coming to know him so much better that more than just his kisses impressed me. He was a natural leader. We followed a winding path until we came to a spot where water babbled over small rock outcroppings and disappeared into an underground spring. I’d been here before; this was one of our lairs.
“Hold the bike,” Rafe ordered.
I watched as his muscles flexed when he rolled the large boulder aside. It was nearly nightfall as I slipped into the cool, dark cavern. As Rafe pushed his motorbike inside, I glanced around, trying to give my eyes a chance to adjust. I wanted to pretend we were in a magical place where the real world couldn’t interfere. When Rafe came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, and kissed the nape of my neck, I twisted around and welcomed him. I knew I should object, but there was something about being in the dark that called to the wildness in me, just as he did. He trailed his mouth over the curve of my neck. Pleasure tiptoed along my spine, and I felt like a cat stretching in the sun. But even in the happy darkness with Rafe, I couldn’t help but think of Connor. Guilt hammered at me, and I stepped out of his embrace before his lips could settle again on mine.
A dim light suddenly illuminated the cave. I spun around, curious, and watched Rafe walk away from the battery-powered lantern he’d turned on. Reaching up, he dropped a black curtain over the entranceway, shutting out the world.
Rafe faced me, his gaze holding mine, and I could see in his eyes that he wanted me to give him more than I was ready to give. He wanted me to pretend that in this world there were only the two of us. I couldn’t deny that it was tempting. He’d come to me a few minutes ago. Now it was my turn to go to him. Before the night was over, I thought I probably would. How could I resist?
I wasn’t sure whether he read my mind or my face revealed how much I wanted him, but he gave me a slow, lazy smile, and his gaze grew warmer. He’d said he was patient, but even more important, he was understanding.
He walked over to a large plastic container and reached inside, then tossed me a can of Vienna sausages. Not my favorite, but I was hungry enough that I didn’t complain as I sat on the cool, hard ground. We stocked these places for emergencies. What was going on now certainly qualified.
“How do we know we’re headed in the right direction?” I asked.
Sitting on one of the crates that housed supplies, Rafe was enjoying his own can of sausages. “Dallas said the lab is in the northeast corner, so I know the direction is right. I’m hoping as we get nearer to the Bio-Chrome people, I’ll pick up their scents.”
“That would be easier if you could travel in wolf form.”
Shrugging, he grinned. “Easier, but not as much fun.”
“Yeah, I’m a real barrel of laughs.”
“You stop me from getting lonely.”
I studied him for a minute, thinking back to when I knew him in school. “You always struck me as a loner.”
“It was easier that way.”
“What do you mean, exactly?” I asked.
He plucked a sausage out of the can and chewed on it for a while. “You asked the other night if it’s about me wanting things I can’t have.”
“I was just…I don’t know. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, you were right. When I was growing up, I wanted parents who went to the school on open-house night and gave a damn about my school projects. I wanted a father who would toss me a football instead of beating the crap out of me. When I became friends with someone, I’d see a lot of things that I wanted, things I knew I’d never have. Not material things, not gadgets, but things like eating supper at a table with all the family there.”
My chest tightened until I felt a painful knot in its center. I’d known that he hadn’t grown up in my world, but I’d never realized the full extent of our differences.
“You were the only one who never stared at me when I came to school with bruises or a black eye,” he said quietly.
“My parents always told me not to stare.” Although I seemed to have forgotten my manners, because lately I was staring at Rafe a lot. Now, as he was talking about his past, I wanted to do more than just watch him. I wanted to hold him, comfort him. “Your dad did that to you, didn’t he? He beat you.”
“Yeah. He spent a lot of his time drunk. I could never please him when he was like that. He used to take his fists to me. Sometimes I’d tell people I got into a fight. It was easier to pretend to be a bully than to let people know the truth: My dad hated my guts.”
“No!” I protested vehemently. “He was sick. No one could hate you, Rafe.”
Giving me a wry grin, he shook his head. “You know, when I was younger, I couldn’t wait until my first transformation, because then I’d have the ability to heal faster. People wouldn’t know how often he beat me. Then he died in that car accident and it was all moot. I was glad he was dead.” He paused. “Does that part of me frighten you?”
I held his gaze. “No, I never liked him either. He scared me.”
Rafe snapped to attention. “Did he do something to scare you? Did he ever hurt you?”
“No way. My dad would have taken him down if he did. He just looked so mean. He was always scowling, like he was mad at the world.”
“I’d never hurt you, Lindsey. I’m not like my dad.”
“I know.” And I did. Yes, Rafe scared me. But it was because of what I felt for him—something I’d never
felt for anyone else. And tonight we’d be in this small cavern, snuggling against each other. Maybe we’d even kiss again. I’d spent a lot of time today thinking about what might happen tonight.
I got up and put the empty can into a plastic bag that we’d take with us. We were always careful not to trash our environment. “I’m going to the pool.”
Rafe looked at me intently, as though he was wondering if I was inviting him along. I wasn’t. I needed some time alone to let my nerves settle. I knew nothing would happen here that I didn’t want to happen. The problem was that I wasn’t exactly sure what I did want to happen.
I went over to a plastic crate where we stored extra clothes. I found a small pair of drawstring cotton pants and a long-sleeved cotton shirt that would hug my sleek body; my curves weren’t nearly as pronounced as Brittany’s. I bundled up everything I needed, including a big, square flashlight that shone a wide beam, and headed toward the back of the cavern. The passageway narrowed, and the light bounced off the walls. We’d created this haven inside the mountain, and because we kept the entrance blocked, I wasn’t afraid to be here by myself.
Around the corner, the passageway opened up into another cavern where the underground stream emptied into a pool. I knelt at the water’s edge and flicked off the flashlight. Giving my eyes a moment to adjust, it wasn’t long before I was able to see tiny fluorescent creatures moving through the stream. But the pool was completely clear. The constant supply of fresh water kept algae—and anything else that might have made me shudder—from growing.
Turning the light back on, I dipped a cloth into the water and began wiping the gritty dirt from my face. I imagined Rafe trailing kisses all over it. Even though the air surrounding me carried a definite chill, I suddenly grew hot. I stripped off my clothes and dove in. It wasn’t the first time I’d gone swimming here. The water was cold as usual, but it felt good.
I washed my hair and my body. Getting rid of two days of grit was exhilarating—until I climbed out of the pool and chill bumps erupted over my skin. Grabbing a towel, I briskly dried off and got dressed. I towel-dried my hair as much as possible before combing it out. I considered braiding it as usual, but Rafe had asked me not to, and I had this insane urge to make him smile and to feel his fingers running through my loose hair.
I glanced toward the passageway, wondering exactly what was waiting for me on the other side. Surely we would sleep in each other’s arms again. Tingles of anticipation cascaded through me. I wanted to be with him—almost desperately. I had never experienced that level of feeling with Connor: pure desire. Until I’d met Kayla, Connor had been my best friend, the one I did everything with. He was comfortable, but Rafe was…exciting.
I gathered everything together and strolled as calmly as I could through the passage. As I neared the entrance I heard voices.
Apparently we were no longer alone.
I immediately recognized one of the voices, and I realized with regret that I wouldn’t be sleeping with Rafe tonight. As a matter of fact, he might never hold me in his arms again.
Halting at the entrance to the main cavern, I saw Lucas and Connor practically cornering Rafe. Kayla was standing a short distance away, appearing very uncomfortable. I knew she’d witnessed a confrontation between Lucas and his brother—the one who’d betrayed us. Like me, she was well aware that the guys could be very intimidating when their testosterone levels peaked.
“What were you thinking bringing Lindsey with you?” Connor demanded of Rafe, and my heart slammed against my ribs with the fury I heard in his voice.
“I wanted to come,” I answered before Rafe could.
Connor jerked around, his eyes resting on me. I knew him well enough to see that he wasn’t surprised by my presence, so Kayla had told him as I’d asked. In some ways, it made things easier, and in others so much harder. I could see in his eyes that he wanted to ask me questions, that he was remembering the fight we never finished. I saw regret…and sorrow. At that particular moment I was feeling the same thing. But I was also angry; Rafe was being blamed for my actions.
“What were you thinking?” Connor asked fiercely.
“Don’t talk to her like that,” Rafe said. His voice was deeper than usual and carried the hint of a threat.
“It’s okay, Rafe,” I said, trying to calm the situation. “Everyone’s emotions are high right now.”
Since they’d caught up with us so quickly, I assumed they’d traveled in wolf form. We had plenty of extra clothes here for emergencies like this, and they were all dressed now, Kayla wearing loose pants similar to the ones I was wearing.
“I thought I could help,” I told Connor.
“How? If you get hurt—”
“I didn’t get hurt.”
“You didn’t get permission either,” Lucas said, and it irritated me that he was siding with Connor.
“Uh, you’re not the boss of me.” I knew that sounded juvenile, but I didn’t appreciate the accusation.
“Actually I am. ‘Pack leader’ is another name for ‘boss.’”
“If you’re going to get mad at someone, get mad at me,” Rafe insisted. “I knew better and I brought her anyway.”
“And why exactly did you bring her?” Connor asked.
“You know why,” Rafe said, and I realized he was as angry as Connor.
Connor lunged for him. I heard the sickening thud of a fist hitting flesh and bone as they both went down. I screamed, “Stop it! Both of you stop it!”
Only they didn’t. They just kept pounding into each other. It wasn’t the way we fought. I looked at Lucas, who was standing with his arms crossed over his chest as though he was waiting for a bus to arrive. “Do something!” I shouted at him.
He shifted his hard gaze over to me. “What do you suggest?”
I released a harsh curse and jumped into the fray, trying to get their attention. “Guys! Conn—”
Pain ricocheted along my cheek and into my eye. I shrieked and stumbled backward.
“Shit! You hit her!” Rafe said, suddenly kneeling beside me. His face was a bruised and bloody mess, and I thought about all the beatings he’d taken from his father. I reached up to touch his darkening cheek.
“I didn’t hit her. You did,” Connor said, crouching on the other side of me, touching my cheek with a tenderness that was in direct contrast to what he’d been doing just a few seconds ago.
I looked at him. He’d taken the brunt of the punches. One of his eyes was almost swollen shut. I touched the mottled flesh. He winced, and I couldn’t help myself. I started to cry.
He took me into the circle of his arms and held me close, which just made me cry harder. “I don’t know, Connor. I just don’t know.”
He rocked me side to side. “It’s okay. I know.”
I heard scraping along the ground as Rafe got up.
“I’m going outside to heal,” he said, his voice flat, devoid of emotion. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
I didn’t want him to leave—but at the same time, was it fair to ask him to stay? I worked my way out of Connor’s embrace and swiped at my tears. “You should go heal, too.” I felt so stupid for losing it in front of everyone. I was so confused. How could I love two guys at once?
He placed a light kiss on my bruise. “Be here when I get back.”
I didn’t know where exactly he thought I was going to go, and then I realized he was asking me to be there for him. Out of habit, I nodded.
He stood, but instead of going outside like Rafe had, he went into the passageway where the pool was.
Kayla knelt beside me. “I think you’re going to have a beauty of a black eye.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I’d stopped them from killing each other. That was the only thing I considered important.
“I take it you’re not any closer to figuring things out.”
I shook my head. “If at all possible, I’m just more confused. So what happened with the birdwatchers?”
“Zander took them out
. I wanted to be here in case, you know, you needed some support.”
I gave her a grateful smile. “I’m glad you’re here, but I really need to talk with Connor.” I shoved myself to my feet and met Lucas’s gaze. “How long do you think the healing will take?”
“A few minutes.”
“Did Connor ask you to reassign Rafe?”
His face was an unreadable mask—and ironically, this gave me the answer.
“So moving Daniel to our team wasn’t about finding someone for Brittany.”
“It was. It just wasn’t the only reason.”
I had a brief moment of wondering how things were going with Brittany, before I grabbed my flashlight and strode into the passageway. I found Connor sitting at the edge of the pool, fully clothed. A quick sweep of the light revealed that he no longer had any injuries. With a sigh I settled down beside him and stared at the pool of water, trying to figure out where I should go from here.
“I’m sorr—” we both started at the same time. Then we each released a self-conscious laugh.
I longed for the days when we were completely comfortable with each other, when we both knew what we wanted. Or thought we did.
“You told me to go out with him,” I said quietly.
“I didn’t mean it. I mean, I was upset. But if I had meant it, I would have been talking about going to a movie for a couple of hours, not trekking through the woods for days—and certainly not putting your life at risk.”
“I’m a Dark Guardian. That’s my job.”
“You’re a novice. You can’t heal like we do. You can’t transform, and you can’t escape as easily if there’s danger.”
“You’re not mad about the danger,” I said softly.
“Do you want to be with him? I mean, are you going to choose him?”
“I don’t know, Connor. But he’s not the only reason I’m here. I asked to come because I wanted to help. Maybe because we found Dallas, and I feel partly responsible for his death.”
Connor looked shocked by my words. “It’s not your fault.”
“In a way it is, because of the whole blackberries incident—but whatever. I wanted to feel useful; I wanted to take an active part in making Bio-Chrome pay. I didn’t want to guide birdwatchers. It’s not the first time I’ve opted for adventure over the ordinary.”
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