Blaze

by Gwendolyn Grace

  He broke eye contact as his cheeks grew flushed and then reached a hand out and rubbed the wetness on my abdomen. The heat in his gaze told me that he enjoyed the feel of it there, too. “Let’s get cleaned up.”

  We walked hand in hand to the bathroom where we lit one of the decorative candles on the vanity to give us a little light. There was just enough hot water in the tank for us to quickly wash up then we snuggled next to each other by the fire. Neither of us knew what the next day would bring, but in that moment, we were content.

  Chapter Eight

  When I opened my eyes, the sun was shining as I settled into Blake’s arms. He was still sleeping. I didn’t know how long I had with him like this, so I decided not to disturb him. I also tried not to think about what would happen after this, but I knew we could never go back to the way things used to be.

  I was in love with him, and he said that he loved me. My heart soared and my stomach felt queasy. I knew I would have made myself sick if I spent too much time worrying over things I couldn’t control, but for a moment, I could lie there silently and enjoy the feel of him: his solid bare chest against my back, the way my backside curved perfectly into the bend of his hips, and the small tufts of air he breathed against my neck that caused the tiny hairs at my nape to stand up.

  I felt him stir behind me and his arms tighten, pulling me closer.

  “Morning.” He nuzzled his nose into the crook of my neck.

  “Morning.” I relaxed into him as I felt him start to harden against my lower back. However, the possibility of a repeat of last night was quickly doused by the sounds of tires crunching snow that were approaching the cabin. Blake and I immediately separated.

  “Shit!” he shouted as we sat up, realizing that we were both completely naked. I jumped up and pulled the blanket around me as I took off to my room. My heart was beating rapidly as I rummaged through my suitcase and quickly got dressed as I listened for voices in the living room.

  The idea of almost being discovered was scary, but at the same time, I felt giddy over the change in our relationship. We didn’t have to make any decisions about us right away, but I knew I could no longer pretend. I wanted him to be mine, and I knew I was already his.

  When I returned to the living room, Blake had already replaced the couch cushions and there were voices coming from the kitchen. I worked hard to calm my breathing as I rounded the corner, ready to greet everyone, except I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw a pretty blonde sitting at the kitchen table. When my gaze shifted to Blake, I noticed that his face was ashen as his eyes found mine.

  “Oh, you must be Blake’s sister, Tayia.” The girl stood and walked over to me. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. Blake talks about you all the time.” She smiled sweetly at me. “I’m Lucy.”

  Fuck my life. Witch Face was here.

  “H-hi,” I managed to reply but my feet felt frozen. What was she doing here? I thought they’d broken up. Blake must have been able to read my thoughts.

  “Lucy flew in this morning.”

  “Yes, Blake knows about my motion sickness and a twelve-hour car ride would have been torture for me. I tried to explain this to him, but you know Blake.” She nudged me with her arm and gave me a playful, conspiratorial look, as if we shared a mutual understanding. “My cousin is an airline pilot and he managed to get me on standby early this morning.” Blake was looking down at the tabletop but not speaking.

  “Right. Well, you made it.” I tried to sound upbeat as I moved past her to the coffee maker and busied myself with the task of scooping grounds into the filter.

  “Blake, I almost forgot that I have presents in my bag. Will you come and help me set them out?” Lucy said behind me, then there was the sound of her footsteps as she left the room, but I didn’t hear Blake follow her. When I looked over my shoulder, he was walking toward me.

  “Tay, I had no idea—”

  “I thought you’d broken up.”

  “We did.”

  “Did she know? Because it doesn’t seem like it.”

  “I don’t know, but I can’t do anything about it now, I guess. She flew up here, and I can’t very well kick her out, can I?” I didn’t respond and turned my back to him. “Is that what you want? Do you want me to make her leave?”

  Honestly, yes, I did want him to make her leave, but realistically, I knew it wasn’t possible. So, instead, I shook my head.

  “I’ll talk to her.”

  “Blake, don’t—”

  “I’m not going to make her leave, but I’ll talk to her.” He placed a kiss to the back of my head and stepped away.

  An hour later, my dad, Maggie, and grandparents arrived, filling the house with activity. I didn’t have a chance to speak to Blake because Lucy was always within arm’s reach of him, whether they were sitting on the couch, eating at the table, or tending to the fire. It made me wonder what sort of talk Blake intended to have with her because it was obvious that a break up would come as quite a shock to Lucy.

  After dinner, I retreated to my room and tried hard to focus on the book I’d brought to keep me company. However, my gaze kept landing on Lucy’s oversized, pink zebra print suitcase at the foot of the bed across from me. Since Blake was sleeping on the couch in the living room, I was forced to share a room with her. I could hear Witch Face giggling from the living room, and it made me angry. I knew it wasn’t her fault that I was in love with her boyfriend, but her very presence made me want to rage.

  It was after midnight when she finally got into bed, and I pretended to be asleep so I didn’t have to talk to her. I wanted to go and find Blake. When I was sure Lucy was sleeping, I quietly left the room.

  Everyone was already in bed and the living room was empty. The back door in the kitchen was slightly open, so I pulled on my coat and slipped on my boots. When I stepped outside, Blake was leaning over the railing with a cloud of smoke billowing above his head. As soon as I reached his side, he handed me the joint, and I took a couple of puffs before passing it back.

  “So, I guess you haven’t talked to her yet.” I coughed and slowly exhaled smoke.

  “I will.”

  “When?”

  Instead of answering me, he pulled me to him, where he buried his nose in my neck. We stayed like that for a while.

  The next morning was Christmas Day, and I had to try even harder at pretending that Lucy wasn’t annoying the hell out of me. Blake snuck glances my way. He knew I was holding my tongue for dear life. Lucy was horrible at all the board games and was the first to give up if she wasn’t already eliminated. I didn’t even think she was trying. It was as if she thought being dumb was cute, and it made me wonder what Blake even saw in her.

  The next morning, we packed up and headed for home with Lucy in tow. Her cousin couldn’t get her on a flight home so our eleven-hour trip took fourteen hours because of all the frequent stops we had to make for Lucy when her motion sickness got too bad. At least Blake was apologetic about it.

  When Blake dropped me off at the Key City ferry dock, I knew I wouldn’t see him for a while. The pain in my chest was unbearable, but I smiled at him, anyway. With Lucy in the car watching our every move, he was only able to hug me and whisper in my ear.

  “I love you, Tay. It will always be you.” Then he watched me board the ferry. I sailed away from him with a lump in my throat and a heavy heart.

  Chapter Nine

  Things had changed between Blake and me, but into what, I wasn’t sure. I expected him to call me more often, except he didn’t call at all, only sent text messages every few days, and even those were short. He always said that he loved me, but he never once mentioned or hinted to what had happen between us at the cabin. I had expected us to explore the new level we’d reached in our relationship. Maybe I was being naïve, but it was the truth.

  Though he never actually said we would be together, it was difficult to imagine another outcome. I would lay awake at night and think about how and when we would tell our parents that we w
ere together. I knew they weren’t going to be happy. Dad and Maggie were way too conservative to be instantly accepting of something this unconventional. I knew it would take time, but I didn’t care. They would adjust.

  I also kept checking Witch Face’s profile to see if her relationship status had changed, but it hadn’t. Blake never mentioned Lucy, and I didn’t ask him about her. It was as if she would eventually cease to exist if I kept ignoring her.

  My high school graduation was coming up, and Blake had promised to come home for that. He was also just a few weeks away from finishing school and receiving his certification. This meant that he would move back and we could spend the entire summer together. Part of me hoped that it was the distance that caused this disconnect between us. We had a lot to talk about, and I was hoping seeing each other’s faces would set us right again. When I could look into his eyes and see the same feelings of love that he showed me that night in the cabin as he repeated the words that had stolen my heart completely.

  “It will always be you, Tay.”

  Except Blake later told me he could only come down for a few hours on graduation day. He claimed that he couldn’t get the time off from work so he had to drive back that night to start his late shift at an auto parts warehouse.

  As I sat in the crowd along with my fellow classmates, I knew I should be excited about ending one chapter in life and starting my future as an adult. Everyone around me was beaming with pride at their accomplishments, and all I could do was concentrate on not twisting around in my seat in search of Blake. I knew he was there. I could feel him, but I forced myself to stare straight ahead.

  When I walked across the stage to receive my diploma, I saw him standing and clapping along with Dad and Maggie. A big smile spread across my face as I pulled my eyes away to focus on not tripping across the stage.

  After the ceremony, I hurried to my waiting family. My dad gave me a huge hug and quickly backed away, but not before I saw him using a hand to wipe his eyes, mumbling some excuse about getting the spare camera battery from the car as he hurried off. Maggie was smiling from ear to ear and chirping a mile a minute, but my eyes were on Blake, who stood just behind her, patiently waiting his turn.

  Once my stepmother stop talking so that she could say hello to someone else in the crowd, I moved in Blake’s direction, where he wrapped his strong arms around me in a tight hug.

  “Congratulations, Tay,” he mumbled against my shoulder, and I squeezed him tighter.

  “I’ve missed you, Blakey,” I confessed, and I felt him exhale, but he didn’t speak. My heart stopped dead. I needed to know if he felt the same way, so I stepped out of his hold. “Did you miss me?”

  “Of course, I miss you every damn day,” he hissed, sounding wounded that I even asked the question.

  “Then why haven’t you—”

  “Listen, now is not the time to talk about it.” He cast several glances around us before continuing. “We will talk. Okay?”

  I studied him for a minute, my gut telling me that what he wanted to say to me and what I wanted to hear would be different. I prayed that I was wrong.

  We went to Annette’s Catch for the big graduation party Jonna’s parents were throwing for our small class of fifty-one students. The place was packed. Ms. Annette was running around in a happy frenzy as she brought out platters of food. Mr. Hal was behind the bar mixing cocktails for the adults, and when no one was looking, Jonna was sneaking drinks of her own.

  “Jonna Lee! You better not be drinkin’,” Ms. Annette called from the kitchen. Jonna grabbed Dylan’s hand and ran outside while giggling. I shook my head and smiled. That girl was always up to something.

  There was a tug on one of my curls, and I turned around to see Blake standing behind me. When I grinned at him, his lips curved, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

  “Hey, you ready to have that talk?”

  “Um, sure.” My heart started to pound rapidly, and I had a gut feeling that I knew I wasn’t going to like this talk. Blake looked around us before walking out of the front door, and I followed. Once we reached his car, we got inside. Blake cranked the engine and turned on the air conditioning. It was June in South Carolina and the weather was hot and muggy. We sat for a while, not saying a word, as the music on the radio filled the silence.

  “Tayia,” Blake started to speak, and I knew the moment he chose to say my full name instead of the nickname only he used that I wanted to jump out of the car and take off running from the inevitable.

  “I crossed the line with you, and I want to apologize.”

  “Wha . . . what?” I blinked at him several times. “Crossed the line?”

  “Yeah. What we did should have never happened, and I’m sorry for that. You’re young. I know you’ve had a crush on me, and in a moment of weakness, I took advantage of that.”

  “Wait a minute. I’m confused. What part of what happened in the cabin seemed like I was being taken advantage of? I knew full well what was happening, Blake. I wanted it.” I reached out and grabbed his hand. “I still want it. I thought you did, too.” My voice trailed off with the last sentence.

  “Tay.” He let out a long breath then pulled his hand away and rubbed it over his face. “I shouldn’t want it. You shouldn’t, either.”

  And there it was. His regret. Right out in the open and ripping my heart in to tiny shreds. Tears began to well in my eyes and my throat grew tight as I tried to hold back the sobs threatening to release.

  “Ah, shit. Don’t start crying. You know I hate it when you do that,” he said softly as he reached for me, but I scooted away from him.

  “I thought . . . that you . . . that you and me would . . .” I stammered as tears started to flow. “Did it mean anything?”

  “Yes. Yes, it did. But things can’t be the way we want. You know our parents will never be okay with this. Hell, everyone in town thinks we’re blood related. It was something we should have never acted on. I take full responsibility for not stopping it.”

  “Right, because I’m a naïve girl incapable of knowing what I want.” I snorted while reaching for the handle. “Okay, well, it won’t happen again. I can promise you that.” When I threw the door open to step out, Blake was already pulling me back.

  “Please don’t leave.”

  “Screw you, Blake.” I struggled to break free of his hold.

  “Tayia, stop.”

  “Let me go.”

  “I’m sorry. Please stay.” He wrapped his arms around me from behind, his hands applying pressure against my stomach as he held me against him.

  “I should have known when you didn’t break up with Lucy. I hoped that you would . . .” My voice cracked as I worked hard to control my emotions. “I’m so stupid.”

  “Don’t you see how wrong it is? Us being together?”

  “I don’t care, Blake. I love you. You said that you loved me.”

  “I do, Tay. God, I love you.” His voice was muffled as he pressed his lips to the back of my shoulder.

  “Then why are you doing this?”

  “Because it can never be.”

  That was all I needed to hear. I shouldn’t have to convince him to want something he didn’t.

  “Fine. It’s over.” I angrily swiped tears from my cheeks. “Not like it ever really started, right?”

  “Tay.”

  “Is that all you wanted to say? Because if so, it’s cool. I get it. It’s done and over with. We’ll never speak of it again.” Blake was quiet for a moment before I felt him nod his head against the back of my shoulder.

  “Okay, well, I need to find T.J. Lawrence. He asked me to hang out with him, so . . .” I let the implication of what I could possibly end up doing later with T.J. hang in the air.

  “Tayia,” he growled, but I ignored him and pushed away.

  “Drive safe back to Charleston,” I said in the most upbeat voice I could muster, opened the door, and then got out of the car. “Text me when you get there,” I called over my shoulder bu
t never looked at him because the tears were starting to stream down my face.

  I walked toward the front door of Catch as I heard the loud roar of Blake’s engine as it faded away in the distance. Instead of going inside to find T.J., who’d never even spoken to me that night, I sat on the stairs that led up to Jonna’s new apartment and bawled my eyes out.

  How would I survive this? The way I felt right now, I was sure I would melt into a puddle of heartbreak and despair as I mourned the loss of the life I dared to dream was possible with my soul mate.

  Chapter Ten

  Dad and Maggie had been putting off moving to Pennsylvania for a while. Maggie’s parents were suffering from the early stages of Alzheimer’s and were having a hard time looking after each other. Dad spent as much time as he could with Blake teaching him how to run the auto repair shop, and Maggie showed me how to do the books. They weren’t sure how long they would be gone, but leaving our grandparents in a senior care facility was out of the question. When Grandma nearly burned the kitchen down because she’d forgotten about the pie she’d put in the oven and took a nap, Dad and Maggie immediately packed up and drove to Pennsylvania the next day.

  This left Blake, Lucy, and me alone in the house. I hated this arrangement more than I could ever put into words. When Blake moved home after graduation, he wasn’t alone. He claimed that Lucy staying there was only temporary because she still had a roommate in Charleston who depended on her to pay her share, but as months went by, the more permanent her place in the house seemed to become.

  Blake had claimed the master suite after our parents moved out and Lucy spent days painting their room and filling it with repurposed furniture. What’s worse is that they spent an awful lot of time in there and when they weren’t huddle together like two hermits, Witch Face strutted around in a bikini top and tight little jean shorts, her go-to clothing items.