by Ava Manello
Alex stays quiet during all this. He keeps casting sideways glances at me. I guess that it’s because I’m not joining in. When this tour ends in a week I’ll have nothing left. No job, and pretty soon no house as I only have enough saved to cover a couple of months rent. I still don’t know what I want to do, or who to approach for work.
I’ve been checking the job ads but there’s nothing there that I’m qualified for. To be honest for most of them I’m over qualified and know they’d never consider me.
The only light has been my chats with James on the dating site. We have so much in common. Strangely he’s never suggested we meet up when I get home, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that anyway.
The main problem is that he’s not Alex. No matter how much time passes I can’t seem to get over this lust. I know it can’t be love, it’s far too soon, but what I wouldn’t give to scratch that itch just the once.
As usual just thinking about Alex taking me to bed makes me flushed and uncomfortable. Tiny notices.
“Are you okay Sally?”
“Yeah, just a little stir crazy I guess. I think I need some fresh air, and I wouldn’t mind hitting a few of those shops on Princes Street.” I look at the guys, hoping for once that they’ll let me go on my own. Guys hate shopping right?
No such luck. Alex jumps to his feet and offers me his arm. I want to scream in frustration, but I want to go check out the shops so I accept it.
I draw in a breath when we emerge out onto the main street. The sheer volume of people walking past is breathtaking. I’m not used to this much human traffic, it’s a little daunting really.
I look up and in front of me see the massive structure of the Castle. It looks amazing. I know we haven’t got time to go there this trip, but I really would like to come back and see it one day.
The stores on the main street are the same ones I’d find in any town in the country, the difference here being their size. They’re huge! I feel dwarfed by the buildings and the sheer volume of people.
As much as I dislike having to have a minder, I’m slightly grateful to have Alex with me so I don’t get pulled into the crowd.
I spot La Senza and head for it. I expect Alex to wait outside; it’s a sexy lingerie store after all. No such luck. He follows me in.
“Alex.” I turn on him.
“What?” He hasn’t got a clue.
“You can’t be here.”
“Why not?” He really has no clue.
“Alex, I need to buy underwear. To do that I need a little privacy.” My voice rises slightly at the end. I’m embarrassed that he’s here and we’re even having this conversation.
“I’m fine in here.” He turns to the rack on his left and lifts up a bra. “This would look great on you.”
I’m about to express my indignation when I look at what he’s holding. Wow, it’s exactly what I’d wear, and when I take it from him I’m surprised to see it’s the right size. Fluke.
He reaches for the matching knickers, and once again they’re the right size. Another fluke. Typical, when I shop for lingerie on my own they never seem to have my size unless I ask an assistant to go get it from out back for me.
Alex wanders over to another rack and passes me another set. Again they’re the right size and they’re perfect for me.
“Erm, thank you. I. I. I need to go try these on. Can you wait here?” I rush for the changing room at the back of the store.
They fit perfectly. Wearing these I feel hot. I look at the price ticket and frown. I can’t afford both of them. In truth I can barely afford one of them, having lost my job. I contemplate returning them both to the shelf and trying my luck in Primark instead. I could probably get a new set of lingerie for every day of the week in there for what just one of these sets would cost me.
Common sense wins over. I can’t afford luxuries like these anymore. I’m handing them back to the assistant when I feel them taken from my hand. It’s Alex.
“Alex! I need to put them back. They’re not right for me.” He just gives me a look, ignores me and walks over to the till with them. Before I can get to him he’s handed over his card and the transaction is over. Damn.
I follow him out of the store, dragging my feet. I’m not enjoying my shopping trip anymore.
Alex hands me the bag. “Look, it’s a gift. I know they’ll have looked great on you. And I also know you saw the price tags and sacrificed something nice for the bloody rent. So here, they’re my treat.”
How the hell does he know so much about me? It must be a gay thing. I hesitantly take the bag from him.
“By the way.” He throws over his shoulder as he walks a little ahead of me. “Bet you look hot as hell in that black one.”
I stand there a moment, wishing the ground would open up and swallow me. Receiving a compliment like that from a straight guy would be sexy as hell, but a gay guy? It just doesn’t feel quite right.
Chapter Thirty Three
Alex
I’d love to see Sally model the lingerie I just bought for her. She was mortified when I went in the shop with her. I couldn’t resist. I’ve got a picture in my minds eye of what she’ll look like in it.
She never commented on me picking the right size. I don’t think she realizes how much I know about her. For some reason she seems to treat me like a big brother. I wish she wouldn’t, but if that’s all I can get from her then I’ll take it, gratefully.
I know her size from the times I’ve been in her room, massaging the aches away for her, or just holding her close when she’d break down and cry. I’m not a stalker. Leastways I hope I’m not stalking her. I just like to be around her.
She’s walking by my side when I hear her gasp. I turn and she’s gone deathly pale.
“What’s wrong?” I look around us, seeking out whatever seems to have shocked her so badly, but I don’t see anything out of place.
She draws her shoulders back and puts on a brave face as she assures me nothing is wrong. I don’t know why, but I don’t believe her. I have a sense that tells me something is very wrong. I just can’t pinpoint what.
“You know what?” She says. “I think I’m more tired than I realized. Can we just head back to the hotel?”
That settles it. Something has definitely spooked her. I take another look around, still seeing nothing obvious.
The relief in her face when I agree to go back to the hotel is obvious. I’m going to get to the bottom of this.
Sally
It can’t be. It must just be a figment of my imagination. I shake my head to clear the image from it. I could have sworn I just saw Gary in the street ahead of me.
Alex has noticed something is wrong, but I can’t tell him. They’d never let me out at all if I told him.
It can’t be Gary. We’re hours away from home, and there’s no reason for him to be here in Edinburgh. It must just be that lookalike thing, the one where they say all of us have a double.
Alex agrees that we can head back to the hotel and I sigh in relief. It’s just my overactive imagination but I’ll sure feel better when I’m back in my room.
Chapter Thirty Four
Sally
The guys have decided that we’re all going out tonight to a bar called Ghillie Dhu. It’s at the far end of Princes Street and we’re walking, so I select my flat, comfortable shoes. It’s a Friday night so I go for smart jeans and a sheer black blouse that shows off the lace camisole I’m wearing underneath. It’s quite low cut, and with the bra that Alex bought me, really shows off my bust.
I’m thinking it’s a little too much when there’s a knock at the door signaling the arrival of the latest bodyguard. I sigh in resigned frustration. I’ve got used to it now, but it doesn’t mean I’ve learned to accept it yet.
Tiny stands there, looking hot in a dark shirt, jeans and a black jacket. He offers me his arm, and I take it. Like the gentleman he is he escorts me down to the bar where everyone else is already gathered and waiting for me.
&nb
sp; “About bloody time.” Guido mutters, then looks up at me, and his jaw drops.
“Bloody hell, Sally. You scrub up well.” Being Guido I take it as the compliment I think it is. There’s a murmur of agreement from the rest of them. Maybe the top wasn’t inappropriate after all. Then I remember the type of girls these guys are used to and panic again.
“You look lovely.” Alex whispers in my ear. I didn’t hear him come up beside me and it startles me a little. “You look good enough to eat.” I take a deep breath at the mental image I have of Alex ‘eating’ me. My face must flush a little and Alex just laughs.
In the early evening Edinburgh is still a hustle and bustle of people. I’d expected that it would have quieted down, but if anything it feels busier.
I settle into people watching as we walk along. I have a bad habit of making stories up about the people that pass, imagining where they’re rushing off to, where they’ve come from. An idea starts to form in my mind. If I don’t manage to get a new job when I get home, perhaps I could start to write a book. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. And being with these guys for the past seven weeks has ensured that I wouldn’t be short of material.
We cross the road and find ourselves outside Ghillie Dhu. It looks a little like an old Methodist church from the outside. We’ve got a table booked to eat here, before a Ceilidh style party upstairs later in the evening. The interior is dark, yet not gloomy. There’s a certain ambience to it.
We’re shown to a booth against the back wall, a long cushioned U shape booth. I find myself squished in between Alex and Tiny as usual. Sometimes these two take this whole bodyguard thing just a step too far.
The food is enjoyable, but the company is better. Away from the anonymity of the Travelodge, and the pressure of rehearsals and performing the guys relax.
They’re talking about finding a beauty salon in the morning to top up their fake tans, although if Guido gets sprayed anymore I’m afraid he’ll look like a tangerine, he’s orange enough as it is.
We’re laughing and joking and having a good time. For a few hours I can forget about losing my job, and just enjoy being me, and spend some time with these new friends of mine.
I may not like the way some of them carry on, sleeping with all and sundry, but apart from that I do really like them as people. I feel safe and comfortable around them. There’s a lot to be said for that.
Guido and Jackal come back from the bathroom grinning from ear to ear. Apparently the male toilets here are stainless steel buckets rather than urinals. That sounds a little disgusting until Guido shows me the picture he took on his phone. They look amazing. Very modern and sleek compared to the rustic feel of the bar.
We make our way up the curving stone staircase to the upper bar where the dancing will be. There’s a long narrow bar against one wall and the guys decide I need to start drinking whisky; we are in Scotland after all.
The whisky burns a little going down, but then fills me with a lovely warm glow. I could get used to this. After a few of these I can tell I’m starting to feel a little tipsy. They’re a lot stronger than my normal Tia Maria. Despite the flat shoes I stumble a little and fall into Alex. He straightens me with his arm, and pulls me close into his side, holding me there protectively.
“Easy there, Sally.” He croons. “You might want to slow it down a little.” He doesn’t release his hold, and unsure if it’s the whisky or bravado I never thought I had, I nestle in close. Just for a few moments I want to pretend. My body is on fire where it touches his.
I know it’s the whisky when I feel like I want to take my finger and trace it along his strong jawline. Thankfully, I’m not that drunk that I follow through. Part of me wishes I were.
The band starts to play and Alex drags me onto the floor behind him. I’m about to protest when the others join us.
I’ve no idea what I’m doing but it’s hard not to get drawn in by the music. Pretty soon we’re all clapping along and swinging around on each other’s arms. I’m thrown from partner to partner. I can’t catch my breath from it all. It’s exhilarating. The music ends suddenly and I’m standing there, captured in Alex’s arms.
I lose all sense of my surroundings, finding myself drowning in the depths of his eyes instead. I’m just about to open my mouth and say something stupid, like how much of a shame it is that he’s gay when I’m rescued by Tiny, bearing another whisky shot glass.
I down the shot in one. I don’t remember any of the evening after that.
Chapter Thirty Five
Alex
I’m not sure just how much Sally drank tonight but she can barely walk. Between us Tiny and I get her back to her hotel room. She’s still humming one of the Ceilidh tunes. She may be drunk, but she’s had a good evening.
I rummage through her purse until I find her hotel room key, and open the door while Tiny physically lifts her up and carries her over to her bed.
She’s out of it.
“I’ll stay and watch her for a while, make sure she doesn’t throw up.” I suggest to Tiny. He looks at the limp form on the bed and agrees it wouldn’t be a bad idea.
I pull the armchair over from the window and settle into it. I’m content just to sit here and watch her sleep. The low rise and fall of her chest reassures me she’s fine. She’s going to have a hell of a bad head in the morning though, especially after all that whisky.
I’m so grateful there’s less than a week of the tour left. Spending every day with her is killing me. I promised Tiny, along with the other guys, that we’d leave her alone. Right now that’s the last thing I want to do.
Sally stirs on the bed, she looks uncomfortable. I move over and slowly remove her shoes. I hesitate before removing her jeans, but they can’t be comfortable. I open the button and draw them down slowly so as not to wake her.
Crap. She’s wearing the black lace that I bought her today. She looks even better in it than I visualized.
I remove her jeans and fold them neatly on the dressing table. I want to trace my fingers all over her delicate skin. I want to draw aside those lacy knickers and explore her hidden depths.
Shit. I can’t do this. As much as I want to touch her, I want her to be fully awake when I do. This is wrong. I throw a blanket over her bottom half to keep her warm, and return to the chair. I sit there intending to watch her all night, but at some time I must fall asleep because her cursing wakes me.
“What the hell are you doing in my room Alex!” she gasps. It’s obviously too much for her hung-over head as she goes very pale, very quiet and holds her head in her hands.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” she whispers.
“Whisky hangover.” I offer. “I did warn you to slow it down a little.” I chuckle. One look at her poor face and I go quiet. She’s gone green. I’ve heard of it happening but never seen it.
Sally makes a dash for the bathroom and I hear the sound of her throwing up. Part of me wants to go in there and help her, to hold the hair away from her face and to wipe her down with a cool cloth to help her feel better. But this is Sally we’re talking about. She does have a bit of a temper on her at times and I’m rather too fond of my balls to have her threaten them if I see her like this.
Sod it. She’s a damsel in distress. I head for the bathroom anyway.
She’s finished throwing up when I get there and is leaning on the sink with her hands. Her head leant over, hair shielding her face from view.
“I’m dying.” She mutters.
“You’re not dying. You’re just experiencing a whisky hangover is all. They can be pretty brutal. Best thing for you is a big fried breakfast and a session down at the gym.” Her face pales at the thought of food. The mention of the gym makes her throw me a look of utter disgust.
“If you think I’m going anywhere other than my bed today you’re sadly mistaken.” She moves to sit on the closed toilet seat. It’s then that she notices she’s only wearing her sheer blouse and underwear.
“Where are
my clothes?” She sounds worried. “Who undressed me?”
“You looked uncomfortable, so I just took your jeans off.” She looks up at me, as though she’s just realizing something.
“What are you doing in my room?”
“I spent the night.” She’s just about to throw a fit when I add on the end. “In the chair. Nothing happened.”
“No, well it bloody wouldn’t would it?” I’m confused by her words, is that disappointment I hear in her tone? More likely it just means that I’m the last man she’d think of sleeping with. I’ve really got to get over this obsession I have with her.
I leave her to shower and freshen up for breakfast, refusing to take no for an answer. I also tell her she’s coming to the gym with Tiny and me as well.