It felt good to make some type of salary for a change. Preston could get use to this real easy. After all, he felt entitled to it since he dedicated so much time to studying and going into debt for a Master’s Degree. Sometimes in the back of his mind he thought if it really mattered to go to school all of those years. There were so many people he knew that went to school and never had a chance to use their degrees. But, Preston found in someways that it was paying off.
“Why did I ever go so far to get involved with Lustray. If I had just cut it off like I was supposed to I wouldn’t have to lie to so many people and hide so many things. I remember when I never had to wake up to a lie and all I had to do was live my life. Well, I guess it’s like the Word says. It’s my cross to bear and boy is this cross heavy,” Preston tearfully thought to himself as he lay in his bedroom looking outside the window on that rare, rainy night in Georgia.
The calls from Delight were numerous and he didn’t want to really talk at all, but he knew they had kids together and if he wanted anything to do with his kids that he needed to deal with her at some point and time so he decided that he would be cordial with her for the sake of their children.
Just as he thought about his kids his phone rang and he saw Delight’s number on the ID and declined to answer so he let it go to voice mail. After the Blackberry signaled there was a message he decided to listen to it to hear what kind of drama Delight had to exploit this time around.
As he listened to the message his heart got all mushy and soft from the small voices of his children checking to see how he was doing. It took him back to the days of how it use to be before he got married and the pain he would feel every time that he had to leave from New Jersey on that Greyhound to go back to college. As he reflected on his relationship he was amazed at how they were able to work out a long distance relationship for three years.
He only talked to Lustray when it was late since there was only so much to talk about day after day so he dialed in the numbers on his phone since Lustray made him erase the speed dial that he had programmed in there.
Preston’s heart pumped a mile a minute, hoping that Delight didn’t answer the phone and he could make it a quick conversation with the boys. “Hello dad! What you up to over there, is everything over there okay?”
Relieved to hear the kids’ voices he replied, “Hey dudes! Everything is going alright over here and I have been doing well. It’s just really hot down here and I am usually in the air conditioner most of the time. Once I take a shower I need to take another shower all of the every five minutes.”
“Dad, that was funny,” Squire laughed. “So are we going to be able to come down and see you? Mom said we can come down there.”
“No, I don’t think that would be a good idea right now and me and Mommy aren’t quite getting along so I’ll be there at the end of summer so don’t worry about it right now. Just focus on how you’re going to get better in school and doing the right thing. How’s your baby brother doing?”
“Oh, he’s okay he thinks that I’m Daddy. He always calls me Daddy when he wants something. But most of the time I’m taking care of him while mom is busy with school stuff and trying to find a better job.”
Preston was more embarrassed than ever now. He knew that at some point there would be some type of impact on his son, but not to such a degree that he just witnessed. Having kids growing up confused? That was never something that Preston ever intended on doing. But, he knew deep down that he forfeited the right of being called Daddy by his own kids ever since he started lying to his wife.
Soon after those words were spoken he could hear Delight taking hold of the phone. So he braced himself for whatever would come out of her mouth. “Preston, why don’t you just let the kids come down and spend some time with you? You haven’t seen them in a long time and you didn’t even say good bye to them before you left.”
“Look, I just didn’t want to give you the wrong impression by being around you and you getting some wild idea that there was spark there that really isn’t; you know how you are. And don’t go calling my mom talking her ear off and driving her up the wall with your sorrows thinking that she is going to come and give me a butt whoopin’. I stopped crying from those when I was eleven and then she couldn’t handle the “Big Dog” anymore, so just kill that.”
“MR. Brown, number one I am still Mrs. Brown and number two she is still my mother-in-law. Now she’s the only one that has been giving me a listening ear and she is my comfort with your goofy behind so I don’t want to hear any of that from you. Is that some way to treat your wife? Does that feel cool to you?”
“As a matter of fact it does feel cool that this lady on the other line that keeps talking my ear off will soon be my ex-wife and I won’t have to deal with you her anymore.”
While Delight replied back to Preston he just put the phone down on the bed until he heard Delight’s voice stop mumbling through the receiver. “Dang, that girl know she can talk, does she ever realize that I’m not listening to half of what she is saying?” Preston thought as he went to the bathroom, came back and heard her words start to taper off. He picked up the phone, “Are you done now?”
“Yeah, I’m done, I just hope God has mercy on your soul.”
“He already did, he’s getting me off of this phone,” Preston didn’t want to hear anymore so he quietly hung up the phone satisfied with the fact that he was able to speak to the kids. He didn’t want to hang up the phone, but she just annoyed him so much that he literally couldn’t take it anymore. He said his prayers then realized that he had to call Lustray back before it was too late. So he dialed her number.
“Hey girl, sorry I’m calling back so late, I just dozed off for a little bit and didn’t realize how tired I actually was. It was such a long day and so much counseling to do here and in the hospitals.”
Lustray chuckled, “Okay Daddy I’m a little tired myself so go ahead and catch up on your beauty rest and don’t worry about anything over here, everything is okay. I will give you a call in the morning and wake you up so that you can work out before you head into the office.”
“Alright, that sounds cool. Well, I’ll talk to you tomorrow and have a good night.”
“Same to you Daddy, good night and sweet dreams.”
They both hung up the phone sequentially and Preston thought to himself that he actually had a good evening, being able to talk to everyone that he cares about even though the position he was in was crippling him spiritually. He got on his knees and prayed:
“Dear Lord,
I know that I have done wrong and that I’m not in the position that I have ever wished or thought myself designed to be in, but I just pray that you give me a better way of how to handle this situation and to be a better man tomorrow than I was today. Just give me a little help and give me a small sign of what it is that you desire me to do. Amen.” Preston’s hands were shaking as he concluded his prayer. He just felt lethargic and just hoped for a better day when he woke up the following morning.
XV
Preston awoke the next morning feeling optimistic about the new day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and there was not a cloud in sight. “Only the Lord could paint such a pretty picture,” Preston uttered as he opened the blinds in his room.
He checked his phone to see what time it was and strangely he saw three voice mails from his supervising pastor. “That’s odd; the pastor is usually laid back and didn’t seem worried about much. There must be something wrong for him to call me at this time of day and that frequently.”
He double checked his phone before he stepped into the shower to make for certain that Lustray didn’t call him the way that she promised to. “That’s strange too, I guess everyone is having an off day before it even gets started,” he said faithfully. “Well, here’s off to another journey of a new day that the Lord has given me the opportunity to walk into.” He decided not to call back, but instead head over to the pastor’s office to see whatever he neede
d to assist with such an urgent matter. As a matter of fact he didn’t even bother to check his cell phone messages. He showered, brushed his teeth, shaved, and made his way out of the door; without even checking his e-mail.
The young minister made his way to the church and saw pastor’s car parked in its reserved space. Preston double checked his eyes in the rear view mirror for any sleepers that he might have missed and put some chaps stick on to combat the cracking from the beaming sunlight in the summer. There were so many scenarios that ran through his mind as he walked up to the door. Did someone get killed? Did the church get robbed? Was there an emergency funeral he would put Preston in charge of? He quickly dismissed all possibilities and just made his way into the church office door.
“Good morning Mr. Brown the pastor needs to see you in his office right away,” the secretary mentioned to Preston boldly. Oftentimes she was very chirpper and smiling at Preston every morning with a small conversation. But for some odd reason she just kept it short and made no sign of continuing on with him as she usually would. Preston knew this feeling all over again as if the world were slowly turning against him and he rolled his eyes and mumble to himself, “Well Lord, it’s time to dance again, let your will be done.”
He opened the door to the pastor’s office and peeked his head in, “Good mornin’ pastor!” Preston extended his hand for a shake and felt no comfort in the extended return of affirmation and he immediately sat himself down at the pastor’s desk.
“So Mr. Brown,” the pastor said choosing his words carefully like he wanted to get something off of his chest. “How has family life been?”
This totally caught Preston off guard. He wasn’t sure what to say to him, because he made very little mention of his family to him. All he really ever told him is that he was married with three children and that married life was married life. “Uh, for the most part it has been okay.” Preston didn’t want to go any further until he knew for sure where the conversation was headed. His hands began get moist and his heart began to pant as he tried to mentally prepare for the next set of questions that may rang out of his mouth like a sniper’s bullet trying to pierce his deepest thoughts.
“Mr. Brown, I like you, but as of late there have been some thoughts roaming through my head that have made me want to think otherwise. Your wife Delight called me last night in the late hours of the night. She says that you two have been having some problems and that last year you ran into another young lady during your marriage and now she is carrying your baby.”
Scrambling for words Preston felt it would be easier to give him the truth and stop waking up to a lie every day. He took a deep and exhaled. “Yes, we have been having problems and all we ever do is argue to no end. I’m so tired of her controlling ways, I decided to move out and whenever I go back to watch my kids she gives me a hard time leaving; then it turns into domestic violence and then the neighbors start looking, dog starts barking, and kids are scared.” Tears began to run down Preston’s eyes. “So yes I stepped out on my marriage and I don’t know if she is having my child or not.” Of course, he knew that he was there in place for conception of nine month’s time. But he figured that much was none of his business. Besides, what good would he be able to do if he knew all of the truth anyway? There’s no way to change such a bad situation. It was something he felt that he would just have to handle on his own. He didn’t know how, but it was Preston’s only resort.
The pastor interrupted and asked again, “Is she having your baby?”
Calmly Preston responded, “It’s a possibility…I was there.”
“You know I saw you walking around town with a young lady and I was wondering why you didn’t introduce her to me. I thought that you missed your wife so much that you didn’t have time for me anyways, but then when your wife called me everything started to make a little more sense. The young lady looked pregnant, but what shocked me even more is that your wife told me that she is now pregnant.”
Now this just drew the line for Preston. “Look, she’s just a control freak and she makes up all of these things to anyone that will give her a listening ear. Now for her to be pregnant is just preposterous! She thinks that will just reel me back in, but we are done! I could see if I touched her, but she even said herself that I haven’t been home. So what does that tell you?”
Preston was so furious that he didn’t know if wanted to kill Delight or drive back home and check to see if she were pregnant for sure. At this point Preston felt that Delight would do anything for a conversation with him and he wasn’t buying into it.
The pastor really didn’t know how to respond to Preston’s surprising reaction. He did the old theatrical pause and laid it on Preston. “Son, I can understand your frustration and the state that you are in. I haven’t always been a pastor all of my life, but I have been a man all of my life. So this is what I am going to tell you,” he stared Preston dead in the eyes. “Cut…it...off or God will cut it off and I think you know what I mean when I say that.” Preston nodded his head in agreement, but he knew deep down that he really didn’t know what he meant. At this point he just wanted the conversation to be over and to start making the “necessary” calls to make things happen.
Before Preston could make his way out of the door, the pastor rattled his soul. “Brother Brown, since you have never taught from the traditional liturgy with you being a Pentecostal and all; I think this would be a perfect opportunity for you to preach from it. In fact the book that you will be preaching from is Hosea. There are a lot of people that don’t really understand the magnitude and meaning of the story and I believe the Holy Spirit is telling me that you will receive a powerful Word through your studies.
Preston always heard about the story of Hosea and how Hosea’s wife, Gomer was as trifling as some of the girls he sought during his early days in college. But, Preston could never fathom really preaching on it, because he was so use to just preaching from “name it claim it” theology. “Alright Pastor, I guess there’s a first time for everything so I’ll have no problem getting into the Word and preaching. After all, it is part of the reason that I am here.”
“And what are some of the other reasons you are here?”
Preston, put his head down with a disturbed look of deep meditation and replied in a voice just above a whisper, “I guess I’m still searching for those reasons. What am I doing here?” The room was so quiet you could hear a roach crawl and Preston walked out of the door and drove back to the parsonage to get started on his studies for the coming Sunday. It was Tuesday and he didn’t have much time before Sunday came.
Driving back to the parsonage Preston couldn’t shake the possibility of Delight being pregnant. He counted the months in his head, how long ago it was since he was last intimate with her, and if he really finished the last time or not. No matter the event he was going to call, no, text Delight and let her know that he was not having anymore of her games and this crap had to end quickly.
He was so heated that he didn’t even take off his shoes and walked around in his underwear as he traditionally while by himself. The laptop was right in sight so he pulled himself right up to it and started to separate and open new bank accounts on-line and switch over all of his direct deposit information so that he would have total control over “his” money. He figured that he would just break off Delight with the bare minimum to pay the bills. Plus, she was still getting a child support check from her oldest son’s father every week so he figured the blow wouldn’t be that crucial.
After Preston changed all of the account information on-line he then proceeded to go lawyer shopping in the Columbus area. That way as soon as he got back home he would go straight to the attorney and pay the retainer fee while she didn’t have any money left except for what Preston rationed out to her. “It’s a good thing I never had a good paying job or the child support I would be paying would be crazy,” he pondered in fury. “We’re on food stamps and Medicaid so it’s all good.”
Now he had to get on
with getting in touch with Delight. He couldn’t wait to pull out his cell phone and text her the meanest thing that he could think of so he could diminish this ongoing nightmare. He looked at the phone for about three minutes, then aha! “I know what I’ll send her,” Preston said with a Count Dracula grin on his face, As he made his way to the buttons on his phone he typed: DON’T KNOW Y UR LYING AND CALLING EVERYBODY SAYIN U PREGO. IT’S NOT GOIN’ TO GET ME BACK.
He paced back and forth with fury and embarrassment. He couldn’t help but revisit the possibility that Delight could actually be pregnant! His ears began to deafen as a response to nervousness from stressful situations. Preston was trapped. He felt like he was inside an emotional jailhouse. Why couldn’t this girl just leave him alone and let the dust settle? Ohio was a no-fault divorce state and it would all be so easy. As he pulled out his Bibles for numerous translations of the verses assigned to him he saw his Blackberry light up with a text message. It read: YOU’RE THE ONE IN DENIAL AND I JUST WENT TO THE DOCTOR AND WE ARE PREGNANT. WE ARE HAVING ANOTHER CHILD. WE ARE ABOUT TO HAVE OUR FOURTH CHILD.
Preston couldn’t take it anymore. He needed verbal communication, because the sweat from his fingers just took too long to text as quickly as he wanted to. So he dialed her number as quickly as he could before he received anymore responses from her. As he picked up the phone he dialed in and soon as he heard another voice on the other line he blurted out, “Girl, you have some nerve calling my supervisor and putting out my business in the street! Girl if I were there right now I would smack you silly and knock out the baby you supposedly have inside your tummy. You know what? I wouldn’t even doubt that you stopped taking the birth control pills on purpose just to make sure that you were in control of the situation. As a matter of fact girl, if you really are pregnant I’d suggest you get an abortion, because you gonna be in that delivery room by yourself. Wouldn’t you just think for a moment to protect yourself even more if we weren’t on good terms?”
How Do I Get Out of Here Page 7