The Would-Begetter

by Maggie Makepeace

  ‘Can I help you?’

  Hector looked all round, but saw nobody.

  ‘Up here,’ said the voice. He looked up. A girl was hanging out of the first-floor window, her long mousy hair falling over her face, so he couldn’t tell at all what she looked like.

  ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘I’m… er… looking for Caroline. You must be Hannah?’

  ‘Yeah. I am. I’m just drying my hair. Mum’s out.’

  ‘Well can I come in and wait?’

  ‘Don’t think so. I’m not even, like, supposed to talk to strange men.’

  ‘I’m not a strange man,’ Hector said, craning his neck to see her. ‘I’m your father.’

  The scene was not at all as he had hoped it might be. He had imagined them sitting side by side on a big squashy sofa, with him leading up to the great revelation very gently, and then Hannah’s beautiful eyes filling with tears, and her throwing herself into his arms, and…

  ‘You could just be saying that,’ Hannah scoffed. ‘You might be a multiple rapist or a serial killer.’

  ‘Do I look like that sort of a monster?’ Hector protested unwisely.

  ‘Yeah, you do actually. Maybe you should get counselling?’

  ‘Look,’ Hector said, ‘this is silly. Do you know your father’s name?’

  ‘Course I do! Hector by name; hector by nature, my mum says. He used to work with Jess, down in Somerset, and when I’m eighteen I’m going to go and find him, and then Mum won’t see me for dust!’

  ‘Here,’ Hector said, ‘catch!’ He threw her his wallet. ‘Here’s proof. Look inside and see who I am.’ She caught it, opened it and looked at the name on his credit cards and driving licence.

  ‘Hector Mudgeley!’ she said in amazement. ‘That’s right… but…’

  ‘But what?’

  ‘You’re so old,’ Hannah said, ‘and so un-cool. I’d imagined…’ She stopped in confusion.

  ‘Are you going to let me in then, or what?’

  ‘Yeah, I suppose I’d better. Hang on.’

  Hector pursed his lips as he waited for her to get downstairs. Not another failure, he thought, please God. Then the door opened and Hannah stood there, holding on to it. She was thin and almost as tall as he was. Now that her hair was brushed off her face, he could see that she was quite pretty in a scruffy sort of way. Her clothes seemed to be a mass of unconnected layers and her fingernails were painted black.

  ‘I shouldn’t have said that,’ she said, giving him back his wallet, ‘about you being un-cool, that is.’ She made a rueful face.

  ‘That’s all right,’ Hector said generously. ‘I’ve been called worse things.’

  ‘Come in then.’ She led him into their kitchen and he sat down at the table while she made him a cup of coffee.

  ‘I always wanted a dad,’ she said shyly.

  ‘And I always wanted a daughter,’ Hector lied. ‘I was going to call you Gwladys (with a w) after your Welsh great-great-grandmother. Would you like to see a picture of the room where you were conceived?’

  ‘Really? Wicked!’

  Hector felt about in his inside pocket and produced a sheaf of photographs which he spread out on the table in front of them.

  ‘Oh wow,’ Hannah said. ‘Blue elephants! Aren’t they just the dog’s bollocks!’

  ‘I beg your pardon?’ Hector expostulated, considerably taken aback.

  ‘You know, solid, sweet as a nut, great?’

  ‘Oh I see. You mean you like them?’

  ‘Yeah, course.’

  Jess and Caroline got back from shopping soon after four o’clock. ‘Come in for a cuppa?’ Caroline suggested.

  ‘Love to,’ Jess said. She followed her into her kitchen and, unprepared for a sudden stop, cannoned into her back. ‘Oh… sorry!’

  ‘Hector?’ Caroline exclaimed. ‘What the fuck are you doing here?’

  ‘Ooooh, Mother, – language!’ Hannah said smugly.

  ‘Go up to your room,’ Caroline snapped. ‘NOW!’

  Jess looked around her to see what was going on. Hector was sitting calmly at the kitchen table, nursing a mug of coffee between both hands. Hannah was sitting opposite him, and on the surface between them was a torn-open packet of chocolate biscuits. He looks just the same! Jess thought with a rush of affection; greyer and a bit more jowly, but still good-looking, still the same old Hector. He glanced at Caroline and then turned to wink at her. Jess smiled.

  ‘No I won’t,’ Hannah said to her mother. ‘My dad and me’s having a chat for the first time in fourteen years, which is all your fault!’

  ‘Hannah, perhaps it might be a good idea if your mother and I sorted out a few things in private?’ Hector said to her gently. Hannah looked from one to the other of them and then, noisily scraping back her chair, got grudgingly to her feet.

  ‘Oh all right,’ she said. ‘I’ve got things to do anyway,’ and she left the room, pushing past Caroline and Jess without another word.

  ‘Right Hector,’ Caroline said brusquely. ‘I think it’s time you were going too. I take a very dim view of people who sneak into other people’s houses by conning their children.’

  ‘It was no con,’ Hector said. ‘Hannah’s my daughter.’

  ‘Nice try,’ Caroline said, ‘but it won’t wash, so you can piss off, straight back to yokel county!’

  Hector made a face at Jess as if to say – See how I’m being treated? Surely you won’t stand for this?

  ‘Why don’t you come down to my flat?’ she suggested to him, ‘and sort things out from there?’

  He smiled warmly at her. ‘Thanks Jess. It’s good to know someone appreciates me.’

  Jess turned apologetically to Caroline. ‘I’m sorry Caro, I’m not trying to interfere. I just thought…’

  ‘Oh take him away!’ Caroline snapped. ‘Do what you like, just keep him out of my life.’ Then she went up to Hector and spoke to him with her face only inches away from his. ‘And get this Hector, Hannah isn’t interested in you. You’ve never been a father to her, and it’s too late to start now, so there’s an end to it. You have absolutely no reason to come here again. Understood?’

  ‘Oh I hear the words,’ Hector said calmly. ‘It’s the sense that eludes me. And you’re wrong on the last count. I will have to come here tomorrow, because I’ve arranged to take Hannah to the pictures.’ He got to his feet and walked out of the kitchen.

  ‘Over my dead body!’ Caroline shouted furiously after him.

  ‘Fine,’ Hector called back. ‘Whatever turns you on.’

  Jess didn’t know whether to follow Hector or try to pacify Caroline. ‘I’m so sorry…’ she began again. ‘I…’

  Caroline turned on her. ‘Just get rid of him!’ she hissed. ‘This has got to be all your fault. How else would he know?’

  Jess turned and ran after Hector, out of the front door and down the steps between the house and the front railings, which led to her basement.

  ‘You’ve really landed me in the shit now,’ she complained to him. ‘She’s blaming me for telling you.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Hector said easily. ‘I’ll put her right tomorrow, when she’s had a chance to calm down.’ They went inside Jess’s flat and he looked around him curiously. ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘where’s my favourite futon?’

  ‘I left it behind in the old flat, at the mercy of my summer tenants. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the world.’

  ‘No,’ Hector agreed, ‘but it was very you, in those days. How often do you go back there? And how come you’ve never popped in to see me?’

  ‘Don’t know really. I always check the flat over at least a couple of times a year. I have a local agent who sees to it the rest of the time. In fact I’m off down there next week, to make sure it’s OK for the beginning of the holiday season at Easter.’ This is ridiculous, she thought. We’re making polite conversation as though we were at a cocktail party!

  ‘It’s lovely to see you, Jessy-boot,’ Hector said, putting out a hand to pat h
er arm. ‘It’s been too long.’

  ‘Yes it has…’ Jess collected her thoughts. ‘But look Hector, what is all this? Why are you suddenly here, and what are your plans?’

  ‘I’m taking Hannah out to see a film,’ Hector said. ‘It’s one she’s desperate to see, so she says.’

  ‘But what about Caroline?’

  ‘Oh it wouldn’t be her sort of thing at all.’

  ‘STOP IT! I’m being serious. Where are you planning to stay tonight?’

  ‘I’ve brought a sleeping bag and some rugs. I can kip in the back of the car.’

  ‘Does Wendy know you’re here?’

  ‘Not yet. Perhaps I could phone her from here this evening?’

  ‘I think you’d better! So why have you got in touch with Hannah after all this time? It’s hardly fair, is it? You can’t blame Caroline for being angry.’

  ‘I’m her father.’

  ‘Don’t tell me – it’s only natural!’

  ‘Well it is, isn’t it?’

  ‘So why did you stay away so long then?’

  ‘I can’t win, can I? Come on Jess, if you’re going to grill me all night, then at least let’s go out somewhere where we can have a good meal and some nice wine at the same time. What d’you say?’ He raised an eyebrow at her and smiled disarmingly.

  Jess sighed. ‘Oh, all right.’

  She had almost forgotten how charming Hector could be. She sat opposite him in a small alcove in her favourite restaurant and regarded him over the flame of a flickering candle, with Vivaldi tinkling away discreetly in the background. She felt as though there had been no seven year gap at all; as if nothing had changed.

  ‘You’ve gone all smart and Londonized.’ Hector said approvingly.

  ‘Caroline’s influence. She’s good at clothes and hair and things.’

  ‘You two are good friends then?’

  ‘Well we were… until this afternoon…’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Hector reassured her. ‘She’ll get used to the idea. It’s not as though I want to steal Hannah from her. I just want to see her once in a while and take her out for the odd treat. Where’s the harm in that?’

  ‘Was Hannah polite to you?’

  ‘Eventually, yes, very. Why?’

  ‘Oh, it’s just that she’s usually rather stroppy.’

  ‘No. I got the impression she was very keen to come out with me.’

  ‘Well, I suppose it will give Caroline a well-deserved rest.’

  ‘There you are then,’ Hector said cheerfully. ‘Heads, everyone wins; tails, no one loses. Have some more wine?’

  He began to tell her about the latest excitements at Mudgeley Goggles, which didn’t take long. From there he progressed rapidly on to all aspects of H.M.’s life and times, and he was soon in full journalistic flow, describing his visit to Zillah’s caravan and Florian’s dreadlocks and motorbike, and the general decrepitude of the camp.

  ‘And did your car still have wheels when you left?’ Jess asked, grinning.

  ‘Heaven yes,’ Hector said. ‘I’m more than a match for your casual yob.’

  ‘Whereabouts is this place?’

  ‘Just outside Glastonbury,’ he said, taking a Biro out of his inside pocket and drawing a rough plan on his paper napkin. He pushed it across the table. ‘You should visit them. You’d get some winning shots of “alienated youth”’.

  ‘Oh I don’t have to go to Somerset for that!’ Jess said.

  When they finally got back to her flat, they were in mellow mood. ‘You can’t sleep in your car,’ she said. ‘It’s a ridiculous idea.’

  ‘Well, I suppose I could find a hotel…’ Hector suggested half-heartedly.

  ‘You could stay here with me,’ she said. ‘In the spare room of course.’

  ‘Thought you’d never ask!’ he said, and they both burst out laughing.

  In the middle of the night Jess awoke and remembered with a start that Hector was sleeping next door. She had been expecting him to try it on after an hour or so, by coming into her room, looking hopeful. But he hadn’t, and now she wasn’t sure whether she was relieved or disappointed.

  Hannah was pretty sure that Hector wouldn’t take her home with him if she simply asked him to. Adults had an irritating habit of sticking together, even when they actively disliked one another. It was obvious that her mother couldn’t stand Hector, so that made him a big attraction as far as she was concerned. Once she’d got used to the fact that her father was not only a wrinkly, but near as damn it a crumbly, she could appreciate that Hector might once have been quite tasty. At least she wouldn’t be ashamed to be seen going to the odd film with him.

  At that first meeting she had decided she liked him, and wanted to know him better, so she’d worked out this neat strategy. Played right, she could score twice with one try! Of the two objectives, of course, escaping from Caroline was her main concern. Hannah smiled to herself. If I pack too much kit, she thought, then Mum’ll suss me, so I’ll only take the basics in my shoulder bag and then Hector can buy me more stuff when we get there. He’s rich enough.

  When Hector eventually came up from the basement late on the following morning, Hannah, who had been waiting for him for hours, did wonder fleetingly whether he and Jess had spent the night in the same bed together, having sex. But the thought of that was so mind-bogglingly gross that she abruptly banished it from her head, and made herself concentrate on her plan. She and Hector were to go into the West End (in spite of Caroline’s protestations) and have lunch wherever she fancied, and then see the film at two o’clock. Hannah hoped she might get Hector to buy her some clothes, but then realized that the shops would most likely be closed on a Sunday. Next time! she promised herself.

  The film turned out to be wicked. Hannah was well-pleased she’d chosen it. Hector had looked a bit fazed afterwards, but she reckoned it must be because he hadn’t been able to keep up with it. It was probably difficult for someone of his age; you had to make allowances. When they came back to the car to drive back to her house, she put her shoulder bag deliberately on the back seat and covered it up with Hector’s rugs and stuff which were already there. Stage one! Then they went inside. Her mother was probably still sulking, Hannah thought, because she hadn’t been able to stop her from going out with her dad. She felt a surge of triumph. She’ll do more than sulk soon, Hannah thought gleefully. She’ll be well gutted.

  ‘I’m going to leave this here for your mother,’ Hector said as they went into the front hall. He took a white envelope with Caroline’s name on it from his inside pocket and laid it on the hall table.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘It’s a cheque. If I give it to her now she’ll probably tear it up, the mood she’s in, but I do want her to have it, so will you draw it to her attention?’

  ‘Eh?’

  ‘Will you give it to her after I’ve left?’

  ‘Oh, right, yeah.’

  ‘Well, I suppose I shall have to be off soon,’ Hector said. ‘I’ve so much enjoyed our afternoon together.’

  ‘Me an’ all.’

  ‘I’m just going to say goodbye to Jess, OK? And I suppose I’d better have a word with your mother, and then I’ll be going, but I’ll come and see you again very soon, if you’d like me to?’

  ‘Cool.’

  ‘Right then.’ He began to go down the steps to the basement.

  ‘Hector?’

  ‘Hannah?’

  ‘Can I put your stuff in the car?’

  ‘No, it’s OK, I’ll do it.’

  ‘Well…but… I’d like to.’

  Hector looked up and smiled. ‘All right, thanks. I’ll chuck it up to you.’ After a few moments he emerged from the flat with his overnight bag and called, ‘Catch!’ and then, ‘Keys!’ and, ‘Oh well done!’

  Hannah turned away with the bag, giving a covert clenched fist salute of triumph. Stage two was safe! She walked nonchalantly over the road to where Hector’s car was parked, and opened the doors. Then she put the key int
o the ignition and closed the driver’s door. Hector’s bag went on to the far end of the back seat above the pile of stuff already there and Hannah, glancing furtively all round to make sure no one was observing her, climbed in beside her shoulder bag, and covered herself completely with the sleeping bag and rugs. It was a large car and there was plenty of room. Hannah made sure she was invisible and then settled down to wait.

  It took longer than she had anticipated. She got uncomfortably hot and began to wonder how long she could stick it, and then when she had almost dropped off to sleep through boredom, she heard someone coming. It had occurred to her earlier that she had set things up perfectly for any opportunist passing thief, by leaving the keys so conveniently in the steering column. She had visions of herself being driven off by some startled petty criminal and then held to ransom for millions of pounds… well, anything’s better than staying at home, she thought. At least I’d see some action.

  But it was Hector who eventually turned up, and if Hannah had hoped to hear him lamenting the fact that he hadn’t been able to say goodbye to her properly, then she was to be disappointed.

  ‘I can’t wait any longer,’ Hector grumbled. ‘She’s had her chance. Oh no! The car’s open, for God’s sake, and she’s left the keys in it! Bloody kids are all the same, aren’t they; totally irresponsible! Anyone could have nicked it!’ He opened the driver’s door.

  ‘Is your bag there?’ It was Jess’s voice.

  ‘Yes, at least she got that right. She could have said goodbye though, don’t you think? Ungrateful wretch!’

  ‘Give her time Hector. It must have been a bit of a shock, when you suddenly turned up.’

  ‘Yes, I suppose so. Well, I’d better drag myself away. It’s been so good to see you again, cariad. Thanks for putting me up. Let’s not leave it another seven years, eh?’

  ‘’Bye Hector.’ There were brief kissing noises.

  YUK! Hannah thought.

  Then Hector started the engine and they set off. Once air began circulating it got blessedly cooler. Hannah hadn’t thought ahead to what the journey might be like, but as it got underway she realised that she was going to learn quite a lot about her unsuspecting parent, from the type of music he enjoyed to the degree of road rage from which he suffered. The music was the worst, Hannah thought, glad that her ears were well-muffled. It was some ghastly soprano screeching away in a foreign language. Why does anyone like opera? she wondered. And after all that racket, how can they have the cheek to complain about my heavy metal?