The Bright Side Brigade

by Elaine White

  “Vito and Rook were at the pier, doing loved up couple stuff,” he explained, reaching out to tentatively place his hands on Kenichi's slim waist. “The three guys I was with are my friends. The black guy is my brother; the white, skinny and very femme one is Tracy, who he's completely in love with. Except that Tracy is nuts about Digby.”

  “The short, geeky guy?” Kenichi guessed, with a grin.

  “Right.”

  Shaking his head, the super-attractive ticket booth guy leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on the edge of his mouth, sending shivers through every part of his body. “You have a strange set of friends,” he muttered, following his words with a light nip of his jaw.

  Alvin's grip on his waist tightened, as he turned and met Kenichi's mouth full on. Soft lips pressed to his with a little more force than he was used to, then a tongue flicked out and swept over the crease of his lips.

  He was practically shaking in his boots, but this was a night to be reckless and crazy, so he ignored his nerves and chose not to speak up about this being his first ever kiss. No doubt Kenichi would laugh at him. He probably did this at every stop; sidling up to the third wheel in a group of friends and making out with them in dark corners. Or more. Alvin certainly wasn't ready for more than making out, with this guy or anyone else, but he parted his lips and waited to see what would happen.

  He'd never told anyone that he'd never been kissed before. It wouldn't do anything for his reputation as the fearless leader of their band of misfits. But it also wouldn't help Javon make his move on Tracy, before it was too late. His kid brother would never risk it, if Alvin hadn't given a semi-serious talk about how his first kiss should be with someone important to him.

  “Firsts,” he told his brother, “are the kind of experiences that will stay with you forever. If you end up making an impact on Tracy and stay together forever, like you want, then you can look back and know that he was your first everything,” he advised, though he had no practical experiences of 'firsts' to share with him. “But if you don't make it, at least you can look back and say that your first kiss was with a guy you were crazy about. You want that, Javon. You want to make it special.”

  So why wasn't he taking his own advice?

  Kenichi flicked his tongue against the underside of his top lip and Alvin couldn't help but gasp in surprise. Jesus, that was sensitive as all hell and pretty sweet, too. He tried to reciprocate, but his tongue ended up brushing against Kenichi's, sending spine-tingling sensations through every nerve.

  For far too long, Alvin lost himself to this new delight, leaning closer into Kenichi and lifting his hand to cup his neck. He had such soft skin, except for a little bump on his neck, which felt like a mole. And...holy hell!...such eager lips.

  Who knew that kissing could be so addictive?

  Chapter 4

  Javon wasn't entirely convinced that Tracy was feeling better. He was engrossed in the film, miming along to the words whenever he reached a part that he favoured above the other scenes. But he seemed to harbour some kind of personal grudge against Digby, for the whole Tunnel of Fear incident. Even though it wasn't his fault and he probably had no clue what had happened.

  He looked over to the ticket booth, but couldn't see where Alvin had disappeared to. He said he had something important to do, but Javon couldn't see how. Everyone they'd come with was here, sitting in a tight group to watch the movie. Rook and Vito were even being hands off with each other, for once. Well, Vito sat between Rook's legs, leaning back on his chest, but it was a whole lot better than their usual.

  And Digby? He was munching on some popcorn they'd bought at the stall and watching the movie with rapt interest. In other words, completely ignoring Tracy. Even though he didn't seem all that interested in getting close to him anymore.

  Unable to take the silence and live the lie Tracy had somehow come up with, Javon leaned in close and whispered, “You do know that Digby didn't mean anything, back at the tunnel.”

  Tracy sighed and turned to offer a nervous smile. “I know. I just...it felt like he was laughing at me,” he admitted, in a quiet voice. So quiet that Javon could hardly hear him. “I've never been so scared in my life. I...I didn't know I would react like that,” he continued, as though he had to make an apology.

  “I'm sorry.” He took Tracy's hand and held it between his. “If I tell you something, do you promise not to hate me? You can be mad, but please don't hate me,” he asked, deciding now was the best – and only – chance.

  With a slow nod, Tracy made his silent promise.

  “I asked Alvin to come tonight, but he didn't want to. He only gave in when I told him why I needed his support,” he began, swallowing thickly, as the familiar fear swelled at what he was about to say. “I asked him to go on the ride with me, because I didn't want to watch you with Digby anymore. It was his idea to invite you to come with us. And, I think, it was his idea for you to ride in the cart with me,” he explained.

  Tracy blinked and, when Javon risked meeting his gaze for a moment, he saw slow recognition dawning. He was beginning to put the pieces together, so Javon rushed to get there first, to avoid any misunderstanding.

  “I'm so sorry the Tunnel frightened you so much. I didn't know it would,” he apologised in a rush, “but I just wanted to be close to you. You see, for a long time now...a really, really long time, actually...” Javon stopped and licked his lips, needing to find the right words.

  In the background, Deborah Kerr was talking, “Five faithful years. It sounds awful, doesn't it? But it's true.”

  “Are you–” Tracy hung his head and shook it, as though this was completely awful. When he looked up again, he had tears in his eyes and Javon's heart rate rose exponentially, as he began to panic. “Are you saying that you...fancy me?” he asked, reverting back to that barely audible whisper.

  “I think,” he said, hesitating for just a moment, “that it's more than that. But, in simple terms...yes.”

  The silence between them was almost palpable. All Javon could hear was the movie. It set his nerves on edge and brought out his flight reflex. He didn't want to be here anymore. He didn't want to see what Tracy decided or if he got up and walked away. He didn't want to do this anymore, at all.

  All he wanted was to run and maybe find Alvin.

  “So,” Tracy spoke up after nearly five minutes of quiet, “can we just recap for a moment?” he asked, peeking up through his fringe, which had fallen down because of the strange tilt of his head. He looked like he was trying to avoid eye contact by staring at the grass beneath them, but couldn't help but sneak a peek at the same time. “You think you're in love with me and you've had these feelings for a very long time. And, you've waited until three weeks before you move to another town to tell me that?”

  Blinking, Javon frowned and met Tracy's raised eyebrows. How could they say so much more than what his voice had just said, with one look?

  “I...um...” Licking his lips, he thought about what he'd said. “Yes?”

  Before he could rethink that awkward confession, Tracy dove in and kissed him.

  Javon closed his eyes, as fireworks lit up his senses. He couldn't tell if they were from the movie or his imagination because the kiss was so perfect. Either way, he was in heaven, and he didn't want to know the truth.

  Two hands cupped his jaw and held him close as Tracy nipped his bottom lip and demanded entrance to his mouth. He gave it freely, stunned and confused, unable to do anything but give Tracy whatever he wanted. And, by God, Tracy wanted this. Tracy wanted Javon's kiss, his mouth, his hair in his hands. Javon knew, because he could feel it buzzing between them. In Tracy's demanding fingers that bit into his jaw, before moving up into his hair. In his lips that overpowered his own and wrung all kinds of sensations from his nerves that Javon didn't even know were possible.

  When he reluctantly backed away, too scared this was nothing more than a dream, the wildness in Tracy's eyes shocked him.

  “I-I don't un-understand,” he conf
essed, breathless and wondering if the erratic pounding of his heart was what it felt like when a body went into shock. Was that possible? Could a kiss send him into shock? God, it felt like it.

  Tracy smiled such a warm, beautiful smile before breaking the distance between them and kissing his lips one more time. There was tenderness this time, instead of heat. Sweetness instead of urgency. “I know and I'm so sorry,” he whispered, trailing his fingertips over the curve of Javon's jaw as his eyes flitted all over his face.

  For one weird second, he actually had the feeling Tracy was memorising this moment the same way Javon was. That he was taking in every feature of his face, the way that he took in Tracy's in the dimming afternoon light.

  “It's completely my fault,” Tracy claimed, biting his lip as his smile grew bigger and bigger. He looked positively giddy. “Javon, do you have any idea how long I've been crushing on you?”

  The world stopped.

  It didn't spin and the earth didn't move. Javon was entirely sure about that. It simply stopped. The sound from the movie, the action of the screen to the right, that had been distracting and out the corner of his eye, was all gone. Rook, Vito and Digby disappeared and the entire world whittled down to Tracy. Tracy's lips moving. Tracy's voice saying those words. Tracy. Tracy. Tracy.

  Javon grabbed the arm closest to him and fell forward to rest his forehead against a strong shoulder. Now the world was spinning. Moving so fast that he felt like throwing up.

  “Sweetie, are you okay?” Tracy asked, reaching his free hand up to stroke his hair.

  It was a sweet, thoughtful gesture. But it felt far more intimate than any contact they'd ever had before. This wasn't one friend comforting another. But Javon didn't quite know what it was either.

  “Can you...start from the beginning?” He had to know he hadn't imagined this. That it wasn't some cruel dream that he'd slipped into, because they were watching a movie he'd seen a thousand times. That it wasn't his panicked brain trying to tell him to get a move on and confess; that it would be alright because the possibility that Tracy might love him too wasn't that impossible.

  But it was.

  “What's the beginning?” Tracy replied, leaning his head against Javon's and continuing the light stroking of his hair. “When we were kids? When I stood up to those bullies who didn't think two black kids should be friends with a lily white guy? No, Javon. We were just friends then. It wasn't even when we were having those sleepovers, when you were ten, and you'd sneak into my sleeping bag because the rain made funny noises on the tin roof of our tree house,” he said, sounding so fond and approving of those times that it made Javon close his eyes.

  Everything Tracy said was right. Back then, there had never been anything more than friendship between them. The more came later.

  “But, when you were thirteen and you came to me, in tears,” Tracy went on, “I think something happened then. You were so scared to tell Alvin that you were gay and I didn't know what to say to you. On one hand, I'd started to have feelings that were complicated and probably inappropriate,” he rambled.

  Javon lifted his head, not understanding that last part. Why would their feelings for each other be inappropriate?

  “Don't get me wrong,” he said, with a smile, “I never thought for a second about not feeling them. But you had a lot to deal with. You hadn't been in high school long, you and Alvin were the only black kids in our school and we tried so hard to shield you from the few racists there were. Actually admitting to how I felt would have made that impossible to keep from you and we didn't want to hurt you,” he continued, rambling on so fast that Javon had no time to protest.

  “Sweetie,” Tracy's smile turned sad and he dropped his hand to cup Javon's cheek, running his thumb over it as though he were precious, “we fought really hard to keep you innocent. But there was a bigger problem...you were my best friend's little brother. How could I go to Alvin and tell him how I felt?” he asked. “And, when time went on and you showed no interest in other guys, even though I knew you were gay, I figured maybe you were doubting that or not ready or that you were really asexual or homo-romantic or something.”

  “Why would that have mattered?” Javon asked, forcing the words out, before Tracy could keep going. “We could still have been together.”

  Tracy shook his head and sighed deeply. “No. Not back then. I wanted to give you space to figure it out, to find who you were. But I was afraid, too.” His thumb moved in another caress, the sensation making his eyes close against his better judgement. “If I'd have known how you felt...everything would have been different,” he promised.

  “So,” Javon swallowed and looked away, afraid to see the truth in his eyes, “you were never ashamed of me? Or afraid of what people might say?”

  In the back of his mind, he'd always known that there were racists and bigots at school. He saw the signs and heard the whispers, but Alvin had always taught him to rise above that and be a better person. To be better than the bullies and the naysayers and never let anyone dictate how he lived his life.

  “It will never be easy, Javon, to be black and gay in this world,” Alvin had told him. “There's a dark reality in life that nothing is ever as easy as we wish it could be. Whether you date a black, white, Indian, Mexican man or the most religious, straightest man in the world, things will be said about you. To your face and behind your back,” he warned, only to smile softly. “The world can't be changed overnight, kiddo. But one day, it will change and you'll be able to walk down the street, with any man you want, and have no one bat an eyelash about it. Until then, all I ask is that you always, always stay safe.”

  “I'm thirteen, Alvin.” He'd rolled his eyes, like the stupid, naïve teenager he'd been.

  “I'm not talking about sex,” his brother objected. “I mean, with your heart, your mind and your body and soul. There are a whole lot of people out there that will want to hurt you. And some who might not mean to, but who are ignorant enough not to know any better. Your only priority in life is you. Do you understand me?” Alvin's stare had pierced right through skin and bone, to imprint his words deep into Javon's soul. “If someone is going to hurt you – your heart, your mind, your soul in any way – I want you to run!”

  Right now, Javon wanted to run.

  He wanted to run so bad that his foot twitched. He didn't want Tracy to keep talking and saying that he'd held back on his own feelings because he thought Alvin would never approve. He didn't want to hear that they could have been together since he was thirteen and Tracy fourteen, but hadn't because Tracy was as overprotective as his big brother.

  The silence that dragged on after his question sealed the deal.

  Unable to sit there any longer, Javon listened to his inner voice. He got to his feet and ran.

  Chapter 5

  Kenichi was aggressive. In a good way. In a way Alvin had only ever experienced in books and movies. In a way that made his blood pump furiously and his hands sweat, as he grasped the back of Kenichi's white shirt and held him close.

  Not that he could have slipped away. He was perfectly pinned beneath Kenichi's comfortable weight, dwarfed by his height and held in those deceptively strong arms. It was utter heaven.

  Until panting that wasn't their own interrupted the slightly awkward silence that had only previously been filled with the slurps and smooches of their make out session. He was willing to ignore it until—

  “Alvin?”

  Instinctively, he pushed Kenichi's chest until his kissing partner backed off and ran the back of his hand over his mouth. Alvin didn't even bother. He simply licked his lips and looked to his left, where Javon hovered. That tone of his voice, as he said his name, brought back a million memories of skinned knees, broken hearts and lost pets.

  It cut him to pieces.

  Without asking, he held his arms open and let Javon escape into them. He barely noticed Kenichi in the background. “What happened?” he asked, one hundred percent focused on the boy in his arms, who had crum
bled into a breathless mess. His first instinct was that he'd confessed all to Tracy and been rejected.

  Until his brother replied, “He loves me.” A hiccup closely followed his words, then he took one long, deep breath to calm himself and went on. “I told Tracy how I felt and he said he's loved me since I was about thirteen,” he whispered.

  “What?” Confusing barrelled into him, until he had to rest against the ticket booth again, to keep himself upright. How could he not have known that about his own best friend? How did he miss the signs? And why was Javon crying over it? “I'm not sure I understand, kiddo.”

  Javon sniffed and backed away from the hug, appearing much more composed than he sounded. There were no tears, at least. “You said I should run, so I ran.”

  “You thought he would hurt you?” Alvin realised, in shock. Why would a confession of reciprocated love ever make him feel unsafe?

  Glancing sideways at Kenichi, Javon wavered.

  “Javon, this is Kenichi. Kenichi, this is my brother, Javon.” He did the necessary introductions and watched Javon wave nervously at the stunning figure who simply nodded non-committedly. Since they weren't about to be brothers-in-law any time soon, he ignored the hesitancy to get to know one another. “Now, tell me why you felt unsafe. Tracy would never hurt you.”

  He was sure of that. At least, almost sure of that. Or, he would have been if Tracy hadn't freaked out monumentally at the Tunnel of Fear in a way he would never have anticipated. And if he hadn't just told Javon that he loved him, despite having been falling over his feet for Digby for the last six months.

  Now nothing made sense and he was pretty sure that he barely knew his best friend anymore.

  “He said all this stuff about how you and he protected me in school, from all the racist people,” he began, surprising him even more. Why the hell would Tracy tell him that? “I think he was going to say that he didn't want to be with me because I'm black. And because I'm your brother,” he confessed, pulling his hands together in front of him, to pull at his long t-shirt sleeves.