The Darkness of Perfection

by Michael Schneider

  Her eyes searched mine for the truth and when she found what she was looking for I was blessed with one of her rare smiles. It didn’t quite reach her eyes, but it was a start.

  Making love to her last night had been the best so far. Giving her that promise lowered some of the guard she kept up against me. Given time, I knew she would lower it completely.

  “Please Nicholas, just one phone call,” I begged. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him my best pout. “We’ve been married over two months now and I haven’t done anything to break your trust.

  I’ll put it on speaker phone so you can hear the whole conversation. You can even hold the phone so you can end the call if I say one thing out of line.”

  “No, Jayden, drop it!” He slammed the cabinet door in front of us after pulling out the sweetener packet he wanted for his coffee. “I said no and that’s final.”

  “Why not?” I yelled. I let my arms drop from his waist and leaned back against the counter with my hands on my hips. “I’ll even gladly let you lock me up in that damn cage if I say anything wrong!” I was done trying to convince him by being sweet. Now I was just angry and frustrated.

  I could see his jaw working as he ground his teeth. The tic in his cheek was making itself known.

  Normally that alone would be enough to warn me stop whatever I was doing to cause his anger, but this was too important. I’d only made him that angry once since we moved in and that was when he found me walking the perimeter of the fence shortly after we got back from Austin. I also was wearing his boots since he took away my shoes as soon as we left Austin.

  I still hadn’t earned that much of his trust.

  I pressed absently at my stomach to stop it from rolling. The Mexican food we had for dinner at his parents’ house last night didn’t sit well and fighting was only making it worse. I took a deep breath and still pushed forward.

  “Please understand,” I said softly. “I promised I wouldn’t run away or try to escape and I haven’t.” He raised his eyebrow at that comment and I knew he was thinking of the fence incident. “So I walked the fence to see how strong my prison is. Sue me,” I huffed. “It’s almost Christmas and I just don’t want them to worry about me any longer. Let me at least give them some peace. I know you’re not going to let me see them again. I-I just want to say goodbye.”

  He was standing in front of me and was so still, he could have been a statue. He finally moved to wipe away the tears on my cheek with his thumb. “I’m sorry, Jayden,” he offered quietly.

  He kissed my forehead then reached behind me and picked up his coffee mug and walked away. I flinched at the slamming of the door that signaled Nicholas’s departure. I don’t know why I felt the need to push him. I couldn’t just leave well enough alone. I knew before I asked that he’d probably say ‘no’. I should have dropped the subject immediately, but I didn’t.

  I watched through the kitchen window as his truck left the garage, and shut off the water to the sink.

  “Well, that went well,” I mumbled to myself.

  I climbed the stairs slowly back to our room and mechanically made the bed and straightened the room, then wandered through the empty rooms until I felt the walls would close in on me. My nausea still hadn’t gone away completely so I skipped lunch in favor of a cup of hot tea and pulled a blanket off the back of the couch to head outside. The ground was getting colder and I knew I wouldn’t have many more opportunities to enjoy the outdoors before it was too much on my bare feet.

  I sank down onto the porch swing and wrapped the blanket around me to stay warm, using one foot to set the swing in motion, and sipped my tea. I closed my eyes and let the motion of the swing help me relax. I had Nicholas to thank for my swing. A couple of weeks after we moved into the house I mentioned it would be nice to have a swing to sit on instead of being cooped up in the house all day.

  The next morning workers arrived to install the beautiful swing they brought with them. Nicholas was good to me in that way. Anything I wanted for the house or yard was mine. All I had to do was ask.

  William came by a week after we returned from Austin to remind Nicholas of his promise to let me spend time with Grace. When I added that I would like to get to know her since we were sisters-inlaw, it was granted. Twice a week. For a couple of hours. Always supervised by two guards; usually Antonio and Jerome.

  If I didn’t look too deeply, I really didn’t have any complaints in the way Nicholas treated me. He was a kind and courteous husband. He didn’t hurt me. The cage hadn’t been brought with us. Or at least I’d never found it in the house. I didn’t know about the garage since it was always locked and off-limits to me. He just wouldn’t let me leave or use a phone.

  So why couldn’t I just be content?

  Because I missed my family and I needed my mom more than ever now, that’s why Was that so wrong?

  Thanksgiving had already passed and Christmas was just around the corner. The holidays were a time for family. I kept thinking about all the things my mom would be doing to get ready for them. She loved all the holidays, but Christmas was her favorite.

  Did they miss me? Were they worried about me at all? I still didn’t understand why they never found me. Mom was smart and she had to suspect Nicholas’s family was involved in my disappearance. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think they never tried. Mom had cared enough to risk her life to save me when I was a child, so why wouldn’t she try now? I didn’t want to think they didn’t care, but a seed of doubt had been planted.

  “And cue the waterworks,” I grumbled, wiping at the tears with my blanket that had started to fall. The holidays were making me an emotional basket case. Between the recent mood swings, this morning’s fight and the nausea I was having a really crappy day.

  I looked up at the sound of a vehicle coming up the driveway. Maybe Nicholas had reconsidered or at

  least felt bad enough to come home and we could fight it out. Only it wasn’t Nicholas coming up the drive.

  He stopped in front of the house and sat in his truck watching me. I didn’t know what he was thinking being here when Nicholas wasn’t. He had to know I was here alone. That was one of Nicholas’ rules.

  No visitors without him or at least two guards present. His family knows this and no one has ever broken those rules to come see me. I felt my anxiety rise, causing my stomach to churn again when he opened the truck door and climbed out. My eyes quickly went to the cameras that watched over me and for the first time ever they made me feel safe. Nicholas could be watching. He would know who was here, and that thought gave me courage I didn’t really feel.

  “What do you want? Nicholas can see you,” I warned. I prayed he was far enough away not to hear the fear in my voice and pointed to the camera that was angled toward the stairs he was climbing.

  He laughed at my lame attempt to intimidate him. “Well, I guess that means I should be on my best behavior and you’ll just have to play the good little timid wife you are.”

  I grabbed my cup, wrapping the blanket more firmly around me and hurried across the porch, seeking the safety of my home only to have him beat me to the door and block it. I stepped back, putting space between us and swallowed my fear. “I don’t know what you want. Nicholas will see you if you hurt me.”

  He gestured to where a jeep was coming quickly up the drive. Antonio was behind the wheel with Nathan in the passenger seat. “Calm down Jayden. Your cavalry is on its way,” He sighed. His voice dropped and filled with a sense of urgency. “Nicholas is expecting me, so there isn’t much time.” He opened the door and gestured for me to enter first. “You and I need to have a little chat.”

  “I visit Grace twice a week and you’ve never so much as sneezed in my direction. Why do you want to talk to me now?” I searched his face trying to discern his intent, but William was as good a poker player as Nicholas and gave nothing away. I brushed past him with my chin held high in an attempt to hide my fear from him. William scared me probably as much as their father, ma
inly because I’d never really had any interaction with him so I didn’t know what to expect.

  “Even if I told you I can help you?” he asked. When I froze he continued and he sounded genuinely concerned for me. “Are you happy living this way, Jayden?”

  I stopped and turned to face him. He was still standing on the other side of the threshold. His shoulders were relaxed and his hands were stuffed in the front pockets of his jeans. His smile was sympathetic and meant to reassure me that he wasn’t a threat. “I’m not here to hurt you. I won’t come in if you’re that afraid of me but we really do need to talk. The longer you take to decide to trust me, the less time I’ll have to explain, because as soon as Nicholas comes through that door I’ll have to be the same bastard you’ve always known.”

  The urge to slam the door and lock him out was strong, but Antonio and Nathan were coming up the steps behind him and I figured they’d protect me if William tried to hurt me. Plus, he said Nicholas was on his way home so hopefully he’d be here soon. William had definitely aroused my curiosity and his last comment hinted that whatever he had to say to me was also something he was hiding from his family. So with one last glance at the security cameras for reassurance, I turned away, leaving the door open behind me.

  “Give me a minute,” Antonio ordered. He brushed past us, leaving me alone with William and Nathan.

  I turned and headed to the kitchen, tossing my blanket over one of the barstools at the island. I started the coffeemaker for a fresh pot and my hands trembled slightly when I added a new teabag to my cup and poured water over it from the kettle still warm on the stove.

  When my cup was perfect, I finally turned around, holding my cup against my chest defensively and faced William. “First off, why?”

  “Wait,” he ordered, harshly.

  My jaw snapped shut and my fear increased tenfold. Maybe I’d made a huge mistake in letting him in the house after all. His narrowed gaze and harsh tone reminded me too much of their father. My anxiety level spiked, causing my stomach to roll in protest. I dropped one hand to press against my middle and swallowed the bile rising in my throat.

  His head tilted slightly watching my movements, but he didn’t speak. We stood with the island between us silently measuring each other up. I didn’t know what he really wanted and after being ordered not to speak I couldn’t find my voice again.

  To hide my fear, I busied myself pouring coffee for the three of them and set out the cream and sugar so they could doctor it themselves. Antonio came into the room and I held their cups out to them.

  They thanked me and Antonio turned back to William. “I’ve messed with the system so it’s not recording right now, but I’ll need to fix it before he gets here. Nathan will be watching and will let me know when he gets close. If we’re lucky-” he gave me a pointed stare before continuing, “she won’t compromise anything.”

  I stared between the three of them in confusion and turned back to William. “What is he talking about?”

  Antonio and Nathan moved to the corner of the room away from me, standing sentry like they always did. William took up his post next to the coffee pot and gestured to the barstools. “Please sit down, Jayden. I need to know how good of an actress you can be and if I can trust you before I tell you anything. Grace and my mother are my priorities and if you say or do anything to put their lives in jeopardy then I won’t hesitate to make you suffer. Do we understand each other?”

  I stared between the three of them, searching their faces for some clue what they were talking about. It all sounded ominous and a chill ran down my spine making me shudder. “No, I don’t understand,” I said quietly, “but I promise I’d never do anything that could hurt Katherine or Grace. They-They’re the only friends I have here.” I swallowed hard against the emotion suddenly clogging my throat. “Or will ever have.”

  He sighed heavily, rubbing his face with his hands before propping them on the counter behind him.

  “Keep your eyes on me the whole time. Ignore Antonio and Nathan just as you always do. Nicholas will probably have left his office already so we should be fine, but just in case he hasn’t and he’s watching, you can be as upset and angry with me as you like. He expects it given how I’ve acted toward you and your obvious fear of me, but you can’t give them any more notice than you normally would.”

  I nodded that I understood, even though I had no idea where he was headed with this. I felt like I’d been dropped in the middle of a play without a script, but the curtain was up so all I could do was follow the stage instruction given. He nodded once that he accepted my answer and pointed to Antonio and Nathan.

  “I’d like to introduce you to Special Agents Antonio Rodriguez and Nathan Blake.” He smirked at my reaction. “Please close your mouth, Jayden, and I’ll explain.”

  I slowly closed my mouth and waited with wide eyes for him to explain why there were federal agents standing in my kitchen and he and his family weren’t rotting in prison somewhere.

  He smiled sympathetically and began. “I want to tell you a story. Once there was a young boy who loved and idolized his grandfather. He was impressed by the power at his grandfather’s fingertips and how people rushed to do anything for him. He naively thought he wanted to grow up to be just like him. He followed his grandfather around, always watching and learning. He saw things that troubled him, but he dismissed the immoral and illegal implications of what he saw, because if his grandfather was involved then he must have been even more powerful than the law.

  “Then one day the boy was coming to visit his grandfather, but stopped outside the door at hearing raised voices coming from the office. His father was angry and yelling at his grandfather. The boy’s father had been out of the country for several months for business and had just returned the day before. He was angry because the grandfather had given away a young teenage girl the boy’s father wanted for himself.”

  He paused, gauging my reaction carefully. I didn’t understand where he was going with his story so I waited for him to continue.

  “The boy’s father was married, but he had his eye on the young girl and wanted to keep her for himself. The grandfather wasn’t aware of this or he never would have denied his son something he wanted. He didn’t think she was that important to his son and suggested he just get another plaything instead. It was too late to change anything; the deal was done and the girl was already pregnant by his son’s friend, David Rogers.”

  “My mom?” I gasped.

  If things had been different, Richard Harrison would have been my father. How much worse would my life have been then? I stared at him in horror and waited for him to continue.

  He smiled sadly. “Yes, your mother. My father evidently lusted after your mother and wanted her for his mistress. He’s always kept a young girl on the side, throwing her away when he got bored again.

  They’ve always matched as closely to your mother’s physical features as he could find. He used to keep a photograph of her in his office in the city.” He cleared his throat. “My father was livid at being denied something he wanted and in his rage over learning she was pregnant and lost to him forever, he shot my grandfather. Only my grandfather’s bodyguard heard the shot and rushed into the room. My father shot him also and staged it to look like the guard betrayed his boss.”

  My stomach rolled as I thought of my mother. Their father murdered his own father because he couldn’t have her. No wonder my father offered me to Richard. He must have known of his friend’s interest in my mom and figured Richard wouldn’t turn him down to have a part of her back. My father had something Richard Harrison wanted badly enough to murder for. Disgust and horror was bubbling to the surface and with it the breakfast I’d eaten a few hours earlier until I knew I wasn’t going to be able to fight it back this time.

  “Excuse me,” I mumbled.

  I ran from the kitchen and slammed the door to the bathroom down the hall, reaching the toilet just as I lost everything in my stomach. I continued to vomit until n
othing but dry heaves came and then stood shakily to my feet. I rinsed my mouth with a small sip of mouthwash and wiped my face with a damp cloth. My reflection in the mirror looked as green as I felt. I took a couple of deep breaths to steady my nerves and opened the door, and was startled to see William propped against the opposite wall waiting for me.

  His arms were crossed over his chest and his concerned gaze dropped to my stomach and then back to my face. “Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine,” I mumbled.

  Once we were back in the kitchen I sat back down. I raised my cup to my lips but then thought better of it and set it back down.

  “Don’t you always drink coffee at our house?” he observed.

  The way he was watching me made me nervous and I got defensive.

  “Not that it’s any of your business, but my stomach was upset when I woke up this morning and the smell made me nauseous. Sue me, why don’t you?” I snapped.

  His lip twitched like he was fighting not to laugh. “Does Nicholas let you get away with that attitude of yours?”

  “Yes, as a matter of fact he does. Nicholas and I have an unspoken agreement between us,” I grudgingly admitted.

  He turned to me and raised his eyebrow, his expression full of curiosity. “Oh you have me curious now. Do tell.” He crossed his arms over his chest and waited for me to explain, obviously not going to drop it.

  I rolled my eyes at him and walked to the sink to pour my unfinished cup in the sink. “It’s complicated and probably wouldn’t make sense to anyone but us.” I shook my head. “Actually, I don’t even understand it really, but it’s working for now.” I stared out the window, giving myself a moment to figure out how to voice the strange relationship Nicholas and I had fallen into. I turned back to him and sighed in defeat.

  “I’ve accepted that Nicholas is never going to let me go. I’m never going to see my family again. Hell, I don’t think he’s ever going to let me even leave the property again. I’ve thought about it a lot and I think that’s what the “honeymoon” was for.” I made air quotes with my fingers displaying my sarcasm for my marriage and that trip. I knew deep inside the truth even if I pretended not to. “In return for giving up and accepting the life Nicholas has planned for me, I get to fight back. He lets me get it out of my system so I don’t do anything stupid that could hurt my family.”