Woman's Cry

by Vanessa Martir

  “So that’s how you see me? I’m some fuckin’ punk nigga that can’t do shit to protect you from this beast? I see. Thanks for believing in me!” He got up and grabbed his clothes. I stared at him, sobbing as he dressed. “I’m not a fuckin’ cobarde, India. You see me all corporate, a suit and tie nigga and you think I’m a pussy? Damn ma! I told you, I fuckin’ love you! ¡Te adoro! I love you like I’ve never loved anybody in my life! If I have to die or go to jail to protect you, I will!” He stormed towards the door.

  “No! Don’t leave! Please don’t leave me! I need you Ruben, please!” I collapsed at his feet. “I’m sorry. I’m just scared. I can’t go through this again! I can’t take this! Oh God!”

  Ruben kneeled down and took me into his arms. This was our first argument, our first disagreement. I was mortified that it was because of Fabian.

  “India, I’m gonna take care of it. I’ll make sure he’ll never hurt you. Let me do this.”

  I saw a look of rage in Ruben’s eyes that frightened me. “What are you gonna do? Ruben please, just leave it to the courts. Let it be.”

  “The courts won’t protect you, India. I’m the only one who can. I know what to do, who to call.”

  “No! I can’t let you get involved in this. Please! Promise me you won’t do anything crazy! ¡Prométeme!” I brought his face to mine. “¡Prométeme!”

  He sighed deeply and put his face in my neck. “Te prometo… for now but if this nigga even dares to contact you or threaten you in any way, it’s over for him. You hear me? I’m not playing, India.”

  “Okay. Just please, stay with me tonight.” He played with my hair until I fell asleep. The following morning when I awoke, he was gone.

  45

  “Hi, India mía. How are you?”

  “I’m okay. I just got a call from the prosecutor. The trial is in a month. They expect me to testify. I’m scared, pa.”

  “Don’t be. I’ll be there with you. I told you, he’s out of your life for good. You just have to do this to put him away then it’s over.”

  “Where’d you go this morning?”

  “I, um …”

  “Please don’t lie to me, Ruben. No me mientas.” The silence on the line went on for far too long. My heart lashed my chest cavity. “Ruben, what did you do? I asked you not to…”

  “I didn’t do anything. I just made some calls, that’s it. Put some people on alert just in case. Look, I told you I’d be honest with you. I have a lot to tell you, India. There’s some stuff you don’t know about me. I put it behind me but … Look, I’m on my way right now. I’ll be there in twenty. Besos.”

  I held the phone to my ear long after Ruben has hung up. I wondered what Ruben was about to confess to me. I breathed heavily, trying to knead away the knot that had developed in my stomach.

  When Ruben arrived, his shoulders were slumped over. He looked stressed and hesitated before meeting my eyes.

  “What’s wrong, babe? What’s going on?”

  “India, sit down. Just listen. Don’t talk, just listen.” Ruben sat next to me and put his hands on mine. “I never lied to you and never will. That’s why I’m telling you this. There’s just some things I didn’t tell you about me because I was worried about how you’d react. After hearing everything you’d gone through with Fabian, I thought that if I told you, you’d disappear from my life. I didn’t want to lose you, India. I don’t want to lose you now and I hope you won’t leave me after I tell you this.” He heaved a sigh and began.

  “Years ago, I was a drug dealer. I worked the streets around 163rd with my older brother. I was small time, nothing big, just making enough money to live and floss a little. My brother got greedy. He got in contact with this dealer he’d gone to school with and started doing some crazy shit, moving big weight. I told him not to do it, told him he was crazy, that it wasn’t worth it. He didn’t listen. He was so fuckin’ stupid!” He shook his head and buried his face in his hands. I put my hand on his head but he pulled away. “One day this nigga shows up with like 20 keys, says his boy gave it to him to move. I was suspicious but he promised me there was nothin’ dirty going on so I believed him. He was my brother, ¿entiendes? So I helped him move it. We made some good money, too good. I started hearing on the streets that my brother had knocked somebody for the drugs. I tried to talk to him about it but he wouldn’t listen.” Ruben looked at me, his face was contorted with agony. “My brother is Carlos Peña, India. He stole those drugs from Fabian.”

  I pulled away from him horrified. “What?”

  “India, please!” He grabbed my wrists and forcefully kept me seated next to him. “I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t know. I didn’t put the pieces together until I heard the news yesterday. When my brother spoke of Fabian, he called him Fabe. I didn’t know they were the same people. I never met him myself. India, please believe me. Please!”

  I cringed as he squeezed my wrists tighter. “Ruben, you’re hurting me. Please …”

  He let me go suddenly realizing how hard he was grabbing me. “I’m sorry. I… That nigga left my brother handicapped. He couldn’t move his legs, couldn’t have kids.” Ruben teared uncontrollably. I wanted to soothe him but I couldn’t. I was still digesting this new information.

  “Carlos always suspected Fabian but he just couldn’t prove it.” He looked at me with bloodshot eyes. “He killed himself two years ago. He couldn’t live like that - unable to walk, dependent on other people. I found him. He overdosed.” He crumpled to the couch shaking violently.

  “Ay baby. Why didn’t you tell me? Oh God.”

  “I’m sorry, India. Sorry I didn’t tell you. I couldn’t. I didn’t know how. I haven’t been able to talk about that since it happened. Then yesterday when I saw the news it all came back. I made the connections and… That motherfucker destroyed my life, my family! My mother died months after my brother. His suicide killed her. I was left alone. Everybody I loved is gone …” He began crying loudly releasing a misery he’d held within for years. “Don’t leave me, India. I got no one. I’m alone except for you. You’re the first person I’ve let in since everything happened. I …”

  “I’m not goin’ anywhere, Ruben. We’re in this together, okay?” He whimpered into my breast until he fell asleep.

  Ruben tossed and turned in his sleep. He was plagued with nightmares for the next few nights. When I questioned him, he admitted to talking to some old school dealer friends he knew from his street days. They considered his brother their brother as well. When he interrogated them about Fabian, they all said they knew him from the game. They’d heard about the allegations of Fabian’s involvement in Carlos’s attempted murder and weren’t surprised. Rumors had been circulating about his involvement for years.

  “Fabian was known in the streets for being a loose canon. People did business with him but kept him at arm’s length ‘cause they knew what a sheisty nigga he was. The more I hear about him, the more I wonder how you could have gotten mixed up with such a trife nigga.”

  “I wasn’t from the streets, baby. I didn’t know any better. Fabian showed me a different face than he showed the world … well he did at first.”

  “Well, that nigga’s never gonna hurt you again. Not as long as I’m breathing.” I looked at Ruben with arched eyebrows. “No, don’t worry I didn’t put a hit out on him or anything. Honestly, I don’t have to. From what I hear, there’s a lot of people out to get him. He’s lucky he’s in solitary confinement ‘cause he might be dead by now. That nigga has a lot of enemies.”

  “That doesn’t surprise me. Anyway, I have a meeting with the D.A. in a couple of days. They want to prepare me for my testimony. I don’t want to but I have to. The D.A. says I’m their strongest witness. You know that nigga is now trying to say those drugs were mine?”

  Ruben jumped up. “What?!”

  “Yeah.” I laughed. “How pathetic is that. I’m not worried. They have months of surveillance on him. There’s no evidence to implicate me. His fingerprints were al
l over the bags of drugs, mine weren’t.”

  “You ready to testify?”

  “No but I don’t have a choice. I have to confront him, tell my story. He has to pay for what he did to me. It’s the only way.”

  “I’ll be there for you the entire time.”

  “I wanted to talk to you about that.” I’d been mulling over this since the prosecutor called me. Although I needed Ruben there, I felt more comfortable if he wasn’t. I was afraid that if Fabian saw Ruben, he’d go after him too. “I don’t think you should go.”

  “Excuse me? Are you kidding?”

  “No, I’m not. Babe, if he sees you with me…”

  “If he sees me, what? What’s he gonna do? If he wants to bring it, let him bring it. You’re my lady now and he’s gonna have to live with that. I’m going, India, and that’s final.”

  Although I was nervous, it comforted me that Ruben insisted on going. I knew his presence would give me strength. I kissed him. “Okay, okay. I just couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you, babe. I love you too much.”

  “Don’t worry about me. I got this. My job is to protect you not the opposite, okay?”

  That night we made love on every surface of my apartment. A couple of days later, as I readied myself for my appointment with the DA, Ruben watched me from the bed as I dressed.

  “India, can I ask you something?”

  “Go ahead, baby. What’s on your mind?”

  “Are you on birth control?”

  I stopped pulling my jeans up mid-thigh. “Kinda late for that question.”

  “I know. We just haven’t been exactly careful, you know.”

  “Yeah,” I sighed. I’d tried not to think about how careless we were being. Ruben loved coming inside of me and it felt so good, I never protested. “No, I’m not.”

  Ruben nodded his head pensively. “Have you put any thought into what we’d do if you got pregnant?”

  “What we’d do?”

  “Yeah we. We’re in this together, remember?”

  I walked over and sat next to him on the bed. “No, I haven’t put any thought into it, baby. We have been careless and we should start thinking about some birth control options. I guess we’ve been so caught up in the moment, we haven’t given it a second thought.”

  “Well, we should. I love you and I’m here but I don’t think either of us is ready for a baby.”

  “I’m certainly not.”

  “But if it happened, I wouldn’t want you to take it out.” I rose from the bed quickly. I wasn’t ready to have this discussion with him. He pulled me back. “India mía, don’t avoid the issue. I wouldn’t want you to abort our baby. Everything happens for a reason, right?”

  I kissed his forehead. “Well, hopefully we won’t have to worry about that, right.” I finished dressing and we sped out the door together.

  46

  The next few weeks passed by in a blur. The frigid morning of the trial, I awoke nauseous and feeling feverish. I attributed it to anxiety about the case. The last time I’d seen Fabian’s detestable face, he’d abducted and assaulted me in the most insidious manner. It was only natural that I’d be squeamish.

  When I entered the courtroom, I locked eyes with Fabian’s mother. She looked gaunt and worn. I pitied her despite her apparent loathing of me. Ruben protectively grabbed my hand and led me to a middle row, far from Maria’s derisive glare. When Fabian was brought in, I clutched Ruben’s hand tightly. My heart raced when he looked at me and grinned sinisterly. His face dropped when he saw Ruben holding me.

  In his opening statement, the DA revealed that Fabian was being charged with an extensive list of charges including kidnapping, rape, sexual assault, battery, possession of narcotics, and drug trafficking. Although charges were likely to be brought against him for the attempted murder of the now deceased Carlos Peña, he would have to face those charges in a separate trial.

  I was the first witness to be called forth. My knees knocked as I walked to the stand and purposely evaded Fabian’s glare.

  “Can you please state your name and relation to the defendant.”

  “My name is India Maldonado and I am Fabian’s ex-girlfriend.” The DA had me describe myself to demonstrate my character for the jury. “Well, I’m a recent graduate of Columbia University and am currently pursuing a career in writing.”

  “Columbia, the Ivy League University?”

  “Yes, that’s the one.”

  “How did you meet the defendant, Ms. Maldonado?” I explained my first encounter with Fabian and how he’d lured me into his snare. The prosecutor painted me out to be a victim from the beginning. He had me go into how I’d tried to flee from Fabian, omitting of course how I’d set him up and stolen his money.

  “Now we’re going to discuss the events that led up to this trial. What occurred on the night in question?”

  “Well, I’d spent the day rollerblading. I was on my way back to the dorm when I was pulled into a car. When I came to, I was tied up on a bed.” I exhaled noisily and looked at Ruben.

  He gave me a thumbs up and mouthed, “You’re doing fine.”

  “Can you describe the room?” I closed my eyes and pictured my prison in my head. I described it for the jury. Though I was still feeling somewhat sick, I surprised myself at how composed I’d been thus far. That changed at the sight of the picture of my prison.

  “I’d like to submit Exhibit A as evidence.” My stomach turned and I winced at the acrid taste that filled my mouth.

  “Now I’m going to have to ask you about the events that ensued. Take your time, Ms. Maldonado.”

  As I disclosed the torture and sexual assault that followed, my shoulders shook. I couldn’t control the wave of emotion. Tears ran down Ruben’s face as I spoke. Then I looked at Fabian and the look of contempt on his face reenergized me. I wiped my face, drank some water the judge offered and relayed the tale of Fabian’s attack. I glowered at him as I spoke; I had to show him that I wasn’t going to let him frighten me into submission. When I was done, I looked at the jury and noticed that several of the jurors dabbed their eyes. The judge then adjourned the trial for lunch.

  I couldn’t eat anything. I knew that I had to go back on the stand and the thought destroyed my appetite. My stomach still hadn’t settled completely. As we walked back to the court, I suddenly felt a rush of bile in my throat. I leaned over and threw up.

  “Indiecita, you okay?” Ruben held my hair while I vomited.

  “Yeah, it’s just nervios. I’ll be fine.”

  The rest of my testimony consisted of questions about Fabian’s dealings. Unfortunately, Fabian didn’t really keep me in the know about his transactions so there was little information I could provide but the prosecutor assured me that what I had imparted was sufficient. The defense lawyer struggled in his cross examination of me. While he tried to portray me as a bitter ex, he failed miserably.

  “Aren’t you doing this just to get back at him for leaving you?”

  I laughed heartily. “I would have been glad if he’d left me. That’s what I wanted - to be left alone. Fabian couldn’t deal with that.”

  “Ms. Maldonado, you make yourself out to be an innocent party but you resided in the residence where the drugs were found. How could possibly you have been unaware of his dealings?”

  “Look, I’ve never denied knowing that he was a drug dealer. I was young and stupid and in love. But I was never directly involved in his business. He kept that separate and apart or so I thought. I trusted him when he said that he’d never put me in danger. I didn’t know about the drugs in the apartment until the police informed me of them.” I remembered finding the kilos and the feeling of dread they stirred in me. What if I had been in the apartment when it was raided? That would have destroyed my life. I felt a surge of hatred at the thought of him putting me in that predicament.

  “That sounds highly unlikely, Ms. Maldonado.”

  “It may sound it but that’s the truth. My fingerprints weren�
��t found on the bags were they? His were. That’s evidence enough.”

  “No, that simply means you didn’t touch the bags, it doesn’t mean you weren’t witness to it.” He walked away and with a sneer said he was done questioning me.

  As I walked off the witness stand, Fabian smiled at me evilly. “Hello, India. How ya been?”

  Before I could say anything the judge spoke. “Mr. Holloway, if you can’t control your client, I’ll have him removed from my courtroom. I won’t stand for any nonsense.”

  “I didn’t …” Fabian began to defend himself

  “Ssssshhh!” Mr. Holloway hushed Fabian quickly and whispered sternly in his ear. I held my head up and walked to my seat next to Ruben.

  The trial lasted another six agonizing days. My heart stopped when the DA called Lynette Cintrón to the stand. I stared open mouthed as she walked through the doors and up to the stand. She avoided Fabian’s fierce look.

  She proceeded to describe her relationship with Fabian, admitting to having been his mistress for years and having been witness to his many drug transactions. She then explained how she’d helped him stalk me from the inside. She sobbed as she told of how he’d manipulated her into helping him.

  The prosecutor’s cross examination was brutal. He made her out to be a liar and jilted lover. She stuttered in response to his interrogations and fell apart on the stand. I pitied her because despite her betrayal, she didn’t deserve this. When she walked off the stand, our eyes met. She mouthed, “I’m so sorry” and sped out of the courtroom.

  I wasn’t surprised to find that the defense had opted not to let Fabian testify. He remained expressionless for the remainder of the trial, avoiding Ruben’s fierce glare.

  The most comical part of the case occurred when Fabian’s mother took the stand as a character witness on the part of defense. She painted her son out as a “good boy” who fell victim to the wiles of whorish women including myself. I scoffed when she claimed that her son was not a man of the streets. She argued that he worked in her brother’s store but upon being cross examined by the DA couldn’t explain why he wasn’t on the payroll or the fact that there was no record of him ever having filed taxes.