The One I Love to Hate

by Amanda Weaver

  Suppressing the roil of nerves in her stomach, Jess pushed to her feet. “Sure.”

  Beads of sweat prickled along the back of her neck as she followed Lauren through the newsroom to Mariel’s office. Her fellow reporters didn’t spare a glance for them as they passed, caught up in phone calls and transfixed by their computer monitors. Casting her eyes around the room, she strained for a glimpse of Lina, but she was nowhere to be seen.

  Lauren paused at the door of Mariel’s office and waved Jess ahead of her.

  “You’re not coming in?”

  Lauren’s reply was clipped and hard. “No.”

  Every one of her spidey senses clicked into overdrive. Dread settled over her skin like a cold, wet shroud. Whatever was about to happen in Mariel’s office, it wasn’t going to be good.

  Steeling her spine, Jess lifted her chin and tapped briefly on Mariel’s door before opening it.

  “Mariel? Lauren said you wanted to see me.” Keeping her tone light took every ounce of willpower she had, but there was no way she’d creep in cowering in fear, since she hadn’t done anything wrong.

  Mariel glanced up from the notes spread out across her desk, her expression grim. “Come in and close the door, Jessica.” Gone was the friendly, familiar “Jess” that everyone else in the newsroom used. Suddenly she was “Jessica”?

  “Is something wrong?”

  “Sit down.”

  She took the chair on the other side of Mariel’s desk, pressing her palms flat against her thighs to still the slight tremors in her fingers.

  “I’ll get right to it,” Mariel said briskly. “It’s been brought to my attention that you’ve got long-standing connections of a troubling nature with high-ranking staff members at ClickNews and that you are, in fact, the source of our leak.”

  Mariel’s words knocked the breath clean out of her lungs. “Mariel...” The name came out as a gasp as Jess struggled to speak. “I swear, I didn’t do it. It’s not true!”

  “You haven’t been meeting up with Daniel Drake’s son every morning?”

  The room felt tiny and close as panic raced through her body. Shit. How could something so innocent look so treacherous? “It wasn’t like that. I haven’t been meeting him on purpose. We get coffee at the same place and—”

  “Lauren saw you taking a lunch meeting with him.”

  “That wasn’t a meeting—”

  “And it seems you and he cooked up this whole Twitter feud together.”

  “What? No! I didn’t even know it was him behind that until weeks later.”

  “Then would you like to explain this?” Mariel slid her laptop across the desk. Twitter was open to the Daily Post accounts. All the tweets she’d made in the past week were there. Then the one at the top popped out at her and every inch of her body went cold with horror.

  @Brooklyn_Daily_Post The only people reading this sorry paper are old white people from Canarsie. Making way for modern media, it should put itself out of it’s misery.

  “I didn’t write that!”

  “Jessica, you’ve been manning the paper’s social media accounts for weeks.”

  “And the log-ins for all of them are on a Post-It taped to my computer! Anyone in the newsroom had access to them!”

  Mariel hiked one eyebrow wearily. “You’re trying to tell me you were framed? Really?”

  Of course that sounded insane. Looking at it objectively, Jess knew it did. Stuff like that only happened in the movies. But there was no other explanation.

  “All I know is that I didn’t write that last tweet.”

  “Taken as a whole, there’s no other reasonable explanation. Your relationship with Drake dates back years. You told me you barely crossed paths with him when we spoke about him at the banquet, when in fact, you’ve been meeting him nearly every morning, just blocks away from here. You set up this entire Twitter scenario to bring attention not just to us, but to ClickNews, and, when the time was right, you torpedoed the paper, making sure ClickNews came out clean. The only conclusion I can draw is that you’ve been feeding Drake our stories in preparation for jumping ship to their organization. I’m quite sure they’ve offered you more money than you’ll ever earn here.”

  “They haven’t offered me anything, because none of that happened. I would never betray this paper that way. I would never betray you that way. You have to know that.”

  Mariel shook her head wearily. “I’m not sure what I believe anymore where you’re concerned. Which is why I’m afraid we have to let you go.”

  Jess jerked back, as if Mariel’s words had physically struck her in the chest. An awful cold horror prickled across her skin and her mouth dropped open in disbelief. “What?”

  “I’m terminating your employment at this paper, effective immediately.”

  “But...you’ve known me for years. You have to know I’d never do this.”

  “I have known you for years, which makes your actions even more repugnant. It’s a betrayal of everything I’ve done for you.”

  “But—”

  “Jessica, there are no other explanations for your actions.”

  “I didn’t steal from you!” Hysteria tinged her voice as she struggled to hold it together and think clearly. Just...think.

  “The evidence tells me otherwise. I’ll give you thirty minutes to collect your things. After that, security will be called to escort you from the building, if you haven’t already left.”

  Tears burned in her eyes. Jess blinked furiously, willing them not to fall. Don’t cry, don’t cry. She wouldn’t make this moment any more humiliating by crying. Somehow she managed to command her frozen limbs, stiffly standing up. Her fingernails cut into her palms as she fisted her hands in a desperate attempt to steady herself.

  “You don’t have to call security. I’ll go. But I didn’t do this. I swear I didn’t.”

  “I don’t wish to discuss it any further,” Mariel said.

  Jess clenched her teeth together. With one tight nod, she turned and made her way out of Mariel’s office, the door clicking closed behind her with an awful finality.

  Lauren wasn’t waiting outside, but that didn’t make it any easier to face the newsroom. Every head swiveled to look at her, and Jess could tell from the expressions of shock and anger confronting her that word of what went down had spread quickly. Lauren’s handiwork, no doubt. These people had been her friends—practically her family—half an hour ago, but it was clear that was all over.

  Summoning all her strength, she willed herself to put one foot in front of the other. One by one, her coworkers looked away from her, as if tainted by her presence. Zoe and Natalie were huddled by the windows, heads together, watching her. When Jess looked over at them, they both hurriedly turned away. How many cups of coffee and take-out sandwiches had they laughed and gossiped over? Just a few weeks earlier, they’d talked about how they needed to look out for each other in this tough business. And now, in an instant, they’d turned their backs on her. Humiliation burned in a knot in her chest.

  At her desk, she fell into her chair, gripping the edge of her desk with both hands so hard her knuckles went white. Her things. She had to gather up her stuff and leave before someone called security on her. This was already an unimaginable nightmare, but that would make it exponentially worse.

  Hands shaking, she jerked her desk drawers open, rifling through the contents for anything personal. Functioning on autopilot, she hurled her belongings blindly into her bag. Spare headphones, an extra sweater, lip balm, an assortment of flash drives, a bottle of aspirin, last month’s New Yorker...a notepad emblazoned with the Brooklyn Daily Post’s logo found its way in, but she fished it back out and left it on her desk. There was no way she’d give them cause to accuse her of stealing office supplies, too. A paperback Natalie had loaned her that she hadn’t had time to read yet...she left that on her desk as well.
Let Natalie come retrieve it when she was gone, so she could avoid her tainted presence.

  All that was left was the framed photo of her father and sisters, but when she tried to wedge it into her overstuffed bag, it toppled back out and clattered to the floor. The sound was like a gunshot in the mostly silent newsroom. Jess gritted her teeth against the threatening tears. They were all watching her, and she would not cry.

  Suddenly, Lina was there, crouching beside her, picking up the picture.

  “Here.” Briskly, Lina made room for it in her bag.

  “Lina...”

  “Let’s get you out of here.”

  She kept her eyes on the floor as Lina guided her out of the newsroom. She couldn’t bear to look up and see the way people were looking at her.

  Sally wasn’t at her desk, which was some small relief. One less person Jess had to see turn on her. The front office was empty and quiet.

  “Lina, I don’t know what’s going on. What am I going to do? I didn’t do this. Not any of it.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  But Lina’s words sounded oddly flat, and she wasn’t looking at Jess. Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest as she stared at the floor.

  “You believe me, right?” It hardly seemed necessary to ask, but suddenly Jess had a dreadful fear that maybe Lina didn’t.

  Lina was silent for a moment, just staring at her feet. A wall of misery and rage hit Jess like a freight train. “Lina?”

  “It’s just—” Lina started, then trailed off.

  “It’s just what, Lina? Exactly what have I done that would make my best friend believe me capable of something like this?”

  “You’ve just been keeping all these secrets!” Lina blurted out.

  “Secrets?”

  It was like a dam had broken as the words spilled out of Lina. “If I’m your best friend, why didn’t you tell me what happened with Alex in college? And apparently you’ve been hanging out with him every morning at that place you swear you hate. And why didn’t you tell me he was the one you’ve been fighting with on Twitter? I had to find that out from Lauren. It’s like maybe I don’t know you as well as I thought I did.”

  Jess stared at her in shock. Lina felt this way about her? Lina?

  “I didn’t realize keeping a few personal things to myself would make you believe I was a thief and a liar.” But she’d kept the truth from Mariel, too, hadn’t she? Trying to explain her complicated interactions with Alex had been too hard, so she’d pretended they didn’t exist. And now she looked every bit as guilty as they alleged she was. Even to Lina, apparently.

  “You know that’s not what I think.”

  “I don’t know what the hell you’re thinking! All I know is I can’t believe my best friend would doubt me like this, even for a second. I guess I don’t really know you, either.”

  “Jess—”

  “Save it, Lina. Lucky for you, you don’t have to deal with me anymore after today.”

  “But, Jess—”

  Jess couldn’t stay to see the doubt, the uncertainty, in Lina’s eyes for another second. Losing Lina’s faith hurt worse than anything that happened in Mariel’s office. Before this moment could get any worse, she turned and fled down the stairs, leaving the Fiske Building and the Brooklyn Daily Post for the very last time.

  Chapter Twenty

  It was after noon by the time she got home. Dad and Gemma were both at the bar, so the house was quiet. Spudge was crashed out in his favorite sunny spot by the back door in the kitchen, barely raising his head when she dropped into a kitchen chair. Elbows propped on the table, head in hands, Jess watched her tears plonk down onto the Formica and tried to think.

  I’ve been fired.

  Fired.

  The words chased each other around her brain ceaselessly, but she couldn’t seem to get a good grip on them. It was all too much to comprehend. The accusation itself wasn’t all that surprising. Lauren had it out for her from the beginning, looking for any reason to bust her. Of course she would willfully misinterpret what she saw.

  But Mariel, the person she most admired in the world, thought she’d betrayed her. Lina thought so, too. At the very least, she doubted her, which had been inconceivable this morning. Right now, she was hard-pressed as to which hurt more.

  How could this be happening?

  It was unjust, unfair...she knew that. But even still, the sting of the humiliation was brutal. She’d never been fired before. She’d scarcely ever even gotten into trouble. Remembering the judgment and suspicion in the eyes of her coworkers as she’d left had her writhing in misery. And Lina...

  Every time she flashed back on that moment, she felt physically ill. They’d had each others’ backs since that first day in college, but when Jess was in crisis and needed her, Lina had looked at her with doubt in her eyes, and Jess wasn’t sure she could ever forgive her for that. Not that she’d ever get the opportunity to. She’d been cast out of the Daily Post, and everything she’d thought she’d had there was gone. Her career, her colleagues, her best friend...it was all gone.

  This time, when no one was here to see her break, she gave in to the sobs welling in her throat. Collapsing onto her folded arms, she buried her face in the darkness and wept until she could barely breathe.

  Her weeping even penetrated Spudge’s usually impervious sleep cycle and she felt the heft of his body settle in along her leg.

  “Wuff,” he said softly, laying his head on her knee.

  “Sorry, Spudge.” She rubbed his ears by way of apology, swiping at her hot, tear-stained face with the other. Stroking his bony head, she stared out the back window at the winter-bare backyard, feeling more alone than she ever had in her life.

  The buzz of her phone in her hand startled her out of her reverie. It was a text from Peabody.

  Peabody: Hey, did you read that crazy article in the Times this morning?

  Peabody. God, that all felt a million miles away. His innocuous question was like a message in a bottle from a past that ceased to exist an hour ago.

  Her gaze drifted to the corner of the kitchen counter, where Alex had been standing last night just before he kissed her. And right there...that’s where he picked her up and sat her on the counter, the better to reach her mouth...

  Ruthlessly, she stuffed those memories in the box with the ones from college. Alex had bolted on her last night, right after Georgia texted him her love in emoji form. Alex Drake, once again, was meant for someone else, in some other life.

  And here was Peabody, still reaching out to her just when she needed someone to talk to. As always.

  PaperGirl: Been a little tied up this morning.

  Peabody: Busy day?

  PaperGirl: You could say that.

  Peabody: Is everything okay?

  PaperGirl: No. Not at all. I got fired.

  Peabody: What?? I don’t understand.

  Jess laughed out loud, a wet, rusty sound.

  PaperGirl: That makes two of us.

  Peabody: Do you want to talk?

  Yes, she did, but for the first time, Peabody’s words on her phone weren’t enough. She needed a friend in real life, someone who understood, who would hold her hand and tell her it would be okay. Lina seemed to be right about that much, at least. Whatever she and Peabody had, it wasn’t enough anymore.

  PaperGirl: No offense, but an online friend isn’t going to cut it right now.

  The clock over the sink ticked away the minutes as she stared out the back window. The kitchen tap dripped, the water making a tiny splonk every time it hit the coffee cup her father had left in the sink. Outside, a cardinal landed on the bare branch of the lilac bush in the backyard. Wasn’t seeing a cardinal supposed to be good luck? She could certainly use some of that right now.

  When her phone vibrated with an alert, she was so lost in watching the lit
tle red bird hop from branch to branch that she startled. Spudge did, too.

  Peabody: I meant in real life. Meet me tonight.

  What? He wanted to meet now? Tonight? After all this time? She thought about it for a moment, attempting to weigh the pros and cons, but linear mental debate was simply beyond her at the moment. Why not? She needed a friend, and at the very least, she knew he was that.

  PaperGirl: Okay. When and where?

  Chapter Twenty-One

  The name of the bar Peabody had given Jess was on the Upper East Side, where the sidewalks were wide and even, and the avenues lined with shops where her paycheck would barely cover a T-shirt. Her former paycheck. Despite being born and raised in the city, she rarely made it to this neighborhood, and she’d most certainly never been to this bar.

  Standing under the brown awning, she took a moment to run a hand over her hair. She’d picked a navy knit mini dress, dark tights, and knee-high suede boots to wear tonight. A little dressier than a day at work, but hopefully she didn’t look like she was trying too hard. A quick glance at her reflection in the highly polished brass and glass door told her that the redness and puffiness had mostly faded from her eyes. She looked a little hunted and panicky, but not like she’d sobbed her eyes out a few hours earlier.

  It was a few minutes past their agreed-on meeting time. Peabody was probably inside waiting for her right now. Nervously, she licked her lips and tried for the thousandth time to imagine him. Once again, her mind refused to come up with a picture. He could be anything. Short, tall—heavy, thin—hot or...not. She’d known that all along, and she’d always insisted his looks didn’t matter. And they didn’t. Really.

  But now that she was finally here, just moments away from putting a face with his name, she had the recent memory of Alex Drake’s stunning face muddying the waters. The memory of Alex’s perfect lips on hers, the memory of Alex’s gorgeous hair wrapped around her fingers...

  Ugh. It wasn’t fair. Ordinary human males couldn’t compete with Alex, and she wouldn’t expect Peabody to. She just wished she could reach into her mind and erase Alex out of it. Then she really would be meeting Peabody with a blank slate. Right now, she was afraid that whatever she encountered inside was bound to disappoint in comparison.