Shelter the Sea

by Heidi Cullinan

  Kaya was looking at me. It was a complicated expression, so I waited to see what she said, but it took a long time for her to talk. When she did, her voice sounded funny. “Why don’t you let me talk to some people first and see what I can do without you having to give up your lunch or your ball pit time? We want you to relax and be productive, Emmet. You’re an important part of our Workiva family. You help us a great deal, and we want to help you, and the people you love.”

  “They both need complicated things. I’ve thought about this a lot. I have done a great deal of math on the subject. I can show you my equations. The issue is quite complex.”

  “I don’t doubt it.” Kaya wiped at her eye. “Oh, Emmet. There’s nobody like you in the world. You’re one of a kind, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  I didn’t understand what she meant, so I nodded. “Okay.”

  “You told me your mother was working on the service dog problem? Would you mind if I spoke to her?”

  I didn’t mind, and I told her that. But she wasn’t done. She said she wanted to talk to Bob too, and the staff at The Roosevelt, and Darren.

  “I have an idea. I have several ideas, in fact, but I don’t want to share them yet until I have more facts for you. I definitely want to help keep The Roosevelt solvent, though. I had no idea it was in trouble.”

  This seemed logical to me, so I told her it was fine, I didn’t mind waiting. But I realized I might have accidentally told secrets. “I can’t remember if I was supposed to tell you about The Roosevelt being in financial trouble or not.”

  “It’s okay. I’ll be discreet.” She held up a blue ball. “Do you want to play some more?”

  “Yes, please.”

  When I returned to my desk a half hour later, I felt much more relaxed the rest of the afternoon. This is because Kaya is a good manager and knows how to get her employees to do their work, and when they can’t work, she doesn’t shout at them, she figures out why they aren’t working and helps get their troubles out of the way. She hadn’t been able to remove my obstacles exactly, but she did make it seem less overwhelming, and it was enough.

  I didn’t think about the problem anymore through the rest of the workday, and it didn’t bother me as much at home that night, either. I knew the issue was still there, but talking to her made me feel better, and I knew Kaya was good with ideas. I decided I would give her a day or two to come up with potential solutions, and in the meantime I would not worry about those subjects as much.

  I found out she wasn’t simply good at coming up with ideas. She was great at coming up with ideas.

  “I didn’t want to tell you about it until I talked to my supervisor,” Kaya told me as she came to my office the next week to give me the news. “But Workiva has a new outreach goal to do community service projects, and they’ve earmarked funding for those endeavors. Each team is responsible for making a goal, in fact, and you’ve brought me enough for our entire division. So I took my idea to the higher-ups, and they gave me the green light. I want to make The Roosevelt my project. In fact, that’s what I want to call it. The Roosevelt Project. We’re going to use the money to help your mom pad the grants she has and get Jeremey a dog, and Darren and David are going to help me help Bob make The Roosevelt more solvent. In fact, I if I can, I want to help him realize a dream he hasn’t told any of you about because he’s been so focused on keeping the doors open on the one building he already has. It turns out he never wanted to make only one Roosevelt. He always intended to take The Roosevelt statewide, to make other independent-living condominiums. The trouble, of course, is the private companies taking over from the state-run hospitals and group homes don’t want to operate like he does. They want to make profits or break even, and his model requires more investment and less profit. He uses some pretty colorful language to describe what they’re doing, but he’s out of money and energy to make his model successful. I want to give him a boost of both, through this program.”

  It was a good idea. I still wasn’t exactly sure how it all worked, though. “You mean Workiva will just give the money away to Jeremey and to Bob?”

  “Yes and no. Workiva is a big company, with offices in more than Ames. When they do a project such as this, they get to count it as a tax write-off, which saves them money. But it also helps connect them to the community, and in the case of Darren, it might help find them a new worker. Maybe even David. They appreciate the kind of image this outreach gives them too, what it says about them. Meanwhile, Jeremey and David and Darren get jobs, Bob gets help for a project he loves. Everyone gets something in the end. It’s a big trade.”

  “What types of jobs would they do, though? Ones similar to mine?” Darren and David were both smart, but they didn’t have the degrees I did or understand tech like I did. Darren is good with computers and searches, but there’s a difference between what he does and what I do. He could definitely learn my job, but it would take a lot more training. Would I have to do that?

  She pulled up a chair. “Well, no, he wouldn’t have a job like yours. Neither of them would, and Jeremey would continue to be David’s aide. They’d be working on The Roosevelt Project with me and with Bob.”

  This made sense. I thought of the software David and Darren had come up with, the things they’d found that even David couldn’t afford, that Workiva could. I flapped my hands. “Kaya, will Workiva get David special tools to help him work because of his disability?”

  “Of course. We support our team members.”

  I laughed, and I didn’t mind that it came out like a bark. “This is great news. When do we get to tell them?”

  “I thought maybe we could tell them together.”

  I approved of this plan, except for one part. “Let’s not tell Jeremey about the dog, not yet. Not until we have more information.”

  “Fair enough, though before any training begins, he’ll have to know, because his therapist will have to be involved. How about I take you all out to dinner tomorrow night? I’ll see if Bob can come too and explain The Roosevelt Project.” She paused, considering. “Oh, though if you want the dog to be a surprise, I suppose I need to explain it without Jeremey there, so I might have to tell you before the dinner.”

  “I doubt Jeremey has the energy for a public dinner right now.” A thought occurred to me. “Does this mean Darren could live in The Roosevelt now, since he’d have a job?”

  “You’ll have to ask Bob about that. And I should warn you, this will be grant money mostly, and special funding. It’s not going to be as good as your salary. Not even close.”

  I understood what she was telling me, but I couldn’t help hoping it would be enough money to get Darren into The Roosevelt, or that Bob would make a special exception for him anyway.

  We ended up going to Aunt Maude’s, a fancy restaurant not far from Wheatsfield. Technically we could have walked to it, but it was still pretty cold, so Bob took us in the special van David could drive his chair into, and Kaya met us there in her car. Jeremey did end up coming, which made me happy, though it meant Kaya would have to tell me more about the dog later. I was glad he felt well enough to leave the apartment.

  Kaya had our table ready when we arrived, and she had an excited face on. She bounced when she walked and her smile was extra big.

  “I’m so glad you could make it.” She shook everyone’s hands, though she only bowed to Darren, and he bowed back. Bob gave her a big hug, and then everyone sat down around the table.

  I thought it would be Kaya who made the announcement, but it was Bob, and he started right away as soon as the waitress took our orders. “We called you guys here because Workiva has given The Roosevelt an offer, and I’ve accepted it. With Kaya as our coordinating supervisor, we’re going to start something called The Roosevelt Project, an effort Workiva will help fund. We’re going to try to not only make The Roosevelt more affordable and accessible to more residents, but we’re going to find a way to make more places like The Roosevelt not only in Ames but in the whol
e state of Iowa. The thing is, though, we’re going to need help. To start, we’re going to need to go to the Ames City Council and get some backing from them, and the state level as well eventually. But we’re also going to need manpower. This is where Workiva comes in. They’re offering salaries for some entry-level organizing positions. It’s part-time work, and it’s on-the-job training. But I’ll be there, and so will Kaya, and because it’s his department, Emmet as well.”

  When Darren and David and Jeremey seemed confused, Kaya continued. “We want to offer you jobs, Darren and David. Jeremey, we know you already have your hands full as David’s aide, though you of course would be accommodated on site as part of his team.” She passed two binders to them, with big, easy-grip tabs and plastic inserts so they could turn the pages easier. “You can take your time reading the job descriptions, salary, and benefits packages. Unfortunately, not much is negotiable, but you’re welcome to go to human resources and see what you can do. It’s a little different because of the program we’re using, but I don’t want you to think you can’t try.”

  Bob cleared his throat and spoke again as Darren and David stared at the notebooks. “Also, I wanted to add for Darren, as a perk of the project, housing is included. Now, we need to discuss it, because what I was thinking was having you room with David. Which, if you don’t want to, David, we can consider another arrangement, but you’ve been telling me you didn’t like living alone, and—”

  “That’s fine.” David’s voice broke as he looked up at Darren. “I’d be happy to share my room, if he doesn’t mind. I mean, we’d need to make accommodations, set it up however Darren needed it. Dad would redesign the space. Right, Dad?”

  Bob’s voice was gruff when he spoke. “Right.”

  Darren didn’t glance up. He didn’t move at all, except after a long pause, he turned one of the pages in the folder in front of him. Then another. He drew a long, slow breath, then let it out. Then he signed.

  Is this real?

  I knew he was talking to me—I was the only one who knew his sign well enough to read that. I responded. Yes. Kaya talked to me about it at work this week. It’s all real. Not a joke.

  Darren’s hands shook as he signed. But this is my dream. This is everything I dreamed of. I’m afraid I’m sleeping.

  You’re not sleeping. This is a real thing.

  He made a small noise, then rocked as he signed, Wait, please. He put his iPad on the table and typed, humming and rocking. Everyone at the table waited, glancing at one another as he typed. Then he hit play, and the computer’s voice spoke for him.

  “Thank you. Yes. I want to take this job and move into The Roosevelt and be David’s roommate. Thank you to everyone for this. Thank you. Thank you.”

  Bob cleared his throat again, but his voice was still gruff when he spoke. “You’re welcome, son.”

  Everyone wiped at their eyes, except for Darren, who kept rocking and humming softly. I didn’t wipe my eyes either. But when Jeremey put his hand on my leg, then touched my hand, I took hold of his palm before he could give me the signal to ask if we could hold hands.

  I knew he was going to ask. And I wanted to hold his hand too.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Jeremey

  The Roosevelt Project getting started was such a wonderful thing. Darren was so happy being David’s roommate, and they both loved their new jobs, though it was hard work for all three of us. I enjoyed going to Workiva too, helping David and everyone else begin the project which would, eventually, benefit so many other people. But if I were honest, I was worried, because there was suddenly a lot going on, and it was going to get worse.

  Something else was coming, something more that Emmet and Kaya had planned, and it had something to do with me. The problem was, I couldn’t begin to guess what this something might be. All through the first two weeks of February especially, Emmet had been strange, nervous, and excited, and when I asked him about it, all he’d say was he had a surprise for me and I had to wait. “You don’t have to keep it if you don’t want it,” was all he would tell me, and then he would say, “but I hope you want it.”

  I got so nervous I talked to Dr. North about it, and this was when I discovered two things: I was right, something was going on…and Dr. North was in on it too.

  “I don’t want to tell you anything more without bringing Emmet in,” he said, holding up his hands when I started to panic, “but we can certainly call an emergency session, if need be. I can assure you, however, that yes, Emmet has something he’s been working on for you for quite some time, something he’s quite proud of. It’s something you will need to agree to, if you decide you want it, and it’s not something you can say yes to just to be kind to his feelings, which I’ve taken pains to make him understand. However, I have a feeling this is a surprise you will welcome. And I agree with him, this is something that might well help you and your struggles with depression and anxiety a great deal.”

  This, frustratingly, was all he would tell me about it, except to say I wouldn’t have to wait much longer for Emmet’s planned reveal, and that he would happily call Emmet in and ask him to explain everything now if I so wished, because a stressful surprise was no kind of good surprise at all.

  In the end I decided to trust Dr. North and Emmet and practice my AWARE strategy and sit with uneasy feelings. It turned out as Dr. North had said, too, because not long after we spoke, one day when we went to work, Kaya came into The Roosevelt Project workspace and announced we were all taking a trip together on Saturday. I could tell by the way Emmet reacted that this outing had something to do with my special surprise.

  When I woke up on Saturday, I was feeling so anxious that I didn’t want to go anywhere. I was tired, and the world was loud and overwhelming. It had snowed earlier in the week, then warmed up, and everything was slush and ice. Plus I was frustrated with myself, because lately it seemed as if everyone else was so excited with The Roosevelt Project…but I was the depression thorn in everyone’s side, slowing the whole train down. Like everyone at The Roosevelt had gotten into a hot air balloon, but I was dead weight hanging over the side, keeping it from rising. So most of this week I had stayed home. It meant it was harder for David to do his work, but…well, it had to be better than having me there, messing things up. Pretty soon they’d find someone to help him, and they’d forget about me.

  Right now, though, I had to go see Emmet’s surprise, not wallow in self-pity. So I got showered, ate the breakfast Emmet put out for me, and let him lead me downstairs.

  Emmet’s parents were there, both Marietta and Doug, which I’d kind of expected, and Kaya, as well as Dr. North. Kaya winked at me as she held open the door to the van for me to get inside.

  “Emmet, where are we going?” I asked as he sat beside me on the bench seat in the far back.

  He fastened his seat belt and began to rock, smiling to himself. “It’s a surprise. But it will take a long time to get there.” He held out his hand to me. “Don’t be nervous. It’s a good surprise.”

  I took his hand, and he squeezed it tight. Though he normally doesn’t do extended touch, he held my hand all the way out of town, all the way to Des Moines, in fact.

  We drove for hours. “Our destination is in southeastern Iowa,” Marietta called from the front seat, smiling over her shoulder. “We should get there around late afternoon.”

  I understood that to mean they weren’t going to tell me anything further about the destination itself. “Okay,” I said, because there wasn’t much else to say.

  Kaya sat in the front bench seat with Dr. North. She winked at me, then leaned forward to talk to Marietta. “Hey, should we stop in Iowa City to eat lunch?”

  “Oh, good idea.” Marietta tapped her finger on her lip. “We should go to Trumpet Blossom. It’s vegan, and it’s almost entirely gluten free.”

  Emmet’s mom had a thing about him eating gluten free, thinking it might be good for his autism. Dr. North seemed excited to eat there too, though, because I guess h
e’s vegan too. I hadn’t known that, but then, I’d never eaten lunch with him before.

  We did end up eating at the Trumpet Blossom Cafe, and I liked it a lot. It had a nice atmosphere, and the food was good, though it was a little different from what I normally ate. Doug bought us Dairy Queen for dessert after, which annoyed Marietta, but I said the chocolate malt I had really hit the spot, and she stopped scolding him. I worried if Dr. North would be offended because he was vegan and I was eating ice cream, but he only smiled at me.

  Doug didn’t only smile, he winked.

  I was sleepy after the food, and when I started to doze as we got on the road once more, Emmet let me put my head on his lap and sleep. He petted my hair and my shoulder, soothing me.

  “You can nap, if you want,” he told me. “I’ll tell you when we get to the surprise.”

  I love you, Emmet, I thought, but I was too tired to say it. So I squeezed his knee, then drifted off to sleep.

  When I woke, we were at a farm.

  It wasn’t a typical kind of farm, but it was definitely a farm. I saw barns and tractors and sheds, and bales of hay and horses. But there were also lots of buildings, long ones, and some smaller ones that didn’t appear to belong on usual farms. There was also a house, and a man and woman had come out of it to greet us. Marietta went up to them and shook their hands, and so did Kaya and Dr. North. Then they all came over to us.