White Christmas For The Single Mom (Christmas Miracles In Maternity #3)

by Susanne Hampton

  What he wanted, with all of his still unhealed heart, was to say that spending any more time with her and knowing he had to let her go would be unbearable. He was torn between the happiness that he felt around her and the guilt that he knew he deserved to carry.

  The guilt that would ruin any chance for them having any sort of a future.

  ‘Charlie, does this have something to do with your wife? Lots of people lose their partners but they go on to love again.’

  ‘That has nothing to do with this,’ he lied again. ‘It doesn’t matter why, it’s just the way it is.’ His voice was shaky as he tried to hold back what Juliet did not need to know.

  ‘I’m not buying it. I think I know you almost better than you know yourself, even though that sounds ridiculous after a week but it’s how I feel. So I need to know something. I need you to tell me what happened, Charlie,’ she said. Her tone had softened. ‘What happened to your wife? Because that has everything to do with your need to be alone. I know it has.’

  Charlie’s back stiffened and his jaw tensed. ‘It won’t change anything.’

  ‘Perhaps not, but I want to know.’

  He climbed from the bed and began to gather his clothes in silence. He did not want to open up old wounds.

  ‘Charlie,’ Juliet began as she leant against the bed head, the bedclothes wrapped around her still-naked body. ‘I’ll go. I know you want me to leave but you owe me an explanation for what is happening now. I need to know why you’re rejecting us...and why you won’t even try.’

  ‘Fine,’ he said as he inhaled and filled his tight chest with air and stood in the middle of the softly lit room staring back at Juliet. ‘You know I’m a widower and you know my wife, Alice, died two years ago. It was a car accident that claimed her life on the road that leads out of town. She died in the Cotswolds only two miles from this house and I wish every day that I could change places with her but I can’t. She died and I am forced to live on.’

  Juliet sat for a moment in silence. ‘Charlie, I’m sorry that you lost your wife so tragically, but you can’t change what’s happened or trade places with her. Do you think she would want you to be living with that much sadness? Don’t you think you’re being hard on yourself? You’re still here and you can live your life...’

  ‘After I took hers? I don’t think so.’

  ‘What do you mean, after you took hers? It was an accident.’

  ‘I was driving.’

  ‘Were you drunk?’

  ‘No,’ he spat angrily. ‘I would never get behind the wheel if I’d been drinking.’

  ‘Then it wasn’t your fault.’

  He stood rigidly. ‘She was excited about going to the dinner. I couldn’t have been further from excited. The weather had been the worst we’d seen in years, I’d been in surgery all day and wanted to stay home but I didn’t want to refuse her. I didn’t want to appear selfish so I gave in. When I should have said no, I said yes. Despite my reservations, we headed out on the snow-covered roads, I lost control and I killed her.’

  ‘No, Charlie, you didn’t kill her. The weather, the road, fate, that is what killed Alice. You can’t take responsibility for that. Factors came together to take her life.’

  He paced the room. His hands were clenched tightly. ‘We shouldn’t have been on the road, in the weather. I should have been more cautious. I should’ve protected her. I was her husband; that was my role.’

  ‘I bet you had driven in that weather many times without incident and you thought that night would be no different...’

  ‘But it was different. I should’ve argued the point, and insisted we stayed in, out of the weather.’

  ‘Even if you had done that, you know Alice could have been in an accident the next morning travelling to work. It could have happened any time. Or worse, she could have gone on her own and you wouldn’t have been there for her. You tried to protect her. You were tired and yet you agreed and did your best to protect her by being with her.’

  ‘But I failed and nothing you say can change this. I’ve felt this way since the day she died and I will feel this way until the day I die. And it’s the reason I haven’t driven in more than two years. I won’t get behind the wheel of a car again. Ever. Please, Juliet, I think it’s best that you leave.’

  ‘Charlie, we can talk about this—’

  ‘No.’ He knew his coldness wasn’t lost on Juliet and he wanted it that way. He had to push her away before he fell too hard and couldn’t let her go. ‘There’s nothing else to say. I’m sorry if you were looking for more. But I’m not and never will be. You’re a special woman, Juliet, but I can’t... I suppose occasional lapses like last night will happen.’

  Juliet stared back at him. He could see tears welling in her eyes. ‘Lapses?’

  ‘I’m sorry, you know what I mean.’

  ‘If all of this is true, then you had no right to ask me back here last night.’

  ‘I asked you here for dinner.’

  ‘Then why didn’t you leave it downstairs?’ she demanded. ‘Why did you show me the master bedroom?’

  ‘I need to get dressed. There’s no point discussing this further. We made a mistake last night. We shouldn’t have overstepped the line. We work together and we should not have slept together. It won’t happen again. I’ll make sure of that.’

  ‘You’ll make sure of that?’ she repeated solemnly. ‘I’ll make sure of it.’

  ‘Juliet, I didn’t mean to hurt you; you have to believe me.’

  ‘I don’t have to believe anything.’ She climbed from the bed and began to gather her clothes. Angrily she pushed past him to the bathroom. She slammed the door shut and reappeared a few minutes later, dressed.

  ‘There’s just one more thing,’ he said, determined to distance himself from Juliet and her tiny daughter. He knew it would sound heartless but it would ensure she stopped trying to help him.

  ‘What?’ she demanded.

  ‘Would you mind telling Bea that the delivery she’s expecting won’t be arriving? The Christmas tree farm can’t deliver. I’m truly sorry.’

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  JULIET ARRIVED HOME to see there were no missed calls from Charlie. He hadn’t so much as sent her a text, let alone called to apologise or try to make it up to her. Her face was damp with tears she had shed but most of them had rolled down her cheeks on the short and painful drive home just before dawn. The road was dark and she felt more alone than she had ever done before.

  It was her worst nightmare. A one-night stand with a man with whom she had thought she might possibly fall in love. If she wasn’t already a little. With a heart heavier than she had dreamed possible, Juliet had run out of his home when he’d told her about the tree. She’d known she had to leave. Without saying another word.

  She’d had to turn her back on Charlie Warren just the way he had turned his back on her.

  But before he’d seen the tears she had promised herself all those years ago that she would never shed for a man.

  She had pulled into her driveway and crept into the house before the sun came up and slipped into bed beside Bea, feeling stupid and filled with regret. She hoped her daughter would never make the same mistakes she had, twice. She wanted so much more for Bea. She wanted her to feel real love, the kind that lasted for ever with the bells and whistles and everything a man could give and that neither had given to Juliet.

  She could hear her father snoring in the other room and knew her mother would be wearing the earplugs that had saved their marriage. Her father’s snoring at times was like a long freight train rattling down the tracks, and, without the earplugs, she knew her mother would have gone mad from the sleep deprivation or divorced him. But she had found the solution in a pharmacy, popped them in her ears and had her happily ever after. For Juliet there was nothing in a pharmacy, n
o prescription or over-the-counter solution to her woes. She simply chose the wrong man and that was a problem that couldn’t be cured.

  In her lifetime Juliet had only chosen two men and both were wrong for her. And both were nothing more than one-night stands.

  There would be no happily ever after.

  She was, in her mind, the poster girl for stupid decisions with her one hundred per cent failure rate.

  * * *

  Bea had left the bed while Juliet lay with her eyes closed. Now she could hear her daughter giggling over the sound of the television in the other room. She could also smell fruit toast that she knew her mother or father had prepared for their granddaughter.

  While her irresponsible mother slept in after a drive of shame home.

  They had been careful, so at least she had no fear of another pregnancy. No, this time she had only gained a broken heart and damaged pride. Not to mention shattered dreams that what she had shared with Charlie in his four-poster bed would amount to more than a night. Climbing from the bed, she headed for the bathroom. She needed to soak in the tub and try to wash the man out of her heart.

  Only this time, she thought it would take longer and hurt more. Because this time she had believed in her heart it was real.

  * * *

  It was the weekend, and Juliet was not required at the hospital but she wanted to be there to see Georgina and Leo and also their babies. In general her role ended after the delivery, but the outcome of the Abbiatis’ procedure was not what she had clearly hoped for and she wanted to check in with them. Despite what Charlie had said post-operatively, and what she knew to be true, she still felt responsible for the babies’ pre-term arrival. It wasn’t logical, it was heartfelt, and that was linked very closely to the outcome of becoming involved with Charlie.

  Spending the night in his bed was illogical and...heartbreaking.

  She left Bea playing cards on the floor with her grandfather. Snap was their game of choice. The house was lovely and warm and Juliet’s mother was going to roast a chicken for lunch, then they thought they would all rug up in their winter best and head out for a walk through the town. Juliet wished she were in the mood to join them but decided to hide behind her work rather than pull them all down with her melancholy mood.

  After parking in the hospital car park she made her way into the hospital. The chilly breeze seemed even colder that morning.

  Juliet caught sight of Ella as she walked into Maternity. Worried that the midwife would sense immediately that she was upset, Juliet quickly realised that she had to avoid her. Ella had mentioned a few times how she was growing accustomed to Juliet’s sunny personality and that day Juliet knew she was anything but sunny. With her head down, she waved and rushed past Ella, hoping she would assume she was in a hurry and not think anything of it. But she wasn’t that lucky.

  ‘Juliet,’ Ella called to her. ‘Do you know where I might find Charlie?’

  Juliet shrugged her shoulders. She didn’t want to be drawn into talking. She feared she might tell Ella that she hoped Charlie was rotting somewhere in hell. Or worse, burst into tears and confess how much she still felt for the man who had behaved so poorly. So she kept walking, offering Ella nothing. In Juliet’s mind, it was best if she was the only person who knew about her foolish behaviour. No one else needed to know that she had actually believed, when he’d pressed his hard body against hers, that a man like Charlie wanted more than a fling.

  With a deep breath to steady her emotions, she knocked on Georgina’s door. There was another hurdle to face that day. Georgina and Leo and their questions about what went wrong.

  ‘Come in,’ came Leo’s voice.

  Juliet stepped into the room that was filled with flowers and family members. She suddenly realised she also had to face their family.

  ‘Mum, Dad,’ Leo began, then turned to the other set of parents and repeated himself. ‘Mum, Dad, this is Dr Juliet Turner, the in-utero surgeon from Australia.’

  Juliet attempted a smile. She was genuinely happy to finally meet Georgina and Leo’s parents but it would have been a nicer meeting if it had occurred the previous day. Before the surgery had brought about the pre-term delivery of the four babies...and before she had stupidly slept with Charlie and hated herself.

  Moving closer to Georgina, she did not attempt to shake four sets of hands. The closest were folded, the next clasped, one set leaning on the window ledge and the final hands were arranging flowers. It was a little overwhelming and she suspected they were all making judgement calls on the laser surgery that had brought about the early arrival of the quads. And they had every right. While she’d known it was risky, she had forged ahead and in their eyes that was probably not the right decision.

  ‘So you’re the Australian doctor who performed Georgina’s surgery?’ one of the two older men said.

  Juliet nodded and lifted her chin. The outcome was not perfect but Juliet still believed she had made the correct decision. The only correct decision she had made that day.

  ‘Yes, I am. And I stand by my advice to operate. Despite the outcome, I believed then, and still believe now, that it was the best option, however—’

  ‘Then we all owe you a huge debt of gratitude for saving our grandchildren.’

  Juliet was taken aback. She’d thought both sets of parents, along with Georgina and Leo, would have been upset with her. Not grateful.

  ‘Please take a seat. You must be exhausted after the day you had yesterday,’ the taller of the two women said. ‘We heard you stayed back to check on the babies. Have you seen them today? They’re so tiny but the neonatologist is very hopeful they’ll all pull through. They’re tiny little Italian fighters.’

  ‘You should have called Rupert Rocky instead!’ Georgina’s father suggested with a grin. ‘It’s not too late to change his name.’

  ‘Rocky as in Rocky Balboa?’ Leo asked, looking more than a little embarrassed.

  ‘The greatest Italian fighter ever!’ his father-in-law replied happily.

  ‘Dad,’ Georgina cut in, ‘Rocky is a fictional character in a movie.’

  ‘I know,’ the older man replied. ‘But Rupert’s a fighter and the other three are just as strong. I know in my heart our grandchildren will pull through. And that’s thanks to you, Dr Turner.’

  ‘I’m not sure where this is all coming from,’ Juliet admitted.

  ‘Charlie was in early this morning to see me and check my stitches,’ Georgina continued. ‘He told me that, even though he was against the laser surgery, and despite it not going to plan yesterday, it saved Rupert’s life because it brought on my labour early and he was born just before his heart stopped. A day longer and he would not have survived. You saved our baby’s life, Dr Turner.’

  * * *

  ‘Charlie, is everything all right with Juliet?’ Ella asked as she caught up with Charlie scrubbing in before visiting with the quads.

  ‘Why? What makes you ask that?’ His tone was defensive. He didn’t want to be questioned by the midwife. They had been friends for a long time but he didn’t want to feel forced to justify his behaviour to anyone. There was no other choice but to push Juliet away. He had to be cruel to be kind. While he regretted hurting Juliet, he knew if he led her on he would hurt her more. It would just take her longer to feel the hurt. She was looking for a happily ever after and he was not that man. He had a debt to pay. And it wouldn’t allow him to love someone. Particularly the way he knew he wanted to love Juliet. With every fibre of his being.

  But he wouldn’t.

  ‘She rushed past me this morning, and snubbed me. Well, almost, I mean she waved at me but it wasn’t like her. And I asked about you and she just shrugged her shoulders. She and Bea are always so lovely and she seemed upset today.’

  ‘Perhaps she’s drained after yesterday,’ he suggested to deflect from
the real reason.

  ‘No, she’s a pro,’ Ella responded. ‘She wouldn’t react that way.’

  ‘Just leave it alone.’

  ‘You know, Juliet would be perfect for you, Charlie. I know you may not have thought about her that way, but she’s beautiful, sweet and intelligent. You’re both single. I think she could be the one, Charlie.’

  ‘I like it on my own. It’s been that way for a long time. I had the one, and I lost her. I don’t need to hurt another woman.’ It was true that it had been a long time but it was a lie that he liked being alone. It was a penance he made himself pay for the accident.

  ‘It’s been over two years since the accident—that’s long enough for someone as young as you to mourn. Your wife wouldn’t want you to go on punishing yourself.’

  ‘I guess we’ll never know what she wanted, because I killed her.’

  ‘It was an accident—a stupid accident that no one could have averted. It’s lucky you lived through it.’

  ‘I’m not so sure I’d call myself lucky. I lost Alice.’

  Ella shook her head. ‘It was a tragic accident that you survived. You are not the first person to lose their partner. It’s awful, but it happens and people have to go on and rebuild their lives.’

  ‘It was stupid and reckless. I’ve no right to a happy life when my wife died with my hands on the steering wheel. I’ll never forgive myself for that.’

  ‘Charlie, I hope you know from the way Juliet and little Bea look at you, you might just be punishing more than yourself by pushing them away.’

  * * *

  Juliet saw Charlie around the hospital when she popped in to check on the quads over the next couple of days but he said nothing to her. He had every opportunity to try to make amends. To apologise. But he didn’t try. She felt as if the world were crashing in. A world she’d dreamed she might possibly begin to build with Charlie. She knew it was too soon to have been thinking for ever, but she had. For the first time in a very long time. They had shared his bed for one night and after she’d left, they did not even acknowledge each other.