Joy's Summer Love Playlist

by Piper Bee

  “How’s your ankle?” he asks.

  “Throbbing.” I sigh. “Just like my heart, Jin Park.”

  He laughs and looks off. “I love that you say things like that.”

  Huh. He actually likes my dorky commentary. I take an eyeful of him. “I can’t believe you exist.”

  He turns to me, drawing close as he says, “Do you need further proof?”

  I smile in the moment between him leaning in and his lips pressing on mine again. Okay, I believe it. He’s real.

  It stops too soon. How does anyone ever let go?

  Jin thumbs my cheek. “I’m saving the next one for when there’s nothing in the way.”

  I’m spinning, but I somehow still have a quip. “That’s a shame.”

  “Good motivation, though,” he replies. I nod.

  One really good thing about being clumsy: when you fall, you fall hard.

  TRACK 18 - SUCKER

  STILL JULY 19TH

  The official diagnosis is that nothing is broken, but it still feels like everything’s on fire. My ankle. My sunburned shoulders. My fear of telling Lena. My heart when I see Jin. My lungs when I think about breathing a word of this to Cale.

  At least the ankle will heal.

  When Jin and I came back from the First Aid Center, explaining what happened was… a balancing act of truth. We said we went on a hike together.

  Not untrue. Not really enough to calm the radiating heat of Lena’s anger at seeing us return to the cabin together. At least Cale was eager to believe it and move on to being my dedicated helper, ice packs at the ready.

  Since I’m really good at ruining things today, I break it to Carson that roller skating is not on my agenda. He’s working at the skate rental desk today after seeing the resort’s physical therapist. His response was “that sucks,” so it could’ve been worse.

  So I am doing my part insisting everyone else still go while I watch. Frankly, I don’t feel the need to prove just how ungraceful I am. Point’s been made.

  The moms, who have become the Sisterhood of the Trading Romance Novels, tell us to go on our own. I’m starting to think I should bring Angela and Jan-di to distract Mom on all family vacations.

  All over the resort are staff clad in dark green t-shirts driving golf carts to get people around. We snag a ride, which isn’t the easiest on my ankle, but it’s less torturous than walking.

  Carson is waiting at the rink, leaning against the rail that goes around the outside. It’s an open air rink, covered by a gazebo. Brown pillars hold up the roof. You can feel the wind, smell the evergreens, and even inhale the dust from the gravel parking lot while you skate.

  I hobble over to Carson on my recently procured crutches. He scrolls on his phone, then looks up. I messaged him about my ankle so he wouldn’t be surprised, but something feels off about his expression. Like he wants to frown, but he’s trying not to.

  He even smiles at me. But his eyebrow twitches when he sees Jin.

  My internal danger meter goes off. I forgot they met once before.

  I’m pleading with God to keep this light and airy.

  “Glad you still came,” Carson finally says to me. Not cheerful, but not about to burst.

  “I’d hate to ruin everyone else’s day. I don’t mind the sidelines.”

  Carson breathes a bitter laugh, but I don’t know why. I’m always on the sidelines for him.

  “Well, I’m going to leave you all in the dust,” Lena announces as she passes by us. She heads to the skate rental counter, Jin following.

  My heart rate bounces rapidly, but I resist the urge to look at him.

  Cale’s hand falls on my shoulder. “Can I get you a concession, Almond Joy?”

  Oof. His light touch cuts deep today. “Just a soda,” I say with a smile. He obliges my request.

  “Hey!” Carson grabs Cale’s attention. “I’ll take first shift with her. I’m not on duty for another 30 minutes. You go get some skates.”

  Cale’s eyes bounce to me, but he nods. I’m pretty sure Carson scares him.

  “You don’t have to babysit me,” I tell my brother.

  “I wanna talk.” But it doesn’t sound like he wants a friendly chat. It’s a command.

  I don’t resist, but maybe I should. What’s up with him? Maybe it’s selfish, but I don’t want this day to be soured by my brother.

  We grab a table right next to the rink, where there’s a half-wall separating tables and the skaters. There’s a beat from the mid-grade speakers. The Jonas Brothers’ “Sucker,” but some kind of remix with more synths and bass. I’m alone for a second while Carson grabs my soda from Cale. Lena hits the vinyl floor like some kind of pro. Her hair whips behind her as she floats along with the grace of an Olympic ice skater.

  She wasn’t joking.

  Jin looks like a toddler learning to walk, but with lanky limbs. I chuckle. He doesn’t look at me though, because all of his concentration is taken up by trying not to fall.

  Cale is somewhere in between them. Not miserable like Jin, but not the smooth glider that Lena is either.

  The paper soda cup slams on the table. Beyond the blue PEPSI label, all of Carson’s facial muscles are tense just short of revealing a specific emotion.

  I grab the soda slowly. “Thanks.”

  “So, how are things with your boyfriend?” he pries.

  “Fine.” I want to keep this as minimal as possible.

  But part of me knows it’s not going to be a small conversation.

  He squints at me. “Are you cheating on him with that Asian guy?”

  I choke on my soda and start coughing. Once I catch my breath, I say, “N-no.”

  It’s technically true. I’m not cheating. I’m just not actually dating the guy he thinks I’m dating.

  Carson grits his teeth.

  No. No no no.

  “Why are you lying to me, Joy?” His mouth is a tense, straight line.

  “What makes you think I’m lying?”

  He knows. I’m petrified watching him pull out his phone, thumb through something with purpose. He flips the screen over to me.

  A picture of me and Jin, kissing on the bench. From this morning.

  I’m too stunned for words. How could he have gotten this?

  “There’s a PDA channel on our work Discord. I was checkin’ the channels and woke right up when I saw this, y’know?”

  “Carson, please let me explain this.”

  “Sure. Tell me why you’ve been lying about that guy?”

  I glance out, certain there’s worry all over my face. They’re rounding the rink, close to passing me and my brother by.

  Fake a smile. Fakeasmile!

  Lena whips past us and smiles back, enjoying herself too much to pick up on the ominous air. Cale keeps a hefty amount of distance, which basically proves to me that he’s afraid of Carson.

  Jin catches on. I’m sure he does. His eyes are tuned into mine for the second that he passes us by.

  Carson’s eyes burn into me. “Now they’re gone, Joy. Talk.”

  My voice is hushed. “Cale and I are faking it. He said he liked Lena and wanted to spend summer with her, so I went along with it. That’s all, I sw—”

  Slam! Carson’s hands hit the table and my soda falls over, spilling everywhere. I jolt all over. My heart is pounding in my head.

  “I’m not an idiot!” he yells.

  I hold my breath and shake my head. I know he’s not an idiot. If this were flipped, I would think he was lying, too.

  Carson lifts his hands off the table and reveals his freshly cracked phone screen, the image of me and Jin still displayed.

  Jin’s body slams against the barrier. “Everything okay?”

  Carson’s jaw juts out in anger. But he sighs deep and meets Jin’s solid gaze.

  “Carson,” I beg. God, don’t throw a punch. I look at Jin. “It’s okay, you can go.”

  “Yeah, we’re fine,” Carson says. Even though I fully expected him to fight, he doesn�
�t. He just walks away, leaving the rink for the parking lot, not even turning over a chair as he goes.

  Carson has been suspicious for a while. What are you keeping from me, huh? He thought I was cheating on Cale. And now, he thinks he’s got proof.

  “You sure you’re okay?” Jin asks me. Soon, Cale and Lena crowd around him.

  “What’s with him?” Lena asks, judgment thick in her voice.

  My hands cover my face.

  It echoes in my head, over and over again.

  Carson always, always, always wins.

  But this time, when he could’ve bested me, he walked away.

  TRACK 19 - REWRITE THE STARS

  STILL JULY 19TH

  While I’m stuck figuring what the heck I should do about my brother, Jin cleans up the spilled soda. He kneels on the ground, dabbing it with a wad of paper towels.

  “Seriously, what the heck? He invited us here,” Lena says, still standing in the rink with her arms folded.

  “I’m gonna rest at home, I think.” It’s the first thing I’ve said since Carson left.

  Jin looks up at me. “Should I come with you?”

  “Jin! Come on,” Lena says, “It’s not like she needs a babysitter.”

  “You can stay if you want, Lena,” Jin argues. “I’m trying to be nice.”

  Cale walks up to the table, skates in hand. “You’re a real MVP, Jin, but I think I should escort the lady. It’s kind of my duty.”

  Lena scoffs. “Gosh, now you’re all ready to leave because Carson had a hissy fit. Guys, he’s a jerk. We shouldn’t let him ruin our day.”

  “You’re right, Lena,” I say, “But I kinda want to be alone. You guys should stay. Have a good time.”

  I’m wobbly getting up, mostly because this chair is so unstable. Everything’s unstable.

  They let me go, and I’m grateful for the lack of resistance. I don’t think it’s been even an hour since I left the cabin, but it feels like I lived through two weeks of turmoil and bliss today. I take a bitterly quiet golf cart ride back. It’s not even one o’clock when I walk into the empty cabin.

  I flop myself onto the living room couch, right in the direct afternoon sun that shines through the giant window.

  Carson could wreck a lot of hearts with that picture. I finally let myself cry about it.

  At least now I’m actually alone.

  ♫

  I wake up. My tears left a dried trail to my ears. For a second, I’m not sure where I am. Every crevice of the ceiling and piece of furniture or decor is mysterious. I’ve never known this leather couch I woke up on.

  As soon as I realize where I am, I also realize none of today was a dream.

  Even though seeing Jin makes me feel like it must be.

  “Hey, you’re up,” he says.

  I unstick myself from the couch and clear my throat. Jin’s in the armchair next to me with a gentle smile and every wonderful emotion hits me like that waterfall.

  A muffled laugh sounds and I notice that everyone else is eating outside. Cale is doing some silly dance with his hands, which seems like something he’d do when surrounded by women.

  “What time is it?” I ask with a yawn.

  “Past six. How are you feeling?”

  I heave a sigh. “That’s complicated.”

  Lena waltzes into the cabin. “Oh hey, you’re awake! Guess what we’re gonna watch for movie night? It’s one you’ve been begging me to watch.”

  Cale follows after, grinning. “The best movie of the decade!”

  “We’ll see about that,” Lena bites back.

  I furrow my brow, wondering what movie…

  I hazard a guess. “Greatest Showman?”

  Cale claps his hands and points to me. “Yes! Thank you! Can you believe Lena’s so uncultured?”

  Lena scoffs. “I’m gonna go make sure we have it.” She crosses through the living room and heads downstairs.

  I swing my injured leg off the couch and wince. Still tender. “I could use some help.”

  Jin grabs my arm and drags it around his neck. His fingers are warm on my hand and his neck muscles make my arm tingle. He slides his other arm around my waist sending sparks along the path.

  “No problem, Joy.”

  His voice is so cool, my heart flutters.

  “Thanks,” I half-exhale.

  It isn’t until Cale is at my side that I remember he was literally right behind us.

  “I got your right, Almond Joy!” His hold is sloppier and he pinches my side trying to maneuver around Jin’s arm. When I’m secured, I glance at Cale, whose close-mouthed smile and wandering eyes make my stomach do flips. He’s too eager to mistake the gesture as just friendly.

  How did I end up like this? Between two guys who both seem like they want to hold me?

  “I’ll start the popcorn!” Lena calls as she bounces up the stairs. She pauses when she sees us.

  I give her a crooked smile.

  Why do I feel about as unlucky as I am lucky?

  ♫

  The popcorn wafts with a strong buttery aroma and my mouth waters. I should want more sustenance than just this over-salted movie snack, but I reach into Cale’s bowl and grab another fistful.

  The orientation of the young adults on this sectional is as follows: Lena on the right end of the couch, leaning against the armrest with her legs folded neatly under her. She intermittently scolds Cale for humming along. Jin sits next to her, quiet and still (other than blinking). I can’t tell if he’s paying attention to the movie or desperately trying to not look at me the same way I’m (failing at) trying to not look at him. He’s only about an inch away from my injured, outstretched leg, meaning my petite self is taking up most of the couch. Cale is on my left, confined to the corner, hogging both the bowl of popcorn and the Cowboys throw blanket.

  “You don’t have to be such a blanket hog,” I chide as I pluck more popcorn from the bowl.

  He raises his eyebrows far too high. “Oh, really? We’re goin’ there?”

  I giggle and stuff my face with popcorn. Plead the fifth.

  He sets the popcorn on the coffee table and opens the corner of the blanket. “Well, then, snuggle on up, Becker. Or are you all talk?”

  I hold my breath. I can’t snuggle! But we’re still technically faking and Lena is eyeing me.

  But… Jin. We both brushed it off when Cale grabbed my other side and helped me down the stairs. Jin didn’t seem jealous, but he also told me in no uncertain terms that he couldn’t stand by and watch our little charade go on.

  “Oh God, Joy! We don’t care!” Lena assures me.

  But I care! And I avoid looking at Jin because I know he does.

  Cale flashes a goofy grin at me. “Come on! We can be cuddle buddies.”

  And the waggling his eyebrows makes me question if this young man has ever been serious a day in his life. My laugh relieves some of the tension, but I still feel wrong obliging.

  And I still don’t want to disappoint him.

  We’re at the part of the movie where Hugh Jackman holds out his hand to Zac Efron in an attempt to strike a deal.

  Jin finally looks at me and raises his brow, expectant of my choice. Unlike Zac Efron’s character, I’m not going to compromise.

  It’s clear who I’d rather not disappoint.

  “Actually, I kinda have to use the bathroom,” I say. “Could you give me a hand, Lena?”

  “Oh, sure.” Lena doesn’t bother to pause the movie as she gets up to help me. I leave my crutches and hop into the hall, keeping steady with a grip on her shoulder. The bathroom is at the end of the hall, the movie noises becoming faint whines.

  I’m glad to be out of sight of the boys. One makes my heart flip because I’m still buzzing with thrill at our shared feelings, while the other makes my heart flop because he’s my friend and I don’t know how to make him happy.

  Distance is good right now.

  I let go of Lena’s shoulder. “Thanks.”

  “You’re havi
ng second thoughts, aren’t you?” she asks.

  The urge to release it all rises up in me. Second thoughts? I never had first thoughts. But I’d far prefer having this conversation with Cale first.

  “Yeah, maybe,” I say. It’s only a slight bluff. Not a full-blown lie.

  “Why?” She sounds annoyed.

  “Because I am. I like Cale a lot but… I don’t know if our thing is working.” Not a lie.

  “Oh my God, Joy. Is that why you were with Jin this morning?”

  I’m stiff. And kinda peeved she’s acting all superior. “No!”

  She folds her arms. “Do you like him? Just tell me.”

  Lena has always intimidated me, even when we shared chocolate chip cookies or cracked up at some dumb meme or studied together in a subject that I know better. She’s used to getting what she wants. Now I see she can also be very patient to that end.

  She’s waited years for Jin. I’ve tried over and over not to take her jealousy personally.

  But I didn’t have to wait years for him. We fell together like a chord falls out of a guitar when the fingers press the right strings.

  Lena’s going to get hurt either way.

  “Maybe I do like him,” I say.

  She throws her arms down and uses a hushed voice. “What? Joy!”

  Then she rubs her forehead and sighs like she’s handling a disobedient child. “You know he’s just nice, right? Like he helps people because he cares about everyone?”

  I blink at her with my mouth ajar. She thinks I’m Jin’s charity case?! It takes everything in me not to shove it in her face that Jin came onto me.

  But then she dabs her eyes, careful to preserve her mascara. I soften. I’ve never actually seen her cry before.

  “Lena,” I say as tenderly as I can. “I tried not to.”

  She wipes another tear away and launches into rambling. “When he went to Willow Haven and I was, like, a sophomore, girls were all over him, okay? Jin totally just doesn’t realize that being so nice comes off as, like, flirting. You know?”