Random Chance and the Paradise that is Earth

by Shawn Michel de Montaigne

  “My auditory sensors are on maximum, friend Hewey. Please clarify: I am unclear what you mean by ‘soul.’ ”

  Random repeated the exchange to Mia after she returned with topped-up mugs of beer. “Cubey, my lovely friend,” she said, “I wish I could dance with you. That’s the best way to show you what a soul is and what it does.”

  “May we try another song? I would like to experiment.”

  Random said, “I think I’d like that. Mia, Cubey would like to take you up on your invitation.”

  “Yay!” she said, jumping to her feet.

  Another ancient country and western song came on. With the rest of the group, Mia and Random—and Hewey and Cubey—started dancing again.

  “Yes, yes …” said Cubey with the beat. “Yes … the data is … inconclusive … but … yes … I believe I do feel something. Random Chance, is the feeling supposed to be somewhat positive in the sense of motivation, and is it supposed to form a somewhat parasitic symbiosis with my consciousness?”

  “Do you mean, is it catchy?” yelled Random over the song. Mia glanced at him. She had long ago gotten used to him talking to apparently no one at all, knowing he was addressing Hewey or Cubey.

  “Yeah, Cubey, catchy! That’s the word!”

  “ ‘Catchy,’ ” said Cubey.

  “Catchy!” yelled Hewey. “C’mon, Cubistic, let’s dance!”

  “I believe I am understanding a little more. Yes, friend Hewey, let us dance.”

  ~~*~~

  Ian and Gelsey saw them off. “Please come back soon. We have enjoyed your company very much.”

  Gelsey hugged Mia while Ian and Random shook hands. “That’s a promise,” said Random. “This is a great place.”

  “Here’s our SolarWeb address,” said Gelsey, handing him a small rectangular piece of stiff paper. Random took it, looked at it curiously. Mia joined him.

  “It’s called a business card,” said Gelsey. “That’s how they did things fifteen hundred years ago. They handed these out.”

  “Interesting …” breathed Mia, gawking at the card, which showed a hologram of the bed and breakfast as seen from the driveway, its name in fancy script below that, Ian and Gelsey’s full name, and their SolarWeb address.

  Random and Mia entered the airlock causeway that would take them back to The Pompatus of Love. He turned once to look back. The Polkins were making their way back to their horse-drawn cart.

  “Now there’s some top-shelf folk,” said Hewey.

  “Top shelf,” agreed Cubey, who didn’t seem quite clear as to what he was agreeing with.

  ~~*~~

  He looked over The Glowing Girl’s mainframe, then ran a couple diagnostics. The data presented itself on a flat screen hovering just over the top of the console.

  “Looks good,” he said.

  “The little buggers reported several critical issues at the outset,” said Hewey. “But they’ve stabilized them: life support and a bit too much give in the APG.”

  “It’ll be an adventure in there,” said Random. “Are you sure you want to download into this old beast?”

  “Oh, yeah. I’m aces. How ‘bout you, Cubed Ham?”

  “I believe I can be of significant and lasting service to The Glowing Girl,” said Cubey. “Likewise with its captain and crew.”

  “Excellent,” said Random. “Well, here we go …”

  Mia watched intently over his shoulder, as did Chandra and Sileen. Tony had gone off to work.

  Random held two glowing green keys. He inserted one, then the other, into ports on the old mainframe. The system gave a single big blink, and the lights all went out at once, then came back on.

  “Whoa!” yelled Chandra. “Did you feel that?”

  “Yeah,” said Mia, concerned. “The gravity went off for a sec! Are you sure this is okay?”

  “Wheeeeeeeeeeee!” yelled Hewey. “Here we go! It’s like fallin’ down a big swirlin’ drain!”

  “How very interesting,” commented Cubey. “What an odd sensation.”

  “It’s okay,” said Random, looking over his shoulder at all of them. “The system reset. Hewey’s software is considerably more advanced than even that new console I installed; and Cubey’s …” He shook his head and shrugged.

  “The boy with the gift,” said Mia in his ear, and then kissed it softly.

  Random grinned.

  “Have you guys landed yet?” he said. “Gimme an update.”

  “The eagle has landed,” announced Hewey in a dramatic voice. “It looks like the bed and breakfast in here, Rand, swear to God!”

  “That’s merely the digital representation your consciousness chooses to manifest, friend Hewey,” said Cubey. “An old, comfortable home just like the one friend Random and friend Mia recently copulated repeatedly in.”

  Random couldn’t help chuckling.

  “What’s so funny?” demanded Mia. Chandra and Sileen looked on, puzzled.

  “Hewey? Comments?” said Random, shaking his head and looking down at his feet.

  “Sorry, boss. Cat’s grabbed the ol’ tongue. Cube Dog, we need to talk about changing your privacy parameters.”

  “Thank you, friend Hewey. Have I said something insensitive?”

  “Don’t sweat it,” said Hewey. “We’ll gab later. In the meantime, if you like this ‘digital representation’ we can keep it.”

  “Updating files,” said Cubey. “It’s quite lovely. It is, as they say, a ‘real fixer-upper.’ ”

  “I can’t wait to get to fixin’ it! C’mon, Cubistic, let’s get started!”

  ~~*~~

  Automated medical units—called “autodocs”—became common in the mid-to-late twenty-first century. The United Nations shortly thereafter declared that they were a human right, that for every “living unit,” i.e. homes, apartment buildings, shelters, hostels, hotels and motels, there should be at least one autodoc. Conservatives at the time—the degenerate roots of the modern Oligarchy—railed against the idea that everyone on earth should have equal access to health care, but there was nothing they could do to stop the groundswell of demand. Primitive autodocs weren’t all that functional, but could dispense medicine, take vitals, and perform CPR and other emergency actions. Over time their cost dropped precipitously at the same time that their functional uses and precision increased exponentially. Their success was phenomenal and revolutionized medical care while simultaneously wiping out two of the great social cancers at the time—insurance companies and the for-profit medical industry.

  Early autodocs looked like huge, dark coffins. As a result, few wanted anything to do with them. Eventually designers got the hint and began producing much friendlier and more open units. Thirty-fifth-century civilian autodocs looked much like small, cozy bedrooms and hosted an extensive array of functions.

  Over time, fewer and fewer human doctors and nurses were needed. Nanotechnology reduced the need for surgery virtually to zero; even so, modern autodocs could perform surgeries on the rare occasion it was needed. The medical profession these days was limited to those doing research or working for companies that produced them.

  Medical care had remained free for everyone for over thirteen hundred years. The sight of overpaid doctors tooling around in expensive vehicles or living in mansions while profiting by human misery had gone extinct by the early decades of the twenty-second century. Historians pointed to these events as the beginning of the Second Renaissance, but also the beginning of the Oligarchy, who bitterly believed that only the “fittest” deserved to live or have adequate care. Only those who could afford to pay should survive and have offspring.

  Random’s father used to believe in that crap. Then he turned. He changed. Random reflected on his conversation with Mia. Was it his powers that changed him? Why was it so hard to accept the possibility? Was it because if it were true, it ultimately led Jameson Samson Chance to his doom? Or was it something else?

  He didn’t like to think about it too much. But he couldn’t help himself just now.
He watched as Mia punched the access code to The Glowing Girl’s autodoc, which was located just a door down from the kitchen. The door gave a friendly chime and opened.

  “Greetings, Mia,” said the computer. “Is this an emergency?”

  “No,” said Mia.

  “There is an unidentified male accompanying you. Unidentified male: may I have your name, please?”

  “Random,” said Random.

  They walked into the room. In the center of it was a bed. Mia, looking at it, said, “That’s my great-grandmother’s afghan; and the pillow was Mom’s. Sometimes I sleep in here just to feel close to them.”

  “It’s a great ‘doc,” said Random, looking around. “Very comfortable. I like all the personal touches.”

  “What is the nature of your visit today, Mia and Random?”

  Random reached into his pocket and pulled out the key. Unlike the others he had used to download Hewey and Cubey into The Girl, this one was black and had a small set of knobs at its square top. He held it up and inspected it.

  Mia looked at it too.

  “Nervous?” he said.

  “A little,” she answered. “Will I feel crazy?”

  “Crazy? Why would you feel crazy?”

  “I’ll be hearing voices,” she said. “In my head!”

  “Real voices,” he answered, and then reached for her hand with his free one and gave it a strong squeeze. “And you can ask them to leave you alone. They’ll always respect your wishes.”

  “They will?”

  He peered into her eyes. “They’re not malevolent. They’re not going to harm you in any way. If you get too uncomfortable with them, you can always come back in here and have the ‘doc take ‘em out. Okay?”

  She took a deep breath, then nodded.

  “What’s your ‘doc’s name?” he asked.

  “Lyle,” she said. “He sounds like a business associate of my father named Lyle. Very friendly. So I named him that.”

  “Lyle,” said Random, “I want to introduce some nanotech to Mia’s body. I need the port that lets me do that.”

  “Nanotech can be implanted at the port at the head of the bed, left bedpost. You will need to exit the premises for at least eighty-eight percent of the download time; also, the nanotech will be sterilized and checked for corruption before implantation.”

  “I understand,” said Random. He glanced at Mia. “Ready?”

  She nodded. “Lyle,” she said, “I’m afraid I won’t sleep. Could you give me something?”

  “Yes,” said the omnipresent voice. “Please lie on the bed and get comfortable. When you are ready, tell me.”

  This she did. “I’m ready,” she said.

  A small silver tube with a needle at its end snaked out of the low ceiling and jabbed her arm. Random watched as it went back up and disappeared.

  “He’s very gentle,” said Mia, smiling up at him.

  “Thank you, Mia,” said Lyle.

  Random knelt next to the bed and kissed her, then again. He looked up from her mouth and said, “Hewey?”

  “Yeah, Rand?”

  “Cubey?”

  “Yes, Random Chance?”

  “This girl is precious to me, just like you two are. Do we understand each other?”

  “We damn sure do, partner,” said Hewey.

  “Affirmative,” said Cubey.

  “You’re to take care of her like you take care of me. All right?”

  “There’s nothin’ I want more, El Capitan. Don’t you worry: she’s gonna love hostin’ me,” said Hewey. “I’d rather die than hurt that angel.”

  “I am in full agreement,” said Cubey. “Please assure friend Mia the angel that she is in good hands, albeit virtual ones.”

  “That I’ll do,” said Random. “And thank you, boys. You two are aces.”

  He told Mia what they said. She said sleepily, “All right. I’m ready.”

  Random stood and inserted the key into the bedpost and turned it. He came back, gave her another kiss (she was almost out), and then said, “Lyle, turn down the lights, dude.”

  The lights of the autodoc went low.

  Random left the little room. The door swished quietly closed behind him.

  Chapter Ten

  We’ll Be Together Again

  ~~*~~

  HE COULDN’T sleep, so he rose from Mia’s bed and dressed and went back into the CCR. He sat at the console and watched the nano-download proceed. It was very slow, but looking at the yellow and purple bars as they inched towards one hundred percent relaxed him. It was quiet in here, peaceful. The computer beeped every now and again, and the ventilator whirred above him, sending a constant cool breeze down on his head.

  “How’s it goin’ in there?” he asked—again.

  “Very well, friend Random,” said Cubey. “I assume your third attempt at sleeping can be pronounced an unqualified failure?”

  He sighed. “That it can.”

  “I recommend sleep medication. You may enter an autodoc already treating a patient in some cases. I have taken the liberty to speak to The Glowing Girl’s autodoc, and it tells me you may enter to receive either an injection or an oral tablet.”

  “You did that for me?” said Random. “Thank you, Cubey.”

  “Your well-being is my top priority, Random Chance. You have been a good friend and teacher.”

  Random smiled. “How is Hewson?”

  “He is sleeping soundly.”

  “Why aren’t you?”

  “I have been concerned about you.”

  “I think I’ll take your advice and take that tablet. You go on and get some shut-eye.”

  “ ‘Shut-eye’?”

  “Sleep.”

  “Updating files. I believe I will. You should take the tablet and do the same. It will increase your short-term happiness greatly.”

  “I’m sure it will,” said Random, who stood and yawned, then left the room.

  ~~*~~

  Mia was sound asleep. He bent and kissed her forehead and watched as a silver line wound down out of the panel and stuck to her arm.

  “What’s her progress?” he asked, already aware of it but hoping to hear more.

  “She is doing quite well,” answered Lyle. “She is in remarkably good health. There have been no problems with the integration. Please open your palm. I have your tablet.”

  This Random did. A silver metal snake emerged from the panel and deposited a green oval tablet on his palm before disappearing.

  “There is water in the kitchen. Or, if you would like, I can provide a small cup for you right now.”

  “I’ll go to the kitchen,” he said, standing. “Thank you, Lyle.”

  ~~*~~

  After taking the tablet, he went back to The Pompatus. He heated up a breakfast burrito, wolfed it down in four bites, then sloped off to his bedroom, flopping down on his bed after using the bathroom. He fell asleep almost immediately.

  It was half past nine when he woke. He blinked open bleary eyes and stared at the ceiling until it came into focus.

  “Hewey? Cubey? What’s the news on Mia?”

  “She’s up and sparky, amigo,” answered Hewey. “We’ve been talkin’ all mornin’. It’s an amazin’ thing bein’ in her head.”

  Random smiled. “Cubey?”

  “Friend Mia Findlay has been helping me learn the vagaries of human cooking. She is quite inventive with avian birth ovals and pressed curds of mammalian breast fluid!”

  It took a moment for Random to translate that. Hewey chuckled. “Well, I guess you could call it that. Doesn’t sound too appetizin’, does it?”

  “Ah,” said Cubey. “Friend Mia just informed me: ‘eggs and cheese.’ Updating files. She also told me to tell you to ‘get your cute butt in here and get some food.’ ”

  Random’s tummy growled. He got up, fighting lightheadedness, and hurriedly dressed. “How is The Girl’s mainframe?” he asked as he pulled his jeans on.

  “It is quite lovely,” said Cubey. “We
have fashioned our new home in the image of the Annie Laril Bed and Breakfast, with a few minor alterations.”

  “I wish I could see it,” said Random. He wasn’t just being polite; he was fascinated.

  “Me and Cube Dog have been discussin’ just that,” said Hewey. “We think it might be possible if you use the port you use to talk to your dad. We’re puttin’ together a program right now. Cubey’s been runnin’ preliminaries about an hour now, right?”

  “Fifty-six minutes,” said Cubey.

  Random was touched. “That’s great! When can I plug in?”

  “At this juncture the program isn’t to be trusted,” said Cubey. “I will let you know when I feel all safety parameters are set and have proved themselves to my satisfaction. I do not have a timetable yet.”

  “It was your angel’s idea,” said Hewey. “She was talkin’ to us as she checked on the mainframe and said she’d like to meet us in our new place. We thought that idea was aces and started workin’ on the program right away. Her new console is perfect for it.”

  “There would be other benefits as well,” said Cubey.

  “Such as?” said Random. He’d brushed his hair and was making his way to the airlock.

  “Such as we’ll get back to you,” said Hewey with an edge in his voice.

  “Ah. Yes. Forgive me,” offered Cubey. “Friend Hewey has informed me that I should not make promises that I may not be able to keep, even if the probability is high that I can keep them.”

  As the airlock cycled, Random said, “So you’re gonna keep me in suspense?”

  “That’s what we’re gonna do, partner,” said Hewey. “You smellin’ those eggs yet?”

  The airlock opened, and indeed Random could smell breakfast coming from the kitchen. He came to the corner and peeked around. Mia was waiting for him, her hands on her hips and a big smile on her face.

  He approached her and took her into his arms and kissed her.

  “Interesting,” said Cubey. “Friend Mia seems to employ a slightly different technique with her tongue than does friend Random.”

  Both Mia and Random heard that, and parted. She looked slightly shocked, but was still smiling.

  Random sighed. “Hewey, I’m giving you another assignment right now.”

  “No need to tell me what it is,” said Hewey. “Why don’t we leave you two lovebirds alone while I get on it?”