My Clarity

by M. Clarke

  A part of me wanted to get to know him better, like why he got that particular tattoo, what it meant to him. Most people get them for sentimental reasons, like to honor a loved one. For others, it was simply for the art or to make a statement. I couldn’t help but wonder what inspired his ink. However, he seemed closed off and judgmental, not to mention he smoked. Major turn off.

  I didn’t want him to catch me staring at his tattoo, so I flashed my eyes to Lexy. Trying to recall what she had said, I was almost certain she saw me staring at him since her eyes were already on me. Crap! “That’s okay,” I said, hoping I wasn’t too off on our conversation. At least if I sounded like I knew what we were talking about, I wouldn’t appear like a girl who was drooling. Was I? “I guess there was a misunderstanding,” I continued. “I thought Jimmy would’ve texted you to let you know I would be coming today.”

  “No worries, hun. We are closing down the party early. As for Jimmy, he doesn’t communicate very well with me.”

  “I know the feeling. But seriously, it’s okay. I don’t mind at all. Really. There is no need to kick everyone out on my account.” I was feeling terrible. I didn’t want everyone looking at me accusingly or to be known as the girl who killed the party. Wanting to disappear before they could put their words to action, I excused myself and headed to my room. As I did, I asked, “Where’s Ellie? Is she around?” Again, I thought it was strange for her not to be at her own party.

  “Oh.” Lexy curled her lips slowly. “You’ll meet Ellie soon enough. I’ll stop by tomorrow before noon, but if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call.”

  What did she mean by “I’ll meet her soon?” I didn’t want to sound nosy my first day here, so I didn’t pursue the questions I wanted to ask. “Thanks,” I waved.

  “See you in the morning,” Seth said, raising his beer bottle.

  “It was nice meeting you,” Dean said next.

  After I gave them each a warm smile, I peered up to see the smoker. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help myself. His existence made me feel a dangerous heat I didn’t want to feel, especially when I could sense his eyes on me. It was odd, since he also scared the crap out of me.

  Maybe it was his drop-dead gorgeous grin that I observed him offer to his friends, or the fact that he seemed so mysterious. Or was it his deliciously toned body you don’t see in most guys? Whatever the reason, this feeling latched on to me, making me too aware of him. I didn’t like this feeling at all.

  “Elijah,” a girl with auburn hair called, wrapping her arms around his chest—a chest any guy would want and any girl would want to touch.

  “Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you,” she flirted in that squeaky tone I couldn’t stand.

  “Heather, where’s my hug?” Seth pouted with his arms extended.

  Not wanting to see anymore, I headed for my room. Elijah. I repeated his name in my mind as I turned the knob, and then closed the door behind me. It did hardly any good at drowning out the noise. Elijah…what a sweet name for a hot guy. Too bad he didn’t seem all that nice. It didn’t matter anyhow. It wasn’t as if I was remotely interested in him that way. I was seeing someone.

  I figured that since I would be hanging out with Lexy and Seth, I should try to get to know their group of friends, which included Elijah. My heart pounded hard against my chest when I thought of his name, and I wanted this unnerving feeling to go away. My dad had told me many times before not to judge a person by their looks, and sometimes not even by first impressions. Maybe Elijah will surprise me. And where in the heck was Ellie?

  Chapter 4

  Alexandria

  With a stretch and a yawn, I woke up the next morning feeling groggy and tired. I tossed and turned on the bed last night before I finally fell asleep. I wondered how long the party lasted. After a night filled with murmured voices and muffled music from the party, I felt like I hadn’t slept a wink. The intensity of the heat in the room indicated that it was going to be another scorching day. I could feel the warm, soft breeze blowing in from the window I had opened last night to let in some air.

  I was quickly reminded of my new room. The first thing I saw was the wooden desk and a dresser by the closet. Thankfully, the heat made a blanket unnecessary. Recalling the couple having sex on the bed last night, a new blanket and sheets were the first thing on my list to buy.

  I planned to ask Lexy to take me to Target so I could buy all my necessities. Thinking about Ellie and wondering what she looked like, I dragged across the carpet to the bathroom with the towel and toiletries I had unpacked last night. As soon as I walked in, the other door to the bathroom opened. I had forgotten that there were two doors, but what caught me by surprise was seeing Elijah standing there. I completely froze.

  I think both of our eyes popped out, but maybe mine even more. He looked sexy as hell with disheveled hair, black shorts, and a tank top he was just pulling down. I got a glimpse of flesh and a tattoo on the left side of his chest…the letters C-L-A-R, and the rest disappeared under his shirt.

  “Hey,” he mumbled. Running his fingers through his hair, he gave me a shy, half-smile as he turned back around. After he walked out, he shut the door behind him.

  I had an “Oh My God” moment. He actually spoke to me. Just then, I guessed he was Ellie’s boyfriend since he spent the night. Disappointment struck me. He had been here with Ellie. He took my breath away and made me feel things I didn’t want to feel. Sure, Liam gave me butterflies in my stomach, but this was different—naughty different—physical attraction different. A huge part of me felt guilty toward Liam and my new roommate.

  Ellie and Elijah most likely needed to use the bathroom, so I took the world’s shortest shower and unlocked their side when I was done. I rushed out the door and closed my side. This was very inconvenient, especially since I assumed Elijah would be spending the night here often. I would not only have to think about Ellie’s schedule, but Elijah’s as well. Having a roommate was hard enough, but adding a third person to the picture, especially a guy, was not what I had in mind.

  My mind drifted back to yesterday. Maybe he was giving me strange looks because he found out I was the new roommate. A third person he didn’t want, especially since they were used to living together without a roommate for the summer. This was only an assumption; however, if it were true, everything seemed clearer. Maybe he wasn’t a jerk after all, especially now that I could understand where he was coming from…I think.

  Before falling asleep last night, I had unpacked, somewhat. With a towel around my naked body and wet hair dripping water down my back, I walked to the dresser, and took out my shorts and the pink tank with lace trim at the bottom.

  After I got ready, I walked out the door to a mess—an unbelievable freakin’ mess. Don’t people believe in cleaning up after themselves? I’d been to parties before, but it had never been like this.

  The entire sofa cushion was out of place. There were spilled drinks and crumbs on the coffee table, not to mention the obvious gross stains on the carpet. This was not the ideal living situation I had in mind. Not a great start. Though I was disappointed, I needed to take one day at a time and make this work. I had no choice.

  Digging through the kitchen cabinets, I found what I was looking for. With a trash bag in my hand, I started picking up beer cans, bottles, napkins, chips and peanuts.

  Crinkling my nose and passing judgments against those who left a mess, I heard Ellie’s doorknob turn. Finally, I would get to meet her. I looked up as excitement burst through me, but it was short lived. A different kind of exhilaration flushed through me. My pulse escalated and I felt heat on my face.

  I gulped from nervousness. “Hi…Elijah, right?” I knew his name, but I didn’t want him to think I was eavesdropping last night when Heather practically threw herself at him.

  “Hey,” he grinned. With a quick flash to my eyes, he dropped his, as if he were embarrassed. Certainly, he wasn’t shy. There was something different about his attitude toward m
e. With his hands inside his pants pockets, he stood watching me, making me uneasy until he asked a question. “What are you doing?”

  Hearing a full sentence out of him gave me the quivers. He had a deep, manly voice. The same tone you would imagine hearing from a hot guy. “I’m picking this stuff up for my collection. I collect trash.” I don’t know why I said that, but it broke the ice.

  Seeing his lips curve up and hearing the sound of his laughter made me do the same.

  “Cute.” His brows twitched in amusement. “Sorry about the mess. You don’t need to clean up. Let me do it.”

  He extended his arms to reach for the bag, but I pulled away before he could. Again, I noticed his tattoo and looked away when he noted my eyes on it. “That’s okay. I’m just waiting for Lexy to come by. I really don’t have much to do.” I had to unpack the rest of my belongings, but there wasn’t much.

  Elijah went to the kitchen, came out with another trash bag, and started cleaning on the opposite side of me. I turned toward Ellie’s door. The sound of the toilet flushing was a sign she was awake. As I wondered when Ellie would make an appearance, I decided just to ask instead of waiting. “Do you think Ellie will come out soon?”

  Elijah stiffened and turned toward me. Racking his hair back, he looked flustered. “About that…what did Jimmy tell you about Ellie?”

  At this point, I was really getting annoyed. “What do you mean? When Jimmy found out I was coming here, he told me that his old room was available. That Ellie was really nice and he thought we would get along. Then he texted me the address and said he would take care of the details. He texted me the date I could move in. That’s all. Jimmy is always busy so I didn’t want to call and bug him. In fact, he never answers his phone anyway, but his texts were clear enough.”

  Elijah raised his brows, crossing his arms in front. “That’s it?” He sounded irate. “That’s all he told you? You two didn’t bother to talk on the phone, to talk about the little details?”

  I crossed my arms and held my guarded stance. Why was he mad at me and why did he care that we hadn’t talked about details? What little details? There was nothing to discuss. “I don’t understand why you’re upset. This isn’t your place. I mean…I kind of understand because Ellie is your…girlfriend?” My tone ended with a question and the word “girlfriend” came out hesitantly. I knew I was assuming.

  Elijah laughed out loud. “Ellie is not my girlfriend. Having a girlfriend is not my thing.”

  “Oh.” It was all I could say at that moment. I guess they were just having sex or maybe it was a one-night stand.

  “Look.” His tone was soft and low. “After I tell you who Ellie is, you don’t have to live here if you don’t want to. I can help you find another place.”

  “Okay,” I said, narrowing my eyes on him in confusion. I decide to sit on the sofa while Elijah remained standing.

  “Jimmy and I were fraternity brothers. He rushed a year ahead of me. Being roommates, he would bug the hell out of me to rush. I thought I’d give it a try, but I knew right away it wasn’t for me, so I got out. For that short amount of time, Seth and I shared Jimmy as big bro. One of the things they did at the frat was call us by girls’ names. You get the picture?”

  When I didn’t respond, he continued. “Ellie is a guy, not a girl.”

  Then it hit me. I have a guy roommate and seeing Elijah come out of Ellie’s room half naked only meant…. “So you’re trying to tell me that you’re gay?” I shrugged sheepishly, praying that I was right.

  Elijah’s eyes practically rolled back into his sockets as he slowly dragged his hand down his face in frustration. His tone clearly stated that he was. “Alex, I’m not gay. I’m faaaar from being gay. I love women. I have sex with them…lots of sex.”

  Holy shit! He did not just say that to me. Blushing from his words, I shot my eyes down to my fingers folding into each other. I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want him to see how embarrassed I was. Nobody ever confessed to me that they had lots of sex with women and that they loved it.

  “Alex,” he called softly with a smooth, seductive tone. At least that is how it rang in my ears.

  Slowly gazing up, I jerked back and hit the back part of the sofa when I saw his face far too close to mine. With his knees bent, his hands were planted on either side of the sofa cushion near my thighs. My heart went into overdrive as my eyes outlined his muscular biceps, up to his shoulder, his dark stubbles, and then…bam! My eyes were deadlocked on his.

  Frozen in place, I was mesmerized. His piercing brown eyes sucked me in. I wanted to trace his thick brows with the tips of my fingers, down to the perfect base of his nose, around his high cheekbones, and across his smooth, kissable lips. I swallowed a nervous gulp, feeling little tremors rush through every part of me. I swear I felt like I was shrinking…dissolving into the sofa…melting into his scent. Though I had expected him to smell like cigarettes being this close to him, he actually smelled nice—minty.

  Holding me captive with that look, I knew at that moment he would be my fantasy, the one I would dream about in bed…the bad boy with the tattoos, with that arrogant attitude, the heartbreaker. If only he drove a motorcycle and wore a leather jacket, he would be the complete badass package.

  “Yes,” I think I answered. I couldn’t remember.

  Still looking into my eyes, he said slowly, “I...am…Ellie.”

  “Ellie.” I repeated, soaking in his words. “Uh…hi, Ellie,” I said in monotone. I didn’t know why I said that, but it was all I could think of to say at that moment. What could I say when Ellie turned out to be…well, a he and not a she. “Elijah…Ellie.” I understood now. I finally figured out what he was trying to tell me all this time. Why didn’t he just come out and say that in the first place? And who was in his room? Then the shock wore off and it hit me hard. Oh My God! I had a hottie for a roommate. This was bad. VERY BAD!

  Chapter 5

  Elijah

  Alex didn’t look shocked. In fact, she didn’t show much expression at all. The way she said, “Hi, Ellie” was just too damn sexy, even though she sounded more like a robot. She might make a good roommate after all, except I was not prepared for these unwanted feelings—purely physical attraction. She was hot! I had to dismiss that, more so because she was Jimmy’s cousin—the main reason she was off limits. Not to mention, she was my roommate now.

  If we were going out, I would’ve wrapped my hands through her long, blonde hair and pulled her in for a kiss. But first, I would have kissed those faint freckles on her nose. Being this close up, they were more apparent. And her beautiful blue eyes just sucked me in, making me feel like I was looking up at the sky.

  To top it all off, she looked so adorable with her shorts and pink tank top that clung to every one of her curves. Her lightly tanned skin looked like it would be silky smooth to touch. I was already envisioning myself stroking her. If she continued to dress like that, she was going to be a huge distraction.

  As I continued to look at her, her eyes shyly broke away from mine. She pressed her lips together tightly, seemingly uncomfortable by my proximity. I couldn’t help it. I loved the way she smelled—lavender and honey. It was intoxicating and I wanted more. I had to move. If I stayed here any longer, I was going to do something really stupid—like kiss her. That would have been a great slap-in-my-face introduction.

  I was picking up the soda cans and beer bottles that were on the table when, from the corner of my eye, I saw Alex get up to help. I didn’t want her help. After all, she wasn’t even at the party, though I’d wished she stayed a little longer. It was a sweet gesture on her part, and it clearly showed what kind of person she was.

  I felt horrible for having her see the place in this condition, but it wasn’t my fault. I had no idea she was coming. In fact, I had no idea Alex was even a girl. I had to have a serious talk with Jimmy. I doubt he wanted his angelic-looking cousin to be sleeping under the same roof with someone like me.

  A part of me wanted to w
elcome her with open arms, but a part of me was mad as hell. I was going to bring whomever home with me and she would see all of that. Still, why did I care what she thought? We were just roommates.

  “Alex,” I muttered. Suddenly, her name meant more to me than just a name.

  “Yes?” Shoving the last bottle into the trash bag, she looked up at me.

  “Please don’t call me Ellie. Call me Elijah.” My tone was serious, but gentle.

  “Sure thing, Ellie.” She looked at me with a challenging gaze and a cute smile. I liked the humorous side of her.

  I tried to hold my hard stare, but lost it when her eyes grew wide with an apology. Immediately, my heart softened. I wanted to release her worry, so I gave her a huge, impish grin that was way too playful.

  Exchanging a flirtatious moment made me nervous and I needed a cigarette. Now that I knew she didn’t like the smell of it, I should smoke outside. Shit! Something else I wasn’t used to. This was the part of having a new roommate I didn’t like. Since Jimmy smoked too, we smoked inside, sometimes. He was the one that got me hooked in the first place.

  I was just about to go outside when there was loud knocking—three steady knocks and two short ones following after. It was Seth. I opened the door. Blinded by the sunlight, I covered my eyes.

  “Good morning, Ellie. Does she know yet?” Seth brushed past me to enter and stopped in his tracks in front of Alex, who was standing behind me. “Uh…hi, Alex.” His greeting sounded a bit off, most likely thinking he should have kept his mouth shut. His eyes were greedily taking in her beauty, and I don’t know why that bothered me.