Olivia swallowed hard as she saw the unconditional love in Shelley’s face as she looked at her daughter, the emotional lump stuck in her throat preventing her from answering this last remark.
She was never going to get through an afternoon and evening of this!
She drew in a sharp breath. ‘I really do have to go back to my own apartment for a few minutes, Ethan,’ she told him firmly, not quite meeting his eyes, already knowing the censure she would see there.
‘Would the two of you excuse us a few minutes?’ Ethan spoke to Andrew and Shelley, but Olivia knew his gaze remained fixed on her.
‘Please don’t leave on our account, Olivia,’ Andrew told her, before going into the sitting room with Shelley and their daughter, closing the door behind them.
Olivia kept her attention fixed on the third button down on Ethan’s shirt. ‘Perhaps you could take the opportunity of my absence to explain the real situation to Andrew and Shelley?’
‘And what “real situation” would that be, Olivia?’ he prompted.
She looked up at him now, blinking as she found herself caught in a feeling of dark warmth. ‘That I’m just a neighbour, of course,’ she said sharply.
‘But you aren’t,’ Ethan told her softly.
Olivia stared at him searchingly, deciding that she really didn’t want to know what he thought she was to him.
‘Not to me,’ Ethan continued. ‘Any more than I believe that’s all I am to you, either.’
The experience of caring for a very young baby had certainly broken down the barriers between them in a way that might otherwise have taken months to do—if ever. But that didn’t mean Olivia wanted this situation to continue.
She stepped away from him, tilting up her chin challengingly as she looked at him. ‘Ethan, I do believe you’re allowing the Christmas spirit to affect your judgement,’ she told him with deliberate mockery.
He looked totally unconcerned by her obvious sarcasm. ‘I haven’t had any Christmas spirit yet—but I intend to rectify that by opening a bottle of champagne as soon as you get back!’ he said with satisfaction.
In other words, if she wasn’t back within a reasonable amount of time he was going to come looking for her!
Damn. ‘I’ll try not to be too long,’ she answered noncommittally. After all, she could always barricade herself in—she doubted even Ethan would go to the extreme of battering down her door in order to force her into spending the rest of the day with him!
‘Five minutes,’ he warned gently as she walked over to the door. ‘After that I come looking for you.’
Olivia turned to give him a glare. ‘I thought this was still a country with freedom of choice…’
‘It is,’ Ethan replied unconcernedly.
‘As long as my choice fits in with yours!’ she guessed.
He grinned across at her. ‘You’re learning.’
‘Ethan, I have no intention of learning anything more about you than I already know. You—’
‘Olivia—whoever he is, he isn’t good enough to breathe the same air as you,’ Ethan cut across her.
‘Who isn’t?’
‘The married lover you hope has telephoned and left a message on your answer-machine?’ he suggested.
‘Married—!’ She stared at him incredulously. ‘What married lover?’ she demanded; where on earth had he come up with this one? The only person who might possibly have left a message on her answer-machine while she was out this morning was Dennis Carter, and he was neither married nor her lover!
Ethan looked at her consideringly, folding his arms across the broadness of his chest. ‘I’ve always wondered about you, Olivia—about the way you live alone, with very few friends visiting and no male visitors at all. But the more I’ve thought about it the last few days the more I’ve realised that it’s the classic behaviour of a woman involved with a married man.’
Olivia was dumbstruck. Not just by his conclusion—wrong though it was!—but by the fact that Ethan had bothered to think about her in this way at all. She certainly hadn’t given his private life the same consideration! Probably because his private life read like an open book. At least…she had thought it did…
This was incredible. She had lived her life quietly—reclusively, perhaps—these last ten years, not bothering anyone and not bothered by anyone, either, and yet still it seemed that people made conjectures, drew conclusions…that Ethan had drawn one particular conclusion.
‘Statistics have proved that those sort of men very rarely leave their wife for the mistress,’ Ethan continued gently.
She looked at him in shock. All this time he had thought—believed—! ‘Maybe in this case you have that the wrong way round, Ethan—maybe it’s me who doesn’t want him to leave his wife,’ she gritted—whoever ‘he’ might be!
‘Like I said, whoever he is, he isn’t fit to breathe the same air as you,’ Ethan said.
Olivia gave him a pitying glance. ‘I’ll keep your advice in mind,’ she told him tautly. ‘Now, if you wouldn’t mind, I think I’ll just go and check for any messages on my answer-machine!’
‘You have five minutes,’ he reminded her.
Olivia was so angry as she left that it took every effort on her part to return Shelley and Andrew’s smiles as she walked through the sitting-room to let herself out of the apartment.
She felt stunned as she stepped into the lift, hardly aware of its descent, of walking down the corridor to her own apartment, of letting herself inside.
But as she looked around the cool sterility of her own home—the home that usually offered her peace as well as sanctuary—comparing it with the warmth of Christmas that Ethan had so easily created in the apartment above, she felt a heaviness descend upon her, and dropped down into one of the armchairs to bury her face in her hands.
All this time Ethan had thought—
All the time he had been so kind to her, had kissed her, he had believed—
The life he had described for her—the fact that she lived alone, that few friends visited her, that no men came to her apartment at all—it all seemed so cold and empty after the warmth and laughter she had known with Ethan these last few hours. After the kisses she had shared with Ethan these last two days…!
Her face was still white with shock as she straightened, staring sightlessly ahead with huge grey eyes. She hadn’t just enjoyed Ethan’s company and kisses these last few days—she had fallen in love with him!
Yes, thought Faith as she saw the stunned disbelief of realisation on Olivia’s face. Yes, yes, yes!
She looked around her for Mrs Heavenly, eager to share her euphoria with her, sure her mentor wouldn’t want to miss Olivia’s emotional awakening. But for once Mrs Heavenly hadn’t appeared to offer her encouragement. Or congratulations.
Faith frowned as Olivia stood up like an automaton, moving woodenly into the bedroom, pulling open the bottom drawer of her bedside cabinet, taking out the photograph that lay there. The tears started to fall as Olivia held the photograph tenderly against her.
Then Faith knew exactly why Mrs Heavenly wasn’t here to congratulate her on a job well done. Because this assignment was still far from over…!
CHAPTER NINE
‘THE innocence of youth, hmm?’ Ethan bent down to whisper in Olivia’s ear as she sat in one of the armchairs.
She glanced across the room to where Andrew sat, his arm about Shelley’s shoulders as she cuddled Andrea in her arms; they were all fast asleep.
‘I thought a post-lunch nap was allowed on Christmas Day,’ she said quietly, so as not to disturb the three.
Lunch had been extremely successful; the turkey had been cooked to perfection, as had the vegetables that accompanied it, and afterwards Ethan had brought a flaming, brandy-covered pudding to the table.
‘For the oldsters, not the youngsters!’ Ethan chuckled ruefully. ‘Still, I suppose it has been rather an emotional time for them all,’ he added with an affectionate smile for his son and his new family.
Olivia had been extremely reluctant to return to Ethan’s after the revelation that had hit her earlier in her own apartment, but at the same time had known that if she didn’t Ethan would do exactly what he had said he would, and come down to get her.
So she had returned, and to her surprise it had been a very enjoyable lunch, with baby Andrea’s presence helping to make it the happy family day that it should be. But now Olivia felt it was time for her to return to her own flat.
‘Do you think they’ll make it?’ Ethan was looking across at the young couple as he moved to sit on the arm of Olivia’s chair.
She instantly felt herself tensing at his close proximity, a sudden tightness in her chest making it difficult to breathe too.
This was awful! For ten years she hadn’t even looked at a man in a romantic way; how could she possibly have fallen in love with Ethan in only forty-eight hours?
Christmas was a time of miracles…
Now, where on earth had that thought come from? she wondered dazedly. Christmas might be a time of miracles, but what happened once Christmas was over and she was left with an ache inside her that would be her unrequited love for Ethan?
‘Olivia…?’
She forced herself to look up at Ethan as she realised he was still waiting for an answer to his question. ‘Why shouldn’t they make it?’ she replied. ‘They stand as much chance as any other young couple embarking on a life together. More, probably, because they have Andrea, too,’ she added wistfully.
Ethan looked down at her. ‘Have you never wanted children of your own, Olivia?’
That tightness in her chest constricted painfully as she stared up at Ethan in disbelief that he could be saying these things to her.
Ethan reached out to cup her chin, his hand gentle, his thumb lightly caressing as he gazed down at her. ‘You’re so good with Andrea, Olivia. There’s no doubt you would make a wonderful mother yourself.’
She drew in a harsh breath, knowing she had to put an end to this conversation—or she was in danger of breaking down again. She had already cried enough for one day.
‘Are we back to the subject of my going-nowhere affair with a married man?’ she taunted.
Ethan didn’t move, but his face took on a hardness that hadn’t previously been there. ‘Did he telephone and leave you a message?’
There had been two messages on her answer-machine earlier: one from her parents, wishing her Happy Christmas before they went off to spend the day with friends, and a second from Dennis Carter, sorry that he had missed her but assuring her that he would call back later. Which was enough to make her want to leave the answering-machine on for the whole of the holiday!
She coolly returned Ethan’s gaze. ‘For a relative stranger, you’re taking an extraordinary interest in my private life, Ethan,’ she derided.
His fingers tightened against her chin. ‘We aren’t strangers, Olivia.’ He spoke gently. ‘We never will be again. You—’
‘I really don’t think this is the time or the place for such a conversation, Ethan.’ She glanced pointedly across the room to the sleeping couple and their baby before moving sharply away from him and standing up. ‘I’ve had a lovely time, Ethan, but now—’
‘We’re way past the polite niceties stage, too,’ he stated determinedly. ‘And if you don’t think this is “the time or place” for this conversation…’ He stood up, crossing the room to take a tight grip of one of her wrists. ‘We’ll go down to your apartment and finish it,’ he told her, pulling her along behind him as he marched forcefully towards the door.
‘Ethan, stop this!’ she hissed, desperately trying to free her wrist.
‘Stop that, or you’ll hurt yourself,’ was Ethan’s grim response to her struggles.
‘I’ll—! Ethan!’ she bit out angrily, pulling even harder to free herself.
‘Shh.’ He turned briefly to silence her. ‘You’ll wake the children,’ he said sardonically, before continuing on his way out of his apartment, pulling Olivia down the corridor and into the lift with him before pressing the button for the floor below.
‘But—’ Her protest was cut short as Ethan’s lips came down forcefully on hers.
Her struggles ceased immediately, with a low groan of surrender in her throat as she gave herself up to the pleasure of that kiss. Her arms were released and she entwined them about Ethan’s neck, her body pressed warmly against his.
Ethan was breathing hard by the time he raised his head as the lift came to a halt. ‘I’m not going to allow you to retreat back behind those steel bars, Olivia,’ he told her fiercely, his hands tightly gripping her upper arms as he stared down at her intently. ‘Do you understand me?’ He shook her slightly.
She moistened suddenly dry lips before answering him. ‘I understand you, Ethan.’
It would be a useless thing to try anyway; loving Ethan in the way she did meant that she had nowhere to hide!
Once again her apartment seemed cold and uninviting in comparison with the warmth she had so recently known in Ethan’s home. Would it always feel this way to her now, simply because Ethan wasn’t in it? Oh, she hoped not!
She swallowed hard, not knowing what to say now they were completely alone. It might have been hard for her to be in the company of the young couple and their baby most of the day, but being alone here with Ethan was even more uncomfortable!
‘I’m in love with you, Olivia.’
She became very still as she stared across the room at him, her blood feeling as if it had turned to ice in her veins. He couldn’t really have just said—
‘I said I’m in love with you, Olivia,’ he repeated harshly.
He had said it! But why? What possible reason could Ethan have for saying something like that?
She swallowed again. ‘Don’t you think you’re taking this idea of saving me from myself a little too far?’ Did that strange-sounding voice really belong to her?
‘Damn saving you from yourself,’ Ethan rasped scathingly. ‘I want to save you for me!’ He moved restlessly about the room. ‘This last couple of days have been—wonderful. So much so—’
‘Wonderful?’ Olivia echoed, staring at him incredulously. ‘Ethan, you’ve had baby Andrea left on your doorstep, discovered that you’re a grandfather, had your life turned upside down by having to care for her—’
‘Andrea was a surprise, yes,’ he agreed. ‘But she isn’t the one who’s turned my life upside down,’ he assured her, his eyes a warm chocolate-brown as he looked pointedly at her.
Olivia felt the ice melting under the warmth of that gaze, shaking her head to dispel the heat that seemed to be spreading through her body. ‘Ethan, what I’m trying to say is that you’re disorientated by all that’s happened to you the last few days. You’ve been—forced to distance yourself from—from your normal way of life.’ She couldn’t quite meet his eyes now, hating even having to mention those other women she knew were in his life.
‘Let me get this straight,’ he said slowly, looking at her through narrowed lids. ‘You think that because I’ve been unable to see any of my empty-headed bimbos—I think you once called them that?—I’ve somehow misjudged what’s been happening between us?’
‘Nothing has been happening between us, Ethan,’ Olivia said evasively. ‘You—’
‘Is that what you think, Olivia?’ Ethan persisted.
‘Yes!’ she answered forcefully.
He began to smile. ‘But even I’m allowed time off from work over Christmas.’
‘Time off from work…?’ she repeated. ‘But—’ She broke off as the telephone began to ring, her heart immediately sinking as she thought she knew who the caller might be. This was definitely not the time for Dennis to call her back!
‘Aren’t you going to get that?’ Ethan prompted as Olivia could only stare across at the telephone in fascinated horror.
‘No! I—Yes!’ She realised that perhaps she had better, or else Dennis would simply wait for the answer-machine to take over and leave he
r another message. One that Ethan would hear. Not a good idea, in the circumstances!
‘I’ll get it,’ Ethan told her sharply, calmly picking up the receiver before Olivia could get to it. ‘Yes?’ he responded coldly. ‘No, she isn’t. No, she can’t come to the phone,’ he added hardily. ‘Yes, I’ll tell her.’ He ended the call as abruptly as he had begun it. ‘Dennis says to tell you hello, and that he’ll see you after Christmas,’ he told Olivia, arms folded challengingly across his chest now, as he looked at her.
She shook her head exasperatedly. ‘Dennis is a work colleague—’
‘I had a feeling he might be,’ Ethan replied.
‘And just what do you meant by that?’ Olivia bridled.
‘It’s usually the way it works, isn’t it?’ he said wearily. ‘Conversations about how his wife doesn’t understand him, how his children all take him for granted, how even the cat ignores him—’
‘You’re being totally ridiculous now,’ she cut in disgustedly. ‘For your information Dennis doesn’t have a wife, children—or a cat!’
Ethan looked at her with steely eyes. ‘Then why isn’t he here with you?’
‘Because I don’t want him to be!’ she said agitatedly. ‘Because he is just a work colleague! To me, at least,’ she concluded awkwardly as she remembered Dennis’s fumbled kiss at the party.
‘Ah!’ Ethan pounced knowingly.
‘Make your mind up, Ethan.’ She sighed her frustration. ‘Either Dennis is or is not this married man I’m supposedly having an affair with!’
‘It appears that…he isn’t,’ Ethan admitted. ‘That perhaps he isn’t the answer at all,’ he continued consideringly.
‘Back to the drawing board, hmm?’ Olivia scorned.
‘I’m not going back to anything, as far as you’re concerned, Olivia,’ he assured her firmly. ‘I’ve told you I’m in love with you.’
‘You don’t even know me!’ she replied exasperatedly.
‘As well as you know me,’ he returned sardonically.
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