An Imperfect Circle

by R. J. Sable

  I lower myself down by the tree on the bottom field that Becky showed me. It’s not raining for once but it’s not exactly warm so there are only a few kids out playing football and I’m relatively alone to take a breather.

  I close my eyes and calm myself down. Before Karl knew who I was, he tried to talk to me. He seemed curious about me and I rebuffed him. When he figured out who I was, I thought he’d back off but it’s gotten worse if anything. I don’t know what to do. Like I told him, there’s nothing we have to say to each other, no matter what Bear says.

  I’ve moved on, I’m rebuilding my life, and I feel like I’m finally finding my footing. I’m the closest I’ve felt to the real me in a long time. I feel less and less like I need my armour as protection. I can protect myself.

  “Your arse must be cold,” a voice disturbs my peaceful moment of self-contemplation.

  I know it’s Ian by the sound of his voice so I don’t bother opening my eyes. It’s too peaceful in my head to let the chaos of the world disturb it.

  “I like sitting on the grass.” I think it comes from too much time spent with Bear but I’m not complaining. People forget to appreciate the beauty of the Earth sometimes and I’m grateful that I’ve been taught to stop and take notice.

  “Like having a wet arse as well?”

  I flip him off without looking and feel his body slump down against the tree, right next to me.

  I’m still trying to figure out how I didn’t hear him approaching.

  “Wanna tell me why you just tried to de-nipple my brother?” Ian asks and I’d be worried if I couldn’t hear the humour in his voice.

  “He took my Wagon Wheel,” I grumble, letting my headrest against the sturdy trunk.

  “Seems fair,” he answers and I know he’s smirking.

  I shrug. It was fair in my mind; nobody messes with my wheels.

  “He just wants to talk to you.”

  “We have nothing to talk about,” I repeat.

  I hear Ian sigh next to me and I open one eye to see him rubbing his temples, deep in thought.

  “None of us knew where you went, you know,” he says after a while.

  I shrug. I actually thought they would have known but I guess it didn’t matter since Karl didn’t want to see me either way.

  “Karl asked about you every day for at least a year. First thing he did when we got home from school every night was check the post.”

  My eyebrows pinch together in confusion. Why would I have sent a letter to him when I knew he didn’t want to see me?

  “We all missed you but I guess it hit him harder. I know you two were close.”

  “Why are you telling me this?” I scowl because it hurts to think about what I lost that day.

  “Just thought you’d want to know,” Ian shrugs, pushing up to standing so that he’s looking down at me. “Was it so easy to forget us, Elise?”

  I open both eyes so I can glare at him because I never forgot any of them. Not that I didn’t try.

  “That’s what I thought,” he nods to himself. “Why didn’t you just write? It’s not like you didn’t know where we lived.”

  “Ask your brother,” I retort bitterly. He’s acting like I did something wrong but I’m not the one who killed our friendship.

  “When mum died, he…. Well, he could have used a friend back then,” Ian sighs.

  “Yeah, well so could I,” I frown. It’s obvious he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

  He narrows his eyes at me and starts walking away, shaking his head.

  I don’t know what his problem is. I don’t know how much Karl told them but it doesn’t seem like it’s much. I don’t think anyone other than Karl knows the truth about what he saved me from and how he rejected me straight after. Maybe he’s ashamed.

  “Ian,” I call out, prompting him to stop. This is the first time I’ve gotten him alone since I saw him fight with Karl earlier in the week.

  He cocks his head and looks at me expectantly, like he’s doing me a favour by actually stopping to listen.

  “I’m sorry that you two fought. I didn’t intend to come between you. I should have just told him.”

  “It’s cool,” he grins. “Dad kicked our arses for fighting though. Made us run drills for like two hours.”

  I smirk. “Your dad’s still the same then.”

  His grin disappears and he straightens. “No. Not really.” He frowns slightly before he catches himself and smirks again, winking at me before he turns to leave.

  When I’ve centred myself again, and eaten my Wagon Wheel, I head back towards the common room. I left my bag in there and I need to fetch it before afternoon registration.

  The music is blaring loud enough that I’m sure a teacher will be in to tell us off at any moment. I’m pleased to see that the Carter boys have vacated the common room. I smirk to myself as I imagine Karl trying to ease the pain from his nipple.

  Serves him right.

  Rob is still sat with Becky and she’s talking animatedly, using her hands to express herself. I grin as I watch her come to life. Rob’s hanging onto her every word and I’m pretty sure he’d bend over backwards for her if she asked him to.

  I decide to hang back a bit and let them talk. I may not have had chance to speak to Rob much but I appreciate the fact that he’s obviously infatuated with her and it’s not just her stunning looks. He really is paying full attention to what she says, as if every word out of her mouth is of vital importance to him.

  “You’re in the way, freak,” Annie sneers, shouldering past me as she moves towards the stereo.

  “Watch where you’re going,” I growl, gritting my teeth because I’m sick of their crap. They walk around like they own the place. They follow Shelly around like her drones, all wearing the least amount of clothes possible and throwing themselves at every guy with a hint of a six-pack (be it beer or muscle).

  It’s no wonder Ms Stoner didn’t mind my clothing if she has these town bikes to contend with.

  “Don’t touch her, Annie,” Shelly cackles. “You might catch something. She probably plays with corpses or something.”

  “Only because the living aren’t interested in her,” Stacy chimes in.

  “You should stop wasting your time with the Carters,” Shelly continues, zoning in on me. “They’re not interested in girls like you.”

  “Ugly girls,” Annie sneers happily. As if the explanation was necessary.

  I’m lucky enough to know that I’m not ugly, but if they said something like that to anybody else, I’d probably end up getting expelled again. It’s girls like these that give other girls eating disorders and make them feel like they have to undergo all sorts of horrifying procedures to look like Barbie dolls.

  They make me sick.

  “She seems to have a thing for Karl,” Stacy smirks.

  “He doesn’t do gingers,” Shelly replies happily.

  “Shame for you really because that boy has skills,” Stacy giggles.

  “Have you had Karl as well?” Annie gasps, obviously impressed.

  “Not yet,” she shakes her head with a pout. “But it’s only a matter of time. Might go for the full set, the twins are sixteen next year and I wouldn’t mind being sandwiched between those two.” She grins like the cat that got the cream and I have to work hard not to projectile vomit at her.

  I’ll admit that they’re good looking boys but I can’t think of them like that. She’s talking about them like they’re pieces of meat at the butchers. The idea of sex makes me squirm anyway but this is just unpleasant to listen to.

  “How’d it go with Ian anyway, Stacy?” I smirk, wanting to knock that smug smile of her face. “Did he call you in the end? I bet he didn’t. Let me guess, he didn’t even take you out on a date or buy you anything nice. I bet he didn’t even bother taking all your clothes off. Did he just bend you over? Did he even say thank you when he was done with you?”

  She gapes at me and opens her mouth, probably ready to spew somethin
g back at me but I cut her off.

  “On second thoughts, I don’t care. You must be so proud of yourself. You can keep the Carters. I’m not interested in being used like that. Good luck with it.”

  I swiftly turn away and make a beeline for Becky Blossom, pretending that every eye in the room isn’t on me.

  I’m saved by the bell signalling that lunch break is over and I wait patiently whilst Blossom and Rob say their adorably awkward goodbyes. I think he wants to kiss her but I’m glad he doesn’t try because it’s too soon and I’d have to hurt him. He settles for a hug and I swear Becky inhales him as she wraps her arms around his waist.

  “Ellie, I’m really sorry. I should have gone with you but you looked like you needed the space but then I thought, what if I was wrong, and Karl was upsetting you and I’m such a bad friend-”

  I cut her off with a laugh because she’s rambling again. “Becky, you were right. I needed some space, thank you. You’re an awesome friend.”

  She visibly relaxes and grabs my hand as she leads the way.

  “Looks like you were having fun with Rob,” I prompt.

  She visibly blushes but it’s outshone by her glowing smile. “He asked me if I wanted to go see a film with him tomorrow. He even said I could pick.”

  “That’s awesome! You want to go, right?” I ask, even though I’m fairly sure I know the answer.

  She nods excitedly. “Would you mind coming shopping with me tomorrow so I can find something to wear?”

  “I’d love to,” I nod with a matching smile.

  Shopping with Becky is just as fun the second time round, but this time the focus is on finding something that will knock Rob’s socks off. Honestly, it isn’t all that hard because, once Becky gets in the swing of things, she starts to relax and embrace her body.

  “What about this?” She grins, doing a little pirouette as she emerges from the changing rooms.

  This is the outfit; I know it as soon as I see it. She looks perfectly comfortable and a flawless mix of adorable, comfortable, and alluring.

  “That’s the one, Blossom,” I grin. “You look lovely.”

  She squeals and I’m trapped in another hug, which I return happily. This girl is definitely doing something to me; I think I might actually be starting to like hugs.

  “Right, now we get a cuppa. My treat!”

  I try to protest because shopping with her hasn’t been a chore by any means but she does the whole puppy dog eye thing and I cave. Big style.

  By the time we’re done with our hot drinks and people-watching, it’s almost time for Becky’s date so I walk with her to the cinema.

  “I’m so nervous,” she admits, nibbling on her bottom lip. “I’ve never been on a date before.”

  “Me neither,” I grin, trying to put her at ease. “You’ll be fine, Becky. Just be yourself. He likes you for who you are otherwise he wouldn’t have asked you.”

  She takes a deep breath and nods. She keeps pulling at the hemline of her new skirt so I take her hands and ease them away, squeezing them reassuringly.

  “You look amazing, Blossom. He doesn’t look too bad either,” I grin, spotting Rob approaching us from behind Becky.

  Her eyes widen as she turns around and I see her smile erupt full-force when she catches sight of him.

  If I thought Becky looked nervous, she’s got nothing on Rob. For a big, fairly good-looking guy, he seems to lose his stuff around Becky. He’s clasping a bunch of flowers like his life depends on it and smiling bashfully as he approaches.

  “Hi, Becky,” he smiles. “You look lovely.”

  “Thanks,” Becky’s cheeks light up.

  “Um, these are for you, um, they’re roses. Well, you know their roses, but I thought-”

  “I’ll be off then,” I interrupt, battling with myself so I don’t laugh. They’re both ramblers, this will be brilliant. “Have fun guys.”

  “Bye, Ellie!” Becky grins, hugging me with her usual iron grip.

  “Bye, Rob,” I smirk as I walk past. I slow my pace slightly as I pass him and keep my voice low so only he can hear me. “If you hurt her, just remember I have access to power tools.”

  The sound of his gulp as I walk away is possibly the most satisfying thing I have ever heard.

  Chapter 13

  The bus isn’t too crowded as I make my way back to my house, smiling to myself because I’ve had an amazing day with Becky and she definitely seemed more comfortable trying on clothes this time. She even picked a few things herself that got thumbs up from me.

  I relax into my seat and watch the city fly by the window. I grimace as my skin heats up because I know it’s happening again. I hate that I can actually feel his presence. I guess my body recognises his smell or something because we spent so much time together as kids. There’s no other reasonable explanation.

  I know he’s seen me too because he’s looking right at me even as he and Matt flash their passes to the driver.

  He nudges Matt, who grins, and strides purposefully in my direction. I want to sink into my seat and groan but I’m not going to let them know they get to me.

  “Elise,” Karl grins, swinging his weight down onto the chair so that he’s sat right next to me.

  Matt makes do with the seat in front of us, sitting sideways and taking up two seats. I scowl at both of them in response, crossing my arms and looking out the window again, even though I’m not seeing the city any more.

  “Still doing the not talking to us thing, eh?” Karl chuckled to himself.

  “She talks to me,” Matt grins and I can feel Karl glare at him even without looking.

  “She has to talk to you because of D&T,” he grits.

  “Take it easy, mate,” Matt grins. “I know you called dibs.”

  “You can’t call dibs on a person and I don’t want anything to do with either of you so you can both leave me alone. Right now,” I say calmly, without looking at them.

  “Not true. I’ve had dibs on you since we were six,” Karl insists and I resist the urge to punch the smug grin off his face.

  “I still can’t believe you’re the same girl,” Matt shakes his head in disbelief.

  “Yeah, well I can’t believe you’re the same boy but people change.”

  Matt scowls at me and for a second I see that boy. I know for sure he’s still in there and I kind of miss who he used to be. He may have been scared and hurt, but he was so kind and thoughtful. Now he just seems perpetually angry.

  “Yeah they do,” Karl says seriously. His eyes are on me and he seems oblivious to the pained look on Matt’s face.

  I turn my head again and go back to studying the window. I hear Karl sigh and I get the feeling I’m not going to like whatever is coming so I grit my teeth.

  “Look, Elise-”

  “Ellie,” I cut him off with a growl.

  “Right, Ellie,” he sighs again. “Look, I get that we have a history but, like you said, people change. I like you and I want to get to know you better.”

  “You don’t know me well enough to like me,” I frown, turning to look at him despite myself.

  Looking at him is always a mistake. His eyes seem to hold me captive.

  “I know that you don’t put up with bullshit. I know that you’re violent as hell. I know that you love Wagon Wheels. I know that you pretend you don’t give a crap what anyone thinks but you’ll go out of your way for you best friend. I know that everyone pisses me off, you included, but when you do it, I kinda like it.”

  “You like that I piss you off?” I smirk.

  He nods and I can tell he thinks he’s winning me over.

  “You’re in luck then,” I grin. “I don’t plan on stopping.”

  He frowns like he’s not quite sure what to say to that and I watch as his brow sets in determination.

  “Know what else I know?” He brings his head closer to mine and lowers his voice to a whisper. “I know that touching you still makes my skin tingle.”

  “Static,” I mumble,
caught off guard by the switch in his approach and the way I can smell his cinnamon breath.

  “Static,” he agrees with a wry smile, sitting back up and acting like he didn’t just make me shiver.

  I hate him.

  “Karl, I’m not the one that made it this way. You made your decision five years ago. You can’t change your mind now.”

  “What the hell-” His protests are cut short as the bus driver is forced to slam the breaks on.

  We all jerk forwards and Karl’s arm shoots sideways, just barely preventing my head from smashing into the metal seat in front of me.

  Don’t get me wrong, it still hurts like hell but it would have hurt a lot more if he hadn’t done it. I try not to read too much into it as I look to the front of the bus to see what’s happening.

  “What is this clown playing at?” The bus driver yells in irritation.

  I cringe inwardly as I realise why the bus has stopped. I’d recognise that chaotic mop of hair a million miles away and while I can’t figure out what it’s doing in Derby, I’m still happy to see it.

  “Move,” I squeal at Karl, already climbing over him so I can make my escape.

  “Wait!” He calls out but I’m already gone, demanding that the driver open the door so I can stop Bear from being run over.

  “Bear, what are you doing?” I shout at him as I dash round to the front of the bus to tug him out of the road.

  “Hello, glowbug!” He greets me like he hasn’t just almost killed himself.

  I want to be angry at him for almost becoming road kill but I’m just too happy too see him.

  “Woah, a hug!” Bear grins, cautiously putting one arm around me as I embrace him.

  My grin falters and I take a step back. I didn’t even think about it, I just hugged him. I’ve never hugged him before.

  “Sorry,” I frown.

  “Don’t have to apologise, sweets. I wasn’t complaining.”

  I wince as the bus driver flips us off as he rumbles past but I’m glad for the distraction. I don’t want to think too much about what just happened. I don’t do hugs. Well, not with anyone who isn’t part powerpuff girl.